Deciding that I needed to know, that I wouldn’t be able to eat or sleep if I’d somehow hurt the woman I cared for so much, that afternoon I drove to her house and parked down the block. She’d be at school, so I listened to an audiobook while I waited for her car to arrive.
When it did, my heart sped up, my nerves on edge with the anticipation of seeing her, but also dreading that she’d tell me that she didn’t want or need the comfort I thought I provided her. That I could no longer take the comfort that I sought from her. I opened my door to jump out of the car, but then stopped short.
She wasn’t alone.
After she’d exited her side of the car, a man got out of the passenger side. A respectable-looking man, with a briefcase and glasses. I hated him instantly, and then even more so when she laughed at something he said.
You’re just an escort, Danny had said. He was right. Who was I to come to a client’s home and demand explanations? Tessa paid extra for discretion. Whatever I was feeling was on me, not her. I had to get a hold of myself.
Chapter 5
Sunday night, I was such a mess that I told Mama I was sick and couldn’t come to dinner. She offered to visit me with food but I declined, telling her I needed to be alone. Really, I paced the apartment and thought about Tessa.
Our usual meeting time came and went. I imagined her in my arms if we’d been together in that moment. I tried to lay on my bed and relax, like I did with her, but couldn’t. I was a disaster, plain and simple. Somehow, sometime, I’d grown to need my time with Tessa as much as I needed to breathe.
At ten o’clock, Danny called. When he said Tessa had changed her mind, I told him I was on my way. A wave of relief washed over me and my arms itched to hold her.
Like a tornado, I spun through my apartment, making myself presentable. Fifteen minutes later I was ringing her bell.
As soon as the door opened, Tessa jumped into my arms, crying.
“No, no, don’t cry,” I said, rocking her against me, petting her smooth hair. “What happened?”
She sniffed into my shirt. “I thought you weren’t coming.”
“I’ll be here whenever you need me. Danny said you didn’t call this week, and I thought…”
She drew a quick breath as she pulled away from me. “That’s not true. I did call, but he said you weren’t available. Asked me if I wanted someone else.”
That son of a bitch. “I’m sorry.”
She pouted, her bottom lip quivering. “I thought I’d done something wrong, that you didn’t want to see me anymore.” She shook her hands in front of her body. “You’re the only one I trust with my feelings, you know? My real feelings.” Her chest rose and fell with her sobs. I held her arm to steady her. “And since James died, I have trouble confronting people and—”
I shushed her as she started to gasp for air between tears, pulling her body to mine. “I’m here now. For as long as you want. Whenever you need me, I’ll be here.”
When her breathing steadied I followed her inside. I took a piece of frog-shaped notepaper from her kitchen counter and wrote down my number. “You can call or text me anytime you want, okay? I never want to be out of touch like that again. Ever.”
Her tear-stained face made me angry as fuck at Danny. But she didn’t need my anger.
I held my hand out to her. She took it, but this time I led her up the stairs, for the first time in the months we’d been together. I opened the door to the little bedroom, cringing when I saw the money stacked on the dresser.
But Tessa stopped me from stepping inside. Without a word, she took me further down the hall to a different room. When she opened the door, I knew it was hers by the open book on the homemade bedspread and the bottles and makeup on the dresser. It looked lived in, warm, comforting, and everything inside surrounded me with Tessa.
She stood close, embracing me, her body aligned with mine. “Thank you.”
I stifled a laugh at her favorite words. “For what, sweetheart?”
Resting her chin on my chest, she held my gaze. “For not trying to figure me out, and for just letting me be.”
I ran my thumb along her cheek as she stared up with me, mesmerized in the depths of her eyes. “I can say the same for you. I like you, Tessa. Exactly the way you are. There’s nothing to figure out.”
She smiled and led me to the bed.
