“What’s next, Dad?”
I glance around and spot the bumper cars. I point in their direction. “How about those. We can go on those with you.”
“Cool.”
He takes off toward them while we follow behind. I buy tickets for two cars. Steve is hanging over the railing watching as the cars bump against each other.
“Steve.”
He comes running.
“Yes, Dad.”
“You can go in a car with me or with Miss Blossom.”
He looks back and forth between the two of us. He moves toward Blossom and slips his hand into hers. “I’m gonna go with Miss Blossom and we’re gonna kick your ass. Ooops, butt.”
“Good save.”
He glances at Blossom with a guilty expression and then back at me.
“Sorry, Dad.”
“Okay. I understand sometimes we forget.”
He grips Blossoms hand while we wait in line for our cars to become available. A chain is removed from the front of the line and people flood onto the floor. We find cars alongside each other and climb in. Blossom makes sure Steve is secure in his seatbelt and she has let him sit behind the wheel. This ought to be interesting.
A whistle sounds and I hear Blossom tell Steve she will push on the pedal while he turns the wheel. It’s a fucking sideshow from the very beginning. They are turning in tiny circles, being run into by passing cars. As I circle the floor, I watch as they are bumped from one side to the other. I think I’m in danger of wetting myself, I’m laughing so hard. Finally they manage to take off and circle the floor. They are taking it slow and I catch up real quick. I approach from behind and bump into their rear. It sends them spinning again. I hear Blossom say “turn the wheel” in between laughs. The rest of the time they spend getting dizzy.
When the whistle blows and the cars stop, I climb out and stride over to them. I lift Steve from the car and hold him in my arms. Blossom comes alongside and we move through the exit. We’re all busting with laughter.
“I thought you were going to kick my butt? You could have kicked your own with the little circles you were going in.” Blossom glares at me before we erupt into more laughter.
“That was so funny, Dad. I couldn’t get the car to stop turning.”
I ruffle his hair. “As long as you had fun.”
“I did. What’s next?”
“What about a ride through the ghost house.” I watch as the smile disappears from his face.
“Are they real ghosts, Dad?”
“No. They’re pretend. They don’t hurt you. You ride in a boat in the dark and Miss Blossom and I will be with you.”
“Skeletons jump out at you and ghosts float in the air. It’s all fun. Like Halloween.” Blossom adds.
Steve thinks about it. “Okay. If you and Miss Blossom are with me.”
We head down to the ghost house and after collecting our tickets we join the line for the ride. Steve is squeezing my hand. He’s trying hard to be brave. Did I mention how proud I am of my son?
I help Blossom onto the seat of the large boat and Steve gets in beside her. I sit next to him. We’re in the front so it will be interesting to see how he reacts.
The boat moves away slowly. We enter the darkened house. Ghostly sounds and screams are played over the loud speaker as the boat floats along. Steve laughs at them. “They sound a little bit spooky, Dad.”
Before I can answer, a skeleton drops down in front of us and Steve yelps and disappears. He’s fuckin’ gone. I go into panic mode and shout out his name.
“Steve!”
Blossoms hand finds mine. “I have him.”
Poor kid. He got such a fright he jumped onto her lap. I move closer and place my hand on his back. He’s cradled in her arms and in the dim light I can see his head is buried against her.
The ride continues and I notice my son sits up and watches. There are several spider webs, small ghosts, witches and goblins. Nothing very frightening. He gets his confidence back and laughs and points things out to us.
The ride is almost finished when a huge goddamn ghost bursts out of the wall. Steve screeches.
“Ma, hold me. Don’t let it get me.”
I register his fright along with what he’s said. Ma? This isn’t good. He’s becoming attached and is starting to think of Blossom as a substitute Ma. When we emerge into the daylight he’s clinging onto her for dear life. His arms are wrapped around her neck and his legs are around her waist. I guess for a seven year old, it was pretty scary. Fuck, the last ghost made me jump and I’m a grown man.
