by Miranda Lee
For ever, Ben thought. But he knew it was too soon to say that. Too soon to tell her that he loved her. He wished now he hadn’t said as much to Amber. She was sure to be at the wake and she might say something.
Well, too bad if she did. It was the truth.
‘As long as you like,’ he answered. ‘It’s up to you.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
THEY BOTH MANAGED to sleep on the very long flight to New York, which was just as well, because as soon as they landed and were allowed to use their mobile phones again it was all systems go. Ben didn’t stop making phone calls during the rather long, slow drive from the airport to wherever his apartment was located. Jess did send her mother a text saying they had arrived safely but her attention was more on her surrounds. She had never seen so many tall buildings, so many people or such thick traffic. Sydney was small compared to New York. She stopped herself just in time from gushing when she spotted the Empire State Building. She wasn’t there as a goggle-eyed tourist but as Ben’s support system during this very difficult time for him.
Jess remained discreetly silent in the taxi. Though, they weren’t called taxis here, were they? They were called cabs. When they finally pulled up outside a swish looking apartment building, she did her best not to do or say anything gauche which would embarrass Ben. But she was seriously impressed, both by the uniformed porter who took care of their luggage, and the doorman who said hello to Ben in a very deferential manner. Inside, the lobby was just as impressive, with marble floors and a huge, fresh flower arrangement sitting on a circular table underneath a massive chandelier. The security guard behind the desk in the corner nodded to Ben as he steered Jess over to the bank of lifts against a side wall.
‘Everything’s arranged,’ Ben said briskly once the lifts doors closed and they were alone. ‘The funeral will be at two tomorrow afternoon with the wake afterwards at Dad’s apartment. My apartment’s not large enough to cater for so many people.’
Not large enough? Jess thought in amazement when she walked into his apartment. The main living room was ginormous with ten-foot ceilings and tall French doors which opened out onto a very large balcony. All the walls were white, which only added to the feeling of space. On them hung some of the loveliest paintings Jess had ever seen. She hardly knew which one to look at first. Or where to look at all. The furniture was obviously very expensive, an eclectic mix of modern and antique.
‘Goodness, Ben,’ she said. ‘How many people are you expecting at the wake if this place isn’t big enough to house them?’
‘Two hundred, at least,’ he replied. ‘Dad had a lot of business colleagues.’
‘What about friends and relatives?’
‘Not too many of those. Dad was an only child and his parents are long gone. So are his aunts and uncles. He possibly has a few cousins somewhere but he never kept in touch with them.’ Ben gave a crooked smile. ‘There might be the odd mistress or two attending, wondering if he’s left them anything. But I fear they’ll be disappointed. Dad told me not long ago that he left everything to me.’
Ben watched Jess’s eyes when he said this, wondering if his being a billionaire would make any difference to her. Quite frankly, he didn’t care if it did. He loved her and he had every intention of marrying her. He understood now how his father had felt when he’d proposed to his mother. Love did have a blinding effect on one.
But Jess was nothing like his mother. Ben felt sure of that.
‘Amber might be there,’ he said, feeling that he should warn Jess in advance. ‘Her father was a close business associate.’
‘That’s okay,’ she said. Though it wasn’t. Not really. Jess supposed there was a small part of her which was curious to meet this Amber. But she could have managed well without the experience.
The doorbell rang. It was the porter delivering their luggage.
‘Leave it just inside,’ Ben directed, getting out his wallet and handing the man a note.
‘I’d forgotten you have to tip everyone here,’ Jess said after the porter had left. What a different country America was from Australia.
‘You’d better believe it,’ Ben said. ‘No tip, no service.’
She didn’t much like that, but didn’t say anything.
‘Will you be staying with me in the master bedroom?’ he asked her. ‘Or do you want one of the guest rooms?’
‘Where do you want me to stay?’ she returned, suddenly feeling nervous. Realising that she loved him seemed temporarily to have banished any desire for the exciting love-making they’d shared. Now, she just wanted him to hold her in his arms and make love to her like they were normal people.
