by Mia Pride
His eyes drifted over to the loom that was much closer to him. He could clearly see the multicolored threads pulled across the wooden slats of the loom, and draped across the top was yet another, less intricate wee sleeping garment, clearly meant for a babe. That had clearly been made by his wife. He could tell by the crooked stitching. He smiled and thought about how much she had changed during their marriage.
She was still the same feisty woman he fell instantly and irrevocably in love with a year ago when he first arrived at Ériu, but she had grown so much since then. She had opened her heart to him and tried her best to advance her skills around their home. She must have made that gown for Treasa and Eoin’s unborn babe, he decided. She had a kind heart and he loved her will to create a gown, even when she knew it would not look perfect. But to him, it was perfect because she made it.
The door opened with a quiet groan and the fire flickered. He could see it was the middle of the night, for no light streamed in through the open door as Maggie tiptoed inside, Àdhamh trailing behind her, then Aislin.
“How do you feel, Alastar?” Maggie asked as she put a hand to his forehead to check for a fever. She nodded and smiled, clearly happy to feel his cool skin.
“I feel like someone gutted me,” he groaned. He tried to laugh but it hurt too much, so he stifled himself.
“Someone did gut you, mate. That Bastard Daniel, but he is dead at the hands of your wife,” Àdhamh nodded with a smile. “’Tis good to see you awake, man. The others will be most pleased. We have all been worried.”
Alastar looked behind Àdhamh and noticed his wife was no longer standing there. She had moved over to her bed and sat there quietly with her hands in her lap and her head down. Red waves of hair formed a curtain around her face, preventing him from reading her features. Not that he would be able to do so from this distance in the dim light.
He cleared his throat and looked back at Àdhamh. “Was that attack from Mal Mac Rochride?”
“Aye. ‘Twas. Elwynna claims her father had been planning an attack for some time. Daniel reappeared at his camp several moons ago—”
“After running off like a coward,” Alastar spat.
“Aye. He arrived and gave up all Tuathal’s secrets. Apparently, he also told Elwynna that you were here. She wanted to come and warn you, but did not make it in before the battle began. That’s how she became injured. She believes it was all part of Daniel’s plan. He knew she would seek you out and distract you. Daniel had said there was a secret way in. He was to make sure it was clear and then go back to Mal, but he came across you in the forest with Elwynna, and decided to seek his revenge first.”
“And he never made it back to the others,” Alastar growled.
“Nay. Once he did not arrive, they retreated. Without knowledge of another way in, their attack was destined to fail. They only raided from the front as a distraction. He ruined their plan with his need for revenge, and with his need to distract you with Elwynna’s presence.”
“Aye, well it worked. I was distracted. When I saw her running through the battle, when I saw the blade slice her side, it was all I could do to drag her away to safety far away from the battle.”
“Maggie has been tending her. She is healing well, but still must stay in bed for a while. She wishes to stay, Alastar.”
Those words stopped any response Alastar was ready to give. The lass wanted to stay at Ráth Mór? “She is Mal’s daughter, but she is innocent. I do know this. She has never been one to be deceitful. What does our king say to this?”
Àdhamh shrugged. “He says to ask you about her character. She claims to be sickened by her father and while he has never laid a hand on her, he does not prevent his men from doing so. Her father believes it is ‘good for morale’ to allow her to be used by his men.”
Alastar snarled at that thought. What sort of man allowed other men to use his daughter? Aye, she deserved better. Looking over at her bed, he saw that Aislin’s head was still down, but he knew she heard all being said. He would speak with her later. Sending Elwynna back to Mal was not an option, not when they had the ability to keep her safe. “Aye. I will vouch for her. She is a good lass and does not deserve such treatment. Nay woman does, but especially not one as kind and caring as Elwynna.”
Àdhamh nodded in agreement. “I believe the same. I have only known her a sennight, yet I can see she has a pure heart.”
“Aye, that she does.”
“I will let Tuathal know,” Àdhamh said.
