Courage

by Kristen Proby

  He takes the cookies from me and then wraps his arms around me. “God, you’ll get frostbite. Come on, honey, we have to warm you up.”

  “Kinda numb.”

  “Yeah, I’ll just bet you are. We have to warm you up slowly so we don’t do any damage.”

  “A hot shower will do it.”

  “Not yet.” He leads me to my bedroom and starts stripping me out of my clothes. When I’m down to my underwear, he guides me under the covers, then throws extra blankets on top of me. “I’m going to make you some hot tea, and then I’m getting into that bed with you.”

  “I’m not really in the mood for sex.”

  He doesn’t laugh like I expected. He shakes his head in disgust and leaves the room without another word.

  Well, I guess walking in the snow pisses Sam off.

  Good to know.

  My teeth are chattering when he returns, carrying a whole pot of hot water, a mug, and several bags of tea.

  “This will steep while we warm you up. Which one do you want?”

  “Lavender.”

  He pours the water over the tea bag, then strips down to his skivvies and joins me under the covers.

  His warm body feels hot to me, but I wrap myself around him and soak him up.

  “It’s really cold out tonight.”

  “I know.” He rubs circles over my back. “What happened to your car?”

  “I don’t know, it just died. I was glad that I was able to at least coast to the side of the road. I’ll call someone in the morning.”

  “You should have called me.”

  I glance up at him. “You’re here with the kids. They can’t be left alone. And it was only a mile.”

  “On a normal day, that’s not a big deal. In this cold, it could have been deadly.” But he’s not angry with me anymore. His lips are pressed to my forehead. “Did you have fun?”

  “I’m so glad I went. It was so fancy and pretty. And there were so many people there that I knew and haven’t seen in a while. I kept thinking that Monica would have loved it. And, honestly, it didn’t make me as sad as it used to. I mean, I’m still sad every day, but I didn’t want to hide in a corner and sob. It was just a thought of, ‘Oh, Mon would have had a good time tonight.’”

  “It’s good that you enjoyed yourself. Just don’t walk home again in the winter, okay?”

  “Oh, trust me, lesson learned.” My teeth finally stopped chattering. “Did you guys have a nice evening?”

  “We watched a Christmas movie and then they went to bed. Pretty relaxed, really. I wrapped some presents.”

  I look up in surprise. “Really?”

  “Sure. I mean, they’re not as pretty as yours, but they’ll pass. You shouldn’t have to do it all, Tash. I know you think you have it all under control, and you do, but I can help. You really need to let me help more.”

  You’re leaving.

  I don’t say it out loud, but it’s true. I can’t drop my guard and rely on him now because he’s about to leave, and then it’ll be all up to me anyway.

  But I don’t say anything. The extra help that he’s willing to give me now is just that: extra. I’ll take it.

  But I won’t learn to expect it.

  And I can’t get used to it.

  “Your brain is moving way too fast.”

  I laugh and then yawn. “Actually, I’m really tired. The combination of martinis and cold weather have knocked me on my ass.”

  “You drank?”

  “Of course, I drank. She had hot chocolate martinis, Sam. No one in their right mind could pass that up. But don’t worry, I didn’t drink too much, and I spaced them out. I was perfectly sober.”

  “I know you’re not stupid enough to drink and drive.”

  He kisses my head.

  “Do you want tea?”

  “No.” I yawn again. “I want to sleep.”

  Chapter 16

  ~Sam~

  “What about carrots?” Kelsey asks as we set a plate of cookies, complete with a glass of milk, on a table by the Christmas tree.

  “What about them?” I ask.

  “We have to leave something for the reindeer,” Kevin jumps in to add. “They’ll be so hungry after all of that flying.”

  “Right.” I look over at Tash as she walks into the room. “Do we have any carrots?”

  “I don’t think so.” She frowns. “Why?”

  I relay the important information about the eating habits of Santa’s reindeer.