I climb from the boat and put my arms out for my son. He refuses to come to me. He’s fuckin’ glued to Blossom. I help her to step out and guide them to a grass patch where I can talk with my terrified kid.
“Steve, come here.”
He shakes his head and refuses to be parted from where he feels safe.
“It’s okay son.” He turns his head to glare at me. The kid glares at me, his fuckin’ father.”
“You said they wouldn’t hurt me and the ghost hit me in the face.”
Shit. “Listen to me.” Blossom manages to release Steve’s hold and places him on the ground. I give her a grateful glance. “They didn’t hurt you, they only scared you because you weren’t expecting them to jump out. That last ghost even scared me.”
“It did?”
“Yep. I nearly jumped off my seat into the water.”
He laughs. Phew. I have him back.
“Can we get cotton candy now?”
The kid moves so fast from being miserable to happy, I almost suffer with whiplash. “Yep, we can get cotton candy.”
I take his hand and we head for the vendor who is winding pink cotton candy onto a stick. I order two. I’m not a fan. I hand one over to Blossom and one down to Steve. The thing is fucking enormous. We’ll have a sugar high tonight for sure.
“How do you eat it?” Steve asks.
Blossom bends down. “You tear a piece off like this.” She rips a chunk off. “Then you put it in your mouth and like magic, it melts. Try it.”
Steve pulls off a chunk and pushes it into his mouth. His eyes sparkle with glee. “Dad, it’s weird. You don’t chew it or anything. It just disappears. I like it. It tastes yummy.”
“Remember, it’s a sometimes food. You know how we talked about things that aren’t good for you?”
“Yep. If it’s not healthy, it’s sometimes food. I ’preciate it more if it’s a treat.”
“That’s right. Where do you want to go next?”
“Um, I don’t know.”
“How about we sit at a table where you can see some of the rides. You can eat your cotton candy while you decide.”
“Okay.”
We find a table with a good view of sideshow alley and I help him on to the bench seat. The way Blossom wraps her lips around the sweet treat awakens my dick. It stirs in my jeans.
***
Steve is sound asleep as I carry him into our apartment. The excitement was just too much for him. Blossom follows me carrying a huge stuffed bear that I won on some contraption where I hit a platform with a hammer and a disc had to ring a bell at the top.
I take him into his bedroom and the bear is placed on the floor. Blossom then pulls back the covers. I lay my son’s head on the pillow, take off his shoes and pull the covers up to his chin. He cuddles up with a small bear I bought him shortly after he came to live with me. I push back his hair and kiss his forehead. God I love this kid.
I step away and Blossom leans down and kisses his cheek.
We tiptoe from the room, well as much as a six feet, six inch man can tiptoe. “Coffee?”
“No, thank you.” Blossom answers.
I take her by the hand and lead her to the living room. I pull her down onto the couch and kiss her hungrily.
When we break apart, she’s studying my face. “What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet ever since the ghost house.”
I sit back and drag my fingers through my
hair before I turn to gaze at her. I lift her hand into mine. “I’m sorry. I’m done. The kid is getting too close to you and I don’t want him hurt. I realized when he called you Ma today that I had to back away. We’re not right for each other, I could never be good enough for you.”
I can see the tears in her eyes and I prepare myself for what is to come but she surprises me when she stands and faces me.
“I’m sorry too. You are more than good enough for me, maybe I’m not good enough for you and your son. I won’t cause you trouble, I promised I’d walk away. I won’t lie though, it’s gonna be so fucking hard.” She collects her keys and purse from the table. “I fell in love with you both, you know. I hope you find someone who will make you both happy.”
I see a tear roll down her cheek and fuck I want to get up and pull her into my arms and tell her I was wrong but, I can’t. I can’t subject her to the jeers and ridicule that being with a street kid like me would bring.
When she walks out of my apartment, I let her go.