“Let me change your dressing, Alastar,” Maggie said quietly as she stepped forward and pushed his wool blanket down to his hips. Looking down, he could see the large patch of blood on the linen bandage around his chest. Most of the blood was brown and dry but it appeared that fresh blood was still slowly oozing out.
Maggie gently unwrapped the bandage. “I have sewn up the wounds on both sides of you, Alastar. If you have not come down with a fever yet, I believe you are safe. But you must tell Aislin immediately if you feel feverish, dizzy, clammy, or have shivers. Do you understand?” He nodded and gritted his teeth as she removed the last of the soiled linen. The stitch marks were jagged and angry, yet no signs of infection were visible. She gently rolled him slightly to his side to check his back and then nodded with a smile. “You are healing nicely, but you must remain in bed, lying down. If you attempt to get up, you will tear open your wound. Allow Aislin to care for you.”
He nodded and looked over to Aislin’s bed to see if she was still listening. His heart dropped when he saw that her bed was empty. She had left. He knew hearing him speak about Elwynna must upset her, but he could not send the poor lass back to her father, and Alastar had hoped Aislin would understand such a thing. Had he not shown her that his love was strong enough? Mayhap hers was the love not strong enough, for she had just up and left him alone and had refused to even look at him or accept his touch. Despair and hopelessness consumed his mind. He just needed to be alone. Nay, he needed his wife, but until she came back and they could speak, he wished to be alone.
“My thanks for all your help, Maggie. I am feeling tired and would like to rest my eyes.” Maggie’s gaze landed on the empty bed and she frowned, understanding his sudden change of mood.
“I will be back on the morrow. Get some rest.” With that, Maggie and Àdhamh left his home, leaving him to wallow in his pain and confusion.
***
Aislin walked slowly back to her mother’s house. Listening to Alastar talk so sweetly of the woman he had openly professed his love to was too much for her already battered soul to bear. Did the man have no heart? How could he speak about Elwynna right in front of her? How could he so easily agree to allow her to stay? She scoffed and kicked at a loose rock on the trail. Of course, he wished her to stay. That way he could be with her. What did he believe was going to happen? If he thought for even a moment that she would allow Elwynna to move in as his concubine, he was a fool and an arse. He had to know she would never permit it. Perhaps he meant to end this marriage and continue his life with Elwynna, now that she was back. After all, they had never spoken their final marriage vow. A handfast was easily ended.
He had claimed to not love Elwynna when speaking to her about his past, but the truth was in his eyes when he held her in his arms and tucked her hair behind her ear. It was in his cursed words when those same sentiments he dared to speak to her had escaped his lips. He had told Elwynna he loved her. She heard it and there was no going back from that. He must remember none of it, or he must believe she had never seen or heard it. How long would he pretend it had never happened? Until she forced him to admit it? Nay, she would not force him to speak the truth to her. She already knew. He had jumped at the chance to keep Elwynna at Ráth Mór. That was that. Aislin would tend his needs until he was well and then move in with her mother again, where she would raise their child.
He still had no idea he was going to be a father. She had been so excited to tell him that night, but now, telling him felt akin to some
form of torture. How would she tell Alastar he would be a father, and what would he say? Would he see the babe as an obstacle keeping him away from being with Elwynna? Or worse, would he decide to stay with her now simply to do the honorable thing? Well, his honor disappeared the moment he held Elwynna and confessed his love. And he could take his blasted false honor and shove it up his— “Ouch!”
Her body crashed down to the ground and she braced herself with her hands just before her face ended up in the hard dirt beneath her. Rolling onto her backside, she tucked her knees up and noticed she had scraped them both. Blood dripped from her knee caps. Next to her left boot was a rock that raised from the ground only a few inches, but apparently enough to cause her to trip and plummet to the ground. With a curse, she stood up and wiped the loose gravel off her hands and backside. What did she care? Her wounds could never hurt as much as those to her heart.
