by K. M. Raya
"It wont last. You're not ready."
She reached out and tried to push him away but his body was like a concrete wall against her soft curves.
"So you really are the asshole they write about..."
His eyebrows furrowed, but the smirk remained.
"Oh, I'm so much more than that, baby."
She huffed, "Is that supposed to entice me? I'm not your baby. You need to back up right now before my knee finds your balls."
He had the audacity to laugh before he dropped his hands that caged her in. She breathed a sigh of relief.
"You sure you're ready for all this, sweetheart?" he gestured to the halls around them as if she hadn't spent the last four years playing there.
She squinted at him, "It's like you don't value your balls at all..."
He chuckled. "Tell you what—why don't we make this more interesting for the both of us." He stepped closer and she had nowhere to back up.
She had to admit though, that a huge part of her was downright turned on. She'd always dreamed of being this close to Soren James and having those chocolate eyes roam over her lips made her thighs clench and her skin heat up. Despite the fact that he was clearly an idiot, her body didn't quite get the memo.
"What are you talking about?" she breathed.
His hands reached out—skimming along the exposed skin at the bottom of her shirt. Chills broke out over her pale skin.
"You and I can have some fun if you plan on sticking around. I'm usually a...multiple woman sort of guy, but for you I'd make an exception—"
Her hand cracked across his cheek before she could tell herself it was a bad idea.
His head snapped to the side and he brought his palm up to his cheek—rubbing the redness away.
"I'll take that as a no?"
"You can consider that a fuck no."
He blinked at her in suprise.
"Your loss, princess," he sneered, but for some reason his eyes flashed with hurt before the shuttered once more.
"You won't last a week on tour with real rockers. If you're smart, you'll turn right back around and go back to playing at dive bars."
She stared at him for a moment—eyes roaming his rugged face and searching for the soulful musician she'd always hoped he was. She knew something deeper resided just beneath the skin, but something was holding him back. She sensed he was forcing himself to be a dick.
"I'll let you know when I meet a real rockstar, because all I see is a spoilt little boy who doesn't want to share his toys."
She couldn't have said what possessed her, but before she could turn away, she reached up on her tip toes and placed a chaste, taunting kiss on his cheek, prompting him to draw in a sharp breath. He said nothing as she turned to leave without a backwards glance.
It'd been a long night and they had an even longer year ahead of them. A year...Lilith thought. A lot could happen in twelve months.
7
Soren
The venue was packed the next night and Soren could feel a thrill in the air that hadn't been there before. He tried to tell himself that it had nothing to do with the pixie girl and her soulful brown eyes, but he would be lying to himself. From the moment she stepped into the green room the night before, he hadn't been able to peel his eyes from her. Soren had seen a lot of beautiful women in his life, especially after hitting the big time, but something about the girl had struck him stupid—not that he would ever let her know it.
He learned her name was Lilith Hayze and found it oddly fitting. Her dark hair and against smooth alabaster skin was just as enticing as her namesake. Frustrated with himself, Soren shook her from his mind and focused on the task at hand. The woman beneath him was making noises that sounded like a dying whale and it was getting ridiculous. Her bleached blonde hair looked brittle and made him wary of gripping it the way he would have normally.
The woman thrashed from side to side as he pounded into her too skinny body. He struggled through to the end, barely holding onto his sanity as he heaved himself off of her body and rolled onto his back. The girl was breathing hard next to him and all he wanted was for her to leave.
“That was amazing, I can't believe I'm really here right now,” the girl sighed as her breathing calmed. Soren was only half listening as he contemplated how to get her out of his tour bus. The other guys no doubt heard every part of their little activity and were probably waiting just outside the door to witness his shame.
“Well, it's been fun…you know your way back to the venue right?” he deadpanned. He felt her go still beside him and braced himself for an epic freak out.
“Excuse me, asshole?!” she shrieked. Ah, here it comes. He thought to himself. He wasn't sure why he did this to himself.
Night after night it was an endless cycle of faceless women and only ever ended in disappointment. The high of a performance would wear off and he would be left lonely again. He supposed he should feel bad for the women he slept with, but in truth, each and every one of them knew exactly what they were getting themselves into when they fell into bed with him. Each one of them also hoped in vain to be the the one who would finally tame the bad boy. Little did they know that there was nothing there to tame. He wasn't a bad boy. He wasn't any of the things they alluded to in the tabloids and gossip blogs. He was just a regular dude who happened to love women and rock music. He had no interest in relationships, nor did he care to learn their names. He just wanted to be left alone.
Soren missed most of what the girl was saying as she continued to rip into him, all the while she stood—flinging her clothing back on and stumbling into her sky high heels. Her bleach blonde hair was a mess and he struggled to see the appeal he had sought in her just an hour before. Once the haze of lust faded, he asked himself if it was even worth it anymore. Was that one hour of bliss really worth the shame and regret that filled him every time they left his bus?
The woman slammed out the door to the back room of the bus and down the middle aisle. He could see his bandmates sitting around in various spots along the walls, pretending to be casual and disinterested for her pride's sake. The second she was out the door, all eyes turned to him.
