by Janette Oke
“Soon,” she answered him quietly. “Soon enough, Father.”
“Did you finish my book?” he asked, lowering himself onto the bench beside her.
“I did. I almost gave up though, it was such a dismal story. But at a certain point I wanted to see where Melville was going with it—where he would end it.”
“You’re correct that it is rather bleak. I was reluctant to recommend it—so much sadness. But now, watching your sisters there, it makes me think of the last chapter, the words I felt were worth the trouble of reading the novel in the first place. I memorized them long ago and have thought of them often when I’ve been far from all of you.”
He sat back and began, “‘For the scene of suffering is a scene of joy when the suffering is past; and the silent reminiscence of hardships departed is sweeter than the presence of delight.’ My dear, perhaps we’re not so far along the road to recovery as all that, but this is a considerable start.” He gestured toward their family—all near at hand and all accounted for.
Beth nodded, a pain that she had tried to ignore rising in her heart. Will it be possible to leave them all? To travel west in time for school to begin in the fall? It seems unthinkable at present.
But the letter had come at last. She had felt it might be the piece of the puzzle that would reveal God’s will, and she would leave for good—travel back to Coal Valley and Jarrick.
Father patted her knee and rose, leaving her to her own thoughts.
Cautiously, Jarrick approached, standing and studying her face without speaking. Beth tried a feeble smile. What is there to say? What does he think of me? I haven’t yet apologized for my coldness toward him. He watched me fall apart while the entire time he remained strong.
“Would you like to take a walk?” He offered her his hand.
Beth reached up to receive it. His fingers wove themselves around her own as he pulled her gently to her feet. “We can’t go far,” she murmured. “My mother—well, she worries.”
“I understand.” He nodded and led her away. They walked hand in hand through the nearest set of doors and out onto the station platform, where they found themselves suddenly alone.
He chuckled. “Something feels strangely familiar. This is a similar situation to when I said good-bye to you—a little over one month ago. Is that possible?”
“But I was leaving without you then. This time you’re coming with me.”
He stopped walking and turned toward her. “Am I, Beth? Am I with you?”
She glanced down at their hands. Her small fingers were almost lost between his. “I don’t deserve you, Jarrick. I’m embarrassed and ashamed.”
“Because of what? Do you still believe this was somehow your fault?”
“No . . . well, I don’t really know. But I haven’t borne up well under it all. I’m so sorry for how I treated you. For how anxious and . . . and . . .”
“Who could have done better?” His head bent low as he took a step closer. “You’re not expected to handle life alone. Don’t you see that? Especially when life takes a twist like this.” He reached for her other hand. “All we can do is to keep turning each other toward the truth—to a God who loves and cares for us. Maybe that’s what I’ve tried to do for you this time, but next time I might be needing you to do the same for me. If we had to earn God’s favor by always performing perfectly, we’d all suffer as failures alone.”
She leaned her head against his chest, breathing in the scent of his shaving lotion while she processed his words. She wanted to believe it. It would be such a comfort to trust his love despite it all.
“You have an amazing family, Beth. I can understand that you wouldn’t want to leave them, at least very soon. So I don’t think you should feel pressured by the job offer for this fall. You should take all the time you need with your loved ones—a time to heal together. That’s most important just now. Everyone will understand. Your Father even offered that I might stay in Toronto with your family for a little while. But . . .”
Sniffling, she urged him quietly, “But what?”
“But I don’t know where we stand.”
On impulse she reached for the rose petal she had tucked in her handkerchief that morning. Slowly she unfolded it so he could see what it held. “Jarrick,” she whispered, lifting it up, “do you remember this?”
“It’s a flower petal?”
“It’s from you.”
“You kept it, Beth?”
“I kept all of them.” It’s such a small thing. Yet perhaps it expresses best how dear he has become to me. “I carried one with me every day—well, almost. It made me feel as if you were with me . . . a little. Actually, I’m afraid I just couldn’t bear to be without you.”
“I’m so glad to hear it.” He cleared his throat. Taking the dried, crackling petal from her hand, he tucked it gently into his shirt pocket. His voice tightened. “A poor substitute for not being here in person when you needed me.”
