by D. N. Hoxa
“This, too, is a choice, just like everything else. You can walk away, right now, and never look back. Or you can fight,” she said. “It is up to you to decide.”
It wasn’t—not really. I wasn’t strong enough to fight the sidhe, not on my own. Perhaps, if I’d had my House’s army…
My eyes closed and tears slipped down my cheeks. What was I thinking? Why was I so afraid? A flash of silver eyes looking down at me appeared in my mind. The face of the sidhe who’d fought Mace in the battle.
But a flash later, all I saw was Mace. I was used to it by now. He was everywhere I looked, but this time, it was different. A different memory. I felt him, every inch of his skin on mine, the weight of his body over me. How I’d felt then. I’d been ready to conquer worlds. I’d had faith and hope and determination.
I’d wanted to change the world. I’d wanted to change Gaena forever.
Where had that desire gone?
“The sidhe are not all-powerful, Pain Seeker,” the woman said, forcing me to open my eyes. “Not without the Stone. There is a way around everything, and with the proper help, you will find your way around their best defense, too.”
“And if I fail?” My voice broke.
“If you fail, Gaena will never be the same again.” Her voice weighed my heart down. It was so full of sadness, that for a moment, with my focus on it, I completely missed the pain that suddenly lit up in her chest. My magic awoke, greedy, in need of energy, but I held it back. It wasn’t a wound. The woman was in perfect health. It was a different kind of pain, one that came straight from the soul. I was still learning that people needed pain, too, especially that kind. “I’m sorry, my dear. I know this is a lot to take in, but there simply isn’t any more time. You’re so young.” Her hand came up, close to my face, but she never touched me. Instead, she stood. “Find your allies. Do your best. That is all anyone can ask of you.”
“What about you? Who are you?” And would she help me?
“I am Fidena—that is all you need to know. I will be watching you, Pain Seeker. The blessings of Gaena will be upon you. Go.”
She slowly stood and stepped back, toward the water, and watched me like all the hope in her heart relied on me. I could hardly breathe. She saw in me what I didn’t see in myself, what I didn’t feel at all.
“If I need you, how can I find you?”
“If you need me, I will find you,” Fidena said. She sounded so sure. I envied her confidence.
I needed my own. Breathing deeply, I forced myself to nod. Enough cowardice. I couldn’t let fear guide me, not now. Things were worse than I’d thought, and Fidena was right—I’d wanted a second chance. A fresh start. That’s exactly what I’d gotten.
All I had to do was find the sidhe and make sure they never crossed the Gateway to Gaena. How hard could it be? I’d have allies. What was it she said—my weapon and my magic? I’d figure it out as soon as I found Hiss. Fidena raised a hand and waved at me slowly.
I could do it. If she believed it, so could I. I’d force faith into me if I had to, but I would not walk away. Besides, where would I even go?
My legs shook when I stood, but I didn’t pay them any attention. They would hold me. They had to. I turned around and started climbing up the low hill that would take me back to the other part of the Shade, when I remembered.
“Wait, what about—” I stopped speaking when I turned around and saw that Fidena was no longer there. Manun was alone, spilling his water silently.
I searched with my eyes everywhere that I could see, but the strange elf woman was gone.
Where was I going to find my magic and my army and everything else she’d said I needed?
Chapter 4
Chapter
* * *
As soon as my feet stepped onto asphalt, I started to run. I only had a short-sleeved shirt on, but the cold didn’t bother me anymore. I had no direction, no idea where I was going. It felt like the whole world was after me and it only mattered that I ran.
Eventually, the Shade led me to its most crowded parts. Music and people everywhere, dancing, laughing, enjoying the night like they had never tasted death before. Most of them probably hadn’t. How was I going to get the feel of it out of my head? My body felt like half of what it used to be. My heart barely beat in my chest, and my mind was plagued by images and thoughts I couldn’t understand yet.
The battle. The sidhe. Their silver eyes and light magic. Bo-bo and Ari. Fidena.
