“I’m not sure. I couldn’t read his expression like I usually can. I think he was sort of shellshocked.”
“Dandy.” Jennifer paused. “I’m going to sit up and see if the room will stay still.”
Belinda helped Jennifer upward, then she shifted so her feet were on the floor.
“So far, so good,” Jennifer said, then sighed. “Everything is in such a mess. I’m just not…not ready for Evan to know about this baby. I’m so thrilled about being pregnant, I really am, and I wanted to enjoy the very thought of it, the…
“But it’s definitely reality check time. Evan knows. He certainly won’t be thrilled about this news. Oh, I’m not saying he’d turn his back on us, refuse to support us monetarily, but I have to face the truth of how dedicated he is to his career. He doesn’t have room for anything, or anyone else, in his life.”
“Would you like my opinion?” Belinda said.
“Do I have a choice?”
“Nope. So listen up. I believe you’re selling Evan short. Did it ever occur to you that he devotes himself to his career because there isn’t an important woman in his life? He probably figures that working long hours here is better than sitting at home alone watching television.”
“Mmm,” Jennifer said, frowning.
“Are you in love with Evan, Jennifer?”
“I…I’m not sure. I just don’t know. I care for him, about him, but…I think I’m falling in love with him, slowly, step by step, but…I’ve been attempting to deal with the fact that I’m pregnant, plus sift and sort through my feelings for Evan and I’m exhausted. Emotionally and physically drained.”
“That makes sense.” Belinda nodded. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Evan wasn’t struggling to understand his feelings toward you right now, too. Love is a very simple, yet complicated thing.”
“If he is in love with me, or even thinks he might be falling in love with me,” Jennifer said, lifting her chin, “why hasn’t he told me?”
“Have you told him that your feelings for him are steadily growing? Tit for tat, you know. He could very well think that you’re so focused on your career you have no room in your life for him.”
“But that’s not true. When I have this baby I’ll cut back on the number of assignments I take, I wouldn’t travel so much and…”
“What we have here,” Belinda said, pointing one finger in the air, “is a basic lack of communication. You two need to talk to each other, for crying out loud.”
“Oh?” Jennifer said, raising her eyebrows. “Something like ‘Evan, my sweet patootie, you don’t happen to be kind of falling in love with me, are you? Because I think I’m falling in love with you, you know what I mean? Oh, and by the way, how do you feel about the little news flash that Belinda let out of the bag? Isn’t that a kicker? You’re going to be a daddy.’ How’s that, Belinda?”
“It’s definitely lacking something,” she said, shaking her head.
“No joke. I just want to go home and curl up in bed with the covers over my head.” She sighed. “I wish I had at least a clue as to how Evan reacted when he heard you say…”
“Uh-oh,” Belinda said softly, as Evan strode into the room.
Jennifer’s heart thundered as she stared at Evan as he approached. His eyes were narrowed slightly and his teeth were clenched so tightly she could see a muscle ticking in his jaw.
This was not, she thought miserably, a happy man.
“Can you walk, or should I carry you?” Evan said, looking at a spot just above Jennifer’s head.
“I’m perfectly capable of walking, thank you,” she said coolly, getting to her feet slowly and carefully. “Yes, I’m fine. Steady as a rock. In fact, I’m going to drive myself home.”
“No, you are not,” he said, a steely edge to his voice as he finally met her gaze. “Give me your keys and I’ll make arrangements for a couple of police officers to deliver your car to your apartment building.”
“I…”
“Don’t argue with me, Jennifer, not now. Come on.” Evan spun around and started back across the room.
“Hey, wait just a minute here,” Jennifer said indignantly.
“Go, go,” Belinda said, flapping her hands at Jennifer. “You can’t talk to each other if you’re not in the same place.”
“He’s not in the mood to talk. He’s barking orders like a drill sergeant.”
“Jennifer!” Evan said from the doorway.
“Oh, geez,” Jennifer said, hurrying toward him. “Goodbye, Belinda. If you never hear from me again you can have my half-dead Christmas cactus.”
The drive to Jennifer’s apartment was made in total silence. The ride up in the elevator in her apartment building was made in total silence. By the time Evan and Jennifer entered her living room that ominous, tension-filled silence was nearly crackling through the air.
The atmosphere in here, Jennifer thought, was certainly a world apart from the first time she and Evan had been in her home, the night their baby was conceived.
She sank onto the sofa and clutched her hands tightly in her lap, her gaze riveted on Evan. He swept back his suit coat and shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers as he began to wander restlessly around the spacious room.
It was decorated with white wicker furniture with bright-colored cushions and an oak coffee table and end tables. A home entertainment center contained a television, VCR, stereo and a multitude of CDs and videos. An oak bookcase was filled to overflowing with books.
Evan stopped his trek, stared unseeing at the books for a long moment, then turned to meet Jennifer’s gaze.
“When did you intend to tell me that you’re pregnant with my baby, Jennifer?” he said, a definite edge to his voice. “Or didn’t you think it was something I needed to know?”
