“Your son suffered a gunshot to the right abdomen, which you know.” Dr. Smith’s monotone voice is grating on my nerves.
“Yes, we know, how is he?" Ana asks. The doctor clears his throat again.
“It penetrated his appendix, so we had to remove it. We removed the bullet too and he lost a lot of blood. We lost him once on the table, but were able to bring him back. He’s being moved to ICU and is allowed only two visitors at a time, once he is stabilized." No emotion is in his voice, like he is annoyed to be out here, and I finally crack.
“You son of a bitch." I scream at him, tears running down my face.
Nolan steps in front of me, his hands up in front of him. “Not now Izzy,” Nolan growls.
I ignore Nolan and glare at Dr. Smith. “Don’t you give a fuck about anything? We’ve been here for hours waiting to hear something, and I’d think you’d have some fucking compassion when you tell us he died on the fucking table." I scream, drawing the attention of everyone in the waiting room.
Dr. Smith’s eyes widen at my outburst, but I don’t stop, I can’t stop. “You’re an asshole who needs fucking manners. Quit making us feel like we’re beneath you, that we should be honored to be in your presence. Doctor’s don’t do that. Doctor’s help people, not make them feel worse and you.” I point my finger at Dr. Smith, “suck." I cross my arms and sit down, finally running out of steam.
Dr. Smith watches me carefully before turning back to James and Ana. “Like I said, he’s being moved to ICU and I’ll send someone down to get you, when he’s allowed visitors." Dr. Smith goes back through the doors without another word.
Tears are falling down my cheeks and into my lap. I don’t bother to wipe them away. I just let them fall. I’m numb to everything around me. Every sight, every sound, every touch, fades away when I repeat what Dr. Smith said.
Xavier died.
He died on the table. That should have been me in there, not him. Questions fly through my mind that I should have asked before my outburst. Is that going to cause any long-term damage? Is he going to be in a coma? Will he have memory loss?
Nolan sits down next to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders, giving me comfort. “He’s going to be fine now, Izzy.”
“I know, but there is so many questions invading my mind, I don’t think the doctor will answer them now.” I say and wipe a tear from my cheek.
A nurse in deep brown scrubs comes out the doors my dad came through, her brown hair pulled up in a tight ponytail.
“Mr. and Mrs. Sweeney?" She says, looking around. We all rise, and she cocks an eyebrow. “There is only two allowed at a time in his room and the rest of you will have to wait in the waiting room upstairs. Mr. Sweeney just had major surgery and needs his rest.”
“Thank you.” Ana says.
James, Ana, Nolan, and I follow her through the door. I raise an eyebrow at Nolan, “Aren’t your guys going to come with us, boss?"
He shakes his head, a tight smile on his face. “No smartass. They’re going to stay down here."
We all pile the elevator and ride it up to the ICU. Everyone tries to make small talk with me, but I ignore them. I just need to see Xavier, I need to feel his warmth, need to hear him speak. The elevator dings and the doors open. I hesitate to get out. As much as I want to see Xavier, my body freezes. I can’t bring one foot in front of the other. I’m numb and my feet aren’t moving. Ana stops walking and turns around.
“Honey, it’s going to be OK. He’s going to be OK,” she says to me.
I nod my head, that’s the only body part I can move. I finally find my voice. “I know Ana, but I can’t.” Tears are falling down my cheeks dripping onto the floor.
“Ana, James, you two go ahead. I’ll stay here with Izzy.” Nolan says.
Ana speaks up, her motherly voice trying to get through to me. “Izabella Jones, Xavier is going to be fine. The doctor told us he is."
I nod my head again, my breathing shallow, and I’m on the verge of a panic attack. My brain is swirling with questions, but no answers come to mind.
“Izzy, take a deep breath.” Nolan says. I try but fail.
