You’re Everything I Need: A Forbidden Romance

by Ford, Mia

  “Yeah, everyone will see it. You’re going to be a star, sweetheart.”

  I let out a nervous chuckle, not sure how I feel about it. Of course I knew this was going to happen the moment I agreed to take the pictures, but still it’s nuts to think about for real.

  “You know what, I don’t know you as well as I’d like, and I want to change that. You seem pretty cool to me and I’d like to get to know you better. Do you want to go out for a couple of drinks after work to celebrate you becoming a world-famous model? I can also invite Jenny from design. You’d like her.”

  A warm feeling blooms in my chest, I like that idea. It’s nice that I’ve reconnected with my old friends, and I’m getting there with my family as well, but why not take that one step further and make new friends?

  “I would like that. Thank you, Sally, that sounds like fun.”

  My God, I could use some fun right now. Everything feels all tight and rigid, like I have to be so careful with what I say. It’ll be nice to blow off a little bit of steam. I could use it.

  “Great, well I’ll come and get you at the end of the day. Make Cooper set you free. I know that he has the tendency to make you stay late, but I won’t let that happen today. We’re going to talk about your pictures.”

  I blow out a sigh of relief, glad that I have a ready-made excuse for why I need to leave early today. It’s getting harder and harder to make up imaginary things that mean I need to get out of the office before we’re alone.

  “Sounds awesome, Sally. I’m looking forward to it already.”

  “We’ll go to the bar across the road. That’s where all the suits go, it’s good for hot guys.”

  “Oh right; well, I’m off guys at the moment but that sounds like fun.”

  “Ooh, I’ll let you tell me more about that later, but in my experience, the exact time when you’re sworn off guys is the right time to meet the man that you’re going to marry.”

  I force out a fake laugh. “I don’t know about that, I don’t think I’ll ever get married.”

  “I hear you. I don’t know about you but I can’t find a man good enough.”

  I leave the bathroom with a surprising smile on my face. It’s good to pull my head out of the situation and to take a look around to see that there are other things in the world. Yes, Cooper and I made a mistake, there’s no denying that, but we’re moving past it, at least we’re doing the right thing now.

  And hanging out with Sally tonight will be good. I might even have a lot in common with her. If we’re friends it’ll certainly make this place a lot more bearable which is definitely what I need.

  Hmm, this could actually be a whole lot of fun.

  * * *

  “Cheers to Lexi!” Sally declares loudly for what feels like the hundredth time. “She’s an awesome model.”

  “I think you might have had enough to drink,” I chuckle. “You don’t have to celebrate me anymore.”

  “Sally always gets like this,” Jenny interjects. “But that’s what makes her so much fun.”

  “Yeah, I can’t agree with that. This is the best night out that I’ve had in ages.”

  The booze sloshes through my system, lightening the load of the boulders I have resting on my shoulders, and these girls are making me laugh a whole lot.

  “So, Lexi, if we can’t talk about your beautiful pictures anymore, can we talk about guys?”

  “Huh? Erm, yeah, I suppose so. What do you want to talk about?”

  “Well, my ex-boyfriend, Tony, is a real dog. I hate him. But yet… I still like him a bit.”

  “Oh, Sally, I cannot let you go there with Tony again. He’s a pig. Honestly, Lexi, he was the worst. We could all see that he was only using Sally for her money and a place to live for months, but she wouldn’t listen. Now, she talks about him every time she’s drunk and I’m so scared she’s going to get back with him.”

  “I’m not the only one. Lexi said she’s off guys too, there must be something complicated there.”

  Too complicated for words. Too complicated for me to even explain.

  “Did you move back here to get away from someone.”

  Oh… I almost forgot about Trent. I got so wrapped up in Cooper I forgot about anything else.

  “Yeah, I found my ex in bed with my friend, so that sucked. But to be honest, I think he did me a favor. Now I’m away from him, I can see how controlling he was, how much he manipulated me.”

  “Urgh, he sounds like a dirt bag. I’m glad you’re away from him.”

