by Lane Hart
And if I had known her situation, I could’ve easily fronted her the cash so she wouldn’t have to…
I rest my forehead on the cool counter to try and swallow the bile down, wishing I could go back in time and text her Yes, I’ll come right over instead. Fuck, I would’ve left practice early if I had known how desperate she was!
But I can’t press rewind no matter how much I want to. What’s done is done, despite how sick I feel about it.
I should’ve done more to help Maddie. It’s not fair that I have so much money I don’t even need, and she has so little when she’s supporting herself without any parents.
Maybe I can’t change what happened, but there is one thing I can damn well do – make sure it doesn’t have to happen again.
“See ya, little man,” I tell her brother when I lift my head and stagger out of the trailer like a drunk man. If there is such a thing, I think I may be slightly intoxicated from anger and regret.
Instead of hiking up the hill to my car, I march right up to the douche bag, who is now sitting in a ratty lawn chair in his yard, still smoking his blunt.
“Sup?” he asks with a lazy grin as I come closer, looking every bit the part of a dude that’s high as fuck and just got some good head.
When I’m standing right in front of him, my first instinct is to punch him in his fucking slacker face.
That won’t do any good for Maddie. If anything, it could piss him off and threaten to evict her.
So instead, I grit my teeth so hard they squeak while pulling out my wallet.
“How much?” I ask him, through my clenched teeth that are so tight I may chip a tooth.
“How much is what?” he asks.
“Rent, Maddie’s rent,” I specify even though it’s nearly impossible to breathe much less speak.
“Two hundred a month,” he answers.
My eyes actually begin to burn because two hundred dollars is nothing to me and every-fucking-thing to her.
“Here’s six hundred,” I say, coughing to cover up the crack in my voice when I toss down the six Benjamins in his lap. It’s all I have on me at the moment, other than a few singles. “She’s paid up for the rest of the year, and I’ll be back to pay for next year,” I tell him. “But if you ever lay a fucking finger on her again, I’ll tie you to the bumper of my Lamborghini and drag your sorry ass naked through the streets.”
“Chill, man. It’s all cool,” he drawls. “Maddie and I were just taking care of a little business tonight. No big deal.”
“No big deal,” I repeat. “Is that why she was just in there puking her guts out?” I ask while pointing to her trailer. “Thanks for clarifying that, you fucking piece of shit.”
I force myself to leave right then and there before I do something stupid like kill him with my bare hands or go back into Maddie’s trailer to check on her. But seeing her tears would only make me want to commit murder, and she would hate herself if I saw her vulnerable for even a second.
Still, I’m not going to give up on her or stop helping her no matter how hard she pushes me away.
Because if I don’t help her, who the hell will?
Chapter 20
Maddie
What kind of men do you like? HardJockLife asks later that night I made rent and while tears are still rolling down my cheeks.
All kinds I tell him since that’s the slutty girl answer.
Come on, tell me the truth.
Tall and muscular I finally type since I’ve had enough bullshit for one night and I don’t really care if HardJockLife is actually a midget who will be insulted. Guys are such selfish assholes.
And Aric, ugh, I can’t believe he came over…about ten minutes too late. This is why I shouldn’t start depending on anyone. Eventually they’ll let me down. They always do.
I felt so disgusting afterward that I threw up everything I had eaten today and then showered and brushed my teeth. Twice. Still, nothing could make me forget what I had done, or how ashamed I had felt seeing Aric right afterward standing on my goddamn steps looking like a beautiful mirage in his black dress pants and burgundy dress shirt instead of his usual athletic attire. He must have been on his way to his family thing and stopped by even though I told him not to.
God, why did he have to come by and remind me yet again that we don’t live in the same world. His is all clean, rich and perfect while I’m dirty, poor and a complete disaster. Aric Prince would never want to actually be with me, so he must just be trying to get in my pants. If he only knew the things I had done, he wouldn’t want to lay a finger on me.
Good. I’m 6’2 with only five percent body fat. That work for you? my online companion asks. I try to forget about Aric and focus on my work.
Me: That works.
Him: What else?
Me: I like men that are smart and kind. Also generous.
Him: Generous how? In bed?
Me: Yes, that and to other people. And I don’t mean the types who donate a ton of money to charities for recognition but the ones who do it anonymously because they just want to help people.
Him: Understood. Kind without the ego.
Me: Exactly!
Him: What else?
Me: Light eyes and longish hair with curly waves. A face that’s almost too pretty without a little masculine facial hair.
Him: Sounds like you’re describing someone pretty specific. A guy you know?
Me: Not really. I don’t really know him. He’s sort of a dick.
Him: Why is that?
Me: Because he’s rich and popular and an all-star athlete.
Him: Those attributes automatically make someone a dick?
Me: No, but there’s always a sense of entitlement and arrogance, like they’re better than everyone else just because they’ve got an easy life.
Him: And your life isn’t easy?
Me: No, it’s not. But I’m not looking for some man to come along and make it better, especially not when I know what they want in return.