“I can’t. Ana I’m sorry, but I can’t walk through these doors." I cry even harder. Xavier needs me, but I can’t move. My breathing is becoming more rapid and black spots are clouding my vision. “The one person who can help me get past this, can’t right now because of me. I’m the one who should be in that room, not him.” my voice breaking from the emotions I’m feeling. “I’m the one who should have died and then have been revived, not him. He doesn’t deserve any of this and it’s all my fault.” I whisper.
Ana slowly approaches me in the elevator. She places her hands gently on my shoulders, trying to offer comfort.
“Izzy, it’s not your fault.” Ana says gently.
“Yes, it is. He wouldn’t have been shot if I didn’t draw those psychos to me. If he didn’t push me out of the way, it would have been me not him. It’s my fault. You should hate me right now. Why don’t you hate me?” I ask her, my tears are falling harder and faster.
Why don’t they hate me? It doesn’t make sense. Why can’t they see this is my fault and the guilt’s eating me alive? It’s all my fault. Why don’t they just turn their backs on me, like I did to Xavier years ago? I deserve any kind of anger and resentment they have towards me. Why do they keep staring at me instead of going to Xavier? I don’t deserve the attention.
“Nolan, go. I’ll be fine.” I tell him, composing myself. “I’m going to go and see my dad while you guys see Xavier and then stop and see Mia and Ashley. I’ll be back.”
I’m lying, and Nolan knows it. I can’t bring myself to walk out there and see the rejection or blame in Xavier’s eyes.
“Go, Nolan. I’m holding you up from visiting him.” I say and start punching the buttons to the second floor. Tears are welling up in my eyes again and I clear my throat. “Go. I’ll be back later." I push Nolan out the door and hit the button again. The doors quietly close and I don’t look up. My tears are falling again, and I wipe them away. I’ve lost everyone from that stupid bitch.
Mia and Ashley are hurt, Xavier was shot, Nolan thinks I lost my mind, my dad was in a coma. All the people who I love and care for were hurt because of me. If Marie didn’t die at that farm house, I’d kill her right now.
I can’t be here anymore, so I hit the button to the ground floor. The elevator doors finally open and I run through the waiting room. I run outside into the bright morning sun as a new day takes ahold. There is one place I need to go. One person I need to talk to, to get my head on straight. I tell the Uber driver to take me to the cemetery. I need to talk to my mom.
Chapter 42
Xavier
It’s been a month since I took a bullet. Mia and Ashley have healed nicely, Austin was released from the hospital about two weeks ago and I was released last week. Izzy has only come to see me twice since they moved me from ICU. I remember waking up and she wasn’t there. Panic was setting in when I didn’t see her, but my mom told me about Izzy’s breakdown in the elevator. I knew she wouldn’t step foot in the ICU without me. I’m her rock, the one she can count on to help her get past her demons, but I wasn’t there, and guilt ate at me.
I should be angry with her for not staying with me while I was in the hospital but I’m not. She even told me to move on and that she didn’t deserve me. I should be leaving her alone, but I can’t. I could see the pain in her green eyes when she was able to make herself come see me.
*********
I’m turned on my side facing the window, away from the door when I hear it open and then close. I can smell Izzy’s vanilla scent before she even makes it to the side of my bed, I can feel her before I see her. I breathe a sigh of relief that she’s here. She’s only been here one other time and she acted distant then. She takes hesitant steps further into my room, so I turn over to look at her. She’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. She has on a dark blue sundress that hu
gs her curves and stops at mid thigh. White sandals cover her feet.
“Hey, did I wake you?" Izzy asks quietly.
“No, I’ve been up. I was hoping you’d come by today.”
I sit up when she finally makes her way to the chair next to the left side of my bed. The gun shot in my right side is hurting, but I mask it, so it doesn’t scare her away. She’s been skittish towards everyone since the kidnapping and shooting.
“I just wanted to come and see you one last time.” Izzy says. Her head is down, and her voice is wavering.
“B, why are you pushing everyone away?” I ask her.
“It’s the best thing. Everyone I love or care about has been hurt because of me and I can’t do this anymore.” she whispers.
