The Cottage of New Beginnings

by Suzanne Snow

  ‘She must have been very beautiful.’

  The intended compliment was impossible to ignore, and Annie swallowed, feeling as though she was standing on constantly shifting ground and couldn’t be sure where to place her feet safely. ‘Thank you,’ she answered breezily, pretending she hadn’t really understood his meaning. ‘I believe my grandfather thought so.’

  Jon clearly saw through her attempt to dodge the compliment and the wink he gave her was quick and flirty, the sensuous gaze gone. She was reminded of the first day at the cottage when he’d discovered her in the garden, feeling as though it was an age ago, even though barely two weeks had passed. The memory was enough to set her senses alight when she pictured his expression then, and now she couldn’t tear her eyes from his, wondering how it was they seemed to understand one another, her curiosity still growing.

  ‘May I ask you a personal question?’ She wasn’t surprised when he nodded. ‘Have you ever been married?’

  He shook his head, reaching for a napkin to wipe his mouth and replacing it on his nearly empty plate. ‘No. I did propose to a girl at Cambridge, but she had more sense and turned me down – we were far too young. I guess I was just looking for some certainty. We were about to go travelling and I didn’t want to lose her.’ Jon’s expression became thoughtful and she knew that what he would tell her next was more serious. ‘I met somebody else while I was living in Kenya. She was from Ireland and we worked for the same mission. But eventually she wanted to get married and start a family and I didn’t, not at that stage in my life anyway. Niamh was a couple of years older than me and felt it was time, for her.’

  ‘Were you together for a long time?’ Annie saw recollection in his eyes as his thoughts drifted into memories. She was finally making headway with her hot dog, trying not to let everything slide off it and land on her lap.

  ‘Three years, on and off.’

  The waitress was back, and Annie was glad to gather her thoughts for a moment as the drinks were replenished, his words a sharp reminder of the comment she’d overhead about his ex-girlfriend at Sarah’s party. Jon didn’t speak again until they were alone, his voice low, eyes holding hers.

  ‘I’ve been a Christian since I was twenty-one, almost fifteen years now, and if I’m honest I knew I didn’t want to be committed to a marriage for the rest of my life back then. But living in Thorndale and managing the estate has made me think of the future and I’ve realised I’d like those same things that Niamh did. Marriage, hopefully a family one day. I love living in the house but it’s less of a home on my own. It was built to share.’

  Dismay dropped through Annie’s stomach with a sudden plunge that left her trembling and the rest of her meal on the plate. She looked away, watching the movements around the noisy little diner as the silence between them grew. They were in very different places with their thoughts about marriage and she fixed her eyes on a poster of Dirty Dancing on the wall behind his head, sure he would understand the reason for her unease as she tried to picture what a future between them might be, one that seemed unlikely to bring all he apparently wanted. The waitress returned to clear the table and offer dessert menus. Finally, Annie looked at him and he lightened the moment, waving the menu at her.

  ‘Dessert?’

  She shook her head, smiling to disguise the sadness. ‘I couldn’t. Have you seen the size of the ones on the table over there?’

  ‘Maybe we should have a soda float at least, or a milkshake, seeing as I’m trying to give you a Yorkshire flavour of America.’

  Annie caught the menu in his hand and took it from him. ‘Well, in that case I’ll have the banana peanut butter milkshake. Might as well go all out on the American flavours.’

  ‘I’ll have the same.’

  The waitress returned and Annie ordered their shakes and they chatted above the music until their drinks arrived. Her eyes widened at the size of the glass topped with cream and ice cream. It was delicious if sweet, and she admitted defeat halfway down.

  ‘I’m done. Gorgeous though.’

  ‘Me too. I don’t have a very sweet tooth.’

  They ordered coffee to finish and conversation was easy and fun, the weight of everything they’d shared before lightened now. Eventually Jon caught the attention of the waitress and moments later the bill was settled.

  ‘Jon, please,’ Annie said determinedly, her hand going to her bag. But he was already standing up, and she felt tiny in her flat pumps as she slid out of the booth and stood next to him.

