by Aiden Bates
But if Rome noticed it, he didn’t show it. He lifted his shoulders in the same easy movement as before, his usual confidence back on display. “Not really,” he said. “In fact, it was pretty much inevitable because there is no one who’s a better fit for me than Grady.”
At his words, my heart swelled, filling my whole chest with a rush of affection, and I forced myself to control my breathing.
Eli signaled to the waiter to come and take our order, and I turned to Rome, taking in his strong profile, and the curve of his lips. This was all pretend. We were pretending. But I tightened my grip on his fingers and another wave of affection spread through me. Yes, we were pretending.
But why did it feel so real?
6
Rome
We battled through the meal, with Benji enthusing in varying volumes over Grady’s and my relationship, and Eli shooting glowering scowls from underneath his eyebrows. They were probably intended to wound me, because he was still the smiliest guy in the world if he thought Grady was watching him.
The waiter had just served us coffee, dark and bitter-smelling, when Gray stood up and put his napkin on the table. “Excuse me while I just run to the bathroom,” he murmured.
As I looked up at him, he smiled, then he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and kissed my mouth. His lips were soft, warm, and gentle, and I sighed as he pulled away, reorienting himself in the direction he needed to go. Disbelief rocketed through me as he walked away, but as I touched my lips with my thumb, Benji’s phone rang.
“Oh, boy. I gotta take this one, E.” He stood as well. “I’ll be right back. Wish me luck.” He grinned and gave Eli a thumbs-up, and Eli crossed his fingers in return.
Then Eli watched Benji all the way until he disappeared through the interior doors. I snorted quietly. He was probably watching Benji’s ass.
Eli turned to me and his eyes narrowed. “You know, I’m not sure I like you.”
“No?” I leaned back in my seat. Like he thought I actually fucking cared? “I would never have guessed.”
He leaned forward and jabbed his forefinger against the pristine white tablecloth, now littered with crumbs from our earlier bread rolls. “You need to end things with Grady.”
My heart squeezed. I had nothing to end, no matter how much I might wish I did. Not that I’d tell this fuckwit that. “I disagree.” I shook my head, but real slow, just to piss him off. Like I couldn’t be bothered to show him how much I disagreed.
“We both know you’re only going to break his heart.” Eli stayed leaning over the table, and I shifted, smiling graciously at a couple of other diners sending curious stares our way.
I hadn’t intended to be anyone’s freaking sideshow on this damn double date. I forced a chuckle. “That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think, E?”
He sat back and took a long sip of his coffee, his eyes wide. “You shouldn’t use long words when you don’t know what they mean, Roman.” Then he turned his cup in the saucer and refused to look at me.
Sudden anger blazed through me, hot and spikey, and I was done being nice. I lowered my voice. Danger level low, not just friendly chat. “Okay, Eli. Here’s the thing. We can be honest, right? We’ve known each other a very long time. I know we can be honest.” I didn’t even flinch as I spoke about being honest. My actions were protecting Gray. Eli had only hurt him. “We’ve known each other a long time.”
“A real long time.” The way Eli spoke suggested it had been too long, and maybe he was right.
I wasn’t feeling too friendly either and I wasn’t going to let this lie. I glanced toward the bathroom, but Gray had stopped to speak to someone he knew on the way back, and Benji must have still been on his call.
“You have known for a very long time how Grady feels about you, and you’ve been leading him on for years, using him to make yourself feel good. Every time you weren’t sure about something or someone, you could turn around and there he was, still Grady Caldwell, still into you.” I shook my head, still biting back my irritation. “You were a coward for not being man enough to tell him you just weren’t interested. But you were scared of losing your safety net.”
Eli scoffed. “Grady was never my safety net.” But he still wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“If you believe that, you’re a bigger idiot than I thought.” I couldn’t keep the contempt out of my words.
He looked at me, but I wasn’t done.
“And I’m not an idiot like you. I know what I have and I’m not going to let Grady slip through my fingers. I saw him, and I grabbed him, and I plan to keep it that way.” Resolve charged through my veins as I spoke.
Eli shook his head. It could have been boredom, or it could have been disbelief.
And I wanted him to know, to really know what he’d lost. I shrugged, nonchalance itself. I was good at that, and staying cool worked often in business deals. “It looks like Grady only needed me to show him that you weren’t worth his time. So, what do you think about that?”
I didn’t expect him to answer. Hell, I didn’t want him to answer. I didn’t want to stay here a minute longer or even hear Eli’s whiny voice keep talking.
But he did keep talking. Served me right for asking an idiot a rhetorical question.
“It won’t take long for Gray to see you for exactly what you are, and then he’ll dump you.” He drew his eyebrows together and frowned, his eyes angry. “Trust me. It won’t take long.”
I smiled. “Don’t hold your breath, E. Don’t you hold your breath.”
Then I did what Eli hated most in the world. I stopped paying attention to him and took a sip of my own bitter coffee. I grimaced and shook my head. Which asshole had suggested this restaurant in the first place? There were plenty of other, superior restaurants in Lakeshore. I’d have to show Grady one someday.
Gray came back to the table and patted me on the shoulder. Then he seemed to think better of that and dropped a kiss into my hair. “What’s with the frown?”
“I can make better coffee than this,” I grumbled.
He laughed. “I know exactly how you feel. I feel like I can make better coffee than this in my sleep.” He drew out his chair and sat back down in his spot, laughing.
I wrapped my arm around his waist, drawing him to snuggle against me. “That’s when I let you sleep, though, huh?”
Gray giggled, and his cheeks colored red. Losing the fight against an impulse I couldn’t control, I kissed his cheek, my lips grazing the warm skin. His eyes widened, and I drew back.
