The healer returned to her seat against the wall and fell into a cleansing trance.
Tasmae staggered the few feet to her sleeping mat and lay upon it. She felt Leinad’s worry. Something had gone wrong again. Twice now, she had ended the session prematurely and recovered enough to be coherent, even to perform her duty. That had never happened before that they knew of.
This has been thrust upon me out of time. I should do this in the Season of Calm, not now. She rebelled against the interference to her duty.
She felt the building tsunami as if it were of her own blood and turned her meager energies to her own cleansing, banishing the warnings now that they had been recognized and dealt with. Even as she did, she realized how close those warnings had come to being useless. She opened herself to the Divine, thanking God that the healer had agreed to send out the warnings, then reaching out for strength and wisdom for what lay ahead. The disasters would only get worse. She knew that from her own experience and the experiences of the other Miscria. If the Remembrance’s pull became stronger, would she be unable to sense them in time?
She looked around the room. Her eyes saw a regular sleeping room, large and airy with curved green-gray walls. Yet her mind kept insisting it was cold, sharply cornered, and pink. If she returned to the Remembrance, that would become her reality.
She shivered.
*
Deryl was climbing down the cliff when his vision blurred and he imagined himself back in the high intensity ward at SK-Mental. Then pain lanced his side.
He let go of the rope.
Too disoriented to remember his shields, he hit the ground hard, crying out in real pain as he landed in a bush. His uniform kept the brambles from scratching him, but clambering out, he discovered it did not protect him from bruised ribs. He ended up on hands and knees—or rather, elbows and knees. His hands stung with tears and rope burns.
Someone grasped his shoulders and helped him sit. He tried to smile his thanks at the healer, but the grin turned to a grimace as she laid hands on him. In a moment, he could breathe more easily. That’s when he realized he was shaking.
Enough. You are not a warrior. Deryl felt her disdain, not for him, but for the way the warrior class expected everyone to share their prowess. She directed him to go to the baths to soak his bruises, and he felt her wishing for the same herself.
A stallion with a gentle demeanor carried him home, and he went straight to the baths, his mind focused on the strange visions. First, the thoughts of fellow clients at SK-Mental’s H-I ward, then the appendicitis? No, wrong side. What, then? And why now?
*
Tasmae drowned in cold, heavy waters; bathed in fire; was torn from the inside. The whole time, images and emotions pounded up on her: anger and hate, despair and confusion, passion and ambition.
Make it stop! Make it stop! Makeitstop!
That’s enough! Her warrior self shouted into the maelstrom. Gardianju! Tell me what this means. We don’t have time for this.
Too many signals, all in conflict. She hung by a thread over an abyss, but when she blinked, it turned into a padded pink box. She screamed and tried to climb.
The rope snapped.
She fell.
*
Tasmae was again flung from the Remembrance, this time full of adrenalin. Taking advantage of her guardians’ surprise, she dashed from the room.
She ran through the empty compound thinking only that the walls were too close, the air too heavy, the shadows full of phantoms poised to ambush. She cried with delight to see the sun burning bright. She drank in its heat.
A unicorn waited at the door.
Despite muscles that felt bruised and hands that felt raw, she threw herself onto his back and let him carry her to an open field.
Once there, however, she panicked at being alone with the images left from the Remembrance. She couldn’t make herself go back, either. Leinad would take her, by force, if necessary, and make her complete the Remembrance. I can’t let him, she’d thought wildly, I can’t.
She couldn’t be alone, and she couldn’t seek out anyone Kanaan. Not like this. Contaminated with the insanities of Gardianju, she couldn’t risk touching someone’s mind now. She was barely handling it, and it was part of her talent. No healer would touch her, no friend offer comfort.
Her mind reeling, she slid from the unicorn’s back and sat upon the ground, legs crossed, arms wrapped around her stomach, rocking slightly. She didn’t know why she was doing it. She couldn’t make herself stop. The unicorn nuzzled her gently, sending a cautious query, but she didn’t respond. She was trapped. Alone.
Suddenly, an everyn dove out of the sky and landed beside her, wheedling its way onto her lap. No, sister, he told her. You are never alone.
Another everyn joined, then another and another, until she was surrounded by a dozen or more, until her lap and arms were full of small dragon-like creatures, their cheeks stroking her skin, wings enveloping her. Carefully, they teased the tortured memories of Gardianju from her, replacing them with affection and reassurance.
We are the first of the Greater Beasts and brothers to the animals; share the chaos with us. We can handle it. We have done this duty before; it is our God-sent talent. It is our avocation, our joy to help you as our ancestors helped other Miscria. Take our aid, sister. Accept our love.
They guided her through a cleansing, led her gently to Divine Love. Words floated through her mind: Mercifully guard my every thought and grant that I may always watch for Your light, and listen to Your voice, and follow Your gracious inspirations. I cling to You and give myself to You and ask You, by Your compassion to watch over me in my weakness…
She blinked, suddenly aware of her surroundings. Not only everyn surrounded her now: Unicorns and some lesser beasts had joined the circle of love and support. A large wolf had shoved its way through enough to lay its shaggy head upon her lap, and she scratched its ears gratefully. Normally, they were solitary creatures, feral and sometimes dangerous. She thought she knew which images it had shared for her sake.