  ‘Absolutely not.’ He took her jacket, holding it out so she could shrug into it. She lifted her long curls out of the way, his hands lightly brushing her neck. ‘We can argue about it if you like but you’re my guest and I promise you I won’t change my mind.’

  The town was quieter when they stepped outside, the warmth of the day’s sun diminished by the evening drawing in. The salty seaside smell drifted amongst that of the fish and chip shop nearby, still doing a roaring trade judging by the queue on the street. The town looked beautiful, the buildings clinging to the hillside opposite them lit by warm lamps, casting a glow onto the people strolling along the harbour and the fisherman getting ready to sail. Slowly they began the walk back to the car, chatting easily about things that were much simpler, though Annie’s mind was still whirring with everything Jon had told her.

  Soon they were speeding home through the darkened countryside and she knew their date had been almost as perfect as it was possible to be. Jon had been charming, funny, and interesting and she tried to sort through her muddled feelings. She liked him and was certain of the attraction between them. But what could it amount to, if he was hoping for a commitment that could lead to a family? And she was desperate not to offer her heart, only for it to be shattered once again. The spectre of the endometriosis and Iain’s betrayal lingered, a small voice telling her that she wouldn’t be enough on her own, if she couldn’t offer him everything. Normally so decisive and level-headed, she was completely taken aback by how Jon made her feel whenever he looked at her, so different from anyone she had known before, even Iain. Everything seemed to be racing out of control, and she desperately wanted more time to cling to her defences and learn to trust again.

  All too soon she recognised the signs popping up through the shadows and Thorndale appeared, slumbering through the night. Moments later they were outside her house and he turned off the ignition, the cottage in darkness and the uneven path darker still. Jon spoke first and his simple words heightened her apprehension, twisting her stomach into knots of nervousness as their ease with one another disappeared.

  ‘Thank you for your company tonight. I had a really great time.’

  She let out a breath, overwhelmed by the sudden urge to cry, hopelessly aware that the perfection of their beginning had brought with it their end. How much easier to dismiss him, had he not been everything she’d loved about tonight? Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she tried to keep her voice even as she replied. ‘Me too. Thank you.’ Not the right words, she knew, not enough to describe the wonderful evening they had just shared. ‘I should go. Good night, Jon.’

  ‘May I see you again?’

  She knew his eyes were on her and caught her breath, squeezing her lids shut as the tears threatened to spill this time.

  ‘Annie?’

  Slowly, she shook her head. ‘I can’t.’ Her voice was a tiny whisper through the quietness as she gave him the answer her common sense – and her still-mending heart – demanded. ‘I’m really sorry, but I don’t think it would be a good idea.’ At first, she thought he hadn’t heard her reply and then he sighed, a brief, disappointed exhalation she almost missed but understood instantly. He turned his head away and she put one hand on the door, about to leave, until he spoke again.

  ‘Will you tell me why?’ There was no discernible difference in his polite tone, and she couldn’t see his eyes to read his expression.

  She paused, wishing she could flee into the isolation of the cottage withou
t answering, because to tell him everything would be to admit too much. She didn’t want him to know how easily she could fall in love with him, and how afraid she felt of the emotional turmoil it would bring when it inevitably ended. Her thoughts brought sharply back the devastating end of her engagement just a few months ago and the news about Iain’s baby that had followed, and it steeled her. She replied honestly, without revealing all.

  ‘I’m just not ready to start dating again,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m sorry, Jon, I thought I might feel differently after tonight. It’s too soon after everything that happened with Iain. I’m not really over all of that yet.’

  ‘Annie, you can’t spend the rest of your life hiding from anything that might hurt you,’ Jon said gently. He turned to look at her and she folded her arms across her chest in stiff resistance. ‘Please don’t tell me you’ll never allow yourself to fall in love again because you were hurt once before?’

