by Fields, MJ
He knew about my family, and he told me about his. He met me out with my friends a few times and said that, one day, I had to meet his friends too. He knew how I felt about military men, that even though my father was one, I didn’t mesh well with most. He told me he was flattered, that I gave him a shot, even though he knew I was shit-faced when I agreed to it. He also mentioned that his friends, as crass as they seemed, were the best men he had ever met in his life, aside from his father, who he had the utmost respect for.
Jaxson Irons, Jeb Shadows, and Tanner Titan were his best friends and brothers-in-arms.
Will had told me that he knew immediately upon meeting Jaxson, that he was destine for something more. Jaxson was born and bred to be a politician, although he hated politics. William and the others had encouraged him to continue on the path laid before him, knowing how much good, he could do. Jaxson had admitted to William that he didn’t want to become like the men his father surrounded himself with. William assured him that this group of friends would walk beside him wherever he went and guide him when needed.
The four men all strong, intelligent, and focused, knew that together, they would be a part of something much greater than any of them, singularly, could have imagined. They would be part of… change.
He also told me that no man wants his kid sister to ever become a woman, but if he had to choose one man who would be by her side faithfully, dutifully, protectively, it would be Jax. He laughed, telling me how he knew damn well she’d had a crush on him since the first time she saw him. William also knew Jaxson was the type of man who wouldn’t even entertain the idea. He’d run for the hills if she ever gave him even one look that wasn’t brotherly. If William could see them now, he’d surely be happy for them both, that they have each other and Lily, his daughter, and my daughter’s half-sister.
Jeb was loyal to a fault. If William could only choose one of the guys to go “boots on the ground” in battle, it would be Shadows. He was reactive—didn’t think before he made a move—and it was all instinctive. Regardless of what his sealed record said about his past, he was nothing less than honorable and loyal.
Tanner was the one William trusted to keep them all resolute and level headed. Explaining that he had laser focus and could see a way out of any bad situation or solve any problem they faced. Titan never crossed the line completely, just toed it. He never wavered in how he executed a plan; only if something unforeseen happened and he had to decide on the fly. Even then, he always made the right choice for all involved. William believed it was because he could detach feelings from any situation and would choose logic and reason every time. There wasn’t one time ever that William recalled him being wrong.
The first time I actually spoke to William’s best friends was here at the Portsmouth Naval Hospital’s emergency room. We had been contacted by Norfolk Naval Base’s rescue and response team, so we knew ahead of time what to prepare for. It was almost identical to the way William had died, during training, his helo went down. Had it not been for my friend Diane, who is also a surgeon, I wouldn’t have gotten through that day or the next year of my life. Losing Will, and finding out I was pregnant was hell on earth.
I wasn’t sure I could handle it. Mentally, I still wasn’t over the loss of Will and hadn’t dated in over three years. I was still so full of regret. The pain only lessened because I still had part of him with me and that part of him heard the words that he deserved to hear several times a day: I love you.
I saw the stretcher and a soaking wet man walking in beside the ambulance personnel.
“Get him a towel,” I shouted to the nurses as I began to run toward the stretcher.
“What do we have?” I asked one of the men.
They didn’t answer. The drenched man in the fly-suit did.
The way he relayed the details of what happened was with authority, detailed description, and knowledge—his intelligence apparent. The way he commanded the attention of all those who were supposed to be in charge was notable.
“Your patient’s name is Jaxson Irons,” he continued, “and he’s my best friend, Doc. Don’t let him die.”
I glanced at the man talking and knew immediately who he was.
Tanner Titan.
Over the next several months, my attraction to him grew. At times, so did my annoyance at the way he challenged me like no other person ever had. His constant call to that attraction through crass innuendos, I likened to a bee buzzing around me. The more I verbally batted it away only seemed to intensify his persistence. I knew without a doubt that someday he would sting me, so I avoided him as much as possible.
After Calee’s paternity was revealed, we were instantly treated like family. She seemed drawn to him whenever we were around the three of them at dinners or get-togethers, but I still kept my distance from him.
When my now ex-boyfriend, Lawrence, called attention to our interactions and Calee liking him, it reminded me of the men in my past who exerted jealousy, yet I still allowed him to move in. When he questioned my feelings, I denied it, not because it wasn’t true, but because it simply could never be. When he seemed to become short with Calee, I furthered the distance between us.
When I found out my secret recently, one that rocked my world, I remembered what William had said about Titan and knew I would need him to help me. I needed Titan to trust me, and I needed to address the obvious attraction between us by finally giving in to it.
I thought it would make things easier, the problem, I am even more attracted to him than ever before, and I have no doubt that he feels the same.
Now I have try like hell to push all this attraction, now significantly amplified, to the side because he’s truly my only hope.
I have become who I am through hard work and dedication, and I have done it all while being a single mother to an amazing little girl. A little girl who deserves to bask in the light inside her, the part of her that is and always will be William Cruz. She deserves to be surrounded by his family, the people who made him the man he was. The man who helped me realize who I was. The man who celebrated my strengths and never tried to diminish them.