  “I’m just glad that I’m engaged,” Jenny interjects. “The dating pool sounds hard.”

  “It’s so horrible, Jenny, honestly. You stick with that wonderful man of yours. So, Lexi, what about Cooper?”

  My blood runs cold and my breath gets stuck in my throat. I thought I just avoided this conversation, but it seems not. With Sally’s slightly drunken eyes staring at me so intently, I feel myself crumble.

  “Erm, what about Cooper? What do you mean?”

  “Well, he likes you, doesn’t he?”

  “I… I don’t think so.” I don’t know how much she knows, so this lie is dangerous.

  “He does, he definitely likes you, and there’s so much chemistry between you.”

  I need to tell her the truth, or at least enough of it to shut this rumor down, I can’t keep it spinning through the office or it will soon overwhelm me. I just can’t let it happen, even if speaking this aloud to someone else makes it unbearably real. I keep my eyes fixed slightly over her head while I talk.

  “No, it isn’t like that. Cooper’s wife was my cousin.”

  A thick silence clings to the air, I can almost see the girls darting worried eyes at each other.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Funnily enough Sally sounds a little more sober now. “I didn’t know.”

  “No, it’s okay. It’s hard to lose her in such a way, but we’re all surviving.”

  “Yes, that must be awful. And I’m so sorry for suggesting what I did. The chemistry is obviously a family bond rather than anything else. I didn’t mean to… I don’t know, I just feel really bad now.”

  “Please don’t feel bad. It isn’t your fault. And you don’t have to feel awkward.”

  “Shall I get some drinks in?” Jenny asks, bolting from the awkward situation. “Another one?”

  “Yes, please,” Sally and I reply in unison.

  Once she goes, I smile at Sally. “Honestly, don’t worry, it’s fine.”

  “I just thought that there was something there, that’s all.”

  So did I! Oh my God, so did I.

  “It’s fine, he’s just my boss now. I don’t want this to make things weird between us. I’m so glad that you invited me out, I could really use some friends at the moment, I don’t want this to wreck it.”

  “You and I have had a rough time with guys recently, haven’t we?”

  “Yeah, it sure seems like it.”

  “We should avoid guys for a while, you’re right. I might just text Tony and tell him…”

  “No…” I slide the phone from her hand and shake my head. “No drunken texts.”

  “Just to tell him that I don’t want to see him again.”

  “No, I refuse to let it happen.”

  “Don’t you ever want to talk to your ex though? Whatever he did, just to hear his voice?”

  “No.” I shake my head honestly. “I really don’t. I’m just so done with him.”

  “That’s amazing. You’re so brave. I want to be just like you. You know what, I’m going to delete Tony’s number so I can’t ever communicate with him again. I need to do what you are and have a clean break.”

  I hand her back her phone, hoping that she’s doing just that. She might well be texting him and telling him that she loves him, I can’t be sure, but I’m trusting her. Hoping that she’s doing the right thing.

  “I won’t talk to another guy again until I think he’s the one I’ll marry…”

  “Hey, love.” A guy i
n a suit leans over her and smiles. “Can I buy you a drink?”

  “Oh, that’s lovely.” She flips her hair flirtily over her shoulder. “That sounds lovely.”

  As he walks over to the bar, she bursts into laughter. “Okay, maybe just this one, but that’s because he offered to buy me a drink.”

  Yep, I definitely have a lot in common with this woman. I think we’re going to be very firm friends.

  13

  Cooper

  “Are you ready, Aubrey?” I ask my daughter, trying to bury my anxiety. “It’s time to see Gramma, Papa, and Auntie Cassie. Are you excited? It should be fun, shouldn’t it?”

  “Yes.” She nods happily. “Excited.”

  This is something that Nora used to be in charge of, the visits to her family. I would go along occasionally, but usually I spent the time catching up on any work left behind. However, ever since her death, it’s been up to me. I make sure we visit at least once a month, so she still has that connection to her family. I know this is what Nora would want me to do. It isn’t ever easy, it’s too much of a link to the past, but I have to.

