sure ya do. unless—hint hint—you have something better to do . . . ?
zoegirl:
fine, tell me
SnowAngel:
I was sitting with some other pledges, and they said that the pledges in Sigma Phi were EXPECTED to give the guys in a certain fraternity blow jobs. like, expected to give blow jobs just the way they’re expected to show up at chapter meetings.
SnowAngel:
don’t you think that is SO wrong?
zoegirl:
um, yeahhhhh. it can’t be true, though. do you think it’s true?
SnowAngel:
I dunno, but if any of the actives asked me to do that? no ma’am and buh-bye. horrible, horrible, horrible.
zoegirl:
what’s an “active”?
SnowAngel:
someone who’s been initiated. in other words, not me, cuz I’m still a pledge.
SnowAngel:
another pledge at my table said that last week the Delta Theta pledges had to dress like hos and walk the streets of downtown Athens for three hours.
zoegirl:
ugh
SnowAngel:
I know. compared with giving blow jobs and being hos, eating cheese sandwiches for a week was nothing.
zoegirl:
do you know any girls from those other sororities personally?
SnowAngel:
ha. no.
SnowAngel:
I haven’t even learned the names of all the Zetas, altho I better, cuz at some point we’re going to be given a pop quiz. rewards if we ace it, punishment if we don’t.
zoegirl:
what would the reward be?
SnowAngel:
probably candy. we usually have our pledge class meetings on the back porch, and Natalia, our pledge class leader, throws candy at us afterward.
zoegirl:
candy? I thought sorority girls were supposed to be skinny.
SnowAngel:
huh. we are. that’s weird that they wld throw candy at us, then, isn’t it?
zoegirl:
so what would the punishment be? although I’m scared to ask.
SnowAngel:
oh, we’d have to clean up the house, or maybe just the bathrooms. or if only one girl fails, she might have to be a personal assistant for one of the older Zetas for a week. something like that.
SnowAngel:
I have one last horror story for you. there’s a girl in my pledge class named Brittney, and she told us that her big sister (her REAL big sister, as in yes, they grew up together and have the same parents) went to Florida State.
SnowAngel:
Brittney’s sister was in a sorority for a while, but she dropped out when she found out about a tradition one of the FSU frats had.
SnowAngel:
supposedly the fraternity pledges had to prove their manhood by asking a girl to a house party and getting her wasted by slipping a roofie into her drink. then he’d take her to a “special room” and have sex with her, even if she was passed out.
zoegirl:
Angela. that’s rape.
SnowAngel:
just wait. the special room had a big glass window with a wide ledge beneath it, and the other guys in the frat wld stand on the ledge and watch. they’d take pics, cheer the pledge on, whatever.
zoegirl:
omigod
SnowAngel:
uh-huh. they called those parties “ledge parties.”
SnowAngel:
but that was at FSU. I’ve never heard of anything like that happening at UGA.
zoegirl:
maybe I should have gone to a women’s college.
zoegirl:
maybe I should join a convent and dedicate my life to charity work.
SnowAngel:
but where’s the fun in that?
SnowAngel:
SOME partying is good and healthy and normal, Zo. and some guys are dicks, but not all of them. not even most of them.
SnowAngel:
do charity work later. right now you shld just enjoy yourself!!!
Thu, Oct 10, 9:20 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
how’s tricks, gal pal? is there a stranger in yr bed and a pounding in yr head?
mad maddie:
one sec. gotta swipe meal-plan card.
SnowAngel:
I just changed the bandage on my foot—or rather, Reid did. it was nasty and involved ooze.
mad maddie:
and it seems I’ll be passing on the mashed potatoes and gravy I just paid for. thx, A.
SnowAngel:
also you can totally still see the hole. it’s starting to heal over, but if I wanted to, I bet I cld poke a pencil thru it.
mad maddie:
you do that. enjoy!
Fri, Oct 11, 11:30 AM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
wassup, doodie
SnowAngel:
“doodie”?
mad maddie:
grrr. *doodie
mad maddie:
*DUDE
mad maddie:
fricking autocorrect!
SnowAngel:
hee hee. I was txting my sister the other day, and she told me she loved her high school friends but hated all the homoeroticism.
mad maddie:
ha!
SnowAngel:
she meant homework. it made me laugh.