“Izzy, look at me." She shakes her head. I take ahold of her hand and she inhales a deep breath. “Izzy, please look at me.”
Izzy brings her head up hesitantly to look at me. Tears are in her eyes and has dark rings under them. I bring my hand up to the side of her face and she inhales deeply at my touch, closing her eyes for a second, reveling in my caress.
“We promised we’d talk to each other and not run away. So, talk to me. I can’t take it when you act like this.” I plead with her.
“I just can’t. Everything is my fault. My dad, Mia, Ashley they were all hurt because of me. You were shot and died because of me Xavier, I just can’t do this right now. I’m not leaving, but I need time. Time to process all of this. I couldn’t even come and see you when they moved you to ICU. I need to get my head on straight.”
“B, I don’t blame you for anything. Neither does anyone else. You have to see that.” I tell her wiping away her tears falling down her cheeks. “I will always be here for you, waiting for you. Don’t run away. That’ll let her win."
Izzy shakes her head and meets my eyes. “I’m not running away, X. I just need time to get my head on straight and that might be selfish, but I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how to deal with everything that’s happened. I love you.”
Izzy gets up from the chair and leans into me being careful not to touch my right side. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me, laying us down on the bed. She hesitates but finally concedes. I kiss her passionately, my tongue invading her mouth, my teeth gently nibbling on her bottom lip. We’re both on our sides, facing each other. I lay on my left, so I don’t rip my stitches on my right side, Izzy is on her right. There is no space between our bodies as our tongues duel for dominance. My cock stirs to life at her warm body pressed against mine and want nothing more than to bury myself deep inside of her.
“I love you B.” I whisper against her lips, resting my forehead against hers.
“I love you too, X." she hesitates for a moment before asking, “Why do you call me B? You’ve done it for as long as I can remember, but you’ve never told me why and you never say it if other people are around.”
“Are you sure you want to know?" I ask her. Izzy nods her head. “Well this is going to sound stupid now but back when we were kids, everyone called you either Izzy or Izabella. I wanted to stand out from everyone and make you notice me, the way I noticed you. Every time you came into a room, my heart would skip a beat, there would be a pull in the pit of my stomach towards you, no matter where you were, and I could never take my eyes off you. Even when I was with someone, I could never give them my full attention because you already had my heart. I was just too scared to admit it back then. Anyways, I wanted to be different from everyone else and this is going to sound like I’m fucking nuts, but when I would be alone in my room, every time I’d think about you.” I hesitate. My heart’s open, laying everything on the line, one last time. “I would say B for my babe, my Bella, my Izabella. It stuck with me ever since. You will always be my B, my babe, my Bella.”
She leans up and kisses me like she’s never kissed me before. The love she has for me pours from her lips into mine. I relish in the contact, her breathing harsh against my lips. I run a hand down to her hip and pull her against my hard cock. She grinds against me letting out little moans. Fuck I can’t take it anymore. I need to be inside of her.
I lift her dress up to reveal a tiny pair of dark blue panties that match her dress. My cock gets even harder seeing this. Ignoring the pain in my side, I lift the thin light hospital blanket and she slides underneath. I push her blue panties off to the side and slide a finger along her wet folds. I let out a harsh breath at how ready she is for me.
All I have on is this thin hospital gown and nothing else. I lift the gown exposing my cock, pushing it against her heat and she lets out a small whimper. Izzy reaches between us before I can enter her, and she wraps her warm hand around the base of my cock, moving it up and down. I continue to rub her clit in circles, trailing a path from her clit to her opening, slicking my fingers with her juices. She hitches her leg carefully over my hip, still holding my cock. I move my fingers and she slides onto me with ease. We both let out a groan as I fill her up. Her pussy contracting around my cock.
“Fuck me B, you feel so good.” I moan into her mouth.
Izzy starts moving her hips, sliding up and down on my cock with ease, coating it with her juices. She lets out a beautiful moan against my lips. Tingles start at the base of my spine.