I only knew him for six short months, but we would have undoubtedly been together forever, because he inspired courage, acceptance, and for me to be exactly who I am—unapologetically an alpha, too.
I sit at the nurse’s station, signing patient discharge papers with my mind drifting to Tanner. It’s been well over a week since that night, and I can still vividly recall our encounter. Typically, I can push it away, but I had a very intense dream last night about him that was disrupted by Calee crying in her sleep.
Night terrors. Nothing I have ever read about could have prepared me for those. In fact, everything I learned about them doesn’t seem to work. The only thing that does is lying beside her and singing “Edelweiss” of all songs.
I hadn’t planned to become a mother when I was faced with the fact I had a child growing inside of me, but now I couldn’t imagine not continuing to become the best one I could be.
Pulling my phone from my lab coat, I look at the image on my screensaver. “You will never have to question who I am or my love for you.”
7
Deeper
Titan
“Listen up, men. The snatch and grab is a go, thanks to the intel provided by Lieutenant Josephs whose contact in Jblah has been touching base with our SEALs. We have an exact pick-up location. But we’re up against the clock. We need to be in and out swiftly to ensure the enemy isn’t alerted. You’ll be boarding a carrier and leaving as soon as this briefing is over. We will update you en route as necessary. Get some rest on the ride over, because those birds need to be in the air as soon as possible. Our window of time is narrow. The enemies will know when we arrive. You are the best at what you do. Go fast, go hard, go safe, and bring our men home.”
The room shouts out, “Yes, sir.”
* * *
Twenty minutes later, we’re walking onto the carrier.
Shad
ows clasps my shoulder. “You haven’t said shit today, man. I know how you are about your routines, but we’re good, the best of the best. Will is looking out for us from above, and Irons has us from below.”
“I’m not concerned.”
“You’re off, man. Please tell me you got some last night because, if not, I’m gonna feel like I let you down.”
I shoot him a look. “You’ve been absent from the equation for a couple of months, and I do just fine.”
He laughs. “Just in case you were wondering, I slaughtered the lamb.”
“I wasn’t wondering.”
“She was as hot as I imagined she would be.”
“I do hope you remembered the intel we found on her, on where she came from, and took that into consideration.”
He slaps his chest and gasps. “You were worried about me?”
“No, man, I was more worried about her.”
“No need. I moved her in already.”
“You being serious?” I ask.
“When you know, you know.” He grins as we walk toward midship. “And I’ve known from the go.”
“Gentlemen.”
I look up at the interruption and see the brass.
“I’m Captain Johnson. Come with me.”
* * *
We spend the days it takes to cross the Atlantic in briefings, doing routine checks on our helos and playing a lot of cards.
I don’t enjoy playing cards. It was entertaining until I figured out how easy it was to count cards and won all the damn time. Then it lost its luster and became boring. But not this trip. I wanted to play and even lost on purpose because, if I wasn’t playing cards, I was listening to Shadows talk about Mary.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m happy for him. She seems like a nice young woman. But for fuck’s sake, enough already.
The more he talks about his plans for them, the more I start to think about Doc and all the plans I would love to have with her. With no strings of course.
The fact that I’m even considering going another round makes me question my own fucking intelligence. I’m not, nor will I ever be, the relationship type. In essence, I’m already in a fully committed relationship with my country, and I don’t plan on severing ties for a very long time. And after this, I will be committed to ensuring wherever the road leads will help Irons politically. I’ll be there to protect and serve him as well.
But fuck if I don’t want to be inside her tight, little pussy again.
She basically said she was down, and I believe she was being sincere.
Fly safe, Lieutenant. I’d be lying if I denied hearing those words from her, didn’t feel damn good, too.
I hear the door to the cabin close and feel his eyes on me. I decide to keep them closed, knowing the minute I open them, he’s going to start jawing away about Mary, his little lamb.
“It’s go time, Titan.”
I sit up and look over at him. “Let’s do this.”
Thirty minutes later, I’m inside the cockpit, looking around at the men I will be in charge of today, none of whom I have gone into battle with.
“All right, listen up. You have all trained for this, some of you have seen action. You treat this like any other flight. From the intel we received just minutes ago, this should be a cakewalk.”
“Yes, sir,” they reply.
“It’s a beautiful day to fly, men,” I hear Shadows say over my earpiece.
“It sure is,” I reply. “You lead, Shadows.”
“Like I’d have it any other way.” He laughs.
I look at my copilot and nod, and he nods back. We’re ready.
“Seat belts? Shoulder harnesses?”
“Check,” Scotty confirms.
“Avionics?”
“On and set, sir.”
“Fuel?”
“Check.”
“We ready to rock?” I ask.
“Yes, sir.”
“Clear on one.”
I look right, and he holds his fist out to me. I give it a bump.
“It’s a nice day to fly, ladies,” I tell my crew as I take us up.