‘With me, of course.’
‘Okay. As long as you don’t…you know…’
His eyes clouded over. ‘You needn’t worry. I’m not in the mood for fun and games at the moment, Jess.’
‘No, no, of course not. I just…’ She stopped, then let out a long sigh. ‘I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me. Of course you don’t want to do things like that at the moment. I know exactly how you must be feeling. When my grandmother died last year, it felt like someone had taken a huge jagged spoon and scraped a great big hole out of my heart. I’m sure that’s how you’re feeling at this moment. Maybe even worse. He was your father.’
He looked at her with such sad eyes. ‘I think he knew something was wrong with him. They say sometimes people have a premonition of their death from a heart attack, even when there are no actual symptoms.’
‘Yes, I’ve heard that’s true,’ Jess said.
‘He rang me, you know. On the night before we drove out to Mudgee. It wasn’t like him to ring unless it was to discuss business. But he just chatted away. And then, right before he hung up, he said, “give my regards to your mother”. I thought that was a bit odd at the time. Now I think it was because he knew he was going to die and he wanted to put all that old bitterness behind him.’
Ben gave an unhappy sigh. ‘I did send Mum a text in the taxi about Dad dying and she answered me; said how sad it was for me but not to expect her to fly over for the funeral. I knew she wouldn’t come, that’s why I went ahead with the arrangements for tomorrow. She believed Dad hated her. But she’s wrong about that. I think he actually loved her.’
‘Yes. Of course he did,’ was all Jess could think of to say.
Just when Ben looked as though he was going to burst into tears, he dragged in another deep breath, then straightened his spine.
‘Dad would expect me to be strong,’ he said.
Jess wanted to tell him that tears didn’t make a man weak but she knew it would have been a waste of time. Her father had never cried in front of her, neither had her brothers. It was just the way lots of men were.
‘I’ll put these in the bedroom,’ he said as he picked up their bags and headed down a hallway.
Jess followed him with a heavy heart.
The master bedroom was magnificent, of course. Lavishly furnished with a king-sized bed and everything anyone could possibly want, including a huge flat-screen TV built into the wall opposite the bed. Ben opened the door of a walk-in dressing room which proved bigger than her bedroom back home. She tried not to gape as she hung up her outfit for the funeral, but the extent of Ben’s wardrobe was mind-boggling. How could one man wear so many suits?
She unpacked the rest of her things silently, thankful that she’d thought to bring her newest and best nightie. To wear something cheap in this place wouldn’t seem right. It was made of white satin, adorned with white lace. The colour would even match the room, which was mainly white and grey, not a single piece of dark wood in sight.
‘I dare say you’d like to freshen up after that very long flight,’ Ben said. ‘And no, I won’t be joining you in the shower, so you don’t have to worry. I also don’t want to go out to dinner tonight. I’ll order something in for us. Will Chinese do, or would you prefer something else?’
‘No, no. I love Chinese food,’ she said.
‘Good. Ta
ke your time in the bathroom. Have a bath, if you’d prefer.’
Jess hated how sad he looked. She instinctively walked over and put her arms around him, hugging him tightly. ‘It’s going to be all right, Ben,’ she said as one did when one didn’t know what else to say.
He hugged her back for a long moment before extricating himself from her arms and giving the weariest sigh.
‘Dear, sweet Jess,’ he said and laid a gentle hand against her cheek. ‘Maybe it will be all right. In time. Meanwhile, tomorrow is going to be hell.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
IT WAS WORSE than hell, Jess decided by five the following afternoon. Firstly, it had rained overnight and she’d frozen to death, both in the church and at the cemetery. She did have a jacket, one which matched her black crepe skirt, having chosen to wear the black Chanel-style suit she’d made to attend her grandmother’s funeral. But even though it was lined it wasn’t a warm outfit. Everyone else, she saw, was wearing overcoats. Some were wearing hats. She didn’t even own a hat!