“Shit, I’m not going to last much longer.” I growl against her lips.
“Neither am I.” she moans. I kiss her hard as I slam into her harder feeling her walls clamp down around me.
“Fuck X, I’m coming.” Izzy whimpers against my lips.
Driving into her wet heat, moans of pleasure escape our lips. Her pussy tightens around my cock as I bring a hand down between us, playing with her clit. As soon as I touch her nub, Izzy explode around me and I follow her into the pure ecstasy only we can give each other. Breathing hard, our hearts beat as one, as we come down from our orgasm’s.
We lay side by side, for a couple of hours in a comfortable silence. Neither one of us wanting to move and break this peacefulness we’re in. The nurses leave us alone. The only noises are the T.V. on low, beeping of monitors in other patient’s rooms and our breathing. We both fall asleep, wrapped in each other’s arms, our hearts beating as one. I love this woman more than anyone can imagine, and I will keep pulling her back when she wants to push away.
One of the night shift nurses comes into my room to check my vitals and it wakes Izzy up. She stretches against me and sees the nurse standing next to my bed.
“I have to go.” Izzy whispers.
Before I can say anything, Izzy is up off the bed and out the door.
That’s the last time I see her.
*********
Izzy blames herself for everything and she’s in a dark place right now. She won’t talk to anyone about what happened. She won’t see anyone but her dad, and I don’t know how to reach her. It’s Friday, race night at the track. I know Izzy will be there and even though I’m still in some pain, so will I.
We’ve been texting back and forth, and I know she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she still won’t see me and it’s going to stop tonight. I will make her talk to me, face to face. I will make her see me, see that I’m not going anywhere, and I don’t blame her. None of us blame her for what Marie did.
I arrive at the track late on purpose and stand in our spot as I watch Izzy out there, fighting for her title. It’s time for her feature and she is being reckless and dangerous out there, has been for the last month.
She’s racing dirty and I know why. It’s the only way she knows how to release her anger and aggression for everything that has gone wrong. I’ve been there, after she left years ago. I watch as she smoothly shifts her car when she pulls out of turn two and passes two other drivers.
Izzy isn’t watching where the other drivers are as she drifts into turn three. She almost takes out one driver who was on the outside of the turn, his front bumper just barely missed her rear end. She cuts him off and gasses her car. She pulls ahead of the other drivers w
ith no concern for her speed or safety.
The flagger drops the white flag, indicating it’s the last lap. Izzy punches the gas and takes turn one with dangerous speed. Her body’s rigid and tight as she pulls out of turn two and hits the gas again. She shoots off like a rocket. She has her car running at top speed, trying to race away from the darkness chasing her and it’s a bad combination to have on the track.
Dirt flies up behind her as her tires squeal around the third turn. I smile as Izzy takes the checkered flag, proud of her at the moment even though her racing is dirty. Izzy does a slowdown lap and pulls into the winner’s circle in the center of the track. Now’s my moment to make her see she’s all I want, that I don’t blame her at all.
I make my way slowly across the track, waving to the other drivers as they make their way into the pits. The announcer sees me and nods his head as he approaches her from the crowd.
“Miss Jones.” The announcer’s voice booms over the cheering crowd, making them go silent. “Congratulations on your win tonight. Is there anything you’d like to say to your adoring fans?" Her eyes grow wide, she looks like a deer caught in a pair of headlights as he holds the microphone up to her. Izzy begins to speak but clears her throat.
I finally make it to her, my hands are sweaty, and my heart is beating hard. I’m ready to lay it all out there in front of everyone, make her see me. See that I’m here and I’m alive. I’m not blaming her for anything and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
The announcer spots me and gives me a slight wink. Izzy doesn’t notice me yet and I wrap my arms around her from behind. She goes stiff under my touch and tries to pull away, but I won’t let her run anymore.
“I’m here.” I whisper to her and kiss the side of her neck.
Racing Dirty Page 27
