“I know you,” I said. She had been in my dream before.
“You remembered.” She smiled at me, a warm smile despite the sadness in her eyes. “Allie, will you do me a favor?”
I nodded, and she reached out and took my hand. “Please, take care of Mal. He’s closed his heart to try to avoid any more pain, but it’s not good for him. You could be the one to heal him, you and your guards.”
“Heal him? How?”
“Love him,” she said, with a radiant smile. “Show him that he can belong. Remind him that it’s worth it. And tell him…” she trailed off, looking out at the sea again. “Tell him that I will always love him, but he is free to love others too. Tell him I want him to find happiness, as I’ve found peace.”
“I’ll tell him,” I said. I wanted to help this woman, whoever she was. There was something so calming about her presence. “And I’ll try to help him for as long as I can.”
She reached out and cupped my cheek. “Your road will be hard,” she said. “But you are equal to it. Just remember, Allie, that love isn’t something that can be used up. The more you give, the more returns back to you.”
She pressed a seashell into my hand, kissed my cheek, and disappeared.
I woke up, and I swore I could still smell the ocean, despite the fact that we were hundreds of miles from any coast. Mal was curled around me, but as I sat up he stirred and smiled sleepily up at me. “Ready for round two?”
I wanted to reply, but something was digging into my leg underneath the sleeping bag. Expecting a rock or a pine cone, I reached down and felt around for it. But when I retrieved the small hard object, goosebumps raised all over my skin.
It was a seashell.
11
Allie
Beside me, Mal froze. His smile vanished, and his eyes hardened. I could feel the sudden tension in his body like he was bracing for a punch. “What the fuck is that,” he demanded, his voice harsher than I’d ever heard it.
I turned from his angry face, staring down at the seashell. “I had a dream,” I began, but he cut me off with a snarl.
“Is this some kind of joke, Allie? Some… plot?” I could almost feel the anger radiating off him like heated metal, and I fought the urge to shrink away from him.
He turned and burst out of the tent, nearly tearing the zipper off as he went, and I scrambled after him. Jasper was human-formed and Beau was a wolf, but they both leaped to their feet when we emerged.
“What’s going on here?” Jasper demanded. “Why are you shouting at her?”
Beau’s eyes found mine, and even in wolf-form I could see the worry written on his face.
“It’s none of your business,” Mal snapped.
“It sure as hell is,” Jasper answered, folding his arms across his chest and staring at Mal expectantly. “Start talking. That’s an order.”
I ignored them all, turning to Mal. “In my dream, I met a woman,” I said. “She didn’t tell me her name, but she had long blonde hair.”
Mal went pale. “You… what?” His voice sounded strangled.
“She told me to take care of you,” I went on. “And she handed me this.” I held out the seashell, but he didn’t move to take it. He stared at it like it was a viper about to strike.
“No,” he said. “No, it’s not possible. Allie, tell me this is a joke.” His eyes met mine, and there was no anger now, only pleading. I could feel Jasper and Beau watching us, but they stayed silent.
“It’s not a joke, Mal,” I said, holding his gaze. “She told me that she wanted you to find happiness since she had finally found peace.”
To my shock, he let out a strangled sob and buried his face in his hands.
I didn’t understand any of this, but I could almost feel his pain like an echo. I couldn’t let him deal with it alone. And just like I had earlier, I put my arms around him.
To my surprise, Jasper and Beau came closer. Jasper joined me, wrapping his arms around Mal from behind, his chin resting on Mal’s other shoulder. Beau, still wolf-formed, pressed against Mal’s thigh, his eyes turned up to watch us all.
Their gesture surprised me, but I realized it shouldn’t have. This is what it meant to be Pack, I realized. To not be afraid to comfort your friend. To lend them the strength of your presence when they needed it. To hold someone and wait silently until they were ready to talk again.