  “We have apples,” Tash announces. “Reindeer like apples. I’ll just cut one up.”

  “That was a close call,” Kelsey says to her brother.

  God, they’re funny. And they’re changing so quickly. Kelsey doesn’t have any issues with her Rs anymore. They’ve grown at least three inches in the last six months. And the things they randomly say have Tash and I looking at each other in both amusement and surprise.

  “Okay, it’s time for bed,” Tash announces. “But first, we have to have a serious conversation.”

  “Okay.” Kelsey gives Tash her undivided attention.

  “You know in the song, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, it says ‘He knows when you are sleeping?’” Tash asks. Both kids nod. “Well, it’s true. He does know when you’re sleeping, and if you get out of bed on Christmas Eve, he’ll skip our house.”

  “No way,” Kevin says in awe.

  “It’s true,” Tash says. “I don’t make the rules.”

  I grin, standing behind the kids so they can’t see me.

  She totally makes the rules.

  “So we have to stay in bed,” Kelsey says. “All night?”

  “That’s right,” Tash says and kisses her blonde head. “But that’ll be easy-peasy because you have your new comfy jammies and your new bedding so you’ll be all snug and sleepy.”

  “Good night,” I say, and after one last round of excited hugs and a reminder to stay in bed, Tash takes them back to tuck them in.

  I pour us each a glass of wine and am waiting on the couch for her when she returns.

  “They’re so excited,” she says with a grin. “But I’m pretty sure they were both asleep before their heads hit the pillow.”

  “Good. I don’t want to put Santa gifts out until they’ve been asleep for a bit, just to be sure.” I reach over and tug her next to me, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “You killed it this Christmas, Tash.”

  “Yeah?” She smiles up at me. “You think so?”

  “I know so. I also know all of the extra work is what has you looking like you’re ready to pass out at any moment. It’s a lot of extra work.”

  “I had no idea,” she admits softly. “All of the parties and programs at the school, and I’m telling you right now, if I never see another Christmas cookie in my life, it’ll be too soon.”

  “You have close to a year to prepare yourself for next year.”

  She groans and collapses on my chest.

  “Let’s not think about next year yet,” she suggests. “I might not survive this year.”

  “You’re doing great,” I assure her. “And it’s almost over. We’re in the home stretch.”

  “Thank goodness.” She sighs and sips her wine. “The tree is nice, though. I like sitting here in the evening with the lights on. I’ll miss it when we take it down in a couple of days.”

  “You could leave it up until New Year’s.”

  “Nope.” She shakes her head. “I’m ready for this tiny house to be uncluttered.”

  “I guess you’ll never be one of those ladies that has lots of curio cabinets full of knickknacks.”

  “No. I don’t like clutter. I don’t think there’s any need to have a bunch of crap lying around that you have to dust.”

  “Monica had all kinds of that stuff.”

  “I know. And it’s still packed away in boxes because what do we do with it?”

  “I don’t have a plan,” I admit softly. “But we’ll figure it out eventually. Maybe we’ll have an estate sal
e or something.”

  “Someday,” she agrees.

  “What’s your dream home like?” I ask, surprising both of us.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, this house, as nice as it is, is obviously too small. If you could design and build a home, what would you like it to be like?”

  “That’s a good question,” she says softly, staring at the lights on the tree. “I love Nina and Sebastian’s lake house, but it’s way out of my league financially. As for a realistic house, that I could potentially have? I don’t know if you remember, but Willa Hull used to have a farmhouse on a small piece of property just outside of town. She sold it when she and Max got married. Do you remember that?”

  “Absolutely. It’s a nice place. I don’t know who bought it. Maybe someone from out of state, I’m not sure.”

  “Yeah, I don’t know, either. I think it’s a beautiful home. I like that it has a nice yard in case I ever wanted to get a dog or something. And the farmhouse style appeals to me. All on one level, with at least four bedrooms and three bathrooms. And a killer kitchen. Oh! In the kitchen, I want a pot filler over the stove.”

