by Jerry Boyd
Nikki said, "Caveman, if I hadn't seen how good you are at this, I would think you were loony."
"You may be right, I might be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for."
"Song lyrics, Caveman?"
"Not challenging enough, Space Cadet?"
"I certainly didn't say that. Not out loud, at the very least."
Janet asked, "Are you two flirting, or what?"
Nikki said, "I suppose. Is that a problem?"
"No, I just wanted to be sure what was going on."
"Taking notes for the next time you see Charlie?"
Janet turned red. She said, "Dad!"
Nikki said, "Caveman, you've embarrassed her. Be nice."
"Aww, I'm sorry."
Janet replied, "No, you're not. Not even a little bit."
"Busted!"
Nikki said, "She's smarter than you thought, huh, Caveman?"
"Sure is. Gonna have to up my game, I guess."
Janet said, "Just for me?"
"It's good practice for Gus and Becky, I think."
"Do you really think they'll be that ornery?"
"You know their parents, what do you think?"
"I see what you mean."
I managed to make it through the meal without any comm calls. I was impressed. Just when I finished up, it rang.
"Commodore Wilson."
"Boss, it's Jeeves. I've got another course queued up for you, if you're not busy."
"Just finished eating. I'll be right there. See you soon."
"See you, Boss."
Nikki looked at me. "What's up, Caveman?"
"Jeeves wants to educate me."
"I'll catch up with you later, then. Watching the machine work on you isn't all that fascinating."
"I can see how that would be. I'll probably check in on Topper after I get done. I'll get Gene to tell me where you're at, and catch up with you."
"Sounds good. Love you, Caveman."
"Love you guys, too. All four of you."
Janet said, "Love you, too, Dad."
I took off for the ready room. Since Nikki wasn't with me, I decided to walk. I didn't find any problems to solve, but I did see a lot of work going on, with Scotti's new round of improvements. I didn't understand quite all of what was going on, but I figured that if there was something I needed to know Scotti would inform me. When I got to the ready room, Jeeves told me, "Boss, this is the last course we have for you for a while."
"So, after this one I’ll know all there is to know about Squirrel politics?"
"I don't know about all that, Boss. You will have all the training we have available."
"I suppose that will have to do."
Jeeves lit me up. When I woke up, I was alone. I put away the teaching machine, and went over to the bridge. Saucy had to announce me, of course, and I had to settle everyone back down. Funny how the little rituals make you feel at home. Topper asked, "What's up, Boss?"
"Nothing much, I just thought I ought to check in, since I'm supposed to be in charge and all."
"I don't have anything to report, the Squirrels have yet to pick up their sensor platforms, and nothing new has come up."
"Would you mind if I hung out for a while?"
"Do you want the ship?"
"No, thank you."
Topper asked, "So, you and the Ambassador got finished with your negotiation today?"
"Sure did. The Emperor is supposed to come over tomorrow to sign the agreements."
"Will Scotti be done with her new round of mods yet?"
"I don't think so. The Emperor can't get too upset about it, though. After all, he was the one who started it."
"How do you mean, Boss?"
"Scotti remembered all this stuff, after he unlocked her."
"I see. Do you think he will see it that way?"
"I don't know. After all the hassle his folks have caused us, I'm not sure that I care."
"As long as you get his name on the paper, you're happy?"
"Exactly."
"Do you think that this is finally going to keep them from coming after us, Boss?"
"I sincerely hope so. It may be too much to ask, though."
Sue spoke up. "Boss, I have a ship coming into the system. It looks like one of ours."
I looked at Tex. "Get a lock on that ship, please."
"On it, Boss."
Saucy said, "Incoming comm, Boss."
"On speaker, please, Saucy."
The voice of a bot I didn't recognize came over the speaker. He said, "B. S. Dolly Parton, requesting permission to come into the system. Please respond."
"Dolly Parton, this is Commodore Wilson. Permission granted. What is your cargo?"
"We have supplies for the planet, and a passenger for you."
"Who might that be?"
A new voice came over the speaker. "Mr. Wilson, it's Wilma. I got here as quick as I could. I had to wait for the next supply ship."
"You're in plenty of time, Wilma. Your Dad is still shoveling crap on the surface. If you think you can keep him under control, I might be able to commute his sentence."
"I'll do my best, Commodore. I hesitate to guarantee you anything, you know how he is."
"Indeed I do. On the other hand, I need him functional. I hope you can keep him squared away."
"I have picked up a few tricks over the years, maybe that will be enough."
"It won't take too much to do better than what we've managed so far. Could I speak with your pilot again?"
"Yes, Commodore?"
"Approach the Gene as sedately as you can manage. Our guests are uptight enough, without you jumping right in."
"Understood, Commodore."
"Fly safe."
The line went dead. I said, "Saucy, get Morning Flower on the line for me, please."
"Bawb, how are you?"
"Doing fine. How are you, Morning Flower?"
"Doing fine. Frank is not very good at shoveling, though."
"Do you think he understands I'm not happy with him?"
"He understands."
"His daughter has arrived. She thinks she can keep him in line. Do you think he is ready to come back to the ship?"