“What makes you believe this is your baby I’m carrying? I’ve been on the coast for three months. There are men in California, you know.” Jennifer sighed and shook her head. “Erase that. I have no intention of playing that kind of game. This is your child and you’re aware of exactly when he, or she, was conceived.”
“So, I repeat,” he said, still standing across the room, “when did you intend to tell me, if at all?”
“Of course, I was going to tell you,” she said, her voice rising, “because a man has the right to know that he’s going to be a father. But as to when I was going to share this news with you? I don’t know, Evan, I really don’t. I was afraid it would result in an ugly scene and I was right, wasn’t I? Because here we are locking horns, or whatever cliché you want to use. Bottom line? You’re mad as hell.”
Evan nodded. “I’m angry. I admit that. But it’s due to the fact that I found out about this baby by accident, by hearing what my secretary was saying, for God’s sake. If it hadn’t been for Belinda blithering on and on I still wouldn’t know.”
“I just said I would have told you…eventually. But why rush it? I know you don’t want this baby, Evan. You have the focus you want in your life…your career as the district attorney. This baby is a glitch in your program, a nuisance you’ll have to deal with somehow. Why would I be in a hurry to hear that you don’t want this baby or…or me in your future? Try to see this from my point of view for a second.”
“Who in the hell are you to tell me how I feel, what I want, what my focus in life is?” Evan said, none too quietly. “You’re capable of looking into people’s minds, hearts, souls? That’s a good trick, Jennifer. You ought to take it on the road and see if it will play in Peoria.”
“Don’t yell at me,” Jennifer yelled. “I’ve been dealing with the existence of this baby for weeks, coming to grips with it. I struggled to find an inner peace about the way it was conceived, move past the fact that what happened between us that night was wrong because we’d only known each other for a few hours and…
“But I found that peace and centered on the baby. My baby. Mine. Because I want it more than I can ever express to you. I’ve been savoring the very existence of this little m
iracle,” she rushed on, one hand on her stomach, “daydreaming about seeing her, him, for the first time, holding him, watching him grow, smile that first smile, take his first step.”
Tears filled Jennifer’s eyes and she blinked them away, angry at herself for losing control of her emotions.
“I didn’t want you to intrude in my bubble of happiness, Evan,” she said, “break it, that bubble, and now you have and we’re yelling at each other and…I don’t want anything from you. Nothing. I don’t intend to make demands on you because I’m having your baby. You can set up a college fund for him if you want to, if that will ease your conscience, but you don’t have to pretend that you’re thrilled to pieces to have found out you’re going to be a father.”
Evan felt as though he’d been punched…hard…in the solar plexus, making it difficult to breathe.
I don’t want any anything from you. Nothing.
Jennifer’s words beat against his mind like physical blows. He sank onto an easy chair and dragged both hands down his face.
Jennifer didn’t want anything from him, he thought. Not his love, not a future with him, not…not anything. He had been falling in love with her, losing his heart to her a little at a time. How did he stop his emotions from going further? Or how did he reverse them? Could a man do that? Just…just stop falling in love with a woman who had staked a claim on his heart and who was carrying his baby?
He had to, somehow, before the very essence of who he was was shattered into a million pieces. Jennifer sure as hell didn’t love him, not even close. She didn’t want anything from him. Not anything.
But what about his child? His son, or daughter? Dear God, he was going to be a father, wanted to be there for the same things Jennifer had spoken of so wistfully…holding his baby, seeing that first smile, witnessing those wobbly first steps and…
“I can’t…I can’t take this all in at once,” Evan said, leaning his head on the top of the chair and staring at the ceiling. “It’s a lot to digest, to get used to.”
“Oh, believe me, I know that. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I told the doctor I went to in California four times that she had made a mistake. I was in complete denial, then I moved to terrified, then angry at myself, and you, for what we did that night, then finally…finally it came. The peace, the joy, the anticipation, the bubble of pure happiness.”
“That I just burst.”
“Well, it was going to happen eventually.” Jennifer sighed. “Please believe me when I say I would never have kept the existence of your child from you, Evan. I wouldn’t have done that.”
“I know,” he said, his voice hushed. “I’m sorry I lashed out at you before, asked you if you intended to ever tell me.”
“Evan, look,” Jennifer said, leaning forward. “You need time to adjust to this just as I did. I’m not telling you what to do, but I’d like to suggest that you try to put this on hold until after the Gardner trial. You’re on mental overload already with that pending, hanging over you the way it is.
“I realize that it would be easier for you if I wasn’t around all the time, but I have to continue to be with you to film the documentary. We’re going to have to work together until the trial is over.
“It will be difficult, maybe even impossible, but do you think we could just put the existence of the baby in a special place and not address the issue, not discuss it or anything until after the trial? I don’t want this pregnancy to be the cause of your not being able to concentrate fully on what you must do to be victorious in that courtroom, or be unable to have a clear mind when you focus on the baby.”
“I could try, I suppose,” he said, lifting his head. “Heaven knows I need every ounce of mental energy I have to present the prosecution’s case.” He nodded. “What you’re saying is logical and wise. Whether or not I can do it remains to be seen.”
“I understand.”