  It was far too close to the truth and she raised one shoulder in a silent shrug. ‘Thank you for dinner,’ she said with a brightness she didn’t feel. ‘I really am sorry.’ She pushed at the door and stepped outside into the lane, clutching her jacket tightly. Jon leapt from the car and shoved the gate open, his hand touching her arm briefly as she passed him. He was behind her as she walked up the path and they didn’t speak again until she’d opened the front door and switched on the hall light. She turned around, shaken by the regret in his blue eyes revealed by the glow from the cottage as he looked at her.

  ‘Night, Annie.’ He bent his head and brushed his mouth against her cheek, just once. She felt the fleeting roughness of his skin next to her own and a searing heat where his lips had touched her face as her breath caught. ‘See you.’

  And he was gone, roaring away in his car while she stood in the doorway still, allowing tears to slide from her eyes now that he couldn’t see them. Coldness settled around her heart as she began to wonder what she had done in sending him away.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The following morning Annie was finding it difficult to believe that the date with Jon had come and gone already. The irrepressible high of anticipation had been replaced by gloom as she mooched around the cottage and tried to push thoughts of him from her mind.

  Later on she cooked supper for Sam, and they had a lovely evening and, Annie at least, a couple of glasses of wine too many. She eventually told Sam about her date with Jon and how perfect it had been. When Sam asked her if she was going to see him again, Annie found that her reason why not sounded very feeble in the light of everything she’d shared with Jon and the attraction simmering between them. She ended up telling Sam about Iain and the baby. Sam sympathised but said something similar to Jon, about not allowing the past to permanently influence her future and reminding Annie that she didn’t need to rush into anything. There was understanding in her new friend’s face and Annie knew she was right, even if putting it into practice seemed almost impossible.

  Ignoring the pile of work in the study, Annie had a lie-in on Saturday morning, allowing herself the luxury of tea and toast in her pyjamas in the garden. She’d discovered that she could sometimes get a signal on her phone if she stayed close to the kitchen window and she caught up with a few messages before the signal disappeared again. She nipped into town to re-stock on groceries and it was only as she was driving home that she suddenly remembered the cricket match this afternoon. She had made a half tipsy promise to go and watch it with Sam and groaned. Annie hated cricket but she’d promised Sam and didn’t want to let her down, especially as Charlie was playing.

  She dragged her shopping out of the car and was halfway down her garden path when she did a double take, looking around in surprise. The overgrown grass had been mown and she thought of Jon’s offer to have Arthur cut it for her, thrilled he hadn’t changed his mind after their date. It wouldn’t have been at all like him to renege on his promise and sudden delight brought a smile to her face as she realised that she had a reason to speak with Jon again and thank him.

  The weather was looking promising when Annie set off clutching a wide-brimmed hat, sunglasses and the few things she’d thrown into a bag to make a simple picnic. She arrived at the cricket ground and spotted Sam already sitting on a rug near the boundary to the left of the pavilion. Sam waved and Annie made her way across, saying hello to the people she knew as she squeezed through the hordes jostling for a good position.

  ‘Hi,’ Sam called, wriggling over to make room on the rug. ‘Come and have a drink. It’s so warm already.’

  Annie sat down, spying Charlie emerging from the pavilion with a couple of other players, including Mark Howard, and Charlie made his way over.

  ‘I can’t stay.’ He gave Annie a quick grin, and she sensed his impatience to start playing. ‘We’ve lost the toss, we’re fielding.’

  ‘Where’s Jon?’ Sam asked.

  Annie hoped the sudden rush of heat to her cheeks wasn’t visible and she pushed her bag away, allowing her hair to fall over her face.

  ‘Surely he should be here by now? I thought he’d be opening the batting with you?’

  ‘He’s not playing.’ Charlie pulled a face, and Annie felt her heartbeat slow again. ‘His finger’s not fully healed from the whack he got in nets and he doesn’t want to fracture it again.’

  Annie’s mind darted back to their date and Jon’s hand holding hers, and she stifled a smile. His fingers had felt fine then. More than fine and there was that quiver again, whenever she thought of him.

  ‘So not the groin strain then?’

  Charlie grinned. ‘No, I think that’s better. It was only a mild tear he picked up on a rescue.’

