by Lily Morton
Dismissing my thoughts I make my way up the steps and into the building. My first stop is to see the student liaison officer who is going to oversee the arrangements that have been made for me with my course so that my deafness won’t impact too much on me.
An hour later I leave the room of the liaison officer who’d turned out to be a bubbly redhead called Julie. I follow her, clutching a fistful of leaflets with my head full of information about hearing loops and the extra help that’s available if needed in lectures and on placements. Julie turns to me. “The introductory lecture for all new students is in Lecture Theatre One. I’ll take you over there and introduce you to Professor Anderson who runs the course. She’ll point you out to the lecturers that you’ll have and introduce you to your mentor who is aware of your deafness and what help you might need. Then you can hop on the tour with everyone else. Are you sure that you don’t want me to tag along with you?”
I nod determinedly. I don’t need help. I’ve been on my own for a long while and really don’t like being separated out by my differences from everyone else. I smile to mitigate any abruptness. “Yes I’m sure. Thank you Julie. You must remember that I’m only partially deaf anyway so I don’t have as many obstacles as a fully deaf student might have. Besides you’ve given me loads of reading materials.” I shake my papers at her like maracas and she laughs and drops the subject.
Ten minutes later she’s introduced me to the course tutor who is a thin, stern faced, silver haired lady. They point out which rooms have hearing loops and that all the lecture theatres have them installed. They’re ingenious devices in that they send a wireless signal to my hearing aid which when I switch it to the right frequency lets me hear the sound without the background noise.
After shaking Julie’s hand and saying goodbye I’m free to join the other students that are flocking into the lecture theatre steadily. Spying an empty seat I ease into it and catch the eye of the girl sitting next to me.
“You on the BSC for Children’s Nursing?” she asks and I think I detect a Welsh accent.
“Yes, how about you?”
“Yes.” She puts out her hand to shake. “I’m Elen,” she adds. She has a very slow but direct way of speaking which gives what she says an air of absolute truth. She has jet black hair cut into a blunt bob and quite a formidable air about her. Also, although small she has a massive chest which I can’t help but glance at. They’re like a shelf in front of her. Seeing me look she smirks. “Tidy aren’t they?” she murmurs. “They’re my secret weapons.”
I laugh. “Weapons of mass destruction I reckon, but alas mine are more the Tony Blair model.” She looks at me questioningly and I smile. “No one can quite put their fingers on them.”
She lets out a roar of laughter. “Reckon we might be mates then Alys. Where are you from?”
“Belfast. How about you?”
“Ah, Cardiff.”
“So we’re both London newbies.”
“Me not so much. I’ve lived here for a few years. I followed a bloke over, had a kid and just stayed. London’s lasted longer than the bloke though.”
I wince. “Sorry,” I offer.
She smiles sweetly and it totally transforms her somewhat bolshy exterior. “Don’t be. I’d have been better following a fucking donkey than that man.”
I laugh. “Yeah they’re much easier than men I think.” I push my hair back from my face and she catches sight of my hearing aid.
“Are you deaf then?”
I smile because I like her already. She’s very direct and obviously takes no bullshit, but she seems forthright and honest. She reminds me a bit of Bram because underneath all his charm is this forthright honesty too. “I am.”
She stares over the lecture theatre contemplatively. “Reckon it’s lucky for me there was a spare seat next to me Alys because I like you already. You’ll have to let me know if you struggle with anything or need me to take notes for you.”
I’m very touched. “Thanks but I don’t think there’ll be much need. I can hear a lot with my other ear and what I miss the hearing aid mostly picks up. The hearing loops are brilliant too as they amplify everything. What courses have you signed up for? We’ll have to see if we’re on the same ones.” We put our heads together over the course literature and I’m delighted to find that she’s in most of my groups. Finally I look up. “So you have a child?”
She gives a warm smile. “Yes, a little girl called Daisy.” She roots through her purse and shows me a photo of a cheeky looking little girl with masses of hair and a devilish, gap toothed smile.