Him: What’s that?
Me: Isn’t it obvious? Sex. It’s what all men want.
Him: That’s a little unfair, don’t you think? Sort of like saying all women who aren’t rich are gold diggers, when that’s definitely not true. Same goes for men. Sometimes a guy is nice just because he wants to make you happy. Not that we ever turn down sex…
Me: And there it is!
Him: But seriously, why can’t you give a guy the benefit of the doubt before thinking the worst of him?
Me: Because I guess there’s never really been anyone in my life who I could trust. Not even my own parents, so how could I ever trust a stranger? The people who brought me into this world don’t care about me, so why would anyone else?
Him: I can’t imagine how hard that must be.
Me: The only person I can depend on in my life is myself. I have to assume that everyone else around me just wants to screw me over.
Him: I don’t want to screw you over. I just like talking to you, about anything you want. No ulterior motives. No expectations. Maybe it’s hard to believe, but I have trust issues too. It’s hard to know if girls like me for me or for my money.
Ready to lighten the conversation, I tell him, If you’re hot, then they probably don’t care about your money.
Him: So they just like what’s on the outside, not the inside?
Me: If you’re rich AND hot, then you won’t get any sympathy from me, buddy.
Him: And I’m guessing you don’t want my sympathy either.
Me: No, I don’t. I’m doing just fine with the hand life dealt me. It’s made me strong and resilient.
Him: And lonely?
Me: Maybe that’s why I’m a ‘companion.’
Him: Bullshit.
Me: Fine, maybe I am lonely sometimes, but I get over it.
Him: You shouldn’t have to.
Me: What other choice do I have?
Aric
What other choice do I have?
Maddie believes she�
�s destined to a lifetime of loneliness because her parents abandoned her.
But she deserves more. She deserves to have someone protect her and take care of her the same way that she does for her brother and sister, and to do it unconditionally.
I want to be that person for her, no matter how difficult it is to convince her that I deserve her trust.
The problem is that I’m not ready to tell anyone else how I feel about her, especially not Blake or Royal.
Am I being an idiot, picking a girl over my best friend?
Finding my dad alone in the living room while mom is upstairs putting away laundry, I say, “Hey, dad. You got a minute?”
“Yeah, of course, son,” he says, turning down the volume on the television. “What’s up? How’s practice going?”
“Practice is fine,” I tell him with a wave of my hand. “There was something else I wanted to ask you about.”
“Okay?”
“I was just wondering, I mean, did you ever have a girl come between you and one of your best friends?”
“You mean like a love triangle with a woman and one of my friends? Ah, no,” he replies. “But I did steal your mom from Uncle Scott.”
“Uncle Scott, really?” I ask. “Isn’t he the brother that refuses to show up for holiday get-togethers at grandma’s if we’re going to be there.”
“Yep. We’ve had a beef going for twenty years now.”
“A beef over mom?” I ask for clarification.
“That’s right. And I don’t really blame him,” my dad says. “He was dating your mom when I started falling for her. I’m not sure if he ever really cared about her or if he just hated losing her to me when I was his younger brother. Either way, we still don’t talk.”
“You ended a relationship with your brother, your own flesh and blood, for a woman?”
“Not just any woman, but your mother, the love of my life!”
“So you don’t regret it?” I ask.
“Never. Yes, he was family, but she was too. I knew that much even when I was a stupid teenager. I had to make her mine and marry her because I couldn’t imagine my life without her.” He stares off into space, as if mentally scanning through the memories. Finally, he says, “Why do you ask, son? Girl problems with your boys?”
“Something like that.”
“Do you love her?” he asks.
“I dunno. Maybe.”
“Well, you need to figure that out first. Who do you care about more? Which of them can you live without?”
“I don’t want to live without either.”
“Maybe your situation will turn out differently. Which friend are we talking about, Royal or Blake?”
“Blake.”
Dad nods his head. “He’ll be quicker to forgive than Royal. Besides, that boy has been through enough lately. No reason to steal his girl too.”
“See, that’s the thing. She was never his.”
“Then there’s no problem.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” I mutter because there’s no way to make him understand that Blake thinks he has some sort of claim on Maddie just because he’s had a crush on her for years.
“Is there something else on your mind, son?” my dad asks.
I consider telling him about Collette, getting that huge secret off my chest while asking if he thinks Blake will ever forgive me for that betrayal, even if he’s not pissed at me about being with Maddie.
But I don’t.
Probably because I don’t want to get her in trouble, and I bet my dad’s first instinct would be to storm over to her house and yell at her in front of her husband and my best friend.
“Nah, I’m good,” I say when I get to my feet. Then, I turn around and tell him, “You know mom wants more kids, right?”
My father’s response is a burst of laughter. “That’s a good one, son!”
“I’m serious,” I tell him when he stops chuckling.
“We have two kids. That’s more than enough!”
“She misses Caroline and knows I’ll be leaving for college soon,” I point out.
