by June Gadsby
“I can’t tell you anything, Bella,” Sally squeezed her cousin’s hand and hoped they were not going to fall out over this. “It’s a question of security – and I’m responsible – or partly responsible for Anna’s safety.”
Bella started to say something, but then Anna came back with the coats looking radiant at the thought of going out.
“Don’t worry,” Sally told her as they left through the shop and she locked the door behind them. Gavin would have to knock to announce his arrival, when he eventually came.
It was a beautiful evening after an unusually warm, sunny day. The sun was setting slowly, igniting the clouds around the remaining patches of turquoise blue. The trees in the park were etched with gold.
“Oh, Anna! Isn’t this super?” Sally looked down at the tiny, heart-shaped face and didn’t need words to tell her that Anna was enjoying the outing too. “Ouch! Sorry, stone in my shoe. Let’s sit down for a minute.”
They headed for a park bench and sat down. Sally removed her trainer and shook out the offending stone, which had felt like a huge rock, but was more like a grain of sand. She replaced the shoe and leaned back, eyes closed, soaking in the freshness that was all around her.
Maybe she actually dozed, just for an instant. She wasn’t sure. But suddenly, she heard a shout and recognised Gavin’s voice. When she opened her eyes, Anna was no longer sitting by her side.
Sally jumped to her feet and searched the area all around where she had been sitting, but Anna was not there. Still, she had definitely heard Gavin’s voice, unless it had been some kind of dream.
Then she saw them, security officer and child. He had Anna in his arms and he was standing just outside the park gates. When he saw her hurrying towards him his face registered the utmost anger and she shrivelled inside.
“What the hell were you thinking of?” Gavin’s voice was a hiss of anger and his eyes seemed to throw spears into the very heart of her being.
“I’m sorry, but one minute she was there and the next…”
“You were supposed to be looking after her! What the hell were you doing, woman?”
Anna started to cry and Gavin tried clumsily to comfort her, but his anger was too great to allow any softness to come through. Sally looked at them both helplessly, her hands held out in supplication.
“You were so damned late and we were both tired of playing games. We just came out for a stroll and a breath of fresh air. What’s wrong with that?”
Gavin fixed her with a malevolent stare. “What’s wrong with that? I just caught Anna before she was dragged into a passing car, that’s what’s wrong with that! I’m going to have to re-think some on this arrangement we have. You’re obviously not the right person to take care of Anna.”
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that, Gavin Calder!” Sally raged, not thinking of anything but the loss of Anna in her life. The child had become something rather special to her. The thought of losing her now, just as they had got to know one another, was hard to take.
And in losing Anna, Sally knew she would also lose Gavin. Not that she had ever had him. Even in her dreams he had seemed too far away to reach. On another level, another world.
Chapter Six
Gavin had taken Anna away. He had refused to listen to any arguments. After telling Sally, in no uncertain terms, that she had fallen down sadly on her side of the arrangement, he had stormed off without a backward glance.
Anna had cried bitterly, looking over his shoulder reaching out to Sally. She obviously did not share Gavin’s opinion and was objecting strongly, the only way she knew how, against being taken away from her new-found friend.
“Cheer up, love,” Bella came and gave Sally a tight hug, which didn’t really help and made her want to cry. “Come on. Forget the big lout and his precious little cargo. Let’s go and treat ourselves to a fish and chip supper, eh?” And when Sally started to reject the idea, would hear no more of it. “It’s the least you owe me after keeping me back so late. Come on, I won’t take no for an answer. Haddock and double chips with mushy peas and bread and butter.”
“I thought you were on a diet!”
Bella looked desolate. “All this business with you and Gavin and Anna is making me anxious. I have to eat, otherwise I’ll suffer a morale break-down and that’s not a pretty site. How about it, eh?”
“Oh, all right. Why not? After all, it’s not every day I’m told I’m not fit to look after a small child by an American thug who probably wouldn’t know what to do with a child if one hit him in the face.”
“That’s something of a complex riddle and I’m not up to it at this time of night.” Bella shrugged herself into her coat and marched Sally to the door. “You’re better out of it, Sal, believe me. A man like that! Why, anybody can see how easily he could tie a person’s hormones in knots.”
Sally could feel laughter bubbling up through her suppressed tears. She knew exactly what her cousin meant. The trouble was, her hormones had been knotted ever since she first laid eyes on Gavin Calder. And now he had walked out of her life as suddenly as he had walked into it. And she hadn’t even had time to get to know him properly.
Oh, the shame of it, the waste. There was something sinful about him, something dangerous. As a whole, it came over as more than just a little exciting. If he had crooked his little finger she would have gone running towards him, no questions asked. It was as bad as that.
What a fool she must be! What an absolutely, utter fool, to think that this man was worthy of any feelings approaching love.
No, not love. How could you love somebody you hardly knew? No. If it was anything, it had to be lust. Whatever it was, it was the first time it had happened to her to such a profoundly disturbing degree.
The fish and chips were good. Not exactly Harry Ramsden quality, but good enough for two single women who were feeling a little in need of a morale booster.