“She’s lovely.” I’m about to add something when a girl comes up the steps and points to the empty seat on my other side.
“Is this taken?” She’s blonde and rail thin with a lot of make up on and a hard face but she’s very beautiful and already I can see some of the blokes in the centre aisle taking notice of her.
I smile and move my bag for her. “No, not at all.” Sniffing she edges into her seat putting her rucksack down. “Are you on the children’s nursing course?” I finally ask after a small silence. She nods without looking at me and I catch Elen’s expression but I shrug and persevere. “I’m Alys and this is Elen.”
She looks at us for a long couple of seconds and then gives us a thin smile. “Amber,” she offers curtly and then turns in time to catch the eye of a gorgeous, black haired boy in front of us. Instantly her expression smooths into a smiling warmth that makes me blink as it’s such a stark contrast to her previous coldness. I look at Elen and we both burst into laughter which is quelled by Amber turning to glare at us and Professor Anderson standing up to begin her lecture.
Five hours later I climb the stairs to Bram’s flat pausing every set of stairs to pant and sit down until the spots in front of my eyes pass. I’ve had a productive day finding all my study groups and the rooms where the lectures would be held. I have a completed timetable and I took the tour around the university which didn’t really tell me anything that Bram and I hadn’t found out the previous day.
Elen and I had gone for a coffee and she’d asked where I was staying but I’d fobbed her off by saying that I was staying with a friend and then she’d had to fly off to pick up Daisy from her child minder. I’ve got a feeling that we’re going to be good friends but I still don’t know her well and my loyalty lies with Bram.
It seems an eternity before I reach the top floor and I’m a sweaty, shaky mess but at least I haven’t used the lift. I’ll be super fit by the time I leave here I tell myself, opening the door in a rush and looking forward to telling Bram all about my day. It’s actually the first time in years that I’ve ever had this feeling of wanting to share something. Foster carers are brilliant people on the whole but a foster child is usually on the way through, travelling onwards and rarely stopping anywhere, so that sense of wanting to share something with someone who will be interested is a shiny thought to me.
It makes me shove the door inwards, eagerly opening my mouth to shout his name, but what actually comes out is somewhere between a gasp and a squeak because Bram is noticeably a bit too busy to talk at the moment, as he is stark naked, fucking a dark haired woman against one of the floor to ceiling windows in the lounge.
I gasp and cover my eyes automatically but the details seem to be burned onto my retinas. That long golden body with the biteable arse which is clenching as he thrusts hard into the woman as she moans and gasps, and the long veins on his arms that move as he flexes his muscles, holding the woman up by her hips and digging his fingers into the skin of her arse.
Catching the sound of my shock he starts and slips out of the woman and I catch sight of his dick which is wrapped in a condom that is wet and glistening, before he clumsily grabs a red, woollen throw from the back of one of the settees and wraps it around him. The woman is a little slower and obviously still overtaken by what I’ve interrupted, but she takes the other throw that he hands her and winds it around her, glaring at me behind his back.
�
��Fuck Alys, I’m so sorry,” he says coming towards me and inadvertently offering me a front row seat to his huge erection which is still tenting out the wool. “I didn’t think you’d be home so soon.” He smiles self-deprecatingly. “Think it’s going to take a while for me to get used to the whole house sharing bit.”
“I don’t know,” I say weakly and gesture to his crotch. “You’ve shared quite a lot in the last five minutes.”
He throws his head back laughing and the light catches on his strong throat working and makes me gulp. “Good one. Still, you’d be glad if we move this party upstairs I reckon.” He stares at me for a long second that stretches a bit too long as our eyes seem to tangle, but then the woman sighs and just like that his attention is gone and he gestures happily to her. “Come on Stella let’s go somewhere else.”
She makes a moue of displeasure which I have to hand to her she manages perfectly despite being naked and caught shagging. “It’s Bella.”