She’d warmed up a little during the drive from the lawn cemetery back into the city, though Ben hadn’t said a word. Obviously, he’d been in a pretty bad place in his head after having to deliver the main eulogy, then watch his father’s coffin being lowered into the ground. He’d held her hand so tightly whilst that had happened, she’d thought her fingers would break. She hadn’t known what to say to make him feel any better so she’d said nothing.
But none of that compared to the hell the wake proved to be. Jess had felt intimidated from the moment she’d set foot in that mausoleum of an apartment Ben’s father had owned. Maybe if she’d been able to stay by Ben’s side she would have been able to cope better. But people kept taking him away from her, smarmy men in black suits with sucking-up manners and ingratiating voices. Everyone seemed to want his ear now that he was no longer the heir but the man himself. It was all quite sickening. And depressing.
Time ticked away very slowly spent with people she didn’t know, making conversation with her about things she knew nothing about. When one particularly snobbish woman asked her what she did for a living, Jess rather enjoyed telling her that she was a mechanic. The expression on her snooty face was horrified. Anyone would have thought she’d said she was a garbage collector.
Finally, just after the grandfather clock in the main hallway struck five, an exasperated Jess scooped up a glass of white wine from a passing waiter and slipped out onto one of the many balconies, hopeful of finding some solitude and peace.
But she wasn’t about to be so lucky. A svelte blonde who’d been at the funeral, and who’d stared daggers at Jess across the graveside, followed her out onto the balcony.
‘Well, hello there,’ the blonde said. ‘You must be Ben’s new girlfriend, the one he told me about over the phone.’
It didn’t take a genius to conclude who the blonde was.
Amber wasn’t beautiful, Jess decided. But she was attractive, and she shouted money with her super-sleek hairdo, her shiny complexion and her expensive-looking black sheath dress. No doubt they were real diamonds twinkling in her ears, Jess wished that she was wearing the diamond pendant Andy had given her at the wedding. But she’d left it at home in her jewellery case.
Despite knowing that her own outfit didn’t look home-made it suddenly felt home-made. And dated. Which was silly.
‘Hi,’ Jess returned, refusing to feel intimidated any more today. ‘I presume you’re Amber. Ben told me all about you too.’
Amber’s smile was not at all nice. ‘Did he, now? I’ll bet he didn’t tell you what he and I used to get up to.’
Jess hated to think of Ben doing with this creature what he’d done with her. But there was no use pretending that some of it wouldn’t have happened. Ben obviously had a penchant for erotic fun and games.
‘I wouldn’t dream of questioning Ben over what he did with his previous girlfriends,’ she said coolly. ‘What’s past is past.’
The blonde laughed. ‘In that case, you might be in for a few surprises, sweetie. But let me warn you…if you’ve set your cap at marrying the dear boy, then it might be wise to play a more conservative role. I tried to accommodate his kinky little demands and it didn’t get me anywhere in the end. Not that I enjoyed any of it, but a girl will do just about anything, won’t they, when there are billions at stake.’
‘So it seems.’
Jess and Amber whirled at the sound of Ben’s voice.
Amber went a guilty shade of pink whilst Jess just stared at him.
‘Amazing what you learn after a relationship is over,’ he said, still glaring at Amber. ‘If I’d known your father was on the verge of bankruptcy, then I’d have better understood your sudden declaration of love. Not to mention your timely proposal.’
‘Ben, I…I…’
‘Save it, Amber,’ he snapped.
‘She doesn’t love you,’ Amber retaliated spitefully. ‘She just wants your money, the way your mother wanted your father’s money. For God’s sake, just look at her. She’s a nothing from down under. A nobody!’
Jess stepped forward and slapped Amber’s face before she could think better of it. ‘I do so love him,’ she spat at the stunned blonde. ‘And I am not a nobody!’
All of Amber’s face went bright red, not just the palm print on her cheek. ‘I’ll sue you for assault, you bitch. And you too, you bastard—for breach of promise. I’ll make you pay for wasting all that time on you.’