  ‘Isn’t he even coming to watch? It’s not like him to miss the match.’ Sam still hadn’t given up and Annie was all ears while pretending not to be.

  ‘Should be, you know what he’s like. He’s got something on at Kilnbeck and then he’s coming down.’ Charlie turned to make his way back to the pavilion.

  ‘Good luck,’ Sam called as he strode away, and Annie saw him raise a hand in silent reply. Sam turned to Annie with a grin. ‘Neil Dawson’s sister’s friend is going out with somebody who used to keep wicket for England a few years ago. Jon found out and drafted him into the team. We wouldn’t normally use such underhand tactics, but Calstone have brought in a spinner who played for Middlesex so at least they’re probably about even.’

  ‘Aren’t there rules about those kinds of things?’ Annie raised her voice above the sudden cheering of the crowd as the rest of players appeared on the pitch with Charlie.

  ‘Not exactly.’ Sam reached for her sunglasses nearby and slipped them on. ‘This match is only played once a year for charity. In 1880, when the estates at Thorndale and Calstone were divided up, the two heirs fell out over the same girl. She couldn’t decide who to choose, so the boys agreed to play a game of cricket and she would marry the winning captain.’

  ‘Like a duel with teams,’ Annie said, intrigued by the story. She slipped her hat on to shield her eyes from the sun. ‘But no pistols. Or bodies.’

  ‘Precisely. The game became a tradition, until it died out during the First World War. Jon’s grandfather reintroduced it when he bought the estate.’

  ‘Who won?’

  ‘The girl? Frederick Sykes from Calstone. Legend has it that he was really the one she wanted all along, and it must have been true because they were married for thirty-six years and had seven children. Rather her than me.’

  People were still arriving, spreading rugs across the grass and encouraging excited children to go off and play in the furthest corners of the field, far away from flying balls. Sarah Holland caused a bit of a stir when she rolled up with a couple of glamorous weekend guests and the newly famous Jed March in tow.

  ‘I wonder if he really is back with Sarah.’ Sam was watching Jed, head bowed over his phone. ‘At least then she might leave poor Jon alone.’

  Annie winced as the unwanted thought of Sarah not leaving Jon alone poppe
d into her head. ‘I didn’t realise Jon was into cricket,’ she said idly.

  Sam looked at her beadily. ‘Didn’t he tell you? He’s very good. He had a trial for Yorkshire when he was at Cambridge and played for the village team until Kilnbeck opened and then he had to give up.’ She retrieved a bottle of water from her bag and Annie watched drops fizzle onto the ground when Sam opened it. ‘I used to think Charlie was competitive until I watched Jon. He gets really irate if he doesn’t play well. I saw him chuck his bat into a tree once when he was given out on a dodgy decision, and he had to climb up and retrieve it when he’d cooled down.’

  The two opening Calstone batsmen appeared and Annie sighed. Now the boring stuff would begin. She watched as Charlie positioned his players in the field, and then the bowler, who she saw was Mark, marked out his run-up. She looked around the ground, wondering if Kirstie was here to watch him, but couldn’t see her. Mark thundered up to the batsman and hurled the ball straight at him to loud cheers. The batsman ducked just in time and the wicket keeper missed a catch, the ball hurtling away. There were two runs on the scoreboard before a portly middle-aged fielder managed to lob it back. The crowd hissed, and Annie laughed. Maybe it would be bearable after all.

  But her interest in the game began to weaken as the Calstone total grew steadily and the Thorndale crowd became impatient. Things livened up as Sarah Holland made her way around the boundary, chatting to almost everyone and even picking up a baby, holding it well away from her designer dress. Then it was Annie and Sam’s turn. Annie couldn’t help sitting up a little straighter as Sarah approached them. She looked up, already at a disadvantage as she squinted into the sun.

  ‘Hi, you two,’ Sarah said breezily. To Annie’s amazement, Sarah sat down beside them and removed her beautiful, wide-brimmed hat. Her eyes weren’t quite as warm as her greeting when they met Annie’s, but Annie was determined to be nice and she smiled back. ‘Enjoying the game?’