Beth loosened one hand to wipe at the tears trickling down her cheeks. She grasped at his shirt with the other, drawing herself closer. “You’re so gracious to me, Jarrick. I really don’t deserve—”
But he had touched a finger to her lips. “I love you, Beth,” he whispered hoarsely. “Don’t I get to decide who I’m going to love?”
For several moments she was unable to speak. At last she choked out, “But if I say yes, what then? How can I be sure? Is this God’s will, after all?”
He cleared his voice again, quietly answering, “Only God knows. But we can’t let the search for His will paralyze us. I believe that He brought us together. So I know that I can trust Him. I’m willing to set aside my fear of the unknowns in our future and take each day as it comes. The Bible says, ‘In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.’ It’s God’s promise. Can you do that with me? Let God direct our paths—even if we don’t see where all it leads? Because I believe that whatever He’s already walked us through together is just getting us ready for whatever He’s got in store for us next. And I do know I need you beside me for that.”
Beth leaned back and peered up into his eyes. The reality of what he was saying rushed over her, filled her heart. He still loves me—loves me deeply. He wants a future with me, even if we don’t know what it will entail . . . or when. And he’s right. It certainly seems we can trust that God’s hand has brought us to this moment.
She knew without a doubt, with all of her heart, that she wanted him beside her too. Could she communicate to him that all she really wanted at that moment was to be held tightly in his arms? And to be kissed for the first time—for always? She would never be able to bring herself to say the words aloud. Was there any way she could express such a request with her eyes? He was looking back so intently. Reading her face. Please, Jarrick, if you move toward me now . . . it’s what I want too.
He leaned forward, silently asking her permission with his hesitancy. She tipped her face back and closed her eyes. He kissed her slowly, gently, their lips lingering. At last he whispered against her cheek, “I love you, Beth. I don’t ever want you to leave me again.”
Bestselling author Janette Oke is celebrated for her significant contribution to the Christian book industry. Her novels have sold more than thirty million copies, and she’s the recipient of the ECPA President’s Award, the CBA Life Impact Award, the Gold Medallion, and the Christy Award. Her novel When Calls the Heart, which introduces Elizabeth Thatcher and Wynn Delaney, was the basis for a Hallmark Channel film and television series of the same name. The RETURN TO THE CANADIAN WEST series tells even more of the Thatcher family’s story. Janette and her husband, Edward, live in Alberta, Canada.
Laurel Oke Logan, daughter of Edward and Janette Oke, is the author of Janette Oke: A Heart for the Prairie, as well as the novels Dana’s Valley and Where Courage Calls, which she cowrote with her mom. Laurel and her husband have six children and two sons-in-law and live near Indianapolis, Indiana.
Books by Janette Oke
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Return to Harmony* • Another Homecoming* • Tomorrow’s Dream*
Dana’s Valley**
RETURN TO THE CANADIAN WEST**
Where Courage Calls • Where Trust Lies
ACTS OF FAITH*
The Centurion’s Wife • The Hidden Flame • The Damascus Way
CANADIAN WEST
When Calls the Heart • When Comes the Spring
When Breaks the Dawn • When Hope Springs New
Beyond the Gathering Storm • When Tomorrow Comes
LOVE COMES SOFTLY
Love Comes Softly • Love’s Enduring Promise • Love’s Long Journey
Love’s Abiding Joy • Love’s Unending Legacy • Love’s Unfolding Dream
Love Takes Wing • Love Finds a Home
A PRAIRIE LEGACY
The Tender Years • A Searching Heart
A Quiet Strength • Like Gold Refined
SEASONS OF THE HEART
Once Upon a Summer • The Winds of Autumn
Winter Is Not Forever • Spring’s Gentle Promise
SONG OF ACADIA*
The Meeting Place • The Sacred Shore • The Birthright
The Distant Beacon • The Beloved Land
WOMEN OF THE WEST
The Calling of Emily Evans • Julia’s Last Hope • Roses for Mama
A Woman Named Damaris • They Called Her Mrs. Doc
The Measure of a Heart • A Bride for Donnigan • Heart of the Wilderness
Too Long a Stranger • The Bluebird and the Sparrow
A Gown of Spanish Lace • Drums of Change
Also look for Janette Oke: A Heart for the Prairie by Laurel Oke Logan
* with Davis Bunn ** with Laurel Oke Logan
Resources: bethanyhouse.com/AnOpenBook
Website: www.bethanyhouse.com
Facebook: Bethany House
