by Mia Pride
Alastar nodded and sighed deeply. He should have finished the lad, and yet, he had never had to face an untrained enemy. It had seemed unfair in the moment to cut him down. Now that the man had fled, he hoped he did not live to regret it. Daniel knew this land well and if he went to his uncle, he could lead the enemy here. Alastar had to simply hope that Daniel was only an arse, and not a traitor.
“Come, Lin. Let us go home.” Aislin nodded and took his outstretched hand, resting her head on his arm as they slowly walked home in silence. He enjoyed the silence while it lasted, for he knew as soon as they arrived home, he would need to answer all her burning questions about Elwynna.
***
Aislin knew Alastar was still seething with anger when they arrived back to their home. He was tense and quiet, two very unusual qualities for him. Without him having to say so, she knew he was battling with his own hesitation to strike down Daniel before he fled, but she had seen the man attempting to wield Tuathal’s sword. Daniel was very skilled with the bow or dagger, but he clearly had little experience with a sword. At that moment, she had prayed Alastar would see the disadvantage his adversary had, and she was proud of him for considering it, even through his haze of rage. A lesser man would have struck first.
Wrapping her arms around his neck as they entered their home, she planted a quick kiss on his lips, then cupped his face as Branwen barked with wild excitement. “I am very proud of you.”
“Och, why? For letting the bastard get away?” he murmured and covered her hands with his large calloused ones. Those callouses were a testament to his many years of practice with a sword.
“You know why. It was clear to everyone Daniel had nay ability with a sword. I saw you hesitate. Your honor would not allow you to cut him down without giving him the first open swing. He chose to flee. He is the coward here, Al, not you. You are a warrior, but you are an honorable one. I vow I love you all the more for it.”
That finally made him smile, that devastating smile full of dimples and white teeth. It made her knees weak that a man so handsome could be hers forever. It seemed most unfair to all the other lassies of the world. “So, you love me, lass?” he murmured against her lips and the rasp of his unshaved chin brushed her cheek.
“Despite my many attempts not to? Aye, I do love you, Alastar. I cannot help it.”
He tickled her side to make her laugh and squirm. “You make it sound like a bad thing to love me.”
She playfully jerked out of his hold and put her hands on her hips. “I am not certain yet that it is not a bad thing. I never wanted to be anyone’s wife and never wanted to be vulnerable to another person. Yet, here I am: completely in love, unwilling to leave your side, and open to any hurt you should ever afflict upon my heart.”
Her words stopped him in his place, causing his beautiful smile to morph into a frown of concern. “Why do you think I would ever hurt you? Have I not proved tonight that I will always honor you?”
She took a deep breath and sighed. “Alastar. You are a man who lived his life, by all accounts, on his own terms. You fancied many lassies and they fancied you. I know you have been with more lassies than I care to think of.” He opened his mouth in defense, but she shook her head and silenced him. “I am not angry at your past. ‘Twas before me. My concerns lie with the unknown, for us both. There has seemingly only ever been one woman you promised yourself to, who knew of your past as I do and, from what I am to believe, you broke her heart. How am I to trust the same won’t happen to me? Is this the price I will someday pay for loving a man whose head can be so easily turned by another bonny face?”
“Aislin. I never promised myself to Elwynna. She was the daughter of Mal, Elim’s best warrior. She was there the night my family was slaughtered. I was devastated and alone. I needed companionship like I needed air. I would have died from a broken heart if not for her.”
His words were not helping to ease the sudden ache in Aislin’s heart. To hear him speak of Elwynna with such tenderness caused her gut to clench with pain and envy. This was why love was a dangerous emotion. It made fools of men and women alike. But it was too late. Fool or not, her heart was in his hands and at this moment, she hated herself for giving it to him. “It sounds like you cared for her very much. Mayhap you still do.” She also hated the quiver in her own voice. She had become the pathetic woman she had always refused to be.
“I did care for her very much. I still do, aye, but not in that way, Lin. She was a good companion to me. She made the pain bearable. She knew my family and loved them, so she shared in that loss.”
The woman knew her husband in a way Aislin never would, and that thought made her throat constrict again with envy and despair. She could never know his twin brother or share laughs with his mother. It was impossible for Aislin to have ever been a part of his family like Elwynna was.
“If I told you I did not have strong emotions for Elwynna, it would be a lie, Lin. But was it love? Nay. I knew it then just as I know it now. Our connection was one created through loss and pain. It was volatile and unsustainable. I cared for her very much, but it became clear to me that she hoped for much more than I was willing to give to her, or any lass, at the time. I was busy defending my king and fighting enemies. I had nay place in my life for commitment to a woman. So, when she started speaking of a future for me and her, I ended what we had. It gutted me to cause her pain. Aside from Jeoffrey, she was all I had left in the world and I had wrecked her heart. But, I knew that for me, she was not the one. She was a special part of my life and I will always care for her and remember her role in helping me heal, but I never regretted not marrying her. And now that I have you, Lin…”
He shook his head and his eyes grew more serious than ever. “I know I made the right choice. I was incapable of giving my heart to a lass, to making such a commitment. Yet, I knew the very moment I saw you, that you were it for me. It was like a bolt of lightning struck me down. I would never have given up my pursuit of you. Never. And now that you are my wife, I vow to be true to you always, to love you always. Nay other lass will ever turn my head, mo chroí. I do not know how to make you trust that, and I do not blame you for being wary of my past, but I have forever to prove to you that I will never falter in my devotion.”