  “Come on then, sweetie. Let’s get into the car.”

  I take Aubrey’s hand and lead her to the car. As I strap her in to her seat, she smiles up at me, looking far too much like her mother again for my liking. My heart hurts but I smile right back.

  “Gama, Cass.” She’s so excited, it almost hurts my chest. “Ganda.”

  This is another reason why I keep it up. Separating her from her mother’s side of the family isn’t right. She needs them. The older she gets the more she’s going to need them. At least at some point I won’t need to be quite so involved. That’s a long time off now, but it’ll come.

  “Right, let’s get going.”

  As I pull the car out of the drive, Aubrey babbles to herself in the back. I don’t know what she’s talking about, some of it is in her funny baby-like language, but it’s sweet all the same. I could listen to her doing this all day long. Of course, it leaves me wondering what she’s saying to herself. Does she ever imagine that she’s talking to her mother? Does she still miss her mom? Maybe she barely remembers her at all.

  Before I even realize it, tears have filled my eyes. I’m not quite crying, but the emotion is definitely there. I suppose that’s to be expected considering I’m headed to the home of her family, but I have a feeling that it’s more about what happened with Lexi than anything else. A deep shame fills me. I’m not exactly thinking that she’s confessed all to her family, she seems very keen to just forget the whole thing happened at all, but guilt crushes through me anyway. I don’t know how I’m going to look them in the eye.

  “Okay.” I breathe deeply as I stare at the building. “Let’s do this, Aubrey.”

  She cheers loudly, sharing none of my trepidation. I watch her bounce up and down in her seat, stretching out her arms, keen to get inside to see her grandparents. I can’t put it off any longer, I need to just face it. I’m sure it’ll be okay anyway, it always is once I get inside.

  I take Aubrey’s hand and walk towards the door. She must have been sitting behind the door waiting for us, because before we ever get there, Bessie swings the door open and extends out her arms to hold her grandchild.

  “Oh, hello there, little Aubrey. It’s good to see you again. I’ve missed you.”

  “I’m so sorry, I know it’s been a while, it has just been a crazy month.”

  “Well, you know if you ever need a hand with this little angel, let me know.”

  Again, I feel bad. We’re so set in our routine, and she gets on so well with Caroline, sometimes I just forget about other people. It isn’t an intentional thing, I just don’t think about it.

  “Oh yeah of course. I’ll bear that in mind, and like I said I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, hey there.” Thank goodness. Ben appears behind his wife like a shining beacon of peace. He’s definitely the easy-going one out of these people. Nora took from him a lot, she was just as calm and sweet. “I have some candy for you, kiddie, if you want some? And your Auntie Cassie is here too.”

  Ben takes Aubrey into the other room with me not far behind them. Like they always do when we come for a visit, they have a bunch of toys out for her to play with and snacks to keep her happy. No wonder she loves it, it’s like a paradise. I mean, she has all she wants at home too, but this is new and she loves new.

  “Would you like a coffee, Cooper? I’ve just put the machine on.”

  “Oh, yes please, Cassie. Thank you. That’s awesome.”

  I like Cassie a lot, I’ve always got on well with her. She’s another one who doesn’t get too fired up about things. Get on the wrong side of her and you’ll know about it, but aside from that she’s awesome.

  “So, how have things been with you? Business going well?”

  “Oh yeah, as always it’s going well. It gets busier by the day.”

  “I bet. You know, if you ever want to send any free clothes my way…”

  “Of course. I’ll remember to bring some with me next time. How is the law?”

  She tosses her head back and laughs loudly. “Yeah still studying, still getting there. It’s good. Hard work though, those who don’t quite have the stomach for it have quit already. But not me. I’m never going to give up, you know what I’m like.”

  “That’s very true. I do. And what about Kevin? Things still going well with him?”

  “Yeah, all is great. I think he might pop the question soon enough.”

  “Do you think you’ll say yes?”

  “Of course I’ll say yes… although, you’ve given me an idea. I might make him sweat it.”

