I tried to avoid Adrian most of the morning, faking a headache that left me in bed in the spare room for the morning, surely getting me out of going to the parade which of course, he was a part of. By the time he and his mother arrive back at the house, it’s already midafternoon.
I’m anxious to hear Adrian’s explanation, but then also, a part of me doesn’t want to. Whatever he tells me is going to be bad. That much, I’m sure of.
And lately, all that I’ve had is bad. Adrian had become the only good, and now, he will be forever changed in my mind. I fucking hate that about life.
“You’re going to need a jacket.” He stands in the doorway of the bedroom that I’m staying in, with his hands in his pockets and a sad look in his eyes. “It’s freezing outside, and we’re going to be out for a while.”
I nod. I rise slowly, pulling on some warm socks and boots, before grabbing my jacket and hat. This time, I’m smart, and bring a pair of mittens too. I follow Adrian down the steps and out towards his rental car, but as he turns out onto the desolate street, I’m surprised when he stops less than a mile down his road, pulling the car over and staring at a huge oak tree in front of us.
“This is the spot.” He finally musters, after a long pause. “This is the spot that forever changed my life.”
I glance around. Aside from the tree, there is a large ditch in front of it. The grass is tall, and slightly brown from the cold, but other than that, it’s a pretty unremarkable spot. It’s only when the wind picks up, that I notice a small white cross, sitting directly in front of the tree.
“The woman from last night, her name is Kam. I grew up with her and her sister, Kat. Kam is a few years older, but Kat was the exact same age as me.”
Was. The past tense of his story isn’t lost on me.
“I’m pretty sure that I fell in love with Kat the very first day that I met her. It was on the first day of kindergarten” His smile is wistful, as he stares out of the windshield, directly at the tree. “I couldn’t get my juice box open. She reached over and opened it for me, and then she smiled. I was immediately toast for that girl.” His voice wavers, ever so subtly, but I notice. Fuck me, I so notice.
“She was so beautiful, even at six years old. Her eyes were the darkest green I’d ever seen, and her laugh was easy. Her hair was fire engine red, much lighter than yours, but it was always wild. Just like her. She was fierce, she was smart, and when she loved, she loved really, really hard.”
A lump forms in my throat as I sit back and listen to him.
“She didn’t look at me as anything more than a friend until our freshman year of high school, but even as a kid, I just knew that she was supposed to be mine. She was always beautiful, but it took me a while to start to look like a man who deserved her. The summer before freshman year was when it happened for me. I finally grew and stopped being a little twig, and after all of those years, one day, she noticed. Finally.” A cynical laugh leaves him. “Everything was history after that. She fell hard for me. I fell in love like I’d never experienced before. We spent all of our time together, figuring out all of our firsts, hooking up wherever we could. I was certain that she was the one that I was going to spend my life with. I mean, come on. I was the quarterback and she was a cheerleader. I was the boy down the street, and she was the girl next door. We literally hit the nail on the head with every stigma. We were so meant to be that it was hard to imagine us not being together.”
He’s quiet for long enough to leave me alone with my thoughts. Which are pretty fucking brutal, by the way. You see, here’s the thing.
I may have started out using Adrian to try to get Brett back, but somewhere along the way, the rules changed. My feelings changed, and even though I didn’t want to admit it, I was falling hard for the guy. It had nothing to do with him being Adrian Malone, quarterback of the Minnesota Saints. Instead, it had everything to do with him just being…him.
The sweet guy who holds my hand during a scary movie. The one who opens doors for me, and brushes stray locks of hair out of my face. The one who asks me about my day because he actually really wants to hear about it. The one who helps others, more than he helps himself. The guy who used his own money to buy a home for a bunch of orphans, just because it was the right thing to do.
I don’t know why I let some stranger’s words distract me from who I already know Adrian is. I know that he’s not some cold blooded killer. And I also know that wherever this story leads, it’s fucking gutting him to speak it.
I’m not going to lie though- it’s also cutting me deep to hear it. Because his voice is shaking as he describes just how much he loved someone- and that someone isn’t me.
“The winter of our junior year was a nightmare. School was closed for weeks at a time. We got a record snowfall that winter, and on top of the snow, we had temperatures so low that the salt didn’t even help with the ice on the roads.” His hands grip tightly around the steering wheel, so tightly that his fingers turn white. His teeth are clenched, and his eyes are closed, and as his last words leave him, his voice shakes.
“Kat was at my house. I’d begged her to come over, even though the roads were shitty. It was so damn selfish of me. I’m the man. I should have gone to her. But my mom was gone, and Anna was at a friend’s house. My house was empty, and her parents were home. Like the selfish, horn ball teenager that I was, I was aching to be with her, and so, she came over.” Another long pause.
“The snow just kept coming down. I was so young and stupid that I didn’t realize how bad the roads were getting. She was going to leave earlier, because she didn’t like driving in the snow after dark, you know?”
I don’t know, but I can relate. So, I just nod.
