Her expression vanished as she sensed his desperation. Deryl, what is it?
“You lied to me!” He turned to snarl at the unicorn, but he had moved off to join the others. Deryl twisted back to Tasmae. Every muscle in his body ached with the need to run to her, to pull her close, to press his lips against her hair. His mind yearned to touch hers.
He stepped back. “Please! You have to stay away from me. We have to go back to the way it was, meeting in the Netherworld. You asking me questions. I can give you better answers now, and it’s safer.” He stopped, and his misery morphed into surprise then anger when she tossed her head and rolled her eyes. “Don’t you understand? I don’t have a choice! I love you, and I won’t do to you what I did to her!”
So, you do not understand, either?
He shook his head. He moaned. “Please. I can’t hurt you. I promised.”
Tasmae spoke slowly, stepping forward with each word: “I am not just any Miscria.”
“Gardianju…”
“She loved you.”
“I know.”
You loved her.
His mind filled with remembered warmth, the pockets of hope in the midst of hell.
“She was my angel.” He felt a tear trace its path down his cheek. “And I hurt her.”
“I am not Gardianju.” She removed the punch dagger from her hair and let it drop to the ground. She pulled out the pins that held the sheath in place, and her hair tumbled about her shoulders. Deryl shivered and his gaze flickered over her, marveling how it caught and held the light, drinking it in, rather than reflecting it. Despite himself, he breathed in deeply, and he felt his blood coursing hot through his body.
“I am stronger than Gardianju,” She whispered, moving closer.
“I know,” he whispered back. He swayed slightly. He felt himself falling into her eyes. She was so close, but he couldn’t back away.
“And you are stronger.” She murmured into his ear.
He could hear her slow intake of breath as she caught his scent, feel her gentle exhale warm against his neck.
“You have conquered the demons,” She whispered.
“Yes. No. Maybe,” he sputtered. He was having a hard time thinking. He wasn’t sure what he was protesting. “Taz, there are things Gardianju didn’t know.” Nonetheless, he murmured his warning against her ear. He reached up and caressed her hair.
I know you, Deryl Stephens. I know you as Gardianju knew you and I know you as you are now. She teleped the thoughts in sensuous waves as she teased his lips with her kisses. He felt his mental shields buckling even as his lips responded to hers and his hands hovered over her hips.
She was so close. Too close. Not close enough. He could feel her mind flowing over his shields, making them pulse in time with his blood. He felt his desire growing into need. Taz, he pleaded, though he wasn’t sure what for.
She moved her hands over his chest, played her will over his shields. I have solved the riddle of her life, she offered. Together you were strong enough to defeat death and madness. Together, we will be strong enough bring joy and life.
“Yes!” He whispered and pulled her closer to him: body, mind, and soul.
*
“You’re sure this is safe?” Joshua asked as they emerged from the woods to the unicorn fields. “I mean, I know the beasts are on our side and all, but if Leinad—”
“Joshua, after what you did for the child, no one can consider you anything less than a friend. You are a mind healer!” Ocapo insisted.
Terry nodded distractedly. He had focused toward the stables, where two figures stood embracing.
“Let’s not get carried away! That was probably a one-in-a-million…” Joshua’s voice faded as he followed Terry’s gaze and saw the two. “What? Is this the season?” He started to joke, then that mirth, too, faded as he recognized the guy’s shoulder-length blond hair and the long black hair of the woman. “Oh, no. No, no, nonono—”
“Joshua, stay calm,” Terry urged.
“This is not happening!” Joshua exclaimed and without even having to dig his heels into Glory’s flanks, set her off at a full gallop.
He was not alone. Spot called out from above, and Ocapo pointed to a unicorn thundering in from the other direction. Leinad.
“This will not be good!” Terry moaned as he, too, took off at a gallop toward the oblivious pair.
*
There were too many barriers between them. Too many clothes. Too many shields. His hands fumbled at the ties on her shirt while hers slowly but more surely worked the fastenings on his.