Ben’s look in return was chillingly cold. ‘Give it your best shot, sweetheart. I have billions at my disposal and you’ve got what? A dead-broke father and a dead-end job, working for peanuts in an art gallery.’
Amber opened her mouth to say something, then just whirled and stormed off.
Ben stared at Jess who was feeling somewhat shattered by the nasty incident.
‘Did you mean it?’ he asked her. ‘Do you really love me?’
Tears pricked at her eyes. ‘Of course I do. Why do you think I’m here?’
‘Amber just said it’s for the money.’
‘Amber’s a fool. And so are you, if you think that.’
‘I don’t think that. That’s why I love you.’
Jess gaped at him then burst into tears. He gathered her close and pressed his lips into her hair. ‘I love you,’ he murmured. ‘And I want to marry you.’
Jess wept all the harder. Because how could she marry this man and live this life with him? She would hate it. And soon she would hate him.
Finally, when the crying had stopped and she could gather enough courage, she pulled back from him and lifted still, wet eyes to his. ‘I do love you, Ben,’ she said shakily. ‘Very much. But I can’t marry you. I’m sorry. I just can’t.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
‘I DON’T UNDERSTAND why you won’t marry me,’ Ben raged when he finally got Jess back to his apartment. ‘If you love me the way you say you do, then what’s the problem? Hell on earth, Jess, I can give you anything you want.’
‘That’s the problem, Ben. I don’t want what you can give me. I don’t want to live this kind of life,’ she said, sweeping her right arm around at his apartment. ‘It’s too much. We wouldn’t have any real friends. Neither would our children.’
‘That’s ridiculous. I have real friends.’
‘No, you don’t. There wasn’t a single person there tonight who was a real friend. The only real friend you have is Andy in Australia, and that’s because you met him when you weren’t so rich. Being a billionaire means you can’t live an ordinary life, Ben. As your wife, I won’t be able to live an ordinary life either. You’ll want me to go to toffee-nosed dos and dinner parties all the time with people that I despise. You’ll want me to stop making my own clothes. You’ll insist I have a stylist and a designer wardrobe. Our children will have nannies and bodyguards and be sent to snobby boarding schools whilst we stay at home and entertain. I’m sorry, Ben, but that’s not what I want for my children. That’s not what I want for me.’
He stopped pacing around the living room and sent her a disbelieving look. ‘You really mean this, don’t you?’
‘I do,’ she said, even though her heart was breaking.
He swore, then strode over and yanked her hard against him. ‘I could make you change your mind,’ he ground out darkly.
‘No, Ben,’ she said firmly. ‘You couldn’t.’
‘Even if I promise you the world?’
‘Especially if you promise me the world.’
‘Then you don’t really love me,’ he growled and threw her from him.
When she almost fell over he grabbed her again, but not so roughly this time, his expression both apologetic and desperate. ‘I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry. I would never hurt you, Jess. But please, don’t do this. I beg of you. Stay with me. I need you. I love you. I won’t let you go!’
Jess was not at her best when cornered. ‘You can’t stop me, Ben.’
‘Then go, damn you.’ And, before she could say another word, he was gone, slamming the front door behind him.
She waited for hours but he didn’t come back. She tried his phone but it was turned off. Clearly, he didn’t want her contacting him. She couldn’t rest, just paced the apartment, her mind awhirl with regrets and recriminations.
It had been cruel of her to reject Ben’s proposal like that on the same day that he’d buried his father. It was no wonder he’d lost his temper with her. She’d hurt him. Terribly. At the same time, Jess could not deny that what she’d said had been true. She knew she wouldn’t be happy living this kind of life. And he wouldn’t be happy with her as his wife. They lived in different worlds. She had always led a simple life whereas Ben lived like this, she thought, her gaze once again taking in the sheer luxury of her surrounds.
In the end, Jess made an agonising decision. She packed, then went downstairs and got the doorman to summon a cab for her.
‘JFK airport,’ she told the driver in a broken voice.