  I grin, enjoying the hell out of her. “Maybe a bigger laundry room?”

  “Yes, with a sink. And a hanging rod.”

  “I can hang a rod for you here.”

  “We’re talking about my dream home,” she reminds me, and I nod.

  “That’s right. I think that everything you’ve described is doable, sweetheart.”

  She shrugs. “Someday. I was saving my money to be able to build a house eventually, but then everything happened over the summer, and I’m not able to work.”

  “Wait.” I sit forward and turn to face her. “Are you telling me that you’ve been spending your savings, the money you saved to build, on rent and other expenses because you won’t let me help?”

  She shrugs a shoulder. “It just is what it is. I refuse to touch the kids’ trust. I know that legally it’s there to help raise them, and for their expenses, but I want them to have that money later.”

  I shake my head in frustration. I want to shake her. I want to tell her she’s being a stubborn ass.

  But I don’t. Not here and now. I’ll make some arrangements to start paying the bulk of the bills. She isn’t the only one responsible for the twins, and I’ll be damned if she’s going to lose her dream because of the three of us.

  “Why do you look mad?” she asks.

  “Because you’re damn frustrating, Natasha Mills.” But I reach over and drag my finger down her cheek. “Let’s table this conversation for now. I have something for you.”

  I reach over on the end table and retrieve a small, wrapped box.

  “We’re exchanging gifts tonight?” she asks.

  “There are other things under the tree for you, but this one is special.”

  “Hold that thought.” She jumps up, runs to the laundry room, and returns with a wrapped package of her own. “Okay, you go first.”

  “Hey, I’m the one who had the idea.”

  “I know, but I can’t stand it.” She bounces in her seat. “Open it.”

  I do as she asks, not bothering to care if I rip the paper to shreds.

  “These are nice grilling tools.”

  “It’s not just that. I got you a new grill.” She grins and claps her hands. “You were saying that mine sucks, and you love to grill.”

  “I do.” I lean over and kiss her softly. “I can’t wait to use it. Thanks, babe.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Okay, your turn.” I pass her the wrapped box and watch as she carefully peels off the tape, painstakingly making sure that she doesn’t ruin the paper. “You’re killing me.”

  “It helps build anticipation,” she says with a laugh. But when she opens the black velvet box, her smile falls. “Oh, Sam.”

  I lean over to look at the gorgeous necklace. Aric outdid himself on this beauty. The emerald is vividly green, and the gold is shiny.

  It’ll look fantastic against Tash’s skin.

  “This is incredible,” she whispers.

  “I wanted to get you something extra-special,” I begin as I take the box from her hands and slip the necklace out of the velvet tray. “You’ve gone above and beyond this year. I wanted you to have something that shows how much I appreciate you.”

  “Well, you did a good job of it,” she says with a laugh. “I love it. Thank you so much.”

  Her fingers play with the stone that hangs down between her breasts.

  Aric was right, it’s the perfect length.

  I can’t hold myself back from touching her. Damn it, I can’t get enough of her. And with the light from the tree casting a warm glow on her gorgeous skin, I need to see more of her.

  All of her.

  But because I love the way her eyes light up when I do it, I whip my shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor.

  As if on cue, those big brown eyes light up as they roam over my torso.

  Being with Tash is always a nice boost to my ego. And the best part is, it’s not false. I can see by the way she looks at me, touches me, that she’s attracted to me.

  And it’s a heady feeling.

  “Do you know how beautiful you are?” I ask as I lean over, cup her jaw in my hand, and rub the tip of my nose against hers. “I’ve never seen anyone more amazing than you.”

  “Maybe Jennifer Aniston.”

  I grin. “No, she’s second to you.”

  My lips tickle hers as my fingers make quick work of the buttons on her shirt.

  “If I’m topless, you should be, too.”

  “It’s only fair,” she agrees as I drag her bra down her arms. “I think you should take your pants off, too.”