“But I wanted her one last time, so she stayed, and we made love again. It was dark by the time that she left, and the snow picked up. She lost control of her car right here, in this same spot. The ditch was filled with snow at that point, which is just part of the twisted details. She should have just gone into the ditch and been fine, but instead, she didn’t. She went over the ditch and hit this tree. By the time her parents came looking for her, she was already dead. She died alone, right here, in this exact same spot. And it’s all my fault.”
I don’t even know what to say. The sadness on his face makes my heart break for him, and suddenly, everything about him makes sense.
Kat is why Adrian has never made a commitment to anyone. Kat is why Adrian sleeps with women one night and then casts them off. Kat is why Adrian will never fall in love.
She’s the reason for everything. And he’s still very much in love with her.
There’s no way that I can compete with that. There’s no way that I would even try. She’s dead, and I’m alive, but that doesn’t change the fact that no matter how good I could be, I’d never measure up in his book. I could never be what she was to him.
She’s already earned her spot, as his one true love, and no matter how good things could be between us, it doesn’t matter. No one is taking her spot.
I know when to bow out. I’ve been here and done this before, far too recently for my liking. And while the first time I struggled with letting go, now I know that the sooner I do, the less this is going to hurt. So, I nod along with Adrian, and I even give him a tight hug. But once we’re safely back at his mom’s house, I text Sophia, and in the next moment, she calls with my family emergency.
I’m at the airport and on a plane back home in less than an hour. Bowing out gracefully is going to be my new MO.
“Do you want to talk about it?” It’s Monday morning, and the answer is no. I do not want to talk about it. In fact, I’d really like to forget all about Adrian, his ex, and well, this entire mess that I’ve found myself in.
“Fine. Don’t talk to me.” Sophia shrugs, as I busy myself setting up my salon for the day. “But seriously, Mia. Not acknowledging getting your heart broken isn’t going to heal it faster. It’s just going to draw it out, and it’s not very healthy.”
“My heart isn’t broken, and I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about, unless you want to talk about the weather.”
Sophia rolls her eyes and settles herself on the sofa in my waiting room. “Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that.”
I chuck a throw pillow at her which she catches, and then proceeds to place behind her head to use as a pillow.
“Don’t you have anywhere that you have to be?” Anywhere except here would be great. I love Sophia, but today, she’s working my nerve. The same as she was Saturday night when she picked me up from the airport, and all day yesterday, when she laid on my couch digging for info. She knows that I’ll eventually crack and break down just like I did over Brett. Except I fear that this time, I may not be able to piece myself back together again. Acknowledging that I let myself fall in love with Adrian is admitting defeat. Right now, I’m in self-protection mode. Ignorance is bliss.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” I freeze, exhaling so sharply that I blow out the candle that I literally just lit, on accident. Sophia, the damn traitor that she is hops up from where she’s sitting on the couch, and proceeds to act as though she’s late for work.
“By, Mia. I’ll call you later.” She calls over her shoulder, as the door slams shut behind her, leaving just Adrian and I standing here, all alone.
“Hey.” He closes the distance between us, wrapping his arm around my waist and spinning me around to face him. “I was worried about you. When you weren’t answering my calls, I thought that something terrible had happened. How is your mom?” His blue eyes are so sincere. So damn sincere, that the huge lump that I had thought I had gotten rid of returns with a vengeance.
Dammit all.
“She’s fine.” I lie, not even able to add any more to my story. It’s all that I can muster, and as if he reads my mind, his eyes change from a look of concern, to another look that I can’t put my finger on.
“Were you purposely ignoring my calls?” I chew nervously on my lower lip, debating on whether to tell another lie, since I’m basically on a roll with those right now, or to just hit him with the truth. Turns out, I don’t have to say anything at all.
“Look, Mia. I know that you heard some shit about me this weekend, but I thought that I had explained myself to you. Good fucking God, I told you shit that I’ve never told anyone. I explained what happened. Are you seriously still afraid of me?”
Yes. But not in the way that he thinks.
“I’m not afraid of you.” My voice is shaky and filled with lies. “And I’m sorry for what happened to you, Adrian. I really and truly am.”
“So, what then? Why are you acting so weird?”
Because I’m madly fucking in love with you, and you could never love me more than her. Those words spin inside of my head, threatening to roll right off of my lips. But I can’t say them. I just can’t do it.
We set rules here, dammit. And while I’ve already broken most of them, this is the one I will not allow myself to break.
Even though, deep down, I know that I’m in love with him, it doesn’t matter. As long as I don’t say it, then it’s not real. Right? I fucking hope so.
“I…” I have to fist my hand at my side to stop it from shaking. “I don’t think that we should see each other anymore.”
“The fuck?” His eyes are huge, staring deep into mine, as he leans towards me, teasing me with the smell of him, that I love oh so much. Fuck me. I love all of him. Every last bit. But he was never mine to be had.
It’s time to bow out of this gracefully and walk away with the last shred of dignity that I have left. And I know better than anyone that the only way to end things, to really end them, is to play a card that nobody likes to have played.
“Brett and I have decided to give it another chance. Thank you for everything, Adrian. Our plan worked perfectly. I officially have him back.” The words burn like acid, and just the thought of them being true makes me sick to my stomach.
“Brett?” His eyes flash. “You’re dumping me for Brett?”