Everything crashed onto me at the same time. My legs no longer moved. I was stuck somewhere near the Magic Square. I could see it, the people gathered to put on shows and others to watch them, but the voices were distant, barely reaching my ears. I needed air, but it didn’t quite reach my lungs. I needed to move, but I couldn’t make myself take a single step.
Behind me, benches lined the street. They were all taken, but on the one barely three feet away from me, only a man sat with a book in his hands, two green Shade lights hovering over his head. The idea of sitting seemed heavenly. If I didn’t, I was going to fall. Somehow, I managed to drag my feet to the bench and sit on the other end. The man didn’t even notice, never looked away from the pages of his book. He looked so peaceful. I would have given everything to be him right now.
Breathe, I said to myself. Breathe and think.
But my mind didn’t want to think. It wanted to forget. I looked around me, at the man reading his book, at the people walking down the street, passing me by like they couldn’t see the pieces of me, and I distracted myself with them. The woman sitting on the bench next to mine had three kids with her. They danced around her and clapped their tiny hands while big bubbles sprung from her palms. The kids popped them and laughed like they’d never seen a more fascinating wonder.
They, too, looked peaceful. Happy—the most impossible idea to me right now. My chest squeezed as I watched their faces and tried to escape the past, the future. I wanted to stay stuck for once, not have to move, not have to find a solution. Just stay stuck and forget.
Resting back on the bench, I closed my eyes and let go of my breath. My magic sensed my shoulders relaxing and eagerly reminded me that it needed strength, too. I let it out to do the one thing it was made to do—find pain and consume it. There wasn’t much around us. No broken bones. No open wounds. No failing organs. But there were headaches and back pain, even a nasty toothache that fed my magic, and while it took, I focused on the music. It was always in the air here in the New Orleans Shade. People were always celebrating life. What a beautiful way to live.
“There you are,” a voice said from behind me. My eyes opened to the green Shade lights and the dark sky over them. My heart skipped a beat. Hiss.
I was smiling even before I felt him slithering his way up my leg. My eyes were filled with tears, but for the moment, they were happy tears.
Hiss had found me.
“Life becomes you, Elo,” he whispered, and he was already bundled on my lap, raising his head until we were eye level.
I didn’t know how long I’d been swimming in Manun’s waters before I woke up, but he hadn’t changed a bit. His green scales became even greener under the Shade lights. His ten golden eyes gleamed the way they did when he was content, and he was smiling, too. Four curved fangs came out of his square jaw and his tongue licked my cheek and my chin, tasting me, making sure that I was all in one piece. For now, I pretended to be. Raising my hand, I patted the top of his head. He liked it when I did that. His smile only grew bigger.
“I’m so sorry,” I said in a rush. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“Hush,” he said, and I barely heard it. His head lowered and he moved to the side of my waist. Within three seconds, he was wrapped all around my torso, and his head was over my right shoulder.
I stood on shaking legs, but I was feeling a bit stronger. My magic was a bit more filled, too. I looked at the man reading on the bench, and he still behaved like I didn’t exist. Like the world around him didn’t exist at all. That’s wh
at a good book will do to you.
With Hiss’s warmth slipping life into me, I started walking down the street, away from the Magic Square and the crowd, no longer feeling as helpless as I did minutes ago.
“Don’t apologize, Pain Seeker,” Hiss whispered in my ear. “You did well. I’m proud of you.”
But his words only weighed me down. “I wasn’t prepared for it. They were too powerful.” The sidhe and the necromancers, all the terrans who’d fought for them. “So many lives lost.” I’d killed, too, that night. So many, I’d lost count.
Now, I’d become just like everybody else.
“You did what you needed to do. You didn’t let them pass through the Gateway,” Hiss said. “Take a left.” I crossed the street and turned the corner left. A lot fewer people were on the street here. A lot fewer eyes that could recognize me.