His words left her breathless. She had been so certain she would never wed, he had been so certain he would never wed, and, somehow, they found their way to this place together. Two stubborn, independent people who swore to never settle, and yet they were now in too deep to consider any alternative. To lose him now would be akin to losing a limb. She was not a lass prone to tears, but his words made her chin quiver and she knew her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. He had laid his heart open for her, told her all. What more could she ask for? Though, she did have one more question for him.
“At the lake, Daniel said one more thing that I cannot understand. He mentioned the dagger Àdhamh gave to you. He asked me why I thought a man would so easily give up a fine dagger to another. I had thought about that myself. Is there something I should know about that dagger, Alastar? I cannot imagine what it has to do with me, and yet I get the feeling it has everything to do with me.”
His eyes grew wide and he glanced away from her briefly, just as he had the last time she spoke of the dagger. It was quite strange. Chewing on her lip nervously, she waited in silence for him to speak.
“Daniel is unstable, Lin. He would say aught to make you question my love for you.”
Crinkling her brow, she pondered his answer. In truth, it was not much of an answer at all. It felt evasive, but the man had had a trying night and she decided he had answered enough questions for one day. She decided to change the subject, and knew just what would make them both forget the events of the night.
“I think you need to make love to me now, husband.” She needed to show him her love. Words were not enough, would never be enough. What she felt for him ran through her veins, bore into her bones, and wrapped around her soul. There was no other way to s
how him how much she loved him besides showing him with her body. Had she known that their physical connection would be so strong, so all-consuming, she never would have waited so long to discover it. Now, it was an addiction, something she thought about all day, something that thrummed through her whenever he was near. Her body needed his like the trees she loved so very much needed the sun.
When he wordlessly scooped her up behind the knees and carried her slowly to their bed with that helpless fire of lust dancing in his eyes, she knew he felt the same way.
Chapter Eleven
4 moons later
Winter faded slowly into spring. The snow lingered for several moons as it tended to do in the long cold Ériu weather. Eventually, spring turned to summer and the forest flourished with young animals, vibrant flowers, and fruiting trees. The smells of nature overwhelmed Aislin’s senses as she climbed up a steep slope of rock to better take in the view. Now that summer was upon them, the temperature had increased and though it never became truly hot, her light green woolen skirts hung heavily around her legs, making her feel over-heated and confined.
She had never intended to continue wearing these cumbersome garments once the weather turned warm again, but just as the world around her had blossomed and changed, so too had her body. At first, the signs had been subtle. She would suddenly feel over-heated even during a snow storm or her stomach would churn painfully at the smell of a gamy stew she had usually enjoyed. Once her breasts became tender and her courses ceased, she knew for certain she was carrying Alastar’s child. She had enough breeding kin to recognize the early signs. Treasa was once again with child, as was Alyson. Leannan had been with child even before winter began and was showing more than the others.
Though Aislin was certain that the changes in her body meant she was with child, she had kept this secret to herself, never telling a soul. Her reasons had been simple enough. She knew well that many a tragedy could happen to an unborn child and, until she was fully showing and felt the babe moving within her womb, she felt much safer keeping her secret. Alastar would most assuredly become overbearing and attempt to coddle her, which only solidified her desire to keep their babe a secret for now.
Another reason to keep her pregnancy private continued to nag at her mind daily. She had never intended to have children. It was never part of her life’s plan. And though she was absolutely in love with the life growing within her and could not wait to meet the child she and Alastar had created, she felt ill-prepared to be a mother. She had been working on her cooking and sewing skills, and her ability on the loom had been improving every sennight. She had even managed to create new tunics for Alastar that were not perfect, but perhaps slightly better than the older ones he owned with incorrect stitching.
Still, she knew there was more to being a mother. Would she be able to spend most of her days indoors, nursing a wee babe, changing its soiled linens, rocking him to sleep, and listening to his crying without losing her mind? Even though her love for her child was already the most intense emotion she had ever felt, the thought of giving up everything she had ever known was a terrifying one. Ever since she realized she was with child, mayhap three moons ago, she had been working harder to quietly prepare herself physically and emotionally. This was a very private journey for her and one she preferred to keep private until she began to show… and that had happened over a fortnight ago.