I’d never had this, and it hit me like a punch in the gut how desperately I wanted it. But I pushed those selfish thoughts away. I had made a promise to take care of Mal, and I intended to keep it as best I could.
It felt like longer, but a few seconds later Mal swiped at his eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths. Jasper and I released him to give him some space, and Beau backed away. “Sorry,” Mal muttered, glancing over at me. “It’s just… there’s no way you could know those things. Or her. I’ve never talked about her to anyone.” He took another shuddering breath.
“Come sit,” I said, gesturing to a fallen log by the fire. It was still an hour or so until sunrise, and the pre-dawn air had a chill. Mal obeyed, moving like a sleepwalker. I sat down beside him, and Jasper took the other side, still silently observing. Beau lay down next to the fire, watching us with his chin on his paws.
“What did she say to you, exactly?” Mal asked, looking at me.
I told him about the beach, and our conversation. When I mentioned the seashell, he held out his hand, and I passed it to him. He examined it in the firelight, shaking his head slightly.
“I don’t believe it,” Mal said quietly. “Or at least, I don’t want to believe it. But I feel like I have to. There’s no other way this is possible.”
“Who is she, Mal?” I asked. “I could see she loved you.”
He smiled, still looking down at the seashell. “Cassie,” he said softly. “She was my mate.”
I fought to keep from gasping in surprise. Mal, who was such a flirt and a tease, had a mate?
Jasper’s face echoed my shock. “You had a mate? Why didn’t you tell us when you joined Silver Grove?”
Mal shook his head. “If I told you,” he said softly, “I would have to explain why I don’t have a mate anymore. And I wasn’t ready yet.” He took a shaky breath, and I reached out and stroked his back. “Our pack lived by the ocean, and she loved to swim. I called her my mermaid.” He smiled, his eyes far away. “One morning she wanted me to go with her, but I was tired and wanted to sleep in, so she kissed me on the cheek and left. That was the last time I ever saw her alive.”
I thought of her standing on the beach, looking out to the sea, and couldn’t help the slight shiver that ran through me.
“It was a rip current,” Mal said. “It came up and was pulling her out to sea. She knew about them, she was doing the right thing, trying to swim parallel to the pull, but she just got too tired. And when they brought me to her, and I saw her lying on the sand, so cold, so silent, I knew I would never love anyone again. And I wanted to go somewhere where I would never see the ocean.” His fingers tightened on the seashell, hiding it from view.
Jasper’s expression was unreadable, as always, but he reached out and gave Mal’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.
Mal glanced over at him with a wry half-smile. “That’s why I could never say anything. If I told you all what happened, it would make it real, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. And I couldn’t face anyone’s pity.” He took a ragged breath. “But I was lonely. So fucking lonely. But I couldn’t bring myself to start an actual relationship, because what if I lost them too? I couldn’t go through that again. So I just let everyone think I was a flirt and a liar. Better that then the truth.”
My heart ached for Mal. I knew what it was like to hide such a crucial part of yourself from the world. It ate away at you every day.
“I knew you thought I was hiding something,” Mal said to Jasper. “And I’m sorry if I made you worry.”
Jasper looked startled. “That’s… kind of you,” he said. “But I hope you know none of
us would have wanted to invade your privacy or make you talk about it before you were ready.”
Beau nodded in agreement, his tail wagging slowly.
“Allie, I owe you an apology too,” Mal said, reaching over and taking my hand. “I mentioned earlier that I wasn’t a believer, and my first thought was this was some way of tricking me into believing. And that’s why I lashed out.”
“I understand,” I said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m sure it was a shock. Especially if you hadn’t told anyone.”
“Will you believe now?” Jasper asked quietly.
Mal gazed into the fire, the flames casting flickering shadows across his handsome face. “It’s a lot to think about,” he said. “But I know one thing I do believe in.” He turned to me and smiled. “You, Allie.”
I was startled by his praise, but I managed to smile back.