Minutes later, we’re flying over the ocean, looking down at the calm waters. You would never expect a storm that is just a few clicks away, but there always one.
I look left and see Jennings’ bird beside me. To my right is Shadows.
We’re still three by three, I remind myself. Just another day.
Ten minutes into the flight, Commander Smith comes across the airwaves.
“Renegade One-Two, Renegade One-Two, we have just received word our men are on the move due to unforeseen issues. Please stand by for further instruction.”
“Ladies and gentlemen—and I use that term loosely—during this brief mission delay, I encourage you to take in the scenery. To the left, water. And to your right, same fucking thing,” Shadows laughs. “So sit back and relax while DJ Shadows spins the tunes.”
“Are you taking requests, sir?” Jennings asks.
“Hell no!” Shadows jokes. “This one’s for you, Titan.”
When the music starts, I can’t help smiling when I hear Fogerty begin and Shadows joining him. It’s a good feeling. Familiarity is often comforting.
“Some folks are born made to wave the flag. Ooh, they’re red, white, and blue. And when the band plays ‘hail to the chief …’ ”
Three songs in on Shadows’ playlist and a few of the guys have joined in singing, including Scotty. When I look over, he smiles. “Just another day, sir.”
“Damn right it is.” When one of my favorite songs begins, I join in.
“The Eastern world, it is explodin’, violence flarin’, bullets loadin’ …”
An hour in, while looking at the instrument panel, I know we’re flying close to Jblah.
Jennings comes over the radio headset, saying, “Should be hearing something soon or we’re going to be flying into a shitstorm.”
“I hear that,” Shadows replies over the music.
Commander Smith cuts in, “Renegade One-Two, Renegade One-Two, this is Anchor Zero-Three. We have a plan. We’re being joined by a friend from Langley to walk you through the revised op.”
“Good morning, Renegade. It’s an honor to be working with the best the Navy has to offer. The plan is simple. You should have new coordinates up on your screens now.”
I look over at Scotty, and he nods. “Uploaded, sir.”
I look at the screen and ask the obvious question, “You’re aware that that’s less than four miles from the compromised location, correct?”
Commander Smith cuts in, “Renegade One-Two, time is of the essence here. Tighten it up.”
Pisses me off, but that’s the nature of the chain of command. “Roger that, sir.”
The dick from Langley continues, “It is mission critical that you split off. Alpha and Bravo, you are going to go in low, hide between the buildings on the left of the mountain pass. It’s wide enough but still tighter that we’d like.”
“That’s what she said,” Shadows jokes.
I can’t help laughing to myself.
“Tighten it up men!” Commander Smith snaps.
“Langley do the math or you?” I snap back.
“Lieutenant Titan!” He yells and I can picture his face turning purple at my challenge.
“I have all the faith in the world in you, but none in a suit that’s never been in this seat.”
“Langley, go ahead.” His voice is calmer.
Langley starts right in, a tone that rubs me the wrong fucking way, “We have intel that there are possible snipers in the mountains with surface-to-air missiles. They will not shoot toward the city. Khaledes family is in close proximity and have not evacuated as of yet.
“Charlie’s job is to cover Alpha and Bravo by acting as a decoy. Staying just close enough they won’t risk a shot and far enough away so that, if they do, you can take them out.”
“Move swiftly, shoot accurately, and bring home our men,” our commander orders.
As we approach the city, Jennings does as instructed, and Shadows and I start the descent.
“Son of a bitch,” I complain. “This is gonna be tighter than two coats of paint.”
“Tighter than a nun’s asshole.” Shadows laughs. “Gonna get interesting.”
I call in our location as I get closer to the decrepit city walls.
“You seeing what I am?” Shadows asks.
“Two buildings are on fire. One is the coordinates of the SEAL team. Our landing area has been compromised,” Scotty describes the scene.
“It’s playtime, Titan,” Shadows begins to descend.
“Pull back, Lieutenant,” I order.
“There’s a battle going on down there. Twenty of our guys against an entire city—”
“Direct orders from the captain,” Commander Smith orders.
“Our mission is to get our guys the fuck out, and that’s what we’re gonna do,” Shadows replies.
I see a missile flying toward us, coming from the city that was supposedly safe due to Khaledes family being close.
I avoid it by taking us down fast, but then another unseen missile hits the tail.
“Fuck!” I roar. “We’re going down!”
“I’ll get you out of there,” Shadows immediately sounds in my ear.
“Orders,” I remind him. “We aren’t the mission; the SEALs are.”
“Fuck that,” he snaps.
I no longer hear Shadows or Smith. I am laser-focused on where the best place to crash is, as if there’s ever a good place.
When we begin to spin, Scotty starts to panic. “Requesting control, sir.”
“Request denied,” I reply as I fight to control the uncontrollable.
“Sir!” He lunges over and hits the panel, giving himself the control. “I have this, Sir!”
“You are out of line, Junior.”
The spin increases and so does his panic.
The crash is inevitable and fighting him for control is senseless.