Her mother’s house came into view and the smell of her herb garden filled Aislin’s nose with the scents so familiar to her. Soothing mint, savory rosemary, and tangy garlic reached her nostrils, making her stomach lurch with hunger. So many people had brought them food and yet, she had not touched any of it earlier that day. Her babe needed nutrients.
She knocked twice and pushed the door open. “Mama?” It was late into the night and she suspected nobody would be awake, but she saw two figures sitting in front of the hearth and stepped closer. The sight before her made her heart ache in a way she had never ever known it could and her legs almost gave way completely.
Treasa was sitting on a cushion in front of the fire with one breast exposed while sweet wee Neassa suckled at her, gulping down her meal. Eoin sat behind Treasa with his legs and arms wrapped around her waist as he stared over her shoulder, watching with pure love and reverence while his wife nursed their child.
It was such a tender moment, one that she felt devastated to have interrupted. Devastated that she would never feel such love radiating off her husband while she nursed their babe someday, for his love also belonged to another. And even if he chose to stay with her for the child, her pride could never allow that. She would never ever have a moment such as this one and that sudden realization made a painful sob choke in her throat. Just before she could quietly turn and leave the house, Treasa looked up at her and smiled.
“Lin? What brings you here so late? Is Alastar all right?” she asked quietly so as not to disturb a very relaxed Neassa.
Eoin looked up at her with concern. “What is wrong, Lin?” He must have seen the tears suddenly running down her cheeks and she hurried to wipe them away. They looked so content and at ease. She could not burden them with all that was wrong. Swallowing hard, she shook her head and tried to look brave, but her face began to crumple again.
“Sit, Lin. Sit,” Treasa said patting the cushion next to her. Aislin did as Treasa asked, for mayhap the very first time in her life, then stared silently into the fire.
“Is Alastar all right?” Eoin asked again.
She nodded. “He awoke tonight. He will survive. Maggie was with him. I needed to leave.”
“Why?” Eoin asked incredulously. She supposed it did seem strange for her to leave her husband just as he awoke from a life-threatening wound. “You are bleeding,” he added as he suddenly saw her knees.
“Aye. I tripped.”
“Why did you leave Alastar, Lin?”
She swallowed hard again and took a deep breath. “Once he is recovered, I will be moving home.”
“What?” Treasa said a bit more loudly than she had meant to, and she began rocking Neassa back to sleep. “What happened? You were both so happy. And the babe…”
“He does not yet know about the babe, Treasa. I was going to tell him that night before his injury. Now, it all seems rather worthless.”
Eoin scrunched his nose up and frowned. “How can it be worthless? What nonsense is this? He needs to know he is to be a father.”
Aislin rolled her eyes and scowled at him. “I am not a fool, Eoin. I know he must know. I only mean that it will not matter what he wants because I am moving home.”
Treasa and Eoin looked at each other silently.
“He is in love with another woman, Eoin.”
“Nay!” Her brother stood up from his cushion and balled his fists. “Who? I have not seen him show an interest in any other lass in this tuath.”
“Because she is not from this tuath,” Aislin added with a quirked brow. “She was his love when they were younger, back when he was a warrior for Elim.”
“Elwynna?” Treasa gasped, putting it all together. Aislin flinched at the sound of that woman’s name and nodded.
“You must be mistaken, Lin. Tis not possible. He loves you,” Eoin insisted, though his jaw was clenched tightly.
“Is it not possible to love two women?” Aislin asked. “I believe that to be the case, Eoin, and I am not willing to share.”
“How could you think such a thing, Lin? I do not believe it.” Treasa shook her head and slowly stuck a curved finger between her breast and Neassa’s mouth. The babe had fallen asleep at the breast and a trail of milk dribbled from her lips. The babe’s mouth detached with a pop and Treasa sighed as she was finally freed of her feeding duties.
Aislin sighed and told them the story of Alastar’s past. She did not mean to betray his confidence about his deceased family, but there was no way of sharing with them the role Elwynna had played in his life without that knowledge. She had been an important part of his life, of his healing process. She had loved him and expected marriage, which frightened him off. Mayhap now he was older and ready for that commitment, and he preferred to start a life with her.