"We are ready to send him, whether he is ready or not."
"Wash him off, and ship him out."
"Okay, Bawb. We'll have him there by morning. Are you coming to visit soon?"
"As soon as the Emperor goes home, I think."
"What is an Emperor?"
"The head of all the Squirrels. He is here to make peace. I hope it works."
"Me, too. I am tired of catching the furry little people who can't shovel, and gripe so much."
"Thanks for all your help."
"No problem, Bawb. See you soon."
"Fly safe."
The line went dead.
I looked at Sue. "Keep a close eye on the neighbors. If anyone points a weapon at the Dolly Parton, make sure Tex is aware of it." I looked at Tex. "Be ready to put any weapon that points at the Parton out of commission."
I got a pair of, "Yes, Boss.".
Topper asked, "Anything else you want us to keep an eye on, Boss?"
"Nothing in particular, just keep up the good work."
I was headed off the bridge, when Tex said, "Naughty, naughty." I turned to him and asked, "What happened?"
"One of the ships drew a bead on the Parton. She has an owie now."
I looked at Saucy. "Get me a line to Snappi, please."
"Yes, Commodore?"
"Sorry I didn't get to warn you before we opened fire on your ship. It appeared it was about to fire on our ship, and I can't allow that."
"Understood. I'm sorry it was necessary for you to do that."
"Will this affect our activities tomorrow?"
"I don't think so. The Emperor will understand your actions were necessary. He seems to be about as frustrated with the traitors in his ranks as you are."
"Will the gunner involved be punished?"
"You've already taken care of that. The only way he could get access to the controls was to be in the turret himself. His atoms have rejoined the cosmos."
"I suppose I'm a little disappointed. I was looking forward to what he had to say for himself."
"As was I. Perhaps computer records will give us some idea of who he was working with."
"Good luck with that."
"Did you need anything else, Commodore?"
"No, I just wanted to make sure you knew that we weren't just using your ships for target practice."
"I was pretty sure of that before you called, Commodore. You've worked too hard for the peace agreement to throw it away that easily. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Fly safe, Captain." Saucy indicated the connection was dead. I looked at Topper. "Call me if you have to use the weapons again."
"Of course, Boss. Diplomacy is above my pay grade."
"You need to study up on that, Topper. How do you expect to ever get your own ship?"
"Being your XO is challenging enough for me, Boss."
"Fly safe, Topper."
"You too, Boss." I left the bridge.
I asked, "Gene, where is Mrs. Wilson?"
"Grab a transit, Boss. I'll take you to her."
"Good enough, Gene." I got on the transit, having no idea where I was headed.
I certainly didn't expect to see the sim deck when the transit doors opened. Stella was there, supervising. I walked up and asked, "What's she working on, Stella?"
"Hi, Boss. Mrs. Wilson is trying some of the simulations you were working on."
"How's she doing?"
"She's beaten some of the old Navy scores, but she's not in your league yet."
"Which simulation is she up against now?"
Stella put the video up on the screen. I recognized the action, from when I was working on that sim. I said, "Could I run the opposing forces?"
"Boss, you play dirty. I'm glad you're on our side. Let me hook you up."
She got me set up in another pod, and I took command of the opposing forces in Nikki's sim. It wasn't long before I heard her cussing from the other pod. It took her a while to figure out what was going on, but when she did I heard, "Caveman, you prick! When did you get here?"
"Not long ago. You noticed a difference?"
"Snagfart, yes! You're way tougher than the AI."
I hit the 'end simulation' button, and got out of my pod. Nikki wasn't far behind me. She said, "I know you said you were going to come and find me, but I didn't expect that."
"Nothing you wouldn't have done for me."
"I suppose you're right. It was still sneaky."
"I thought that was one of the things you liked about me."
"It is, when you do it to other people. Not nearly so much when you do it to me."
"I need to get to the landing bay. You want to come along?"
"Who is coming aboard?"
"Wilma."
"Frank isn't back yet, is he?"
"Nope. I called Morning Flower and she is cleaning him up and shipping him up to us."
"How soon is he supposed to be here?"
"Before morning. That's all she would say."
"Did she sound like he's been a good prisoner?"
"No, she did not. She was glad to be rid of him. I wonder how much the experience improved his attitude?"
"He seems to be a hardhead. I doubt it did much good."
"Maybe Wilma can get him squared away."
"I hope so. We need his expertise."
"Especially if Rikki finds anything."
"Exactly." We got on the transit, and headed to the landing bay. The Dolly Parton was just landing as we arrived. I went to help Wilma with her luggage. She only had one suitcase. I asked, "Weren't you planning on staying a while?"
"I am. I have most of a pallet in the cargo bay. One of the bots is getting it for me."
"It's good to see you. I hope you have better luck with your Dad than the bots have been having."
"So do I. Sounds like he's being a handful."
"He is, but his work product makes it worth it."
"I'm glad you still feel that way. I thought maybe he had worn out his welcome."
"Not so far, but he's gotten close a couple of times."
"I wish I was surprised. He seems to have a special skill for aggravating bosses."
"And here I thought I was special."
"Sorry to pop your bubble. He's done that to every boss he's had."