“I care about you, Jenny. I’m worried about the fact that you fainted. You scared the hell out of me. Will you promise me that you’ll make an appointment with your doctor and tell him what happened? Then let me know what he says about it? I need to know that you’re all right, that the baby is all right. Will you go to the doctor as soon as possible?”
“Yes,” she whispered, feeling the ache of fresh tears in her throat.
Evan was being so kind, she thought. Kind. What a bland word. People were kind to old ladies who needed help crossing the street, kind to a puppy with a burr in its paw, kind to the person who needed a door opened for them because their arms were full of packages.
But they didn’t love that old lady, that puppy, that person. They were just there, allowing a momentary surge of kindness to rise to the fore. That’s what Evan had to offer her…kindness. It was better than his earlier anger, but still…
What was she to do with her feelings for him? The kernel of love for him within her that was steadily growing? How did she snuff it out, make certain that it no longer existed, didn’t have the power to cause her pain beyond measure? How did a woman stop falling in love with a man such as this one?
She didn’t know.
But somehow, somehow, that’s exactly what she was going to have to do.
“Jennifer?” Evan said, bringing her from her jumbled thoughts.
“Yes?”
“Will you be all right if I leave you here on your own?” Evan said, getting to his feet. “I…um…I need some time alone to… But I’ll stay if you feel dizzy or—”
“No, I’m fine,” Jennifer interrupted. “Really. I’m as good as new. I’m sorry I caused such a scene with my dramatic… Well, maybe it’s just as well that everything is out in the open. I just don’t want this to keep you from having total concentration on the trial.”
“And I want you to go to the doctor.”
“I will. I promise.”
“And I promise you that I’ll work very hard at focusing on the Gardner case…for now.” Evan paused. “Well, if you’re sure you’re okay, I’ll shove off. Don’t get up. I’ll let myself out.” He strode across the room to the door.
“Evan,” Jennifer said quickly, shifting on the sofa so she could see him.
Don’t go, her mind screamed. Don’t leave me alone. I want you here, with me. I need you, Evan. If you love me even a little bit, and I allowed the love I have for you to grow, nurtured it, we could have it all, don’t you see? A future together. You, me, our baby. We’d be a family. Husband, wife, child… Oh, Evan, please? I…
“Yes?” Evan said. “What is it, Jennifer?”
She drew a shaky breath, then dashed away an errant tear that spilled onto one cheek.
“Nothing,” she said.
Evan stared at her for a long moment, then left the apartment, closing the door behind him with a quiet click.
Chapter 5
Late the next afternoon Jennifer approached Evan’s office and saw that Belinda had already left for the day. The door to Evan’s office was open and Jennifer stopped three feet away, gathering her courage to go farther.
Maybe she’d wait until tomorrow, she thought, to put the “we’re going to have to work together until the trial is over” bit into motion. Yes, that was a good idea. She and Evan had had a very emotional confrontation yesterday and a little time and distance would…
No, she was just postponing the inevitable and the longer she put it off, the more nervous she would become. It would be better to just march right in there and ask Evan if anything had transpired during his day that she needed to know about for the film.
Right, Jennifer thought, squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin. She was a mature woman and she could handle this. She was a mature, pregnant woman and her child’s mother was not a wuss.
Jennifer walked slowly, very slowly, toward the doorway of Evan’s office. She peered inside just as a loud sneeze echoed through the open door of the conference room beyond.
“Evan?” Jennifer called as she made her way toward the large room.
“In here
, Jennifer,” he yelled.
Just as Jennifer entered the conference room, thunder rumbled and a bright flash of lightning zigzagged across the darkening sky beyond the bank of windows. The lights flickered, then steadied. Evan sneezed again.
“Bless you,” Jennifer said. “Did you get caught in that cold rain that’s been whipping about out there all day?” She glanced at the ceiling. “And is picking up force even as we speak?”
“Yes, I did,” Evan said. “I went out to lunch with the mayor and got drenched. I’ve been slogging around in a wet suit ever since.” He frowned. “We forgot the greetings. Hello, Jennifer, how are you? You should have gone on home where it’s dry and warm.”
“Hello, Evan. I’m dry and warm standing here because some of us have the good sense to carry an umbrella on a day like this. Please excuse my casual attire, but jeans and a sweatshirt are my fashion statement when I’m editing.”
“You look comfortable.” Evan rolled up the sleeves on his shirt, his damp suit coat already draped on a chair to dry. “Have you had dinner?”
“No, I came straight here from the studio. I’m eager to know how things went with your witnesses.”
“Why don’t I get a pizza delivered up here?” Evan said. “The witnesses I dealt with today are as prepared as they are going to be. What I’m going to tackle now is examining the jury pool applications. If you’re willing to keep it off the record, I’d appreciate your input. If you don’t mind. Of course, if you’d rather not, that’s fine, too.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Jennifer said, then sighed. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, we sound like people reading lines in a play. I guess our working together is going to be more difficult than I thought, but it’s necessary. We’ve got to attempt to relax, just be ourselves.”
“That’s a tough assignment,” Evan said gruffly, “when there are so many unresolved issues between us.”
Body of Evidence Page 22