“So it is,” he says urbanely and throws his arm round her and just like that his attention is gone from me. I watch them head upstairs as he nuzzles into her neck and become aware of a hollowness inside me. The anticipation of telling him everything seeps away like air from a balloon leaving me feeling a bit lost.
This is not good. I’ve only known him for a couple of days and I’m already intrigued by him. I have no right to feel slighted yet I do. I’d somehow imagined him waiting for me as eager for my company as I was for his. The fact that he patently wasn’t waiting is very obvious and shoots a warning shot across my consciousness. I can’t get too involved I think sadly as I recognise that this stop is just like all the others – temporary.
Bram
I push Stella/Bella or whatever the fuck her name is up the stairs inwardly cursing myself. Time had got away with me and I’d embarrassed Alys which is something that I really don’t want to do. This connection with her that I feel is inconvenient to say the least. I can’t afford to be interested in her yet I am.
The whole day had dragged once she’d left and I’d been at a loss as to what to do, feeling bored and antsy which isn’t like me. Finally, I’d gone over to our lead singer Charlie’s house where as usual there were women hanging around. However, I couldn’t even summon up the interest to flirt and Charlie had been in a funny mood too which was something to do with either Mabe his best friend, or Sid his brother.
Therefore the whole afternoon we’d huddled in the studio trying out some melodies to go with his new lyrics. They’d been about his woman being with another man so I’m opting for his mood being about Mabe after all as she’s got a new boyfriend.
Stella/Bella had been more persistent than the other girls who’d largely drifted away when they realised that we were busy. Instead she’d plonked herself down next to us which really takes some gumption, and when Charlie had left to check on Sid I’d fallen into conversation with her. Boredom had then led to me bringing her back here where I’d sort of fallen into her vagina.
Still, I’d intended to have her gone by the time that Alys got back because I’d been eager to know how she’d got on today. She’s starting to fascinate me and I’m growing to value the way that my stardom doesn’t affect her at all, that she teases me and laughs with me and calls me on bullshit.
I feel easy with her but what worries me is that moment when she’d interrupted us shagging. I’d felt my erection subsiding at being caught by her but as I’d turned to her and caught those massive navy eyes staring at me, the other girl had vanished and all my senses had strained towards her and just like that I was as hard as I’d ever been in my life.
I tumble Stella/Bella into bed but as I’m pumping away inside her, bastard that I am, my thoughts are with the girl downstairs, and it’s her face that I see as I roar and come as if I haven’t had sex for years. This is not good.
Chapter Four
Alys
A week later I’m lying on the settee when Bram and Matt come in. Bram throws himself onto the settee next to me cavalierly and ruffles my hair which is loose. “Alys,” he drawls, grinning as I smack his hand away.
“Mind my hair.”
“Why? It’s so pretty,” he smirks, doing it again. “Makes you look all sexed up with it like that.”
I sneak a look at him because sexed up definitely brings back memories of him and that girl but he steadfastly ignores me. He either doesn’t want to revisit the subject or he can’t remember the girl. I’m opting for a mixture of the two but I decide to go along with him. I’ve not seen much of him this week and it felt a bit strained when I did as if he was worried about upsetting me, so I’m happy with anything that brings back the status quo.
I’m also fascinated by the fact that he’s now clean shaven. The day after we’d had our discussion about my being deaf and how I found it difficult to lip read when men have beards, I’d come home to find that he’d shaved his beard off. He’d dismissed it with a joke when I’d tried to say thank you but I’d still been very touched, and I can’t help noticing how handsome the angles and planes of his face look without their hairy covering.
He lounges back against the cushions looking scrumptious as normal in ripped jeans, a navy blue t-shirt and white Converse, and he stares back at me meditatively until I squirm slightly. “What?” I finally ask.
“Just wondering if you’re a sexy witch, a sexy zombie or a sexy corpse.”