Her mind worked the same way upon his shields, teasing them until one by one they fell with a rush of pleasure and a need for more. Already their minds had joined enough that he had a sense of tactile double vision. The nerves of his fingertips echoed every sensation of her touch, and he felt his every caress play upon his own skin as it had on hers, and when he at last undid the tie of her shirt and pulled one side of it away, he gasped with the intensity of her pleasure.
He heard a distant thundering, but he couldn’t tell if it was the galloping of hooves or the galloping of their hearts.
Then she slid his shirt over his shoulders and he was too lost in the sensation to worry about it.
*
Joshua saw Leinad approaching, and his own anger vanished into panic. He dug his heels into Glory’s flanks, but she didn’t complain, just put on even more speed. Leinad was clearly furious—and he was closer.
*
Their passion flowed over Deryl, making the last of his shields sing. He moaned, half ecstasy, half anguish. Still, a part of his mind protested, There are things you don’t know—the Master—
Then show me! her will commanded. There is nothing we cannot handle together.
Her confidence flooded into him, drowning his protests. The last of his shields trembled against her desire and he knew he wouldn’t stop them from falling before her.
*
Leinad howled with fear. He concentrated that fear into a tightly focused command and threw it at Deryl.
*
Joshua watched in horror as Deryl was flung backward and knocked to the ground, his arms covering his head, convulsing with pain, yet terrifyingly silent, as if the pain were so intense he couldn’t even shriek.
Leinad, meanwhile, grabbed Tasmae by the shoulder and spun her around to face him. She slapped his hand away and screeched more like an animal than a person. The two stood glaring at each other, and it was obvious even to a non-psychic that a battle raged between them.
Glory reared to a stop, nearly unseating Joshua. He leapt from the saddle and knelt over his friend. “Deryl!”
*
AWAY FROM HER!
A red-hot ball of terror hit Deryl like a missile, blasting away the last of his shields and leaving him vulnerable and open to every psychic impression around him.
He’d thought his shields had been all but useless when he’d first arrived on Kanaan. Now he realized just how much he’d blocked. Every person on Kanaan, every beast, every animal—he could feel them all, hear their thoughts. He could even sense the grass growing, the flowers opening themselves to the sunrise on the other side of the world, the movements of Kanaan’s continental plates miles below him. They all pressed upon him, seeking his attention, demanding his recognition. His mind instinctively struggled to block them out, but every shield had been shattered by the intense emotions of those nearest him:
Joshua, his fear like a lance.
Leinad, his fear now anger as he confronted his rebellious student and leader. How dare she put herself—their world—in such danger!
Tasmae, her fury like a volcano, like the heart of a star. It caught him up in it, burned away every defense, seared his mind—
“Taz!” He tried to gasp, tried to telep, but his words were lost in his fi
ght to breathe, and his psychic scream drowned in the avalanche of impressions crashing upon him.
*
“Stop it!” Joshua jumped between Tasmae and Leinad, shoving each for good measure. “Stop it! You’re going to kill him!”
Jolted out of their rage, the two blinked at Joshua in surprise.
*
In that moment of release, Deryl’s shields snapped back into place and he gave himself to blessed oblivion. His last impression was of Joshua’s fear, strong, but distant.
“Deryl, don’t you do this to me! Come, on, man. Don’t do this.”
Oblivion felt so good. He couldn’t muster the strength to apologize as he let himself get swallowed by its tender nothingness.
Chapter 22
Deryl’s first impression upon waking was that someone had flayed his mind.
Every synapse burned, and every nerve in his body echoed their agony. He rolled onto his side, moaning. His stomach heaved.
Someone pushed a bowl under his face just in time and he gratefully threw up into it. Then he fell back onto the unfamiliar sleeping mats and fought to catch his breath.
“You ought to be thanking God you’re even alive.”
