“I’ll be right back. I may have some resources for you. But first, I want you to fully understand that you’re Ace’s father and the law gives you paternal rights. She can’t just disappear with your son, and while I understand your anxiety about that, it’s also not something that’s going to happen. What you’re doing is called catastrophizing. You’re making the worst case scenario even bigger in your mind. I need you to try to step back and look at this objectively,” she says, removing her hand from his shoulder and turning to leave the room.
Ace catches Jade’s left hand as she’s about to exit. Jade gasps, sucking in a fast breath.
“Yes?”
“Jade? Thanks. Thanks for being here.”
“Oh, certainly. No need to thank me at all. You’re a great father. I mean that. I’ll be right back,” she says.
Why did I put my hand on him? Why did he grab my hand? Lord save me. What’s going on? After washing her face, staring in the mirror, and making a couple of resolutions, Jade reappears five minutes later with pamphlets for legal aid, a men’s support group, and child mediation. She hands them to Ace, who is now folded calmly into his normal position on the couch.
Later, he lingers in the doorway before saying goodbye. Again, he reaches for her arm. Jade doesn’t jump this time and notices how gentle his touch is.
This is not the touch of an abuser. Pull away. Jade takes a step back but Ace has already turned to leave.
He thanks her again.
Jade can’t stop herself from what she does next: Code of Ethics be damned. Her hands shake around her cell phone. She doesn’t have time or interest in getting to her confidential landline. Jade is frantic by the time Sue answers the phone. “Sue? There’s just no way. The man is a mess. Is the kid okay? Why is she claiming this? What is she saying?”
“Well, hello to you too! Slow down! Who is a mess? Cole? What kid?” Sue asks, frazzled.
Jade doesn’t have time for this. “The client!” Jade whispers into the phone, covering her lips in case anyone walks into the clinic.
“Oh! Gotcha! Okay. Sorry,” Sue apologizes. “Okay. Here’s the scoop. But I swear to God you have to keep your mouth shut and be smart about this. She’s not saying he ever hit her now. In fact, she denies that any physical abuse occurred…”
I knew it.
“…alleging that he was emotionally and verbally abusive. As you know, there are many forms of abuse…”
Yeah, yeah. Cut to it, Sue. Why do I care this much?
“… says he’s bipolar. She says he flips out and throws things and punches walls. She says she’s afraid of him because of his size and his job,” Sue says.
He’s not bipolar! Jade wants to scream. Where is she getting this?
“Yeah. Not sure I believe that. Even so, this bothers her suddenly? How can she be in a shelter when he’s never touched her?”
“Well, as long as she’s saying she’s scared for herself and her son’s safety, she can stay for quite a while. Of course, she has responsibilities. We’ll make her look for work and another place to live. The shelter’s always filled to the seams. She won’t be able to stay forever.”
“And he doesn’t have a right to see his son?”
“No, he’ll get to see his son if a judge approves it. Or if they have a guardian ad litem appointed who thinks it’s in their son’s best interest,” Sue says
“Okay, but for now, until he files something, she can keep him indefinitely living in a shelter and not seeing his father? Did you know he expects to see his son this weekend for a visit?”
“Don’t count on it.”
“Why not?”
“Well, she’s not at a shelter in town anymore. Let’s just say that. She’s quite a drive away and has no transportation.”
Jade wants to spit. She knows in her heart that Ace is no danger to either Gretchen or her son. While she understands that many mothers would do anything to retain primary physical custody of their children, she also knows the long-term damage parental alienation can cause to a child.
“Did she mention that she threw a frying pan at him while he was holding their son? That was just last week!” Jade says, breathless.
“Try to maintain your objectivity,” Sue reminds her friend.
Jade sighs.
“His size, skin color, job, and training are what’s hurting him here. It’s not fair. That’s all I can really say. Why are you so vested in this, Jade? Is something else going on? This seems a little much.”
Jade wants to answer her friend but really doesn’t know the answer herself.