“I’m sure your mother will find some new, expensive hobby to keep her busy after all of her little birds leave the nest. I, for one, can’t wait to have more alone time for –”
“Please, dad, don’t finish that sentence. Jesus!” I groan as I cover my ears and hurry up the stairs to my room.
Flopping down on my bed, I think about how long Blake and I have been friends. Best friends. We practically grew up together as babies with our houses so close, and our parents were such good friends. Then, we went to school together and were inseparable through the years…until I slept with his mom two years ago and started putting distance between us.
Could we ever really go back to being as close as we were with this secret I’m carrying? No, probably not.
And I bet that, if anything, seeing me and Maddie together would encourage him to move on and become obsessed with some other girl he actually has a chance with. So, by being with the girl he wants, I would actually be doing him a favor, sort of by making him open his eyes to reality.
I’m sure he will eventually see it the same way too.
Maybe.
Still, no matter if Blake hates me or not, I don’t think I can stop seeing Maddie.
Now I just have to figure out how to convince her to give me a chance and trust me when she doesn’t seem inclined to open up to anyone, except maybe HardJockLife a little.
It won’t be easy, but I can be as patient and persistent as she needs me to be.
Chapter 21
Maddie
The sound of an unexpected knock on the door is one of the scariest things in my life. Could it be my alcoholic father coming to verbally harass me a little more while demanding money? Is it our mother finally showing her face because I’ve been making her pay taxes on all my earned income? Have I forgotten to pay rent again? No, it can’t be that one this month. Or worst of all, is it social services coming to take my brother and sister away because someone finally realized that our parents have been gone for years?
Now that I’m eighteen I don’t worry about that last knock quite as much, even though it’s still a possibility despite the fact that I’m legally an adult.
When there’s no yelling, I cross my father off the list of possible visitors, and it’s insane to think my mother would come back for the first time in years.
Since there’s no peephole, I have to just suck it up and open the door to face whatever crisis has landed on my doorstep today. I peek out the three or four inch opening just in case I need to slam it quickly and find a yummy-looking rich boy standing on the other side, wearing jeans and a white shirt like he’s using it as a surrender flag. His backpack is hanging over one shoulder which is weird since it’s Saturday.
“What are you doing here?” I ask Aric, still glaring at him with just one eye in the opening. “I thought I told you not to come over again unless I asked you to.”
“Too bad,” he says. “I missed you.”
“Missed me?” A bark of laughter escapes me. “That’s the biggest load of horse shit I’ve ever heard.”
“Come on, Maddie, let me in.”
“No,” I grit out. “We’re done. Forget the blackmail and the weekly money and being my bitch. I won’t say anything. You’re off the hook.”
“I don’t want to be off the hook,” Aric says which is equal parts stupid and ridiculous. “Or at least, if I’m off the hook, I don’t want to stop hanging out with you.”
“By now you should know that I’m not easy, despite the rumors friends of yours started. I’m not going to have sex with you or anyone else until I graduate, so you’re wasting your time! I get that you’re horny or whatever since you ended it with the old woman, but just go bang a cheerleader or whatever and leave me alone.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone, and I’m not trying to get laid!”
Yanking the door wide open in anger, I tell him, “Then it doesn’t make sense why
you’re here. I’ve already told you that I don’t want or need your pity! Pity is even worse than your insults –” That’s the last thing I get out before Aric’s lips are crushed against mine, effectively shutting me up. There’s no tongue. It’s just a quick peck that leaves me stunned when he pulls away and stares at me.
“Why…why did you do that?”
“Did you not want me to?” he asks.
“I, ah, I…”
“I like you, Maddie. I can’t stop thinking about you and worrying about you, not out of pity but because I just, I give a shit about you, okay? And I tried not to. I tried to forget about you for the sake of my best friend, who will hate me if he finds out I want to be with you. But he can get pissed. I don’t care anymore. He doesn’t know you like I do, and he never will.”
“You don’t really know me either,” I point out.
“No, but I’m trying.” Pointing at himself, he tells me, “I’m HardJockLife.”
I gasp in disbelief before I shove his chest that, of course, doesn’t move him an inch off the top step. And then my fingers dig into the front of his shirt and pull him to me. This time he does move, and our lips meet again. And again. And again.
When I pull my mouth away but still can’t seem to release his tee, I meet his pale green gaze and tell him, “I’m not going to fuck you, no matter how many times we kiss.”
“You’ve already said that,” Aric points out. “I get it, Maddie. You don’t want any distractions until you become valedictorian and take my Lamborghini away from me.”
“It’s more than just that,” I start, finally letting his shirt go, leaving wrinkles from my fists behind. “If you knew the things that I’ve done, where my mouth has been, you wouldn’t want yours anywhere near mi–” Again Aric silences me with his mouth.
“I don’t care,” he says between kisses.
“You say that now…”
“I. Don’t. Care.” He punctuates each word with a meeting of our mouths. “I paid up your rent for the rest of the year, so you won’t have to do that again.”