“The fuck, man?” Nero barked as he glared at Soren. “That's the third one this week, you're gonna to end up on another blog if you keep this up,” his friend warned him.
Nero was right, Soren ended up on a roast blog a few months back, his name had been smeared all over the internet as women told stories of his “hit it and quit it” antics. In truth, they were just as much to blame as he was.
He ran a hand over his close cropped black hair and groaned. “I know, I know okay? That's the last one for a while, I swear.” The guys just grunted in response. They knew it was bullshit as well as he did.
Angel was looking at him in a strange way—like he had something on the tip of his tongue, but for some reason was holding back. He knew his best friend better than he knew himself and could tell right away that something was on the big guys mind. “Spit it out Angel.” Angels face broke out into a mischievous grin.
“Why were you with that floosie anyways? I saw they way you were eye fucking a certain dark haired female.” He teased and it pissed Soren off.
“Glaring and eye fucking are not the same things." Every single one of them knew it was a bold faced lie. He couldn't hide anything from the guys.
Angel was full on smiling now as Soren grabbed a cold beer from the fridge. “You can lie to yourself but you can't lie to us, my friend. I saw what I saw.”
“You saw me sizing up some fresh meat, Angel. Nothing more, nothing less. I promise you I want nothing to do with some wannabe, nobody rocker chick,” he lied through his teeth.
“Alright, man I got ya. In that case, though, I think I'm gonna to go for it. I dont know about you guys but that chicks fuckin sexy. I wonder if she's single,” Angel mused out loud.
Sorens heart dipped into his stomach and he could feel his anger rising. He wanted to smack his best friend and tell him to fucking
try it and see what happens, but he would be exposing himself. He knew getting involved with a tour member was a bad idea. He knew it would only lead to heartbreak. Not his heartbreak, but all the same he’d like to avoid it at all costs. That did not mean, however that he was okay with Angel going for it. The girl was his— if only in his own mind.
“Whatever you say dude, I think you blew that chance right out of the water in the parking lot,” chimed in Miles as the blue haired man sipped his own beer. “First impressions and all.” He winked like the cheeky bastard he was.
“You actually think she can resist this hunk of man flesh?” Angel asked as he gestured to all two hundred and fifty pounds of himself. Angel was a big guy with not one ounce of fat on him. “All it takes is a bit of persuading.”
Soren squeezed his hands into fists, fighting the urge to rip into his friend. He hoped that Lilith was smart enough to stay away from Angel. He hoped she would be able to spot a player from miles away. Unfortunately that would mean she could see him just as clearly.
“I love how you assholes talk like any of you actually have a chance with that girl,” said Max suddenly. The man was a silent one—only speaking when he had something of value to say.
They all collectively turned their heads to Max as he continued, “Did any of you airheads even notice the chicks body language yesterday? Seriously, she's more closed off than a bank vault, my friends. I’d say that I wish you luck...but I'd never wish that struggle on another man.” He chuckled and Soren frowned.
Max was right though. He'd barely even talked to the pixie girl and already he could tell that she came with some baggage. Her dark eyes were haunted and withdrawn despite the tight smile she wore on her pretty face. The girl had some demons no doubt. His fingers itched to grab his phone—the desire to research Lilith was almost too much to resist. He knew that if he gave in, he would stalk her social media until he soaked up every detail of her life. He had no desire to become a stalker. What he needed to do was put the girl out of his mind and get focused. They had two full weeks until the tour kicked off in San Francisco California. He needed all the rest and relaxation he could get because the next twelve months were sure to be hell on Earth.
8
Lilith
It was Chaos as they arrived at the venue that night. They all crammed into Lenna's small van and arrived a good three hours early. Soundcheck was at six and the rest of the bands would be arriving at any moment. Three other bands were heading on tour with Serenity Rising—most of them were well known and a few of them graced the posters on her bedroom walls. The situation was surreal and she still had yet to fully wrap her head around it.
They sat in the green room—not knowing what to do with themselves. Normally before a gig, the band would take some time to sit with their instruments and tune them and make sure that everything was where it needed to be, but now they suddenly had people for that. They had a road crew to set up their gear, tune their guitars and mic check for them while they relaxed behind the scenes. Lilith felt weird without her guitar by her side and hoped that the road crew was taking good care of her sister's keyboard. She shuddered to think of anything happening to the precious item.
The crew was perplexed at first when she told them that the keyboard would be set up but not plugged in. She decided not to explain it to them because they just wouldn't understand the significance. When that keyboard stood next to her on stage, it almost felt like her sister was right there, playing alongside her like the good ole days. She could feel Rose's presence all around her even now. She could feel her in the room with them, though she'd never tell the others.
Lilith looked to Alex and frowned at the glazed look in his eyes. He sipped a beer and stared off into the distance, looking at nothing at all. She knew this had to be just as difficult for him. He and Rose had been together since they were teenagers. They met in middle school when the band first formed and it was pretty much love at first sight. The two had been inseparable from the beginning and she could see he was lost without her.