It tolerated one more scratch and took off with an explosion of motion that sent several everyn flying and squawking in protest. She found herself laughing, and thanked the beasts who had saved her from herself and helped her back to sanity. Then she closed her eyes again, gave her gratitude to God, and felt His love in reply. The words came back to her. Sometimes, the Miscria were given words, like the recitation to Call the Ydrel. But these were not from the Remembrance, or from Deryl. Even the accent was different.
Joshua. Tasmae rose and asked the unicorn to take her to the human.
*
After half an hour in a Kanaan hot tub, sweat ran down his face in rivulets and dampened his hair, and still he had no answers. However, he did feel physically better. He rose, took a quick dip in the pool—shockingly cool after the hot spring—and dressed. He grabbed some food, searched out Joshua in his mind, and headed for the unicorn fields. He might no longer be in a mental institution, but he could use the opinion of a psychologist right now.
Deryl found Joshua in the field, brushing the neck of a unicorn and the others crowded around, eager to have their turn. He was humming, and when one of the unicorns bumped him impatiently, he laughed as he told him to get in line with the rest.
“So this is where you hide?” Deryl called as he approached.
“Hey! You found me out,” he called over his shoulder as he made a few short strokes around the horn. “Here.” Joshua reached into the messenger bag slung over his shoulder and pulled out a second brush. He tossed it to Deryl. “There’s a whole herd waiting to be groomed—again, mind you. Not that you could be any more beautiful, could you, girl?” He cooed at the mare he was tending. The barrel-chested, broad-horned mare turned her head, careful of her horn, and nuzzled Joshua. He gave her a kiss on the nose, murmuring to her.
Deryl sn
orted as he gave the nearest unicorn a few disinterested swipes. “You flirt with horses like you flirt with nurses.”
“You don’t think this fine lady deserves it? Still, I think you’ve had enough for the day, huh, Glory, my baby? How about we go for a quiet ride?”
Deryl didn’t feel that much better. He gave the unicorns a bow. “Actually, if you don’t mind, can we sit and talk?”
Joshua shrugged and put the brushes back in his satchel. The unicorns wandered off, some breaking into a run. Cochise gave a chirrup and flew after them. Joshua laughed.
They went to a shaded tree, and Deryl lowered himself carefully onto the mossy ground beneath. The thick, spongy material gave like a pillow, and he sighed. It was a physical and a mental comfort. He recognized the moss from the shaded glen in the Netherworld where he and Tasmae used to converse. She had designed the glen for them from her own memories, but it still surprised him to find the moss in an area that should get a lot of sun.
“You all right?” Joshua sat down beside him.
“Yeah, just sore. I fell off one of the cliffs this morning.”
“What? Are you sure you’re okay?”
Deryl smiled at his friend’s concern. Even if it wasn’t true, it seemed a long time since anyone was concerned about his well being without having an ulterior motive. “Just aches and bruises,” he reassured his friend. “I actually landed in a bush. The healer took pity on me and sent me back to soak out the kinks. Did you notice the hot spring in the bath?”
“Oh, yeah. Very nice,” Joshua said with feeling. “Terry and I hung out there a while today.”
“How’s the healer training?” Deryl asked. Suddenly, that seemed more important than his petty problems.
Joshua sighed. “Deryl, I’m not psychic.”
“But you can feel the healing energy, sense it like music! And when I was catatonic, you got into my mind and brought me out,” he pressed.
“I don’t know how I did that! That’s never happened before—not to me, not to anyone in the whole recorded history of NLP. You may have done it.”
“Still!” Deryl started, but Joshua cut him off.
“Even so, psychology—especially the kind I’m trained in—depends on understanding body language, especially eye movement. I don’t know the Kanaan signals.”
“Well, figure it out!”
“Fine!” Joshua threw his hands in the air. “Right away! Want to tell me how when I can’t even tell if someone is thinking or talking to someone else or receiving a visual thought from someone? Want to tell me how to accomplish in a few days what took decades of research on Earth? Got any answers for me, O Great Ydrel?”
“We have to do something!” Deryl yelled, fighting the twist in his heart. “I’m not going to lose her!”
“You? Please, please tell me you’re not falling in love with her.” Joshua rubbed his forehead as if expelling a headache.
Deryl opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out.
Joshua watched him with narrowed eyes. “Have you done anything about it?”
“What?” Deryl asked, even as he plucked the implication from Joshua’s mind. “No! I, no…”
“Good. Because according to Terry, aliens carry their own kind of insanity. They’ve been making an exception teleping the Great Ydrel—“
“Stop calling me that!”
“—but Deryl might be a whole ‘nuther story. Not to mention, we don’t know anything about their idea of dating.”
The shakes returned. Deryl leaned back against the tree and stared at the sky shimmering through the leaves. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
He meant the visions, the confusion, the feeling of panic in his gut, but for once, his friend totally missed the signals.
Joshua smiled at him, and his tone gentled. “Look, just remember that we’re out of here in a week—and there are plenty of beautiful Earth women.”