I force myself to look indifferent. “Oh, come on. I’m not dumping you. I mean, yeah, I’m dumping you on Instagram, but you can’t exactly dump a pretend boyfriend in real life. I’m just letting you off the hook, and early at that. There’s no need for you to go to my reunion with me this weekend. I’m going to go with Brett.”
The way that he looks at me makes my blood run cold. There are so many emotions in his eyes that I have to look away. I can’t stand to see him look at me with such disgust.
“So that’s it, huh? You’re just going to run right back to him, like he didn’t break your heart? He’ll hurt you again, Mia. Guys like that don’t change. Things will be good for a while, and then I promise you, he’ll do it all over again.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Or definitely. “But I’m willing to take my chances.”
His icy laugh fills my salon. He’s shaking his head and muttering words underneath his breath that I’m glad I can’t make out. I doubt they are very kind. Finally, he turns around, still shaking his head, and then in one quick movement, he reaches out, punching his fist hard against my wall. Picture frames come crashing down, but he doesn’t even bother to try to stop them. As the glass shatters all over the floor, so does my heart. He spins around to face me, his face alive with pure rage.
“I thought that you were different.” He spits out at me, his eyes narrowed and his cheeks bright red. “But you’re not. You’re fucking weak, Mia. You’re fucking pathetic. You and Brett deserve each other.”
I’m shaking, sadness wreaking havoc through my soul as he turns and stomps over the shattered glass towards the door. His slams it shut behind him, for the last time.
Whether I like it or not, this is for the best. Adrian Malone has officially walked out of my life, only this time, I’m being left on my own terms.
19
Adrian
Rejection never feels good. In this case, it fucking hurts like a bitch.
It’s been two weeks since Mia told me that she and Brett were getting back together. Two long, hellacious weeks, that is. I’ve gone through a ton of emotions. Anger, hurt, betrayal, and then right back to anger, which is where I’ve mostly been living.
I mean, for fucks sake. She left me, Adrian fucking Malone, for Brett the douchebag. I shouldn’t even be letting it get me down. There’s a million women begging to take her place. The only problem with all of that, is I don’t want another woman.
I want Mia. Fucking kill me now.
“Here.” Wyatt slides another beer across the table at me. “You look like you need another.”
I take it without any protest. He’s right after all. Except, I need something a little stronger than beer if I’m planning on drinking Mia’s memory away. So, I take the beer, but also pour myself a shot from the bottle of tequila that Jude brought with him.
I’m feeling out of my element, sitting here yet again at this party while most of my team are living it up, celebrating yet another win, and getting laid. Per usual, there’s scantily clad women everywhere, each and every one of them begging for attention, and waiting for their chance to bag one of us. I’m all about fucking a woman out of my system, but in this case, I fear it would only make me miss her more. I’d probably end up crying and slobbering, begging her over the phone for another chance like a little bitch. That cannot happen.
No fucking thank you.
“Oh my God.” One of the women screeches. “Is that really Adrian Malone?”
“Yes.” Another one purrs. “He’s so hot, right? Dibs, bitch.”
I grip my beer bottle tighter, letting my eyes scan the two of them. It’s cold enough outside to make even my dick shrivel up, and these two are dressed like it’s the middle of summer. One of them has a black spandex dress on that dips so low her breasts are nearly falling out. As she bends over, I can see the most of her ass, and get the glimpse of a black thong.
Hard pass.
The other one is also wearing a black
dress, but hers covers a little bit more of her. Just a little bit, though.
Neither one of these women hold a candle to Mia in a pair of sweats and a hoodie, without a stitch of makeup on. And there I go again, thinking about her. I grab the entire bottle of tequila and guzzle some, causing Wyatt to raise an eyebrow at me. I just flip him the finger.
“I didn’t say anything.” He shrugs, and then his attention shifts as a very drunk woman pours herself onto his lap.
“Hi.” She purrs, straddling him without a single ounce of self-respect. “My offer still stands, you know.”
I stand abruptly, and head to the kitchen. Wyatt’s more daring than I am. I would never allow all of these people into my home, mostly because I can’t stand even being at these things for more than a few minutes. I’m going on a full hour at this point, longer than I’ve stayed at a party in months.
“You look as uncomfortable as I feel.” I smile when my eyes land on Willow, Wyatt’s baby sister. She’s the only woman here dressed normally, still wearing a pair of leggings and a long sleeved shirt with Wyatt’s jersey over the top of it.
“Yeah. This isn’t my style at all.” I hear a screech followed by way too loud of a laugh coming from the living room, and I cringe.
“Ugh.” Willow shutters. “That scream is coming from the woman on my brothers lap. Can it get any more disgusting than watching your own brother hook up with a total skank?”
“Now now, Willow. It’s not nice to call names.” Jude comes around the corner, flashing one of his signature smiles at her. “Even skanks have feelings. I know your mom taught you better than that. She told me, last time I…”
“You’re a pig.” Willow throws a kitchen towel at him. “You don’t even know my mom.”
“Or do I?” Jude is such an ass. “I know that she’s as hot as you are, you little dime piece. And she’s not off limits like you.”
Rule Play (Saints of Love Book 1) Page 15