She was not certain when they had created their child, for they had continued to make love almost daily throughout their marriage, but her courses ceased within a fortnight of the night Alastar had almost fought Daniel to the death. Daniel had still not been seen, which was a great relief for her. However, it was a source of great worry to Alastar and Tuathal, who had to assume Daniel had gone back to his uncle for security. This also meant they all may be in danger from a surprise attack if he shared his knowledge of their tuath.
As her belly began to slowly swell, she decided to continue wearing her forgiving and concealing woolen garments. Alastar had asked why she chose to wear them now that the sun began to shine again, but she simply told him she had grown fond of them. That was a lie. Even as she stood upon a small grassy mound now, the sun beat down on her, causing sweat to drip down her legs and between her breasts. Och, but this babe was already causing her to sweat and swell like a cursed boar. Her breasts had swollen slightly but they had already been larger than average. Nobody seemed to have noticed the difference and if her mother or cousins had noticed her changes, they had kindly kept silent, waiting for her to announce it on her own time.
That time was tonight. She could no longer hide the evidence of this babe from her husband and family. Even their love making had become truly awkward as she tried to hide her small bump from him as he stripped her down every night and she fumbled to slyly cover her abdomen. Though in truth, the bump was nearly undetectable. Still, it was time to tell her husband that he would be a father.
She had more than surpassed the point where she may lose her child. She was growing steadily, unable to hide the soreness in her breasts whenever Alastar began to fondle them, her sweating spells had become truly disgusting, and she felt repulsed by many types of meat. The babe had fluttered just the other day, letting her know that he was strong and healthy. How Alastar had not yet figured it out was still a mystery to her, though she was fortunate enough not to suffer from the queasiness her cousins suffered daily.
Aye, she had no more excuses and in truth, she found herself excited to tell him tonight. She had even created a wee white bed gown for their babe that she planned to present to Alastar. Their connection had only grown stronger with the passing of time. They shared everything about their pasts and the present, laughing into the wee hours of the night and falling asleep after long sessions of love making. Since Daniel had left their life, there had been no more issues and life had moved along in a blissful state. If someone had told her almost eight moons ago that she would be happily wed to Alastar and excitedly expecting his unborn babe, she would have scoffed and rolled her eyes.
The sun was setting but the sweat relentlessly dripped down her cleavage. She cursed her woolen skirts, but just before she descended the hill that overlooked the entire area surrounding Ráth Mór, she spotted something in the distance that made the blood drain from her head.
Scores of horses were riding toward their gates. There was only one reason men on horseback would arrive in such grand numbers. It was an attack.
“Nay!” Aislin scrambled down the hill as fast as she could, minding the loose rocks. In her condition, she could not afford to misstep and take a tumble. Reaching the bottom of the hill, she shouted at Branwen to head toward home and the clever hound did, barking wildly the entire way, clearly sensing her owner’s distress.
It was not overly far from the hill to their home, but it felt like an eternity as she heaved breathlessly, her cursed aching breasts paining her with every jostled step.
“Alastar!” she shouted as loudly as she could when she reached the edge of the forest and saw their home in the distance. She prayed he was home already, or else she would need to waste more time seeking him or another warrior out. “Alastar!” she puffed, feeling as if she may faint. What used to be such a simple task now felt like she was being weighed down. It was not the weight of the babe she knew; it was simply the lack of energy she had felt for the past several sennights.
Fortunately, Alastar came barreling out of their home with his sword already in hand. He knew his wife was not one to shout wildly in a panic for no reason. “Lin! Are you all right?” He ran to her side and she saw the concern in his chiseled features.
“Men!... Horses,” she panted bending over to catch her breath. “I was standing up on a hill and saw scores of them approaching. I believe ‘tis an attack!”
His face went stone cold and he grabbed her by the wrist dragging her inside. “I need you to stay in here where you will be safe.”
She jerked away from him. “I will not!”
“You will!
” he roared and slammed the door behind her before she could speak against his demands. No doubt he was on his way to raise the alarm of the impending attack to their king and the other warriors.
If he believed she would stand by while her people were attacked, then mayhap he did not truly know her at all. She may not be a warrior, but she was one of the best archers in their tuath and she knew the land better than most. There was little time to stop or think. She needed to change out of her heavy garments and get herself into her shorter hide skin dress, so she would be able to run and climb without being hindered.
Changing quickly, she grabbed her quiver filled with arrows and slung it over her back, then gripped her bow tightly. “Come Branwen,” she shouted over her shoulder to her faithful hound. She would not dare go and find the other warriors, risking her husband attempting to send her away again like some weak lass.
She knew this land well and if Daniel had gone back to the protection of his Uncle Mal as she suspected, he would know precisely how to get into their tuath using the forest, while others would likely try to get through the front iron gates. Her instincts were telling her precisely where to position herself. Running toward the thick row of trees, she and Branwen followed their usual trail for a long while before Aislin branched off to the west and began weaving her way more slowly through the denser forest, where she seldom roamed. Finding the perfect oak tree to conceal herself in, she climbed up and perched herself on the thick branches, able to see much of the land without being detected by anyone from so high up.
