by Jerry Boyd
The bot stuttered a little as he said, “B-Because t-there was n-nothing to f-find at that t-time, Boss.”
I shouted, “Frank, get your bony butt out here!”
Julie came out and said, “He’s sleeping, Boss.”
“Bullshit!” I went in, and found him working. I said, “You can undo whatever you’ve done to these bots, and report to the brig, or I can stun you till your ears smoke, and drag you to the brig. Your choice.”
I saw the Marine raising his stunner, but I managed to get mine up and stun Frank first. The Marine froze with his stunner halfway raised, and locked up. I found some flex cuffs on his belt, and hooked Frank up. Julie said, “Sorry, Boss.” She tried to raise a stunner to point at me, but she froze as well. I took out my knife and cut a piece out of a pillowcase to gag Frank with. I didn’t know if he had some verbal commands stored, but I didn’t see any need to risk it. I said, “Gene, get Scotti and Lakki down here Ass-Ape!”
“On their way, Boss.”
“Connect me to Morning Flower, please.”
“Hi, Bawb. Are you coming to supper? Voice of the Mountain would really like for you to make chee-lee. He wants to be one of the People of the Wind.”
“Not today. I want Walking Skunk to be one of the People of the Wind, too.”
“No, Bawb, he is not Walking Skunk anymore. He is Voice of the Mountain.”
“The Voice of the Mountain speaks with a mighty roar.”
“He will after your chee-lee.”
“Could you do me a favor?”
“Of course. You are Bawb, friend of the Starfoot. What do you need?”
“I have a fellow who needs to learn some manners. Do you suppose you could keep him busy shoveling for a month or so?”
“He’s not one of those small ones that can’t work and fuss all the time, is he?”
“No. I don’t know how much work you can get out of him, but he isn’t a Squirrel.”
“Sure, just bring him to the village.”
“Would you mind coming to pick him up? All I have to bring him are bots, and he’s been messing with their heads and making them do what he wants them to.”
“I’ll have a ship there in a little bit, then. He was mean to the bots?”
“He was.”
“Bots like Taz?”
“Yes.”
“You know how my people feel about Taz.”
“I do. Wash him off when you’re done with him. I need him back alive.”
“Does he know that?”
“He probably does, but it wouldn’t hurt to give him a little doubt about it.”
“We can do that, Bawb.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, Bawb.” Nikki finished something she was doing to the bots. I asked, “Whatcha up to?”
“Disconnecting their limbs from their control, so that they can’t move, if they get out of the lockup they’ve gotten into.”
“What was that, anyhow?”
“Conflicting instructions. They know not to harm their Boss, but Frank tried to get them to. The conflicting directives put them in a locked state, until they can resolve the conflict.”
Frank started to rouse, and Nikki stunned him again. Scotti and Lakki came out of the transit together. Scotti asked, “What happened, Boss?”
“I don’t know for sure. Frank managed to get into their programming again.” I pointed to the Marine. “The way this fellow talked, he was switching out their software at the end of the shift, so that you couldn’t find it, Lakki.”
Lakki said, “He’s a skilled programmer, that’s for sure, but are you sure he’s not more trouble than he is worth, Boss?”
“I’m hoping a month on the planet, shoveling outhouses, will adjust his attitude.”
Scotti said, “I like the way you think, Boss.” Lakki got to work, finding out exactly what Frank had done to the bots. I heard a growl from the hall, and turned to see what was going on. Wet Bobcat had thumped her head, coming out of the transit. Morning Flower said, “See now why I didn’t take this ship when Bawb offered it to me? It is built too small for people like us.” I picked up Frank, and handed him to Wet Bobcat. Morning Flower asked, “How long do you want us to keep him, Bawb?”
“A month, but he doesn’t have to know that.”
“Three years, yes, Bawb. No problem. He’ll enjoy shoveling in the winter.”