That night, Tessa and I didn’t assume our usual positions. It was like being in her room made everything different somehow. Awake all night, I spooned her as she slept, pulling her hair away from her cheek. I rubbed her waist and touched the soft skin of her bare arms. More than anything, I wanted to kiss her, but reminded myself that I wasn’t calling the shots.
Still, I noticed every movement she made. My body reacted when she wiggled back against me. I fought the urge to nibble her shoulder as it rose and fell with her breathing. Even her hair tickling my nose woke up every nerve in my body. The woman in my arms had seduced me with nothing but her embrace and her warmth, her softness, and her quietness.
Spending the night with Tessa so close was the most erotic, sensual experience I’d ever had. And we were both fully clothed.
As the dawn started to break outside her window she finally turned to me. “You stayed,” she whispered, her full lips pulling into a grin.
The sight of her smiling at me, knowing that she wanted me there, made me feel like more of a man than anything else I’d ever done in my life. “There’s no place else I’d rather be,” I whispered back.
This was my moment. My moment to tell her that I never wanted to be on the clock with her again. That I never wanted to be with anyone besides her ever again. All I wanted was Tessa, and her mulch, and her freaky frogs, and the feelings that she evoked in me.
But when she took my face in her hands, all I could do was lay there and stare into her eyes like a lovesick puppy.
“Can I kiss you?” she asked quietly.
I nodded.
Slowly, with her eyes open, studying me, she leaned closer until her mouth met mine. Her kiss woke up my soul, like she was breathing life into me. Her lips were warm. Soft. Quiet. Just like her. It took me a moment to kiss her back, as I let her nuzzle her lips with mine. For all of the sex I’d had, I rarely was kissed, and somewhere along the way, I’d forgotten that I enjoyed it. A lot. Like, really a lot.
Unless the reason I liked it had to do more with the woman kissing me.
“Tessa,” I moaned against her mouth. “Can I touch you?”
She nodded against me, and I placed my hand on her hip. I knew how she felt from our nights together but there, pressed against me, I got to explore the curves that made her body so sexy and inviting.
I trailed my hand over her bare arms, up to her neck, and rubbed my thumb along her jawline as I deepened the kiss. My tongue teased her lips to open and let me in, and she did. Still, she kept control, like she was savoring the moment, which caused a slow burn that started in my chest and traveled lower. My body sprung to attention when she rolled to straddle my hips. The sensation of her moving on top of me brought me somewhere that I’d never been. I was full, filled with Tessa, in body and soul.
My hands tangled in her hair and I pulled her down to me, not wanting to lose the connection of our lips. I murmured against her mouth. “I want you so bad, Tess.”
“Max?” She rubbed her hips against mine, and I couldn’t help the groan that escaped. “Can we be together?”
I opened my eyes to her flushed face. “Please,” I begged without hesitation. Nipping at her bottom lip, I remembered the one thing I needed to establish first. “On one condition.”
She pressed her hands into my chest and sat up on me, her gaze meeting mine, waiting.
“You fire me as your escort.” I gulped, anxious, in more ways than physically. “I’m not saying you have to be mine, but—”
She put her hand over my mouth, silencing me. “You’re fired.”
Then, as the morning broke and the sun filtered into the bedr
oom, Tessa became my first. I’d never made love with anyone in my twenty-three years. I’d thought sex was about efficiency, stamina, and orgasms. With Tessa that morning, I cherished every inch of her body, savoring every minute that passed, every sound and movement she made, especially the purr of my name, my birth name, coming from her sweet lips. She was beautiful, inside and out, and I lost myself to her touch, to her body, to make sure she knew it. By the time we joined together, I vowed that I’d never be with another woman.
Tessa was my everything.
Chapter 6
The next morning, I woke up in Tessa’s bed, alone. A note sat on the pillow next to me, with the pile of cash. I picked up the note.
You are an amazing man, Massimo Constantino. I’m not sure I can give you what you need. Please take the money. I’m sorry I’m a basket case.