SnowAngel:
and then this morning, I texted Aunt Sadie to get her advice about Reid. I wanted to know how to be his friend without leading him on, and she said that mainly I’d just have to curb my natural instinct to flirt with him.
mad maddie:
is that possible? u flirt with everyone.
mad maddie:
u flirt with trees, for heaven’s sake
SnowAngel:
that’s what I told her! so she texted me back and said, “sweetheart, I’m not saying it’ll be easy. but I promise you can’t do it.”
mad maddie:
ha. so supportive.
SnowAngel:
I was like, “Really, Aunt Sadie? You have THAT MUCH FAITH in me?”
SnowAngel:
she had to reread our exchange to know what I was talking about, and then she was mortified.
mad maddie:
typing “can’t” instead of “can” isn’t an autocorrect, tho. just a typo.
SnowAngel:
whatev. still funny.
mad maddie:
my best/worst autocorrect was when I txted Ian the other day.
SnowAngel:
how is that cute Ian? I saw him for like ten minutes on the quad before I had to dash off to the Zeta house for lunch. he looked happy, tho. is he?
mad maddie:
I think so. he likes his roommate. he LOVES his engineering classes—and he knows Reid, btw.
SnowAngel:
I know! and they like each other—yay!
mad maddie:
and he plays Halo with a bunch of guys on his hall, and he says they’re pretty cool, so yeah, I think he’s having fun.
SnowAngel:
he misses you like crazy, I bet
mad maddie:
yeah. well. we avoid that topic.
SnowAngel:
why?
mad maddie:
what do you mean, why
mad maddie:
what’s the point of torturing ourselves by talking about something we can’t have?
SnowAngel:
SnowAngel:
um, because sharing your feelings would make you feel better?
mad maddie:
ohhhh
mad maddie:
and what wld I say? that I wish I’d gone to UGA instead of Santa Cruz so that we cld hold hands and walk to class together and crawl into the same bed every night? that California is so much farther away than I thought? that without him, I feel like I’m dying inside?
SnowAngel:
oh, Maddie
mad
maddie:
that’s Zoe, not me. feeling sorry for yrself is an exercise in futility.
SnowAngel:
but . . .
SnowAngel:
argh. I knew you missed Ian—duh—but I had no idea how much. I mean, you’re always talking about casinos and tigers and hot dog donuts. I just assumed you were having a super-fun time and that Santa Cruz was awesome.
mad maddie:
I *am* having a super-fun time and SC *is* awesome, and I keep myself busy on purpose so that I can live in denial at the same time.
mad maddie:
can we move on?
SnowAngel:
but . . . but . . . I don’t want you to feel like you’re dying inside!
mad maddie:
omg. and apparently I shldn’t have told you, either.
mad maddie:
do you want to hear my worst autocorrect or not?
SnowAngel:
um, sure
mad maddie:
you’ll like it, I promise.
mad maddie:
I sent Ian a text about scarfing down Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and guzzling a Coke, but autocorrect decided I was guzzling a cock.
SnowAngel:
ha!
SnowAngel:
bet Ian loved that. bet it made him wish you were there to guzzle HIS cock.
mad maddie:
Angela? to guzzle means “to drink greedily.” (thank u, dictionary app)
SnowAngel:
ok, then nuzzle! it’s a good idea to NUZZLE a cock, isn’t it?
mad maddie:
only way to find out is to try. yr Aunt Sadie won’t approve, but Reid will be thrilled.
Sat, Oct 12, 2:01 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
it’s two o’clock on a Saturday, it’s gorgeous outside, and yet here I am, sitting on my bed doing nothing.
mad maddie:
urrrrggghhhh. noooooooo.
zoegirl:
I keep telling myself to get up and go for a walk, because I know it would make me feel better. but I can’t. it’s like I’m physically stuck.
zoegirl:
it’s actually kind of freaking me out
mad maddie:
ZOE
mad maddie:
do you think yr truly depressed? do you think you shld see a doctor?
zoegirl:
I don’t feel like *me*.
zoegirl:
I know I was happy once, but I can’t remember what it feels like.
mad maddie:
ok, babes? yr scaring me, cuz YOU ARE A HAPPY PERSON. you’re wired that way. and we’ve had so many happy times together!
zoegirl:
yeah . . . ?
mad maddie:
omg. YES. like the last week of high school, when we had the mud slide and you and Angela and I got soooo filthy. that was so. much. fun. you can remember that, can’t u?
zoegirl:
I can see it in my mind, but it’s like . . .
zoegirl:
it’s like there’s glass between me and that girl. I can remember the idea of being happy, but I can’t remember the feeling.
mad maddie:
maybe you shld go to Kenyon’s health clinic. talk to a counselor or something.