Wet Bobcat ducked when she got back on the transit, but not low enough for Frank. He might get a couple of bruises from it, but I really couldn’t bring myself to care, right then. Lakki spoke up. “I see how he set them up to switch programming. I wonder where he got the extra memory to hold the other program?”
Scotti said, “Oops! He asked me for it for an experiment. I never thought he would use it like this.”
I asked, “Can you get them back to normal, Lakki?”
“Already did, Boss. I’ll get the rest of the Marines squared away later today. Scotti still needs to remove the extra memory, so they can’t be switched back.” Scotti looked at the problem, and pulled a module out of each of them. Then she hooked up their movement controls again. Julie said, “Thanks, Boss. I thought he was slick enough this time he wouldn’t get caught.”
“Sorry I took so long to come by. I was just tired of his BS. I didn’t realize you were waiting on me to come and rescue you again.”
“I thought I could keep him under control this time. I was wrong, again. I guess I’m just not the bot for this job.”
“I’m beginning to wonder if there is a bot for this job, Julie. I’m going to call in the expert, and see if she has better luck.”
“Thanks for understanding, Boss. I really did do my best.”
“Of that, I have no doubt, Julie. Maybe the twins will be more your speed.”
“Considering they have the genes of you and Mrs. Wilson, I’m not at all convinced of that, Boss.”
The Marine spoke up. “It was my job to make sure this didn’t happen, Boss. I failed, badly. Will I be scrapped?”
“Oh, no, Marine, you’re not getting out of this that easy. I’m thinking more along the lines of remedial training with Niner-Deuce, until he thinks you’re ready to return to duty.” Momentarily, I feared that we might need to clean up some hydraulic fluid. He seemed to be quite upset with that turn of events. He said, “Niner-Deuce, Boss? He’s never satisfied with anything. I’ll be in remedial training forever.”
“Beats getting scrapped, doesn’t it?”
“Barely, Boss.”
“Go report to him. If he has questions, have him call me.”
“Yes, Boss.” He headed out to his new duty, still acting worried. Lakki followed him out. Julie asked, “What about me, Boss?”
“First, you need to explain what Frank was working on to Scotti and Tikki, as well as you can manage. Then, we’ll figure out something else for you to do, until Wilma gets here. When she arrives, you’ll need to bring her up to speed on what her Dad has been up to, to include all his attempts to control you. If she can figure a way to keep him out of mischief, we’ll put him back to work.”
“What if she can’t, Boss?”
“I’m not sure. We might just build him a lab on Shaved Ape Key, and let him do what he wants, without trying to make him take care of himself. The way he is, that shouldn’t last too long, before somebody has to scrape him up and shovel him in the autodoc.”
Nikki asked, “Do you think that would get his attention, Caveman?”
“I doubt it, given what we’ve seen so far. I don’t have any other ideas, though. We can’t have him messing with people the way he has been. That’s not something I will tolerate.”
Julie said, “Thanks, Boss. I feel like it’s my fault. I should have done more to keep him under control.”
“He messed with your programming. How are you supposed to fight that? Once he got his hooks in you, you had no way to fight him. I’m surprised that Marine managed to get out enough of a message that I could figure out what was going on.”
“The Marines are built tough. They have more ability to override bad programming than most of us.”
“I just hope we can get through to Frank. He seemed so repentant the last time, I thought we had come to an understanding.”
Nikki said, “I think you may be looking at this in the wrong frame of reference, Bob. You’re thinking he’s just stepping out of line, because he thinks he can get away with it, aren’t you?”
“Yes, what am I missing?”
“I think it would be closer to the truth to say he’s addicted. At least, that’s the way he acts. He’s fine, until he gets his fix, and then all he can think about is getting more. He’s not acting up just to get his way, he’s trying to get his high.”
Julie said, “That sounds right, Ma’am. He even acted sorry when he got caught. It was like he couldn’t help himself.”