I’m bewildered. “I’m just wondering if you’re a sexy nutter. What are you on about?”
“I am sexy whatever I put on. You’re quite right Alys and very astute as normal, although I’m thinking it’s a wee bit non-PC to call me a nutter, but you’re the student you tell me. What is PC now?”
I look to Matt for help who has sunk into one of the deep leather chairs and stretched his long legs out looking at Bram indulgently. “What’s he on about? I need a translation.”
He laughs. “Luckily I also run a Bram translation service as well as being a fantastically brilliant assistant. Bram is speculating on what costume you will be wearing to the Halloween party on Saturday.”
“What Halloween party?”
Matt sighs and shakes his head at Bram who merely looks confused. “You didn’t tell her did you?” Matt says.
Bram looks slightly indignant which typically only makes him look hotter. ”I did tell her.”
I shake my head. “No you didn’t Bram. All you’ve asked of me this week is to stop hanging my underwear up in the bathroom.”
Matt looks confused. “Your en suite?” I nod. “Why? Bram doesn’t use it.”
Bram shrugs theatrically. “I had to the other day when Mick was fixing mine and once seen never forgotten, plus I walked into the fucking stuff and the lads only told me that I had a pair of knickers caught on my shirt button after I’d done half an hour of an interview with Rolling Stone.”
Matt and I burst out laughing and he grins lazily. One of his many endearing qualities is that it’s virtually impossible to offend him and he takes piss taking like water off a duck’s back. “What did the reporter say?” I ask.
“I think it actually cemented my status as the main heartthrob in the group. I tell you Matty, People’s Sexiest Man is mine for the taking. I’ll be second place no more.”
Matt scoffs. “You and Chris Hemsworth mate. I know which one I’d vote for.”
“Oh me too,” I sigh and Bram’s eyes narrow.
“It’d better be me you’ve got in your head right now and not Thor.”
I laugh out loud. “I’m thinking of his mighty hammer right now,” I say tauntingly, and Matt puts his cheek to his hands in a parody of a crushing teenager making me snort out loud which turns into an alarmed squeak as Bram tackles me onto my back on the sofa. I squeal and wriggle but to no avail as he proceeds to sit on me. “Get off me you idiot,” I shriek.
He cups his hand to his ear. “I’m sorry Alys, what did you say?”
“And that’s why you’ll never win. Chris has sexier ears than you.”
“No fuck off Bram, don’t fucking tickle me.”
He laughs evilly. “Oh no I’m making you sweat. Matty fetch a towel. She’s sweating because the sexiest man in the world is sitting on her. Say it Alys. Say that I’m sexy.”
I gurgle and the bastard actually bends forward and mops my brow with something bright pink. “Is that … is that my thong?” I shriek and he and Matt burst out laughing, Bram so much that he falls off me onto the floor where I pounce on him ripping my knickers out of his hand. “You’re a sick pervert. Have you been carrying those around all week?”
He’s laughing really hard now and clutching his sides. “Don’t take them please Alys. I haven’t sniffed them … much.” He curls up as I punch him. “No seriously Alys can I have them back, they’ve sort of become my comfort blanket.” He adopts a pious voice slightly ruined by the thread of laughter. “Yes, when the world is dark and threatening I rub them over my face and all badness goes away.”
I give him one last whack with my knickers and then climb back onto the sofa and look at Matt who is wiping tears of laughter away while shaking his head at Bram. “What Halloween party?”
“It’s a record company party. It’s at a club in Camden and the whole band’s going. Bram said he told you about it last week.”
“He didn’t.”
Bram sits up from the floor looking like a startled meerkat for a second with his wide eyed stare. “I did too. I told you the other morning in the kitchen.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did. I told you where it was being held and asked if you wanted money for a costume.”
I bristle slightly at the mention of money but Matt sighs. “Bram, is this a dream conversation again?”
Bram slumps slightly. “Maybe,” he mutters.