  “It is Christmas.” I lean in and press my lips against the wall of her chest, right between her breasts, where the emerald rests. I was right. It’s stunning against her skin. “I think you can have pretty much whatever your heart desires.”

  “You.” She reaches for the clasp of my jeans. “I want you, Sam.”

  Her voice isn’t full of humor and teasing now. It’s hot and thick with lust, and she doesn’t have to ask me twice.

  Grabby hands yank and pull at clothing, and when we’re naked, I can’t help but take a moment just to admire her.

  “Gorgeous,” I whisper before fastening my lips over a nipple and tugging hard.

  “Let me.” She pushes on my shoulders, and I sit back on the couch. She straddles me, and before I can say or do anything at all, impales herself on me, sheathing me in that warm, wet heat that makes me crazy with yearning. “Need you.”

  She moves fast, quicker than I’d like, so I grip her hips in my hands and slow her down until the pace is lazy.

  I don’t want this to be over too fast.

  I cup her cheek and guide her mouth to mine.

  “Love you,” she murmurs against my lips.

  My heart stutters.

  “Oh, baby.” I kiss her once more. “I love you, too.”

  And here, in the quiet, with the tree lights glowing around us, I make love to my woman.

  My woman.

  And speak words of love and forever.

  “Sam.” It’s a sob. “Oh, God, Sam.”

  “That’s it, honey.” I slip my hand between us and finger her clit. “Go over, babe.”

  She comes spectacularly, bites my shoulder to keep from crying out, and when we’re a heap of sweaty bodies, heaving in breath, she giggles.

  “I didn’t realize that this was funny.”

  “I can’t believe the first time I told you I love you was during sex.” She shakes her head. “So cliché.”

  “I’ve been waiting for you to say it for months.”

  She stares at me. “Why?”

  “Because I wanted to say it, too.”

  “So, why didn’t you just say it?”

  “I was waiting for you to say it.”

  She blinks and reaches for her shirt. “If you wou
ld have said it, I would have said it back.”

  “I didn’t know that. How embarrassing would it be if I said it and you were like, ‘Thanks?’”

  She starts to laugh. “You’re such an idiot.”

  “It’s a real concern for guys.” I pull my jeans back on.

  “And you think it isn’t for girls?” She slips her leggings on and then pushes her hand through her hair.

  “Okay, I’m an idiot.” I pull her into my lap and nuzzle her neck. “Say it again.”

  “You’re an idiot.”

  I smile against her skin. “Not that part. The other part.”

  “No. What if you don’t say it back?”

  I pull back and rub my thumb over the apple of her cheek as I gaze into her gorgeous brown eyes. “I love you, Natasha. More than I ever knew it was possible to love another human being. You make every day better just by being in it.”

  “I mean, that’s a little overboard.”

  “It’s all true.”

  She tips her forehead against mine. “Guess what?”

  “What?”

  “I love you, too.”

  Chapter 17

  ~Natasha~

  “Is this for my dollhouse?” Kelsey asks, holding up the tiny furniture we got her.

  “No, it’s for me to sleep in,” Sam says, making her laugh.

  “You’re too big.”

  “Well, dang it. I guess it is for your new dollhouse.”

  “Can I open this one?” Kevin asks, holding a wrapped box. I don’t recognize that one. Sam went out and bought the kids a few things without me, which didn’t bother me at all.

  He’s their uncle.

  But when Kevin rips the paper, and I see what it is, I see red.

  “Video games!” Kevin jumps up and dances a jig.

  “You got him a Nintendo?” I ask Sam.

  “Sure did.” He beams at the little boy with pride. “We’ll hook it up later and play some Mario Kart.”

  Kelsey is completely absorbed in her dollhouse, and Kevin is busy looking at the Nintendo box, so I grab Sam’s hand and lead him into the kitchen.

  “I thought we talked about this.”

  “About what?”

  I take a deep breath and count to three. “We said no video games for Christmas.”