The quiet voice nonetheless hammered itself into his head. He wanted to protest, to beg for quiet, but he couldn’t remember how to make himself speak. He started to shiver, felt a warm heavy blanket being pulled up over him. He forced his eyes open, saw Joshua. He wanted to say something, to ask what happened, but he couldn’t find the words. He felt like half of himself had been stolen away. It was a struggle to think, to remember who he was.
“Deryl, come on, say something,” Joshua urged.
“Tasmae?” The name sent a flood of yearning through him, and he forced himself into a sitting position. Dizziness swept over him, and he fought the urge to vomit again.
“She’s all right. Better than you, I’m told. Now lie down—”
He shook his head, despite the lances of pain. “Tasmae. Need…”
“Uh-uh. You don’t need anything to do with her right now.” Joshua tried to ease him back down.
“Yes, I do!” His sudden desperation gave him strength to shove his friend away and to push back the pain. Words returned in its wake. “Where is she? What did you and Leinad do?”
“Me? Listen, you selfish little pain in the ass! I saved your sorry life. You, on the other hand, were the one who decided to get busy with the caretaker of an entire world, the most powerful and the most valuable person on this planet! Did you know that these people believe if anything happens to her, their whole world is doomed?”
Joshua’s anger seared into him like salt on an open wound. “Josh,” Deryl protested weakly.
“Don’t even try to excuse this! You knew Leinad doesn’t trust us! I told you to stay away from her. Yet you decide to get it on with her in the middle of a frickin’ meadow? What the hell were you thinking?”
Deryl couldn’t think. It was getting hard to keep track of who he was again. Something was missing. Someone...“Where’s Tasmae? I need—”
“Let me tell you what you need!” Joshua grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him up. “You need to get better. Then you need to talk to someone else about teleporting. I’ve asked around and guess what? There are plenty of people right here who know how to do it. Then, you need to get me home, preferably in one piece and within twenty-four hours of after we’d left. Anything you want to do after that is your own damn business, but I am not going to be around to bail you out. Do you understand?”
Joshua’s anger—Joshua’s fear—scraped upon his raw nerves. Desperately, Deryl nodded. “Yes, yes. I’m sorry.”
“I’ll accept your apology when you’re ready to get me home.” Joshua released him and left the tent.
Deryl leaned toward the bowl and threw up again, then fell back against the covers shaking with fever and with the need to find Tasmae. Only remotely did he wonder where he was.
*
Joshua hesitated outside the tent flap when he heard Deryl vomiting a second time. He even turned around to go back in when he stopped himself. Don’t do it. You’ll just end up yelling at him again, and that’s not going to help anybody.
Instead, he turned to Cochise, who had been waiting for him outside, sprawled out like a cat basking in the sun. “Cochise, tell Terry that Deryl’s awake finally. I’m taking a walk.” The everyn gave a chirrup of assent, then stretched and yawned before curling up again. Apparently, he had no intention of moving. Joshua watched him a moment, assumed he’d teleped the information to Terry, and headed out toward the woods, his own stomach churning with the combination of anger and shame.
How could I have done that? Deryl was barely coherent, and I grab him by the collar and scream at him? What the hell was I thinking?
He reached the end of the camp and headed out onto the path in the woods, wandering blindly, focused on his thoughts.
He knew what he was thinking. He was thinking how close he’d come to being stranded on an alien planet umpteen billion light-years from home. When he’d stopped Tasmae’s and Leinad’s psychic argument, Deryl had stopped twitching, all right. He’d also stopped breathing. Terry had looked at him with such terror that Joshua had known there was no way the healer would help him. Fortunately, just as Joshua was about to start rescue breathing, Tasmae had shoved away from Leinad, who’d been trying again to restrain her, knelt beside Deryl, and placed her hands on his temples. “Return to me,” She’d whispered, then fallen beside him unconscious as her almost-lover—thank you God, that it was almost—started to breathe in huge aching gasps. He was alive, but if Leinad’s look said anything, any more wrong moves, by whatever Leinad termed was “wrong,” and he’d make sure Deryl stopped breathing permanently. Leinad had carried the unconscious Tasmae to a waiting unicorn and headed back to the keep, but Joshua, Ocapo, and Terry decided it was best if they took Deryl back to the Bondfriend compound.