Chapter Twenty
BLOSSOM
I manage to hold back the tears until I step inside my apartment. As soon as the elevator doors close, I slide down the wall until I am sitting and my heart breaks. Tears flood from me. How the fuck am I going to move on from this? How the fuck am I going to cope with seeing him at work?
A sharp ache descends over me. My face is buried in my hands. How the fuck did I manage to lose my heart to the man in such a short space of time? That only happens in romance novels, not real life. Not to a professional businesswoman like me.
I cry some more. I want to scream. It’s all so unfair. The one man I have given my heart to and he throws it back at me.
You were warned from the beginning that he didn’t do relationships. You knew he would eventually walk away. Why the fuck did you let him capture your heart?
I drag myself to my feet and into my bedroom. I kick off my shoes but don’t bother taking my clothes off. I crawl into bed and sob into my pillow. It’s going to be a long, lonely night.
My brain replays every moment we have spent together. What went wrong? We were happy. I had myself convinced, he would stay. I thought I had him believing he was good enough for whoever he chose. Maybe it was me. I’m a hard hearted, hard headed business woman. But, I was different around him. I felt softer, womanlier.
I scream into my pillow. I want him back. I love him too much to let go.
***
The morning light peeks through my window. I roll over. I feel like shit. I’ve done nothing but cry and ask myself questions for hours. It can’t go on. I’m carrying on like a rich, spoil brat who can’t have her favorite toy and I have to get past this. Hamish won’t change his mind no matter how much I want him to.
I drag myself from the bed. My movements are reminiscent of a sloth. Slow and without interest. I strip from the previous days clothes and step into the shower. The hot water pounding my body has a soothing effect but does nothing for the ache in my chest. Tears stream from my eyes. I rest my head against the cool tiles and let them fall.
The zoo. I love animals. They are calming, funny, and non-judgmental. Whenever I have felt down in the past, it’s where I have headed to think.
As I step from the shower, I grab a towel and dry myself vigorously. When I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I groan. My eyes are bloodshot, puffy and bruised. My face is pale, washed out. The sunshine will do me good.
After dressing in jeans and a pale green singlet top, I grab my purse and keys from the floor where I had dropped them last night. I pull out my phone but, as I expected, there are no messages from Hamish.
Determination is in me as I step into the elevator and head down to street level. The sun is shining and a warm breeze lifts tendrils of my hair when I step outside. There are very few people around, most sleep in on a Sunday or they’re in church. I stride down the street to the zoo. It’s eight blocks away but the walk will be good for me.
I pass through the huge wrought iron gates and head for the ticket counter. I pay for one ticket and enter the grounds. It’s early morning, the zoo has only just opened and animals are still being fed. A cacophony of squawks, roars, monkey screams and chirping assaults my ears. I calm with the familiar sounds that I love. I head for the monkey enclosure. I adore the baboons.
I lean against the fence that borders a moat and separates the animals from the humans. They’ve just been fed and I laugh at the antics of two young ones who are arguing. There are probably two dozen full lettuces on the ground but these two are arguing over one single leaf.
They are fascinating creatures. It never ceases to amaze me how they bang their food against a tree trunk to soften it before eating. They never eat while on the ground. They grab their food and hightail it up the nearest tree. Guttural babbling sounds are constant. Meanwhile, the two youngsters are still arguing over the rather dilapidated, limp leaf.
I leave them to head for the otters, another favorite I never tire of seeing. Some are cruising around on the water, on their backs, eating small fish. Others are banging mussels against rocks in an attempt to devour what is hidden inside. I adore their cute little faces.
Next, I visit the lion enclosure. What magnificent creatures they are. They live without fear. Nothing threatens them, except man. They are lazing in the early morning sun. A magnificent male and his pride of three females. They don’t appear to be interested in eating at this point in time.