By the time Sally got back home to the flat, she was beginning to feel better. There was no point, she kept telling herself, in moping about the place, dreaming of things that might have happened. They didn’t happen, and, she thought, let’s face it, they probably would never have happened anyway.
She switched on a few restful CD’s and sipped a large gin and tonic, which was more in Bella’s line, but good for zapping temporary despair.
She would not brood over Anna and her dark and grizzly keeper. Let Gavin sort things out in his own way. According to him, he had done it all before. God, it must be hell working for a rich man who expected miracles at every turn.
Worse to be a rich man’s daughter and have to put up with things such as kidnapping and all the trauma that goes with it. Poor Anna probably saw very little of her father, so it was fortunate she had a caring protector in Gavin Calder.
During the next few days Sally tried to block Gavin and Anna from her thoughts, push the whole incident to the back of her memory. It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was incredibly hard, bordering on the impossible. All the time, there was this gnawing in her stomach, the biting desire to see him again and to have Anna’s soft, baby-soft hand nestling in hers once more.
If ever I could have a daughter, Sally thought, I’d like her to be just like Anna. Poor little mite. How difficult it must be for her. A mother who walked out, a father who didn’t care just as long as he didn’t have to pay out any more ransom money and…
The door rattled sharply, making Sally look up from her thoughtful meanderings. It was Saturday and she had just locked the door behind the last member of staff. As usual, it had been a hectic day in the shop and already she was preparing for the Christmas onslaught.
“Sally!”
She eased the door blind aside and saw a familiar silhouette etched by the street lamp outside. Switching on the main shop lights, she pulled back the double mortise lock, switched off the security system and opened the door to Gavin Calder.
“I hoped I’d catch you before you left for the night.” His dark eyes looked even darker and more da
unting than ever.
“I don’t see why,” she told him caustically. “I had the idea that any business between us was terminated, Mr Calder. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?”
There was a short blip of silence between them, then his expression softened and his hand somehow found hers and held onto it tightly.
“Don’t you want to know how Anna is?” he asked and she felt her heart start to spin.
“Why should I? You’ve already told me that I’m useless at looking after her. That usually goes with a non-caring attitude, does it not?”
He rubbed a hand over his face. He looked tired and worried, but there was something else in his expression that she couldn’t fathom out.
“I didn’t actually say that and I certainly don’t actually believe it,” he said quietly. “I’ve come to apologise for my behaviour, Sally, but it was just a spur of the moment thing when I was concerned for Anna’s safety. Someone tried to drag her into a car. That’s what I saw. What I didn’t see was you supervising her, as you were supposed to be.”
“It had been a hell of a day, Gavin. My replacement clown had called in sick and I was back playing Jojo in the park all afternoon. I closed my eyes for one second. She slipped away. I don’t know why and I don’t much care. Children do things like that when parents least expect them to.”
“And so many children are abducted, violated, tortured and murdered – just because they managed to slip out of that parental ring of authority.”
“That doesn’t mean that the parents don’t care what happens to little Jean or Johnnie. Nobody’s perfect every minute of the day, Gavin. Not even you!”
He inclined his head. “I admit that children are a sight more difficult to keep an eye on than adults, and I – I’ve come to apologise for my behaviour the other night. You’re not the only one who has long, hard days. I’d had a humdinger too. Seeing Anna about to be abducted was the tin lid, the last nail hammered into my coffin.”
“Is that all, Mr. Calder, or are you going to keep me standing here all night?”
He blinked at that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“Yes?”
“Look, Sally…”
“Yes?”
“Can we talk – in your flat perhaps? It’s a little public here in the doorway.”
Sally hesitated. Did she really want to have any more to do with this man who seemed to take her for granted while he acted the big, handsome hero making her feel vulnerable and inadequate all at the same time.
“I really don’t think we have anything more to say, do you?”
“Perhaps you’re right, but I’m not thinking right now of you or of myself, but of Anna. She’s very unhappy, Sally. I have my hands full. I can’t cope with her.”
“Then tell your rich boss to hire an army of nannies.”
“You don’t understand…”
“That’s right. I don’t understand why a five year old child should be neglected and turned over into the hands of a security man just because her parents are too busy to care about what happens to her. They are the people who should be looking after Anna. Not you, not me. If I had a child like that…”
“You’d be a wonderful mother. That’s obvious, Sally.”
Sally gulped at his words. She had been expecting another dressing down, but instead he was standing there delivering compliments. And she liked it. Oh, Lord, how she liked those compliments dripping from his lips.
“I certainly wouldn’t be handing her over to strangers to look after,” she said sharply. “The poor little mite mustn’t know who she is half the time. Just how much time does she spend with her father anyway? Does she ever hear from her mother? Does she even know what’s happening around her?”
“You ask too many questions, Sally.” Gavin looked off into the middle distance. He seemed to be having a problem facing her. Or facing his own conscience perhaps. “Look, as before, there are things I can’t tell you. I can only ask you to trust me.”