“He said he never loved her, Eoin. During the battle, I was almost struck in the face with an arrow after I saved you. It scared me more than I can say. I almost died, and along with me, my child. I felt so selfish for being there, wondering how poor Alastar would feel if I perished while carrying his child. I decided to leave the battle, so I wandered into the forest. That’s when I heard them. She was wounded and crying in pain. He was holding her against him…” her voice trailed off. Reliving it hurt too much. The images coming back to her were too raw.
“The way he held her, tucked her hair behind her ear, gripping her to him with despair. She had her hands on his cheeks.” She shook her head and pursed her lips. “He lowered her to the floor of the forest and hovered over her. That’s when I heard them speak. She told him she loved him… and he said it back.”
“Nay!” Eoin growled. “You heard wrong.”
“I did not. He said, ‘I love you too, Elwynna.’ ‘Twas clear as day to me, Eoin. He said it. I heard it. Then he told her it was good to see her face. I cannot stop seeing it. Hearing it. He stood up and carried her so tenderly in his arms. That’s when Daniel came up behind him in a cloak. He struck faster than I could. Alastar saw me then, just before he blacked out. He said my name, so I know he saw me. Mayhap he does not remember seeing me, but I saw him.”
Balling her fists, all the memories made rage boil in her blood and she wanted to roar but did not for wee Neassa, and Treasa’s breast’s, sake. “I cannot even look at him. This past sennight has been a cursed nightmare. Everyone knows about my babe and has been bringing us food and garments. I did not look at him once while he slept. I could not. It hurt too much. Then, when he awoke, he had the nerve to say he loved me… to say those same words that he just said to another woman. He makes me sick. So sick!” she wailed and covered her face with her hands. “I hate him.”
“I will kill him,” Eoin growled lowly. “He is dead.”
“Nay. Just leave it be, Eoin. He was always meant to be with her and now he can be. I never wanted a husband anyway. You know that. Besides, when Àdhamh came to visit tonight, he told Alastar that Elwynna wished to stay here at Ráth Mór.”
Treasa scoffed. “Och. Of course, she does. She wishes to have your husband for her own. Do not allow her that power, Lin.”
“I will not fight for a h
usband who would not choose me. I have more pride than that. Alastar told Àdhamh he would vouch for her character to Tuathal, so she can stay. He called her innocent and all manner of sweet things right in front of me! Apparently, her father allowed his warriors to misuse her. I understand why she wishes to stay and would never chase her back to such a life, but Alastar was very quick to keep her here. So, as I said. When he is recovered, I am leaving him and moving home.”
Wiping away her tears, Eoin bent over and kissed her forehead, then sat on a cushion next to her. She placed her head in his lap and he stroked her hair while she silently cried.
“I did this,” he murmured.
“What?” she sniffled.
“I made you marry him. I forced this match when I saw him with his hands all over you that day. This is all my fault.”
“Nay, Eoin. I wanted the handfast. It kept the other lads away, and it kept Mama and Papa off me about marriage. I told Alastar from the first day that I never planned to stay with him, but eventually, he wore me down. I fell in love with him. And, now I carry his child. I cannot regret that. I will leave him, but I will have my child.”
“This is just not right,” her brother said soothingly. “I should have known he was not right for you the moment he made that wager.”
Aislin froze, her heart stopping in her chest as she propped herself up on an elbow to look at her brother. “Wager? What wager?”
Shame contorted Eoin’s face as he looked down at her. “Och, Lin. Men say and do all manner of foolish things when surrounded by their companions. I thought he was simply being his usually playful self. He already wanted you, that much was certain. I did not see how the wager could bring you any harm—”
“Eoin!” she whispered her warning through clenched teeth, desperate for answers yet afraid to wake up Neassa. “Tell me what wager you speak of. Now,” she added with deadly calm.