“He killed me,” I said. “He killed me, Hiss. And yet I’m still here.” Out of all, that was the most senseless thing to me yet. “Fidena said Pain Seekers can’t be killed.”
“Ah, yes. I met Fidena,” Hiss said.
“You have?” It didn’t surprise me at all.
“Charming woman. She was wary of me at first, too.”
“Why?” Everybody was wary of Hiss because of his appearance, but the elf woman hadn’t seemed like the type to be easily intimidated.
“Because of my nature,” said Hiss.
“What is your nature?” I’d shared life and death with him so many times now, and I still had no idea what he was. He wouldn’t tell me.
“That’s a story for another time, Elo,” he said. Any other time, I’d have been frustrated. Right now, I couldn’t find it in me to argue.
“Did she tell you what she told me?” I asked halfheartedly.
“She did,” Hiss said. “She told me everything she could tell me.”
“When? When did you know?”
“The first night we went to Manun’s Waterfall. I met her there.”
Shivers broke down my back. “But I didn’t see her then. I was there, too.” And I hadn’t remembered much of it, either, to be honest. I hadn’t remembered how I’d gotten out of the water or how I’d gotten dressed or how I’d left the Waterfall. All I remembered was swimming and waking up in front of Mandar’s house.
“The elf wasn’t certain that that fate would come to pass. It was best that way, Elo. Trust me,” Hiss said.
“I do trust you, but you can’t keep things like that from me, Hiss.” We were in this together, were we not?
“I will keep from you what is necessary, and I will always tell you the rest,” Hiss said, and he didn’t sound remorseful at all. “Stop. We can sit here.”
There were only a few Shade lights around us. We were close to the Shade barrier, mere feet away from the human part of New Orleans. Nobody walked the narrow street we were in. My legs still shook so I sat on the sidewalk right away, the wall of a house to my back. Hiss immediately moved away from my torso and wrapped around himself next to me.
“She mentioned the Stone of Creation, too. She wants me to make sure that the sidhe don’t get their hands on it.” Hiss moved his head up and down in his version of a nod. “Do you have any idea how I’m going to do that?”
“Not yet, but we will figure it out. The most important thing right now is that you have the will to do it.”
I had no will to even stand right now. “It’s impossible, Hiss. I’m all alone here. I don’t know how to go about finding the sidhe. I don’t know how to stop them. It’s not only hard—it’s impossible.”
“It certainly is challenging, but there is fun in that.”
“Fun? Are you serious?” Which part of this seemed fun to him?
“The most challenging times are the ones that determine who we are in life. You’ve already survived so much. You’ll overcome this, too.”
“But I—”
“You won’t be alone. You are never alone, Pain Seeker.” His head came under my chin, and he pressed against me. He was hugging me. I ran my fingers over his shiny scales and gave us a moment to think.
“Fidena said I’d need my weapon, spirit, soul, magic, believer, and my army. You don’t happen to know where I can find those things, do you?”
Hiss chuckled. “No clue.”
“And even if I somehow do, what are the odds that I’ll actually stop the sidhe before they make it to Gaena? What if I make a mistake?” A mistake that could cost lives. More lives than the ones lost in the first and last true battle I fought in.
“Mistakes are for making. Don’t beat yourself up over them. To accept them is the only way to learn. Right now, all you have to focus on is finding your help. One step at a time is the best way to complete a journey.”
“But how? I don’t know anyone here, remember? I don’t even know what happened that night! Which night?” So many questions.
“Three nights ago,” Hiss said. I’d lost three nights? It barely felt like hours to me. “The sidhe retreated out there, in the human world. The Guild went after them, but they couldn’t find them. They won’t, even though they are searching.”
“And Mace? Is he…” I couldn’t bring myself to even finish the question.
“He’s alive. He went back home on his own feet.” My eyes closed involuntarily. “Right after he killed you.”
“It wasn’t his fault.” It was his father’s. That man was a monster.