zoegirl:
boohoo, my high school boyfriend and I broke up in the first semester of college, just like everyone in the world said we would. so original.
mad maddie:
who said you and Doug were going to break up?
zoegirl:
oh, I don’t know.
zoegirl:
maybe no one said that specifically, but my parents said things like, “we like Doug very much, but don’t limit yourself” and “most high school relationships don’t last, you know. you need to prepare yourself for that possibility.”
mad maddie:
prepare yrself to have yr heart broken? that seems . . .
mad maddie:
well, it seems cruel, almost. and how does focusing on the negative help? wldn’t it be better to put a smile on and hope for the best?
zoegirl:
that makes me think of Ian’s last Instagram pic. the one of him making a heart with his hands with the caption “missing my girl.” made me want to cry and smile at the same time.
mad maddie:
I liked that one too. I have NOT been liking all the bleak landscape pics you’ve been posting.
zoegirl:
that’s what I see when I look out my window, so . . .
zoegirl:
I’m following Zara now, btw.
mad maddie:
Zara? as in my roommate Zara? you’re following her on Instagram?
zoegirl:
I found her on your profile page. you don’t post enough pictures, and I wanted to learn more about your new California life.
zoegirl:
I’m confused about one of the pictures she posted, though. the one of the bathroom in y’all’s suite where it looks as if everyone doodles and writes notes on the tiles using Sharpies.
mad maddie:
the RA doesn’t care. Zara promised we’d clean it all off at the end of the year.
zoegirl:
I don’t care about that—and anyway, it’s really cute, all those white tiles with smiley faces and hearts and peace signs drawn on them. and that dragon! whoever drew that dragon is GOOD.
zoegirl:
but the notes say things like “Rock it, Z!” and “hugs to Neesa” and something about how Erica should call Frank “Francis”?
mad maddie:
he’s just a guy that hangs out with that group.
mad maddie:
our group.
mad maddie:
his real name is Francis. go fig.
zoegirl:
ok, but why no “hugs to Maddie”?
zoegirl:
why are there no notes to you at all?
mad maddie:
that’s a weird question
zoegirl:
is it?
zoegirl:
no notes from you either
mad maddie:
well, Zoe, here is why. Zara’s Instagram pic only shows two walls of the bathroom. two out of . . . I dunno, ten or twelve including the stalls and showers.
mad maddie:
what did you think, that everyone in the suite decorated the bathroom except me?
zoegirl:
well . . . *shrugs*
mad maddie:
omg, I’m so offended! or I wld be if I weren’t laughing so hard.
mad maddie:
I’ve written stuff on the tiles too. they’re just not in that pic.
mad maddie:
crazy girl!
Sat, Oct 12, 5:13 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
I just sat thru the WORST scolding of my life, you guys.
SnowAngel:
it was like being yelled at by Southern Belle Barbie meets Desperate Housewife from Hell, and you shld both feel sorry for me and offer to rub my bunions.
SnowAngel:
don’t you feel sorry for me?
SnowAngel:
I don’t actually have bunions.
SnowAngel:
I don’t actually know what bunions are.
SnowAngel:
OMG, REALLY? where are you ppl when I need you?!!!
SnowAngel:
Tandy, the social chair of the Alpha Zetas, called an emergency pledge meeting because apparently sororities have emergencies involving social-ness.
SnowAngel:
here is the first thing she said once we were sitting down: “now listen, y’all. don’t even THINK about moving your derrieres from this room until I’m done. you’re all going to want to run away like little bitty babies because you’re all in huge fucking trouble, but if you move even one of your ugly-ass butt cheeks? you. are. dead. y’all got that?”
SnowAngel:
it was half scary and half funny, but Tandy wasn’t jokin
g.
SnowAngel:
for the next hour, she told us we were the worst pledge class in the history of Alpha Zetas. that we don’t show enough Zeta spirit, that we don’t make a splash on campus, that we don’t wear our letters enough, and that only HALF of us had purchased the Zeta lavaliers we’re supposed to buy, and what the fuck was up with that?
SnowAngel:
a lavalier is a necklace with the Greek letters for whatever yr sorority is on it, in case you didn’t know. I’m one of the girls who hasn’t bought one, but not as an act of rebellion. just cuz I’m lazy.
SnowAngel:
see, you have to log on to this online store—there’s Alpha Zeta comforters, Alpha Zeta mugs, Alpha Zeta teddy bears, Alpha Zeta undies . . . but something went wrong when I was creating my account and I cldn’t get it to work and finally I said, screw it.
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