“Gee, that makes me feel just great. Frank’s a junkie, and I’m his pusher. Just what I needed to make my day complete.”
Nikki said, “You didn’t know, Caveman. Ease up on yourself.”
Scotti said, “Boss, you gave him what he wanted most. How were you supposed to know he wanted it more than was good for him?”
“I guess you’re right, Scotti. I think maybe I got wound up in things and forgot to eat, again. I’ll probably see it more clearly after I get around some food.”
Nikki said, “Now you’re talking, Caveman. Gus is about ready to gnaw his way out.”
“You really expect me to believe that line of crap about Becky being a polite little lady?”
“Nope, but it’s fun to wind you up.” I looked at Scotti. “Do you have things under control here?”
“Yes, Boss. I’ll go through his files on the server, and see if there’s anything useful. He may have gotten off on a wild goose chase.”
“Run whatever you find past Tikki. Could be she can see something different.”
“Good idea, Boss. I would never have thought of that.”
“I do need to eat, if I’m acting dumb enough to get you sarcastic.”
Scotti replied, “At least it’s easy to fix. Go!” Nikki and I headed for the transit. She said, “Scotti has quite the personality, doesn’t she?”
“That she does. Don’t know how we would run this ship without her.”
Scotti called out from behind us, “Poorly, Boss. Poorly.” We headed to the galley. Stella was waiting for us. “Unsweet tea, and a Coke?”
Nikki said, “Yes, please.”
“Do you know what you would like to eat?”
I asked, “What do you have today?”
“There’s a potato soup people have been saying nice things about.”
I said, “I haven’t had a good bowl of potato soup in I don’t know when. Let’s do that.”
“Ma’am?”
“If he thinks it’s that good, I’ll try it, too.”
We sat down, and Nikki said, “I better call Jimmis, before I forget.” She got out her comm, and called. That reminded me I had a call to make as well. I called Max. “Hey, Bob. What do you need today?”
“First, I need to tell you you’re a Grandpa again.”
“Isn’t it too early for Nikki to deliver?”
“Yes. We adopted a girl, named Janet. She’s from that planet we found with the bad air. She left her family behind to come to the stars, and she wasn’t doing too well on her own.”
“Good for you two. When do I get to meet her?”
“Tell you the truth, I’ve got no idea. Things here need to calm down before I can leave the system.”
“Do you think you can get it back under control?”
“It’s a slow process, but I’m beginning to think it’s heading in the right direction.”
“I know you have more to talk about, Bob. You never call about just one thing.”
“I need a couple of favors, I guess. Could you hold off on saying anything to your ex about us adopting Janet?”
“Sure. I don’t talk to her that often, anyway. What else?”
“I need Wilma Flanigan’s phone number.”
“I’ll text it to you. Something wrong with Frank?”
“We can’t seem to keep him squared away. I was hoping she might agree to come out and take over for the bot I have trying to do that job.”
“Shady Oaks won’t be happy to lose her, but she is the best person for that job. Hey, did you guys tell Jimmis he has a sister?”
“Nikki’s working on that, right now.”
“Good deal. I wonder how he will take it?”
“You’re asking the wrong person, Max. I just don’t know him well enough to guess.”
“I’m sure I’ll hear all about it, the next time I talk to him. Was that all you needed, Bob?”
“I think so. I know where you are, if something else comes up.”
“I need to go, I have supper on the stove. Gail is coming out, and I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Talk to you later, then.”
“Bye, Bob.”
I got the text with Wilma’s number, and called the relay at John’s. After I put the number in, it connected me.
“Hello, may I ask who is calling?”
“Bob Wilson, Ma’am.”
“Sorry, Mr. Wilson. Your number didn’t come up on my caller ID.”
“There are reasons for that, don’t worry about it.”
“Is my Dad okay?”
“That’s a hard question to answer. Physically, he’s fine. We just can’t get him to sleep like he should, and he keeps finding ways to get around whatever we do to make sure that he takes care of himself.”