“What’s the point in that? The deal is off. I don’t want the responsibility of Anna on my hands. If her own father and his brave, efficient security force can’t look after the child, it’s a pathetic situation.”
“Yes, I’m inclined to agree with you – off the record, that is. And I was all set to find somebody else after what happened. I realise now that I panicked.”
“Tough security men aren’t supposed to panic.”
“That maybe so, but if anything happened to – to that little kid – I’d never forgive myself.”
“Or anyone else, it seems to me.” Sally met his cool gaze and held it. “Okay, Gavin. Maybe I deserved having a strip torn off me for not being observant enough, but it was a brief moment’s lapse of concentration because I was too weary to think. I do have a business to run, you know, staff to control, problems to sort out. A little girl that’s as silent and as fast as quicksilver is a bit of a challenge for someone largely inexperienced with the more intimate side of looking after young children. I love Anna. She’s beautiful and adorable and surprisingly unspoilt, considering. However, I definitely do not want you to ask me to continue looking after her for you.”
“I’m not the one doing the asking, Sally.”
“What?”
“It’s Anna herself who wants to come back here. She’s been miserable and depressed ever since – well, ever since I took her away. I –can do nothing with her.”
“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do to help. Can’t you contact her mother or someone?”
“Her mother is the last person I want to contact.” Gavin had placed himself firmly before her and now he was holding her by the shoulders, the heat of his hands penetrating the fine angora of her sweater. “Sally, I apologise for my behaviour. It was wrong of me to fly off the handle like that, but, as I said, I panicked, seeing her being hauled into that car. I blamed you, even though I knew that I was at fault. If I’d come back on time it would never have happened and you wouldn’t have been so tired you didn’t notice her slip away.”
“And why didn’t you come back on time, Gavin?” Sally couldn’t help asking the question that had been nagging her. “It couldn’t be that your private life got in the way of the job at hand, could it?”
“Sally!” He gave her a little shake and pulled her even closer, so that they were almost touching. “I am perfectly capable of doing my job and keeping my private life separate. And right now my private life could do with a little relaxation – preferably with the right person.”
She didn’t expect the kiss and when it came, so suddenly and with more than a little passion behind its force, every bone in her body seemed to melt. She should have been rigid, angry, fighting against him. But she could only manage the minutest show of reluctance before she fell willingly into his arms.
“That was unfair!” she croaked when his head finally came up and he gasped for air.
“What was unfair about it?” he wanted to know and she could still feel his heart tapping against her chest, matching hers beat for beat. “I’ve wanted to do that for ages and you know it.”
“No! You – you’re just taking advantage of me. Trying to get round me, because – because you’re desperate to palm Anna off onto somebody – anybody.”
“That’s not true, Sally.”
“Then what is the truth, Gavin?”
“The truth is that Anna is a five-year old child who is frightened and confused, traumatised by what’s happened in the past and hungry for love. I’m doing my damnedest to remove the element of danger from her life. While I’m doing that I can’t give her the attention – the affection she craves. She adores you, Sally. You can fill the void in her life right now. If you say no, I don’t know how I’m going to face her when she finds out that her best friend, Sal, doesn’t want her either.”
“Oh, stop it! Stop it! You’re just playing on my sympathies and I hate you for it."
“You don’t really hate me, Sally,” Gavin turned her back to him a
nd tightened his hold again. She felt her small world tipping on its axis. It made her strangely giddy.
“I do.”
“No you don’t. Those eyes of yours don’t lie, even if your lips do. You can tell me a million times that you hate me, but I only have to look into your eyes to see that ‘hate’ is far from what you’re feeling right now.”
“Damn you! Are you always right?”
“Most of the time, yes. Don’t turn your head away.” Gavin now released her and placed his hands on either side of her face, tilting her head up so that he could read her expression more clearly. “Why are you so afraid of loving somebody, Sally? Those two guys in your earlier life must have really made a mess of your emotions.”
“Who said anything about love?” Sally tried to jerk her head away, but he had her fast and, besides, she didn’t really want him to let go.
“Attraction, lust, sex – call it what you will at the moment,” he said while he was giving her face tiny, tantalising butterfly kisses that were sending her body crazy with desire. “That’s how it all starts out. With some people it never goes beyond that. Believe me, I know.”
“Is there anything you don’t know?”
“Uh-huh!” His mouth had found hers again and the tip of his tongue licked wickedly at her upper lip. She quivered ecstatically, shuddering against him, feeling the muscles in his tightly tuned torso ripple in response.
“What?” she asked breathlessly.
“I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to hold off before I make you mine….”
The sound of his portable phone beeping shrilly at that precise point in time made them both jump apart and stand there blinking at one another. For a few wonderful moments they had both been lost in a morass of unexplored emotions, anxious to explore. Now, the bubble had burst.
“Damn!” Gavin pulled out the phone and spoke quickly into it. “Yeah, yeah! Okay! I’ll get right onto it. Yeah, ‘bye.”
“Work?” Sally said, not sure whether she was glad or angry at the interruption. Everything had been going ahead too fast for comfort, like freewheeling downhill without brakes.