“I don’t know. The injustice of it? You want to talk feminist? This is the reverse. Men get a raw deal.”
Later, in thinking more about it, Jade admits to herself that what she likes about Ace is that he is so different from Jonah. He’s been clear about his expectations of his wife. He’s put in place an ultimatum, and he’s carried it out. He hasn’t played games, toyed with emotions, or caused any hurt on purpose to achieve his personal happiness. And, he’s fighting to keep his son in his life. She admires his courage to fight not only for his son but more so for himself.
Countertransference. Watch yourself.
Jade makes a notation in her datebook to seek peer consultation around the Ace Hartman case. She has a feeling she’s slipping into perilous terrain on this one.
Don’t like him too much.
Weeks later
“Thank God!” he says, plopping onto the waiting room couch. She shares his sentiment but doesn’t say the words.
Jade has to do a double take. Usually on his way to or from work and in full police officer uniform, Ace, in street clothes, looks different, less intimidating. He wears an oversized plaid flannel jacket, a tilted Ravens baseball cap, beige cargo pants, and dark black sunglasses that fully cover his eyes.
“You have no idea how badly I’ve needed to see you,” he exclaims.
“I’ve been worried about you. Why don’t you fill me in?” Jade requests. “Let’s move to the therapy room.”
“Well, I’m not really doing anything at this point,” he says, removing his glasses. How can someone’s eyes be sad and sexy at the same time? Jade wonders. “…I mean, I have no clue where my kid is,” Ace begins, as they walk together. “I’ve got an attorney and the plan now is to file an ex parte motion to require her to allow me to see Ace. I don’t know how long that’s going to take, but we plan to go to court tomorrow for it.”
“Okay, great. That’s a good start. What does your lawyer think will happen?” Maybe I’ll just look at my notes all session.
“Paul. My lawyer’s name is Paul. Cashed in my retirement plan for the guy. He says that we should be able to get a temporary visitation or custody order in place and that she’ll have to let me see Ace, Jr. as soon as that’s done,” Ace says as he sits down on the couch. Sexy.
“But how does that work if the court can’t serve her?” Jade sits in a chair. She’s intrigued.
“They know where her aunt works and can serve her. They can try at our last known address, but Gretchen’s obviously not there,” Ace explains.
Jade has a hunch Ace knows where his estranged wife and son are, but she doesn’t ask. She doesn’t want to know if he knows. “Okay. So it sounds like you have a good handle on the legal end of things. How are you handling it emotionally?”
“I think I’m better now. It helps having a plan. Paul says she can’t take him from me forever. I do have rights. I’m his father,” Ace asserts.
I wonder why Jonah couldn’t tell himself the same thing.
“Good. Good. Okay, well, I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. You sounded like you were in a pretty bad place this weekend when you called,” Jade says.
“You have no idea. I really was.” Ace sighs.
“How did you get yourself out of it?” Jade asks.
“Well,” Ace looks at the floor. “It really wasn’t me. It was you. Talking to you helped me a lot. Thank you so much for answering th
e phone, Jade. When I was growing up I always wanted a big sister and I think of you that way. You’re like the big sister I never had.”
Jade blushes, wondering how old Ace thinks she is. She does the math. Big sister. Interesting transference since I’m hardly thinking of him as my big brother. Time to dye my roots? “Have you thought about going back to Baltimore when your divorce is final?” Jade asks.
“I don’t know. There’s a girl. Her name’s Meg. She’s someone I’ve been talking to lately. Also in the middle of a divorce,” Ace says. “But not my family. I mean, they just aren’t feeling this. If one more person in my family talks to me about how I should get back together with Gretchen, I’m going to snap.”
“Is Meg supportive of your divorce?”
“I don’t really know what Meg is. We basically flirt and use each other as a place to vent,” Ace says. “It’s sort of dumb considering she lives so far away. I have no idea how long I’ll be stuck in Mass. But it passes the time and makes it so I’m not lonely and thinking about not seeing Ace, Jr. It’s really hard not knowing where he is.”