“Gee, that sounds familiar. He’s a sneaky one, alright.”
“I was wondering if there was any way I could talk you into coming out and keeping him out of trouble? If he keeps going the way he has been, he’s going to do something I won’t be able to let slide.”
“He’s getting in trouble?”
“I just sent him to shovel outhouses for a month, what do you think?”
“That you probably would rather have sent him out for a walk, but you need his brain too much.”
“You’re not so shabby, yourself.”
“You’re not the first Boss he’s given homicidal ideas to.”
“So, would you be willing to come out, and give us a hand?”
“Gail will be upset, but we have enough staff now that she’ll be able to handle it, especially if it’s for the company.”
“Get with her, and Max, and see when you can head this way. I’d like to have you aboard before your Dad finishes his month of shoveling.”
“I’ll see what I can do, Bob. Thanks for your patience with Dad.”
“He’s worth it, even if that’s hard to remember, sometimes.”
“Thanks, that’s good to hear. See you soon.”
“Bye.” Stella came out with our meal. Once she left, I asked, “How did he take it?”
“Better than I expected. He’s excited to get to know her.”
“Good deal. Your Dad is too.”
“You talked to Dad?”
“I didn’t have Wilma’s number.”
“Frank’s daughter?”
“Yep. She’s coming out to see if she can get him back on the straight and narrow.”
“Are you going to leave anybody to work at Shady?”
“At Shady, she’s a nurse. A good nurse, I have no doubt, but still, a nurse. Out here, she’s a Frank Wrangler, the only one we know of with the skills to get the job done.”
“You’re saying that she can be replaced at Shady, but out here, she’s one of a kind?”
“I am. I know we aren’t paying as much attention to Shady as we did when we were back home, and I’m hoping we don’t live to regret that.”
“Gail will take good care of the place, Bob. No need to worry.”
“I just want to get the situation with the Squirrels steadied out, so that we can go home for a while, and take a break before the kids get here.”
“That sounds good, but I don’t think I want to risk much gold on it happening.”
“Tell me about it. That all-nighter has my clock all messed up. What time is it?”
“Not quite supper time.”
“Wow, this feels like lunch.” Janet came off the transit, accompanied by Milly and Rhonda. Alice and Snitz followed them out, and laid down outside the galley. They came and sat with us. I asked, “Did you get your stuff moved?”
Janet said, “We did. Rhonda decided to move in with Milly, since I won’t be there any more.”
“Did Jeeves get you set up?”
“He did. I have a door to your room, and a door to the hall, if I need to come and go without bothering you.”
Nikki said, “That sounds good.”
“He even made sure the wall between our rooms is soundproofed, so I won’t bother you if I play the music Rhonda copied for me.” I looked at Nikki and smiled. She managed to hold it together, but it was a near thing. Milly caught us. She said, “I think they believe the soundproofing is supposed to go the other way, Janet.”
“What?… Oh!” She turned red.
I said, “Well, we managed to embarrass her, that’s a good start.”
Nikki replied, “That is one of our duties as parents of a teenager, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Rhonda said, “You don’t have to enjoy it quite so much.”
I looked at Nikki. “You better not upset Rhonda, Space Cadet. Your Dad was cooking supper when I called, he said her Mom was coming out, and he didn’t want to mess it up.”
Rhonda looked at me. “That’s too cheesy even for a straight-to-cable movie. ‘My Stepsister is an Alien’. You’ve got to be kidding.”
Nikki sounded more robotic than Topper when she said, “Take me to your leader.”
Milly and Janet must have been hitting the culture pack, because they were laughing as hard as the rest of us.
Janet said, “That would make you my Aunt.”
Rhonda looked like she had bit a persimmon that wasn’t ready, but she said, “If he makes her happy, that’s okay. She needs some happiness in her life.”
I said, “Who are you, and what did you do with Rhonda?”