  “Oh no, you cannot do that. A guy works himself up really hard to pop the question. We need the answer right away or it really knocks our confidence.”

  “Yeah.” Her tone turns a little sadder. “I remember you proposing to Nora at the Waterfront.”

  “I got myself in such a state I almost didn’t ask. I nearly turned myself off the idea. I was all sweaty and gross, I think at some point I nearly burst into tears. Thankfully, she said yes right away.”

  “She was so excited. I’m pretty sure Nora wanted to marry you from the moment she met you.”

  She hands me my drink and I take a giant swig. It’s really only Cassie who talks openly about Nora now. Usually I find that a real comfort, but today with all this guilt it only makes it worse.

  “I wanted to marry her too. She was the woman to change me.”

  We watch Aubrey playing with Ben and Bessie for a while, both lost in our individual thoughts.

  “She looks so much like my sister, doesn’t she? Especially when she was younger. Here, Mom found some pictures the other day of us as kids, and honestly, Aubrey looks just like Nora.”

  She hands me a stack of pictures and I flick through them seeing exactly what she means.

  “Oh, I think Aubrey looks a lot like you too. Especially in this one.”

  “Oh, that’s the fire in her eyes. We’re both little firecrackers.”

  I turn over onto the next picture and my heart balls up in my throat. There are three young girls in this one, three red heads, and I have a funny feeling who one of them is. I can see that familiar glare.

  “Oh, that one in between me and Nora is my cousin, Lexi.” Shit, I feel even worse now. “I don’t know if you’ve ever met her really, she’s been in a bit of a troubled state recently, but she’s back in town…”

  “Actually.” I have to say something. This will probably come out eventually and it’ll be even weirder if I don’t say anything. If we don’t want anyone to know what’s going on then we need to act normally. “There’s…”

  “Oh, Aubrey, I forgot I brought you a little gift.”

  Cassie jumps up and grabs a parcel from her bag, completely shattering the moment. Now if I go back to the subject and I bring it up again, it’ll be even stranger. I have to swallow down the words and forget it.

  “Here we are. I got you a d
oll from the store. I hope you like it.”

  “Yay!” Aubrey screams with glee and she takes the doll. “Love it.”

  I smile to myself, trying to push all my guilt to one side. I’m just creating a bigger deal out of this than needs to be. It’s fine, it’s all okay. Having Lexi working for me and not directly saying anything isn’t strange at all. And it’s even less weird that we slept together. Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I might believe it!

  I breathe deep, hopefully cooling myself down. It’s so hard to act normal!

  Knock, knock.

  “Oh, there’s Pam. She’s come to see Aubrey.”

  I’ve only met Pam once before and I don’t really remember her. I’m pretty sure that it’s Bessie’s sister, so I guess that makes her Aubrey’s great aunt. I don’t know how much she likes me, but I suppose it doesn’t matter.

  “Hello there, Aubrey.” Pam ignores me as she comes in, heading straight for my girl. “How are you?”

  I spend so long watching Pam that it takes me a moment to see someone standing behind her. A shadow looming, carrying so much weight it makes my heart stop beating.

  Lexi. I had no idea that she was going to be here. Did she? She could have warned me! It seems like she’s purposefully not meeting my eyes which makes me very suspicious. What is she playing at?

  “Aubrey, this is your cousin… second cousin? First cousin once removed? Oh, I don’t know how it works. Anyway, this is your cousin, Lexi. She’s come to meet you for the very first time.”

  “Mommy!” Aubrey holds out her hands to hug Lexi. “Mommy from the park.”

  “Oh no, darling, this isn’t your mommy. It’s Lexi.” Pam looks towards Lexi. “It must be because she isn’t used to you and you do look a lot like Nora. Bless her little heart.”

  “Mommy from the park.”

  “Why does she keep saying that?” Finally, Pam looks at me. “Mommy from the park, what does that mean? Is it a cartoon or something? It’s weird, it isn’t just me that thinks it’s weird, is it?”