“Fuck,” I said to the empty room. The damn cash stared at me, taunting me, reminding me that to Tessa, I was the help. She was running away instead of trusting me.
I left the cash on the pillow. On my way out I stopped at the mantel, examining her wedding photo. They looked happy. Beautiful. How could the world be so cruel as to do what it did to her? I wanted to be the one to erase her pain.
My phone rang with Danny’s ringtone as I replaced the photo. I let it go to voicemail, but knew I’d have to deal sooner rather than later. Danny was only as friendly as business allowed him to be.
I left through the back to keep the front door locked and jogged to my car. When Danny called again, I answered. “On my way.”
He hung up without saying a word. Since I had no cash, I made a quick stop at the ATM and then the bakery, opting for biscotti. At the office, I handed Danny his share of “Tessa’s” cash and the box of cookies.
He counted the cash, and then spun on his desk chair to face me. It took everything I had not to rip his head off for lying to Tessa about me. The only thing that kept me under control were my thoughts of Ma, Lucia, and the baby.
“Did you fuck her?” he asked.
Taking deep breaths, I held my emotions steady. “No.”
He crossed his arms. “You’re done with Sundays.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“I am?”
“She’s getting clingy.” Lying to Danny was getting easier and easier.
I turned to walk out.
“Hey, Massimo?” he called behind me.
Hearing my real name caused me to tense. I turned to face him from my spot at the door.
Danny took the few strides to me. “You know you’re my best earner, but if you want out you have to tell me.”
I nodded.
“I know it’s tough to leave the money, but you have to do what’s right for you. I’m not the bad guy here.” He loomed over me.
“Understood.”
“Everything I do, every decision I make, is for the continuation of the business. You’re not my only employee. People depend on the cash we bring in. But communicate with me when you’re ready to make the move. Don’t go rogue. That’s all I’m saying.”
He was right. I knew he was. But although I was falling in love with Tessa, I didn’t think I could give up the business, not without making sure my family would be financially stable. And from her note that morning, I wasn’t sure Tessa wanted me in her life the way I wanted to be in it, anyway.
“Okay.” After I left, I turned back to look at the office and saw Danny watching me from the doorway.
The rest of the day I was a nervous mess. Tessa hadn’t contacted me. By Monday night, I worried that I hadn’t heard from her yet, wondering how she was handling what had happened between us, or if she was even thinking about it at all. Since I didn’t have her number and couldn’t call her myself, I drove to her house.
Jumping out of the car, I walked up the front path and was about to ring the doorbell when I heard voices inside. A bunch of female voices, talking and laughing.
Fuck. It hit me hard that Tessa had a life that I wasn’t a part of. Even after the morning we’d shared, I was her Sunday night, nothing more.
As I turned to walk back to my car, I heard the door open behind me.
“Max?” Her sweet voice shook.
I spun, shoving my hands deep into my jeans pockets. “You have company. I’ll go.”
Her short summery dress seemed to dance around her legs with the summer breeze. “No, no. It’s just some teachers. We’re having a jewelry party.”
“A what?” I scrunched my face.
She laughed. “Like a Tupperware party but with jewelry. Want to come in?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Oh…um. That’s okay. I just wanted to check on you.”
At my hesitation, she took a step onto the porch and shut the door behind her. Jumping down the stairs, she joined me on the path, toe-to-toe, looking up at me with those baby blues that made my heart twist. “I’m sorry I bailed this morning. I haven’t been with anyone, ever, except James, and I freaked.”
I exhaled, cupping her cheek. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“But you were concerned, and that wasn’t fair of me.” She rose to her tiptoes and kissed me lightly on the lips. “Come in. I promise the ladies won’t bite. I bet they’d love a man’s opinion too.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Aren’t you…embarrassed?”
“Of you? The gorgeous man who’s here to visit me?” She scowled, like my question was absurd. “Not at all. And I’m starting to feel a little braver, so if they say something, I’ve got your back.”