Jade nods. Lonely is what brought you to Gretchen. But if you remember, so is heartache. You’re repeating the same mistakes, Ace. She doesn’t say what she’s thinking. It’d be hypocritical.
“…One thing I know I have learned for sure is that the only reason I married Gretchen was because I needed my ego stroked. She seemed safe. She wasn’t going to cheat on me and she thought I was the greatest guy alive. Because of that, because of how she made me feel about myself, I settled,” he says. “And now I just feel like an outright fool.”
Ace hangs his head and sobs. Jade doesn’t interrupt. He needs a place to vent his frustrations without time limits or judgment, however much she wants to point out the similarities between how he first met Gretchen and his latest hook-up, Meg. How sad is this? Another kid born, not to parents who love each other, but to two broken people who got together to avoid being lonely. Is that what it would have been like had things worked out differently with Jonah? Minutes dribble by and she can remember the last time she, herself, cried that hard. My abortion. Eventually, watching Ace’s broad shoulders shake becomes too much, and Jade moves to sit next to him, resting her hand on his shoulder.
Ace’s body tenses as Jade’s hand makes contact. He looks up, startled.
“It’s going to be okay, Ace. I know that. I don’t know how. I just know it is,” she says, watching him. Ace’s eyes meet Jade’s and she’s flooded with the emotions in them. He’s thankful and lost. He’s fearful and determined. He is her.
Forty minutes later
His large frame dwarfs hers as he moves toward the door. She’s looking down at her notebook when she feels his breath on her face. She intentionally steps back to give him space to pass by her, but her clumsy nature shows as she stumbles into him. Ace instinctively catches her as she fumbles to catch her notebook and brace herself. His large forearm hooks her ribcage as her weight tumbles into his arms. She looks up to see a grin spreading across his lips.
“Wooooaaaa! Are you okay?”
Jade blushes for the second time today. “Yeah,” she stammers. “I’m sort of clumsy.”
Ace Hartman’s arms are still around her as she steadies herself.
“Thank you for catching me,” she says, noticing that he hasn’t released his grip on her waist or dropped any of his things.
His mouth is on hers before she knows what’s happening. She pulls back, pushing off his chest to make him stop.
“No! I can’t. I—I’m your therapist.”
Ace steps back, releasing her from his arms.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Jade. I just…”
Jade can’t find her words fast enough. “It’s okay. It’s normal. It’s fine. We just can’t…”
Ace’s eyes look more lost than ever as Jade moves back and sits down on the couch, rubbing her forehead and trying to make sense of what has happened.
“I can’t see you if the relationship isn’t going to be strictly professional, Ace. It would be unethical to…”
“I understand. I could quit therapy.”
“No! You can’t terminate. You need therapy. You need help right now. You’re under huge stress. The reason that just happened is the stress!”
“No. The reason that just happened is that you’re a beautiful woman and you have a gorgeous smile, and you actually care about me,” he says. “The reason that just happened is that you are always here for me and I know you feel something too. Don’t you?”
Jade shakes her head. Lie. Starting right now! “Ace. You’re a wonderful man. But you’re my client. You’re also a married man. I understand that you’re unhappy in your marriage, but this is therapy, not a bar or a club. Social relationships and professional ones can’t mix,” she insists. “I’m perfectly okay with forgetting that just happened, but we need to be in agreement that the relationship is strictly professional and that it won’t happen again, or I will need to refer you to another therapist.”
Ace frowns. “I can be good. I can’t have you stop seeing me. I need your help,” he begs.
“Let’s just forget it happened and move forward. I’ll see you in group this week and you give me a call if you need anything in the meantime. Things like this happen. It’s okay. But we can’t let it impact your progress,” Jade says, flattening her skirt.
As Ace walks away, Jade can smell him on her sweater. His cologne flirts with her nostrils and she can’t resist the urge to inhale deeply.