“Can he make that long a trip?” Joshua asked, though he really didn’t have an alternative.
“I will take him through the Void,” Terry said grimly.
And that’s when Joshua found out that at least half the people around him had known all along how to teleport.
Joshua’s strides grew longer and faster as his anger resurfaced.
So all the time, we were surrounded by people who could have taught Deryl how to get us home, and nobody said a word, not even Leinad, and he wanted us out of here more than anybody!
The path forked, and he blindly took the path toward a clearing.
And to make things even better, these “storms” Tasmae and Deryl talked about are short and with breaks in between. We could have left days ago. And no one mentioned a thing! Probably Tasmae and her “will of God” jazz—
Cochise flew at his face shrieking.
“Yeaghhh!” Joshua jumped back, startled out of his reverie and probably a year or two of his life.
“What was that all about?” He stopped as he realized he’d almost blundered right into one of the clearings he’d been told to stay away from. In fact, he was in the clearing by a few steps, and the trees swayed in his direction. One snagged his foot and Cochise snapped at it, ripping it with his sharp teeth and freeing him. He turned and ran, and kept running until he was about halfway back toward the camp and the pain in his chest made him stop and cling to a tree for support. He tried to breathe and found he couldn’t catch his breath.
Oh, great! His panicked mind blithered. I escape from the enchanted trees just to die of a heart attack on an alien world billions of light-years from everyone I love—Then he couldn’t think in his struggle to breathe.
Relax, the clinical part of his mind instructed. You’re hyperventilating. Heart attacks don’t run in your family. An anxiety attack, though? That makes sense.
He sat down on the trail, covering his mou
th and one nostril with his hands, forcing himself to take deep easy breaths.
His breathing had started to normalize and the tightness in his chest to ease when he heard footsteps racing in his direction. He’d lowered his hands and was taking normal, if shaky breaths when Ocapo and the Bondfriend healer got to him. They knelt beside him.
“Joshua?” Ocapo asked tentatively.
Joshua wanted to brush him off, tell him he was fine, but instead he found himself saying miserably, “I gotta go home, Ocapo.” Before this summer, he’d never even left Colorado, never been more than an hour’s drive from his parents, never, never been so alone. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.
Just like his grandfather would have, the healer moved beside him and pulled his head against his shoulder. Joshua leaned against him, letting someone else be strong for just a little while.
After several minutes of silence, Ocapo spoke. “You will get home, Joshua. I promise. If Deryl is unable to take you, and if the Kanaan are unwilling, then we Bondfriends will find a way. I know it is hard for you to trust right now, but trust us on that.”
Joshua nodded. After all, what choice did he have?
*
Terry had come into Deryl’s tent not long after Joshua had left. Deryl struggled to sit up and confront him. “Tasmae?” He demanded weakly, and cursed his weakness. He had to get to her, he had to!
Terry reassured him even as he restrained him. He spoke in English, as if he guessed at how raw the state of Deryl’s psyche was and didn’t want to aggravate it more by teleping. “You will go to her, Deryl, soon. But we must figure out how to do this. Leinad—”
“He stopped us! He took her!” He heard himself raving. He thought he was feverish. He felt so hot. He felt wrong. Incomplete. He had to get to her. “Leinad—”
“He did what he thought was best for Tasmae, and for us all. Tasmae underestimates his understanding of the Remembrances and of the Prophesies, and that has caused trouble. For better or for worse, however, you have started something that must be completed. You will be with her again, Deryl. But you must give me time to convince Leinad. In the meantime, lie still. Gain your strength.”
Mind Over Psyche Page 23