Smiling, I beamed down at her like a teenager in love. She took my hand and I followed her to the door. How could I not?
Inside, I took a quick look around, making sure none of my clients were present. When I realized the women were all new to me, I let myself relax.
“Hey, everyone,” Tessa said. The women quieted and turned their eyes to me. “This is Max.”
I waved. “Hi.”
Through their chorus of greetings, I heard the one word I dreaded.
“Ryder?”
Tessa stiffened next to me. With my heart pounding, I turned to see Nellie, eyes wide, a wine glass in her hand as she exited the kitchen.
“No,” I said, glancing at Tessa. “My name’s Max.” I glared at Nellie, hoping she’d get the hint to play along.
“Oh my God,” Nellie said, looking at Tessa. “This is who you’ve been telling me about? You don’t know, do you?”
Tessa held up a hand. “Penelope. It’s okay.”
Nellie’s eyes grew wide and she gasped. “Shit, you do know?”
I took a step toward Nellie and whispered, “Don’t do this to Tessa.”
She pulled my arm and dragged me to the door. “Excuse us,” she said to the group.
The group quieted and stared, but the only woman whose face I saw was Tessa’s. She was bright red, asking me with her eyes what to do. Remaining under control, I gave her a reassuring nod and lifted my hand in a “one second” hand signal.
Nellie dragged me outside, down the porch, past the frogs, to the sidewalk.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she slurred, obviously tipsy. “Please don’t tell me that my cousin is the one you’re crushing on?”
“We just started dating. Like, for real dating, not escort stuff,” I lied. “She doesn’t know what I do for a living. She thinks I’m a landscaper.”
Nellie sputtered out a laugh, as Tessa joined us outside. As she walked down the path, I made sure to talk before she did. “I told Nel…Penelope…that I’m your landscaper.”
With her brow furrowed, she looked between us and my palms started to sweat. “How do you two know each other?” she asked.
Nellie moved closer to Tessa. “I think you can figure that out. For God’s sake, Tess, you’re a teacher. You could get fired. We know you’ve had it rough the past year, but please think about what you’re doing.”
Tessa’s eyes widened, and all I wanted to do was take her in my arms. But Nellie scowled and l
eaned close to me. “It’s not right, Ry. You don’t belong in her world. She can’t take much more, and you’re going to hurt her.”
My jaw tensed and I growled at Nellie, “I’d never hurt her.”
But from the look on Tessa’s face as she puzzled together my interaction with Nellie, I could tell that I already had.
When Nellie disappeared into the house, Tessa took off down the street. I followed her until she stopped.
She bumped into me when she spun abruptly. “Penny? My cousin? Really?” Her eyes watered when she poked me in the chest. “You have sex for money.”
“You knew that—”
“But the reality of it is hitting me now. You’ve been with people I know.” She pointed between us. “Is this all an act? Because I was starting to feel…”
“I never act with you.” I tilted her chin up to look at me, but she whipped it away. “You’re the only one I don’t act with. What were you starting to feel?”
“I was starting to feel,” she finished.
She walked around me, toward the house. When she reached the front porch and opened the door to go inside, I took her arm. “Please, Tessa.”
Closing the door again, she turned to me. “This arrangement probably isn’t the best idea.”
My heart shattered, but I couldn’t argue with her. “It’s a terrible idea. But it’s too late, Tessa. I love you.”
Her deep blue eyes stared into mine. I waited for her to say something. To yell at me. Cry. Anything. Instead, she said, “Thank you.”
I reached for her cheek, but she jerked away. “Tess, please—”
“Thank you for giving me a wonderful night and for making me feel beautiful.” Her tears threatened to fall. “But it’s probably best if you leave.”
Nodding, I swallowed down the lump in my throat. Of course, that would be best. Still, I couldn’t make myself walk away until she closed the door on me.
Craving Forbidden (Craving Series Book 8) Page 35