And that pain in my side, like the tearing of the land. He latched onto the diversion. “Like Clarissa, you mean?” They’d met Clarissa when he was in the hospital recovering from his appendicitis. Maybe the pain was a transference?
But why would I compare it to the land? Forget it now. Think about Clarissa: sweet and blonde, turned up nose that wrinkled when she laughed.
“There ya go! She was fine lady. Played a mean game of Uno.”
“Not a half-bad kisser, either.”
“How would you know that, chaperoned as you were all day?”
“No one seemed to think I needed a babysitter at night.”
Joshua groaned and smacked his forehead. “I was responsible for you. I’d have been so fired if anyone had found out!”
“That’s why I didn’t mention it. Anyway, it wasn’t that big a deal. She’d sneak across the hall to talk around midnight, and the night before she was released, we made out.”
“And?”
Suddenly he felt uncomfortable for whole new reasons. “And can we change the subject?”
Joshua raised his brows at him, but leaned back on one arm. “Yeah, sure. How far did you drop, anyway?”
“Twelve, maybe fifteen feet.”
“No way! You’re lucky all you got were bruises. How come you didn’t just levitate?”
Deryl burst out laughing.
“No, really. You can move objects. Why not use telekinesis on yourself?”
Deryl fell silent, thinking. Could he? How? Maybe…
Pushing away from the earth, but not hard; just a gentle nudge, like pushing on a pillow. The body floating, riding on that push.
“Whoa! That is so cool! How are you doing that?”
The moment Joshua exclaimed, Deryl lost control. He flung his arms back to catch himself, landing on his elbows and behind. He yelped and rolled onto his stomach. “It takes a lot of concentration!” He chided, rubbing his abused tailbone.
“Sorry.”
Deryl sighed as he sat back up. “I probably wouldn’t have been able to catch myself from falling, anyway.”
“Why did you fall?”
“Slipped.”
“Yeah,” Joshua said in response to Deryl’s terse reply. “And the rest of the story?”
Before Deryl could explain, Tasmae thundered up to them on a unicorn.
Chapter 12
When she saw Deryl with Joshua, she felt her heart leap, and a funny yearning weledl up in her. She pushed it aside. Just one more thing she didn’t understand.
She could not, however, avoid his concern. “You’re not done, are you?” He asked.
She shook her head. The Beasts had helped calm her, and she didn’t want to think about returning to the Remembrance yet. Besides, she had a new mystery to unravel.
“Explain this to me, Joshua,” She said and repeated the words she had been given.
Joshua crossed his arms, and his brows knitted with confusion. “The Novena to the Holy Spirit. But how’d you know it?”
“That’s what I’d like to know.”
Joshua gave Deryl an accusing glare, but he just shrugged. His emotions, though gentle, played upon her strained senses. Concern, confusion…She understood those. However, he also felt pressure—specifically, about something Deryl wanted from him. Something that involved her.
Deryl, on the other hand, had closed himself off. Even Kanaan were more readable. Nonetheless, she got the impression of the eye of a hurricane: fully calm, fully still. Potentially dangerous.
But whatever Deryl expected, Joshua knew it, and she could sense that he didn’t think he’d have much choice but to comply.
She huffed in frustration and started running her fingers through her tangled hair, yanking when she got to the tangles.
“Take it easy. Here.” Joshua reached into his pack, pulled out a wide-toothed comb, brushed it off against his pants, and handed it to
her. “How come you didn’t put it up before you left?”
She didn’t want to explain her hasty escape.
“’Kay,” he said after the silence stretched. “Never mind. You’re here now, and this is a safe place.”
Both she and Deryl snorted.
Joshua gave them both a stern glance. “It’s dangerous for you to telep with other Kanaan right now, right? That’s why they isolate you until you finish the Remembrance?”
Tasmae blinked, surprised. “Yes. How did you know?”
Joshua nodded. “Terry told me as much. But that’s obviously not working for you. Maybe Gardianju’s Remembrance is too much to handle alone? But there’s never been anyone to share it with, to, you know, help make sense of it.”
She thought of the Beasts. They’d relieved the pressure, but offered no insight. Joshua was right; the Miscria had no one to help them.
“Until now,” Deryl breathed. He grinned at his friend, and Tasmae felt through his armor a hint of happiness, and smugness.
“Until now,” Joshua confirmed. He did not share Deryl’s happiness, but she felt his determination. He took the comb from her hands. “So, come on. Let us help you.”
*
Joshua had no idea how to enter uptime and get in sync with Tasmae’s thought processes, so he decided to try an old tactic he used on Rique’s sister, and started to work at her tangled hair with quick, deft strokes. Rique had teased him about being Sabrina’s hairdresser, but he’d gotten her through a lot of high school angst that way—and they’d had a pretty nice summer romance when she turned sixteen.
Which was why he was not going to share this duty with Deryl.
Tasmae didn’t say anything for a long while, and even Deryl seemed distracted, his eyes focused on an indefinite nothingness, so finally, Joshua said, “You’ve got a lot of hair. It must take forever to brush.”
Mind Over Psyche Page 11