“Nevertheless, he now thinks you’re dead.” The words stabbed at my gut. It was for the best if Mace thought I was dead, but my poor heart didn’t care for reason still when it came to him.
“Everyone thinks I’m dead.” And I had no idea how to feel about that. Was it going to be better for the journey I was apparently on, according to Hiss—or worse?
“That may be, but you are not alone. You have a starting point. For now, that is all you need.”
I looked into his strange eyes, each set blinking after the last in perfect harmony. “I do?”
“It’s best if we get going. We’re going to need a place to sleep.” Hiss started slithering up the street through which we’d come from.
I felt a spark of hope lighting up in my chest as I followed because I still remembered the most annoying thing I had learned about Hiss yet. He was always right.
Chapter 5
Chapter
* * *
“You’re joking,” I said, holding onto the tree trunk of the small park we were in, hoping the darkness would hide us better. The street in front of us was crowded. People didn’t usually stare at you around here, not unless they knew you, but who was to say someone wouldn’t recognize me? I no longer wore the face of another. I no longer had appearance altering potion in me.
“Not at all,” Hiss said. “This is the best choice we have.”
“Julie?” I asked, shaking my head. I stared at the door to Julie’s pub as it opened and closed every few seconds. Julie Washington was an elf who lived the life of a terran thanks to the potions she got from Signora Vera—the best witch dealer in town. She ran a pub and had a granddaughter, and she hated my guts.
Yes, we’d fought alongside one another in the battle with the sidhe and the necromancers, but before that, she’d made it very clear to me that she didn’t want me there. I’d worked in that pub as a bartender for barely a week, and I’d felt more hated by her than by fae.
“Yes, Julie,” Hiss said. “She can help us, Elo. She must. She’s lived here on Earth for a very long time now. Possibly close to seventy years, according to rumors around the Shade. She owns a pub. She knows secrets. We need access to those secrets.”
“She won’t help us, Hiss. Don’t you remember? She hates elves in general and me in particular. She sold me out to the necromancer siblings.”
“And she fought to keep the fae soldiers from taking you to Gaena that night against your will. If that isn’t an apology—and a promise—then my wings shall turn to ash,” Hiss whispered in my ear.
He was perfectly visible because I did
n’t have a jacket on me now. It was going to make people stare. Sorcerers here on Earth had familiars—small animals of all kinds that were connected to them in a way nobody truly understood, but snakes were not common among them. Especially snakes with ten eyes.
“I don’t know about this, Hiss.” I didn’t trust Julie. I’d be a fool if I did. She’d already sold me out once, even though I’d been staying with people she claimed were like her own family. Mandar’s wife, Lola’s mother, had been Julie’s best friend.
How could I ever be sure that she wouldn’t do the same thing again?
“People change,” said Hiss. “One temporary stupid decision shouldn’t determine your opinion about a person permanently.”
“I understand why she did it. Why she hates elves. After what they did to her, I’m not surprised. But if she sells me out a second time, what will happen then?”
“You’ll survive it,” Hiss said, so determined I had no choice but to believe him. “Wait here for five minutes, and then go around the pub’s back. I’ll meet you there, hopefully with Julie.” He slowly started to move down my legs, almost reluctantly.
“Be careful.” It was obvious that he didn’t want to do this, but we had no choice. A lot of people hung out at Julie’s pub, and it would only take one person knowing me. One person who could tell the Guild or the sidhe or Mace.
Hiss said Mace had gone back to Gaena on his own two feet. I don’t know how strong a hold his father had on his mind, but I couldn’t risk him finding me again and killing me a second time—even if he technically couldn’t. I’d rather handle the sidhe first.
But my mind stayed with him as I hid behind the tree and waited for the minutes to tick by. He was always with me, no matter what. I wanted to think that it was ridiculous to feel that way about a man who’d literally stabbed me through the heart, but I’d never felt more connected to another being than I did with him. I was still learning that a connection like that was very hard to break, even by death.