"Oh well, maybe we can get him on the right track now."
“Hope springs eternal.” Just then, a bot came down the ramp with a pallet full of luggage. He pulled it up to us and said, “Excuse me, Commodore, Mrs. Flaningan. I have a question, Commodore.”
“Yes?”
“I was told a bot I used to be friends with was aboard the Gene Cernan. Would it be possible to see him while I am aboard?”
“Let me check. I don’t think any of the supplies you are carrying are urgently needed on the surface. If they are, you can certainly come by on your way out of the system.”
I commed Will. “Yes, Commodore?”
“Good grief, Will! They’ve got you doing it too. I’m still just Bob, you know.”
“Morning Flower says we need to respect you for all the good you’ve done for their planet. I have to agree, considering where Charlie and me would be, if it wasn’t for you and your crew.”
“I guess. Anybody would have done the same, given the same chance. I’ve got a question, Will.”
“Go right ahead, but I’ll warn you, Mongo straight.”
“Well, that’s nice to know, I suppose. Is there anything aboard the Parton that you need right now?”
“Nossir, we’re in good shape. Wouldn’t want you to have to hold her off more than a week or so, though.”
“What happens in a week?”
“We run out of Tabasco sauce. Can’t have that.”
“I’ll be sure she’s planetside before that happens. Sounds terrible.”
“It’s only really bad when Charlie cooks.”
“I would’ve thought he had that figured out.”
“He’s gotten a lot better, but I still have to tease him from time to time.”
“Now I understand. You think Janet and him are going to give us some grandkids to spoil?”
“Not for a while yet, I hope. How’s that adoption working out?”
“Better than I had any right to hope for. I’m beginning to wonder when it’s going to go sour.”
“She’s a good kid. Nikki will make a good Mom. You ain’t even all that bad.”
“Thanks, I think. I better let you go. Got things to take care of, don’t you know.”
“Talk to you later, Bob.”
“Later on, D.B.”
I turned back to the bot. “Seems like your cargo isn’t critical for a week or so. You’ve got some time to visit with your friend. What’s your designation, anyhow?”
“ZX-801, Sir.”
“I have a couple of problems with that. First, I work for a living, call me boss, not sir. Second, I’m terrible at remembering numbers. Would you accept a new designation?”
“I have heard about this practice. I would be glad to have a name from you, Boss.”
“ZX-801, hmm, how do you feel about Sinclair?”
“That sounds fine, Boss. Could I ask how you came up with it?”
Wilma said, “There was an old computer called the ZX-80, made by the Sinclair company. People who had them liked them.”
“I see. Thanks again, Boss. Show me where Mrs. Flanigan’s baggage goes, and I’ll go find my old buddy.”
I asked, “What’s his designation?”
“I don’t know what he goes by here, since you give everybody new names and all, but his factory designation was ZZ-809.”
I thought for a minute, and realized that was Topper’s old designation. “Tell you what, he’s kinda busy, I’ll take you to where he is, and take over for him while you two visit.”
“Thanks, Boss. I appreciate that.”
“No problem. Any friend of Topper’s is a friend of mine.”
“Topper, Boss?”
“That’s what he’s called, these days. Matter of fact, he was the first one to get a new designation.”
“He’s been with you for a while, then?”
“As long as anybody, but that isn’t saying much. It’s just been a few months since all this got started.”
We got to Frank’s cabin, and helped Wilma unload her pallet. Sinclair twiddled the controls on it, and it headed back toward the landing bay. I called a transit, and Sinclair started to leave. I asked, “Where are you going?”
“I better get started, if I want to meet you there.”
“You don’t want to ride with me?”
“Bots aren’t allowed on the transit, Boss.”
“That’s a Navy rule. Does this look like the Navy to you?”
“No, Boss, I don’t suppose it does.”
“Get aboard, then.”
When the transit opened at the bridge, Sinclair said, “I don’t have clearance to be on the bridge, Boss.”
“Did the Navy take over the ship while we were getting here?”
“What? I mean, no, Boss, I don’t suppose they did.”
“I’m the boss around here, and if I say you can go on the bridge, you better get your tin butt on the bridge, clear?”
“Yes, Boss. This is different from what I’m used to. I’ll try and get up to speed as fast as I can.”
“Topper can help you get squared away. He knows how things work around here.”
We went on the bridge. Saucy called, “Commodore on the bridge.” I replied, “As you were.”
I said, “Mr. Topper, my ship, if you please. You have business to attend to.”
“Your ship, yes, Boss. What business is that?” Sinclair stepped out where Topper could see him.
I said, “First, you need to get Sinclair here to quit quoting Navy regs at me. Sinclair said, “Hey, Ought-nine, looks like you’ve come up in the world.”
They must have been talking at bot speed on a comm link, because Topper immediately knew who it was. He replied, “What happened to your voice, Ought-one? You don’t sound like yourself, or I would have known it was you from the comms.”
“The man who found me had to put me back together from spare parts. My voice box was missing.”
Topper turned to me. “How did you find him, Boss?”
“Oh, no, babe. It wuddn’t me. I ain’t never even been to an Alpha Kappa dance.”