Alex liked to be a positive guy. He was full of bright smiles and positivity, but she could see the cracks in the facade. He was in pain and she didn't know what to do to help him. She was thankful still, that Alex had remained a part of Hayzed ‘n’ Confuzed. He easily could have quit and disappeared but instead, it was like her death had thrust him headlong into his music. It had always been Lilith and Jett that wrote the lyrics to their songs but lately, Alex had been texting her random bunches of lyrics and poems which they used to construct a few ballads. She could tell the words came from a place of grieving and pain. They made for some excellent music but she knew that only they could ever fully grasp their meaning.
Lilith stood and walked out of the room—anxious to do something with herself while they waited. She paced the halls backstage with no real destination in mind. She had been to the venue before as a child when her father had taken her to see one of his favorite country singers. They sat fourth row back and her father had boosted her up onto his shoulders as they swayed to the music. Never in her life could she have imagined being up on that stage some day. Sure, it had always been the ultimate dream, but until last night it had been far, far from her grasp. The more she thought about the upcoming show and the tour to follow, the more she had to take a step back and look at her life as a whole. She always lived in the same town she'd grown up in. She and Rose lived in the same house, on the same street and went to the same school as the rest of their band members for basically their entire childhoods. That's how they all became friends.
Lilith turned the corner into a dimly lit hallway and stopped short when she heard giggling. Just in the distance she could make out the shapes of two people—one larger and one smaller. The larger pressed the smaller into the wall and the smaller one giggled. Lilith squinted her eyes, trying to make out what she was seeing when she recognized the large shape. It was Soren—Serenity Rising's lead guitarist and the bane of her nightmares last night. He pinned a blonde woman against the wall as he sucked on her neck. Lilith grimaced in disgust as the woman giggled again. Her voice was high pitched and whiny. Soren reached down and his fingers fiddled with the buttons on the girls jeans and Lilith had enough. Loudly, she cleared her throat but quickly hid herself back around the corner of the wall. The giggling stopped and she could hear a muttered curse come from Soren.
“Shit, too many eyes in here. Let's finish this on the bus, babe,” Soren cooed to the woman. He’d called her 'babe.' She guessed it might be his girlfriend, though she hadn't heard anything about him having a relationship in any of the blogs she followed. More than likely it was another one of his infamous hookups.
She could hear their steps retreating down the hallway in the opposite direction and breathed a sigh of relief. His actions were perplexing. She didn’t understand why he'd been looking at her last night with such unmistakable heat in his eyes if he could have women like that. She wasn't an idiot, she knew the look in a man's eye when he saw something he liked—and Soren had liked her. In her heart, Lilith knew the darkly dangerous guitarist was bad news. She felt it the moment their eyes connected for the first time. She remembered having something of a school girl crush on the man in recent years as she followed Serenity Rising's music career. She had idolized the men for so long that they hadn’t really seemed real to her. They hadn’t been people in her eyes yet, only faces on a screen. It was all about to change and she was just beginning to glimpse that.
Lilith returned to the green room with her mind spinning in circles. She knew she needed to stop thinking about that damned man but she couldn’t help the intrusive thoughts that followed her around like a cloud. The others were guzzling water and she could see Blair in the corner, nursing a steaming mug of hot tea. Blair had been accompanying Lilith with vocals after losing Rose. It would never be the same, but Blair did have some pipes on her.
Lenna strode into the room confidently, wearing a Serenity Rising t shirt that Lilith knew she already owned
. She gestured to her wrist, tapping a few times to let them know the time was fast approaching. Lilith rolled her eyes at Lenna. Her manager was always a worrier. She worried about everything—money, songs, social media… everything. Every detail of their lives was a well thought out machine to that woman. Sure she was a newbie to the industry… and also a friend, but she was the real deal and she was finally going to get her moment in the spotlight. Lilith was happy for Lenna. She deserved all the success in the world after how long she'd stuck things out with them.
A few hours later found Lilith hovering to the edge of the stage with her blood pumping through her veins like fire. She could hear the crowd just beyond the threshold and it made her giddy. Alex was beside her, shifting from foot to foot in anticipation.
“We’ve got this, Lil,” came a soft voice from right beside her. Blair grasped Lilith’s hand softly and she squeezed it back. She turned to look into her friends deep green eyes and nodded.
“Let's bust this out Blair, for Rose… and for us. We need this.”
Blair looked wonderful tonight. Her mohawk was spiked to perfection and her kohl lined eyes sparkled in the low lights. She wore ripped jeans and an old ACDC t shirt. Lilith was dressed much the same only she wore her sisters old Guns ‘n’ Roses shirt. Her hair was loose and fell around her in soft black waves. She knew the second she stood beneath the lights she would be dripping with sweat. The MC shouted their name and her adrenaline spiked. It was time.
The lights flashed in her eyes as she ran on stage. The crowd had no idea who the hell they were but they didn’t lack enthusiasm. They screamed for them and thrashed around like a writhing sea of arms and heads. This is what she lived for. Lilith looked around at her bandmates and each of them grinned at her with power in their eyes.
Tonight was the first night of the rest of their lives.
9