“Do you dream like this often?” Jasper was watching me, his calm unreadable expression back in place.
“Sometimes. It’s not usually so clear,” I said. “Usually it’s just flashes of things.” The dreams had been growing stronger since I went into the woods, I realized suddenly. I wasn’t sure what that meant.
He nodded. “And how do you know they’re different than regular dreams?”
Normally I didn’t like to talk about my dreams. It was just one more reminder of how I was different. But none of them reacted like I was crazy, and it was nice to open up to someone. “It’s mostly just a feeling I get. Oh, and I usually see magnolia petals or flowers. That’s the big clue.” I didn’t need to mention that magnolias were the symbol of our Pack, the trees that formed the actual grove in Silver Grove. I saw the men exchange looks.
“What do you think triggered the dream? Was it being with Mal?”
Heat surged into my face, and I glanced at the fire. I wasn’t ashamed that we had done it, but admitting it out loud in front of Beau and the ever-judgey Jasper was different.
To my surprise, Jasper smiled slightly. “Alyssa, you were in a tent, and you weren’t exactly quiet. I was just curious if you believed it was that or something else.”
“Oh,” I said, unable to keep from grinning. I had been away for so long that I’d forgotten that wolves didn’t have the same views on sex as humans did. Our code was based around respect: as long as all parties involved were honest, respectful, and consented, there was no shame in pleasure.
I realized Jasper was still looking at me expectantly. “I’m not sure,” I said quickly. “But the dreams are getting stronger out here in the woods than they ever were in the city.”
“Interesting,” Jasper said. “Although not unexpected. Your grandmother is Priestess, after all.”
I hadn’t thought about it that way. After all, I’d heard my whole life that I wasn’t a true wolf, and thus would never have any real powers. “I’ll talk to Gram,” I said, trying to keep my tone casual. “See if she’s experienced anything like it.”
Jasper nodded, then reached over and squeezed Mal’s shoulder gently. “Are you all right?”
“Me? Yeah, I will be. I actually feel better, knowing she’s happy,” he said, smiling over at me.
“I could tell how much she loved you,” I said, thinking of the soft glow in her eyes when she spoke of Mal.
He glanced down at the seashell, his lips still curved in a beautiful smile. “I loved her too,” he said softly. “But like she said, love isn’t some finite thing. I’d forgotten that. But I’m starting to remember now.” He smiled at me, then Jasper and Beau. “Thank you all. I feel like a weight’s come off my shoulders.”
Jasper got to his feet, stretched, and looked up at the sky. “There’s still a little dark left,” he said. “Why don’t we all try to get a little more rest. We’ve got work to do tomorrow.”
“I’ll stay up,” Mal said. “I’ve got a lot to think about. The rest of you can sleep.”
My eyelids were heavy from all the emotional strain of the last hour, so I agreed. I climbed into the little tent, which suddenly felt much bigger without Beau or Mal in it, and curled up in my sleeping bag.
Sleep, however, evaded me. The minutes ticked by, but I was wide awake. My mind was too busy working over the events of the last few days. Was it possible it had only been a few days? I felt like everything had changed and we weren’t even back in Silver Grove yet.
Despite my determination to not get involved, I found myself caring for my guards more by the day. The more I got to know them, the more I found I liked them. And that was a problem. Because, of course, I couldn’t stay.
Could I?
From what Beau had said, the Pack needed a leader who actually wanted to help people. And wasn’t that what I had been trying to do ever since I left?
The question was, would they allow themselves to be helped by an outsider like me?
I sighed, rolling over on to my back. It wasn’t going to do me any good to think about this now. I would talk to Gram when I got back to Silver Grove and see what she thought.
The tent flap opened slightly, and a golden eye peeked in. “Good, you’re up,” Jasper said.
I pushed myself up. “Is something wrong?”
“You said you wanted to train. Is that still the case?”
When I nodded, he smiled slightly. “Good. Get up and let’s get going.”
