‘It was revenge, Lode. Don’t try to tell me otherwise.’
‘Ah, lad.’
*
Lode dies and is buried at Schoonselhof. Survived by his wife. Yes, he got married. Just after the war, like me. With a man like him that woman won’t have got much enjoyment out of the state of matrimony. On the other hand, you never know. She cries her eyes out in the church. She doesn’t give me a hug or even shake my hand. These few lines are all she deserves.
So many times I’ve wanted to piss on the grave of Metdepenningen, Lode. Never have. I’m haunted enough as it is.
I’M ALMOST FINISHED.
I’m done.
Nicole moistens my lips.
Nicole says you don’t exist.
She doesn’t put it that bluntly. ‘It’s like the cigars you don’t smoke any more, Mr Wils. You gave them up so long ago.’
She looks at me again and I think she’s doing it out of love. Or pity, that’s also possible; at my age you don’t need to keep up the facade of differentiating between the two. ‘Your grandson doesn’t have any children…’ she sighs quietly.
I laugh and can’t stop.
‘Oh, Mr Wils, easy now, watch out you don’t choke yourself.’
She’s right, son.
Because fucking hell, what kind of bastard trick is that, bursting out laughing at a moment like that?
But it is a joke, thought up by Angelo or some other monster that feeds on what happens inside your head.
Because if you, my listener, do not exist…
Who’s to say someone like me exists?
Who’s to say we exist?
Not you.
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK
Herman van Goethem for his light in my darkness Koen Aerts for his encouragement and comments Stef Franck for his brotherliness, hospitality and the right books at the right time Luc Coorevits for his Behoud de Begeerte Katrijn van Hauwermeiren and Charles Derre for every email and every conversation.
I THANK
my mother, my brother, my family, my friends and also the Nymph, who heard it all day after day and gave me so much love the whole time and keeps giving it to me.
PUSHKIN PRESS
Pushkin Press was founded in 1997, and publishes novels, essays, memoirs, children’s books—everything from timeless classics to the urgent and contemporary.
Our books represent exciting, high-quality writing from around the world: we publish some of the twentieth century’s most widely acclaimed, brilliant authors such as Stefan Zweig, Marcel Aymé, Teffi, Antal Szerb, Gaito Gazdanov and Yasushi Inoue, as well as compelling and award-winning contemporary writers, including Andrés Neuman, Edith Pearlman, Eka Kurniawan, Ayelet Gundar-Goshen and Chigozie Obioma.
Pushkin Press publishes the world’s best stories, to be read and read again. To discover more, visit www.pushkinpress.com.
COPYRIGHT
Pushkin Press
71–75 Shelton Street
London WC2H 9JQ
Original text © 2016 Jeroen Olyslaegers.
Originally published by De Bezige Bij, Amsterdam / Antwerp
English translation © David Colmer 2019
Will was first published as Wil in Amsterdam, 2016
First published by Pushkin Press in 2019
This book was published with the support of Flanders Literature (flandersliterature.be)
1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2
ISBN 13: 978–1–78227–442–1
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing from Pushkin Press
www.pushkinpress.com
Will Page 30