After visiting my favorite animals, I wander aimlessly throughout the rest of the zoo. As much as I love visiting here, it’s not enough to help with my sadness. I head for a cafeteria and order a coffee. Like the lions, I don’t feel like eating. I sit down on a plastic chair at a round plastic table. I watch as couples walk by, hand in hand. Couples, with excited young children, laugh as they head for the next animal enclosure. The children take my thoughts to Steve. What a wonderful little boy he is. I would have relished the chance to be his mother.
Tears prick at my eyes. I sip at my coffee thinking about what could have been. If only Hamish had believed in us. If only he had been prepared to take a chance on love.
The coffee tastes bitter so I ditch it and leave. I don’t have the interest for anything today. I’d be better off getting some work done at Cleo’s or crawling into bed. Problem is, if I do that, I might never get out.
I head for Cleo’s a few blocks away. I have some insurance paperwork I can complete.
***
I slip the key in the door and step inside. I’m amazed at the progress the builder and designer have made in only a week. The walls are all in one piece but in need of a coat of paint. Light fittings are back up. The floors have been sanded ready for polishing. At least it’s one positive in my life right now and God knows I need it.
I saunter through to my office and sit at my desk. I hit the switch and my computer springs into life. The insurance file opens and I peruse what I have already done. Some of the estimates have been logged but there is a heap of information still to be included. The file takes me over an hour to complete. I hit save and close.
The personnel files are in the filing cabinet behind me. I swing around in my chair, unlock it and pull out some of the files. I want to move them onto the computer and the back-up hard drive. I think the staff’s personal information will be more secure. The rest of the afternoon and into the evening is spent, scanning and uploading information. I have helped myself to three cups of coffee from the kitchen but still don’t want to eat. I glance at my watch and see it’s after eleven at night. I sigh as I save the information and shut down the computer. I’ll finish the rest tomorrow. I don’t want to go home to an empty apartment. I want to go home to Hamish and Steve’s. That’s not going to happen. I check my phone for what must be the fiftieth time but, no message from Hamish. Tears drip from my eyes.
The streets are eerily quiet as I walk the two blocks home. Most people would be snuggled in bed ready for the work day tomorrow. The lobby of my apartment b
lock is deserted as I cross to my lift. I key the code and press the button. The doors open, I step inside and am lifted up to my apartment.
The place is dark, cold, and unwelcoming. I used to love this place. Now I hate it. It has too many reminders of Hamish and the first time we fucked.
For the second night in a row, I kick off my shoes and crawl into bed. Tears cascade from my eyes and I let them. Will the misery ever lessen? Will the ache in my chest ever go away? My stomach grumbles, a reminder I’ve had nothing to eat since lunch yesterday. At this point in time, I’d be happy to starve to death if it would ease the excruciating pain.
***
The builders have been hammering all morning and the smell of paint wafts through Cleo’s. When the ruckus finally halts around lunchtime I sigh with relief. My head is beginning to pound in time with the noise. The builder knocks on my door frame and I glance up.
“Miss Cartwright, we are all leaving for the day. Not much more we can do now until more supplies arrive. We’ll be back in the morning.”
“That’s fine. I’ll appreciate the quiet.”
“Headache?”
“Yes and no amount of coffee or pain killers will move it.”
“Sorry. The quiet will help, I hope.”
“Hopefully.”
“See ya.”
He disappears from my sight. I hear noises in the restaurant and the door slams shut. I’m finally alone. I open the next file and pull out the documents I need to scan. I have my back to the door when I hear a familiar voice.
“Well, well, well. Look what we have here, Roberto.”
“It must be our lucky day, darling.”
Chills dance down my spine and I spin around to find the two ex-employees glaring at me. Why are they….the fucking race meeting. I forgot to find out the results. No, it couldn’t be that. How the fuck would Darren have found out.
“Wondering what we’re doing here, sweetheart?”
“Get out now before I call the police.”
“You’re not going to do that.”
“I…” He produces a gun and my mouth clamps shut.
“I thought that would get your attention. Sit in the fucking chair. Now!”
Born To Sin (Born #1) Page 17