12
Allie
Jasper sent Mal and Beau out hunting for our morning meal, then led me out to another clearing in the trees. I was a little nervous as I followed him. What if he decided I was weak? What if I made a fool of myself?
Then again, maybe I could use it to my advantage. I wasn’t some model, but I wasn’t in the worst shape, thanks to the yoga classes I’d been taking for a few months. And in the long run, I would rather embarrass myself here in front of just Jasper than in front of the whole Pack later on. Better to find out if I stood any kind of chance at all in relative privacy. Jasper didn’t seem like the kind of person to gossip, after all.
“So,” he said. “Let’s see what you can do.”
“What do you mean?”
He stood about five feet away, arms crossed over his chest, surveying me. “Attack me.”
“Attack you? How?”
Jasper didn’t smile, but I could have sworn I saw a glint of amusement in those golden eyes. “Any way you can.”
At his words, I felt my competitive spirit stir. He was so sure of himself. So cocky. Typical Alpha. But I wanted to show him that if nothing else, I wasn’t afraid to try.
I dropped down to a slight crouch, finding my balance, preparing to jump at him. He didn’t move. Hell, he didn’t even look at me. His calm arrogance pissed me off, and I lunged at him.
He didn’t even uncross his arms, just sidestepped me in one fluid motion.
I whirled around, this time making a grab for his shirt. Without even turning to face me, he dodged, my fingers closing on empty air. I snarled in frustration, and I could have sworn I heard him chuckle.
“You’re lucky I left my pepper spray in my backpack,” I muttered. This time he did laugh.
“I’ll admit, you got me that time,” he said. “Perhaps you should start carrying it with you.”
“I will from now on,” I said, making a lunge for his arm.
He stepped backward, avoiding me easily. “Do you know why you managed to get me with the pepper spray?”
“Because you ran into it?”
“Yes. Because I wasn’t expecting it.” He glanced down at me thoughtfully. “You’re only half-wolf, so that puts you at a physical disadvantage.” I started to speak up to defend myself, but he held up a hand to cut me off. “Just listen. Since your status is common knowledge in our Pack, you can turn it to your advantage. Other wolves will underestimate you because of your blood, and so they’ll leave themselves open to attack.”
I’d never heard my strange heritage described as an advantage before, and I was certainly not expecting it from a “traditional” werewolf like Jasper.
He was pacing as he spoke, but he paused like he’d just had an idea. “Can you touch silver?”
“You mean the metal? Sort of,” I said, shrugging. “It doesn’t burn as bad as it seems to with full werewolves. It’s more like… an irritation. Or an allergy.” I remembered one time at the bar when I’d picked up an earring someone had dropped in the bathroom. The resulting ugly red blotch on my hand lasted for a good two hours before fading away. But if I was a true werewolf, I knew even that little brush of my fingertips would have given me blisters and worse. “Why, do you have any silver weapons handy?”
“No, but you should get one,” he said. “Well, enough talk. Let’s see what you can do in an actual fight.” Jasper paused, sizing me up. “Have you ever been in a fight?”
“Unless what happened the evening I met you counts as a fight, no,” I said.
He nodded. “Well, we’ll start with the basics then. For you, your goal is going to be incapacitating your opponent as quickly as possible with minimal damage to yourself.”
“In non-warrior language?”
“Kick the shit out of them before they can hurt you too badly. You do that by fighting dirty.”
Now that I understood.
* * *
One hour later, every muscle I had (and some I didn’t know I had) were crying out for rest, but Jasper was relentless. I never knew I would hate the word “again” with such a burning passion.
Still, it had been a good experience, and Jasper was a surprisingly patient and thorough teacher. He had shown me the basic form for punches and kicks, where to aim for on an opponent (the sensitive parts), and where to protect on myself.
“Last lesson for the day,” he said. “How to escape a grapple.”
Princess of Wolves: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 7