But it did. And she can’t forget it. She tries her best to focus only on therapy for the rest of the day. But she feels bad for the clients following Ace’s session. Her mind drifts to how soft his lips felt on hers. No. You can’t do this. But you will. You know it.
A week later
Timing is everything, and the tension is unbearably thick when Ace finally arrives, uncharacteristically ten minutes late to therapy.
“Sorry,” he mumbles.
“It’s okay,” Jade says, smiling at him.
“Don’t do that,” he says.
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t smile.”
Jade turns her lips into a frown.
“Better?”
Ace laughs. “Better.”
“Okay. Then tell me what’s going on. Did she show?” Jade asks.
“Nope. I waited for two hours. I even went into the police department, where we’re supposed to do exchanges, to see if maybe she’d been there earlier. Nothing.”
Unreal. What is wrong with that woman? Does she not want her kid to have a father? I would have killed for Jonah to want ours. Jade bites her lower lip.
“Wow. So what happens now?” Jade asks.
“Paul is filing another ex parte motion today. He’ll ask the judge to find her in contempt,” Ace says.
“Okay. That’s good, right? I mean, if that happens, they put out a warrant, right?” Jade asks.
“I think so. We aren’t sure. We’re asking for that. If they arrest her, she’ll obviously have to give Ace, Jr. to me,” Ace says. “I’m furious.”
Jade puts down her pen, inhales, and looks at him. “I’m right here, Ace. We have an hour,” she says. Her voice is low but firm. “How can I help you with this today? What do you need?”
“Do you have after-hours appointments?” Ace asks, smiling.
“That’s not cute. Strictly professional, remember?” Jade warns. She intentionally draws out the word professional. For whom, she’s not sure.
“I’m sorry. I’m just…well, I’m curious about you. Do you have a boyfriend? Do you like being a therapist? I think I’d kill people who came in and whined to me all day long,” he says.
“It’s normal to be curious, but it’s also not appropriate for us to spend your time talking about me. Why don’t I help you with a few of those questions so we can focus on therapy for the rest of the session?” she suggests.
Ace nods, leaning forward. “Yes, please do!”
“Okay, let’s see: I do have a boyfriend. I enjoy my work but can get frustrated by people who don’t do anything to change their situations. I do this work because I care about people. In my free time, I like to read, write, and take pictures; and I like spending time with my cats,” she says. “Mystery solved?”
Ace smiles. “What’s his name?”
“Whose name?”
“Your boyfriend’s name.”
“None. Of. Your. Business.”
Ace snickers. “Wow! That’s a long name!”
They laugh and manage to get through the bulk of the session without more personal banter, thanks to strategically posed questions meant to get him back on track.
Why do I always fall for the ones I can’t have?
It’s a question she’s asked herself dozens of times since Ace kissed her. It’s a question she repeats when she compares it to the way Cole kisses her. There really isn’t much difference in technique. Instead, it’s the safety she feels in Ace’s arms, combined with the way he looks at her. And, if she’s entirely honest with herself, it is also that he is forbidden. Like Jonah, but with guts. Oh, and like Jonah, married. Not to mention that he’s a client. Am I crazed? Or just obsessed with pain; causing it and receiving it.
“What’s wrong?” Ace asks. “You look like you’re deep in thought.”
“Oh, nothing.” She looks up from her clipboard. “Sorry. I just hope this all works out for you soon. I can’t wait for you to come in here one day and tell me all about the fun you and Ace, Jr. had together,” Jade says.
“Me either,” Ace agrees.
Jade scrambles for a way to fill an awkward silence that hangs in the room.
“So, I’ve been meaning to check in with you about how you feel group therapy is working for you. Do you enjoy it? Do you get anything out of it?” Jade inquires.
“I get to see you an extra day,” Ace pushes.
“What else do you get out of it?” Jade, businesslike, ignores his flirtation.
Craving Forbidden (Craving Series Book 8) Page 23