I glanced at Eli, who glared at me with a heat in his eyes so intense that I could feel it burning my skin. Gray didn’t seem to notice a thing. He was too busy looking at me, and I froze. Grady was looking at me, his gaze entirely mine.
I clutched his hand, telling myself he was only acting, even as I did. It felt so real, and my thoughts whirled through my head before I refocused. I had an aim—to protect Grady from Eli and all his crap, and I was doing that.
And while Grady was looking at me like I was the only man in the world, I was going to soak that shit up until he didn’t need me to protect him anymore. He’d tell me when, and I’d bow out gracefully then.
And I could just believe he loved me for real in the meantime.
“Well, look at the two of you.”
I hadn’t even noticed Benji arrive back at the table.
“You really are, though. So cute.” He grinned. “We should do this again sometime. It’s not often we find another couple as loved up as us, right, E?” He pushed up against Eli’s side.
I coughed. Hell, no. I’d rather have my toenails ripped out while being waterboarded by Eli than come out and pretend to enjoy dinner with them—and pay for it. I sighed as I slid my billfold out from my inside jacket pocket and reached for the check that some discreet waiter had left on the corner of the table.
“Not so fast. We’re not ready to leave yet.” Eli’s voice cut across my desire to pay and get the hell out of Dodge. “I have a q
uestion for Gray.”
I took Grady’s hand. I wasn’t sure. I just felt like he might need me. He clutched my fingers under the table, but looked at Eli with a benign, expectant look on his face.
“Yes?” He said nothing more. It was a polite enquiry rather than a friend wanting to do another friend a favor.
Eli darted his gaze away, suddenly coy. Playing. A cat with a mouse, and I gritted my teeth. What an asshole.
“Go on, E—ask him!” Benji almost bounced in his chair in excitement.
Whatever Eli had going on, it clearly wasn’t good.
“We-ell…” He stretched out the word and trailed off—apparently aiming for anticipation, but landing firmly in anger inducing, as far as I was concerned. “It’s a request more than a question, really.”
“But I’m sure you’ll say yes. Oh, this is going to be so great.” Benji jumped back into the conversation and beamed his delight at something only he and Eli knew.
I glanced at Grady, at his tight face—like he was preparing to be blindsided all over again.
“Just ask him already!” Benji demanded.
“Yeah,” I agreed. Servers were starting to hover nearby, ready to clear our table.
“Okay, okay.” Eli tapped out a drumroll beat on the table with his fingers. Then he paused again, and I rolled my eyes.
I couldn’t help it. I didn’t hate lightly, and I was coming pretty close to hating this guy.
“Will you be my best man?”
I changed my assessment. I hated him. I definitely hated him.
Gray paled, and his hand clenched mine tight. “Uh, yeah, sure. I guess.” His mouth tightened into a flat smile.
“You guess?” Eli did that whole looking up from under his eyelashes flirty thing, and I coughed.
“He said yes, dude. He’s a good guy. Grady will be there for you.”
Eli turned his gaze to me, but it with was a lot less smile, and I tightened my mouth into a smile to mirror Grady’s.
“Oh, yay!” Benji clapped his hands, although he looked between us, a tiny furrow of confusion marring his brow as if he knew there was an undercurrent of something he hadn’t quite grasped.
I narrowed my eyes at Eli one last time. This was going to be a disaster.
I drove us both back to Grady’s, my heart heavy, my wallet a whole lot lighter. I didn’t usually go to high-price, high-arrogance level restaurants, but I’d do anything for Gray.
“So, run that by me again,” I said as I watched the taillights of the car in front of me. “You said yes to being Eli’s best man because?”
Gray shrugged. I saw the dramatic movement in my peripheral vision. “It’s a lot more complicated than you know, Rome.”
“So, tell me about it.” I could make this drive last all night if it meant Grady would talk to me. There were lots of long routes to take to his house. Hell, I’d go via Maryland if I needed to.
He sighed. “We’ve all known each other a long time, and…”
“And you’ve loved Eli a long time,” I filled in. My voice came out sounding normal, though, so go me.
“Yeah, I guess I have.” He sighed again. “And he’s still my friend, even if I was never enough for him to love me back.”
“Oh, Gray.” I rested my hand on his thigh for a moment before turning onto his street. That side trip to Maryland wasn’t necessary after all.
I drew up in front of his apartment building and shoved my car into park. Then I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned to him. “Listen to me. You are an amazing guy, Gray. You always have been. You are kind and loyal and funny and affectionate. You make people happy just by being around, just by being you.” I hesitated. If I said too much, I’d scare him off, and he’d know everything I felt. All of my pretending and hiding my feelings would have been for nothing.
Grady smiled, the expression somehow sad. “I’m nothing special, Rome. Never have been.”
I shook my head. “No. I disagree in the strongest terms, and Eli is an…” I stopped and checked my language. For some reason, Grady still loved that asshat. “Idiot. He’s an idiot, Gray.”
I stopped talking. I had to. The urge to kiss Grady welled inside me, and I needed to fight it back. Eli wasn’t in the car with us, and there was no one else to keep up our pretense for. I just wanted to show Grady how attractive he was, how desirable he was, how special he was.
“Okay.” I cleared my throat, but it stayed tight, the idea I’d just had killing me before I even told Gray about it. “Okay, how about this? We can stop all this pretending stuff, because I’m going to take you out there and help you find a real boyfriend. You deserve someone who loves you and who you can love back.”
He chuckled. “Thanks, Rome. You are always there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He dropped his head to rest on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm around him.
“I’d do anything for you, Gray, and I hope you won’t ever forget that.”
7
Grady
I looked up at my empty classroom. My class was out at the group music session, and I was doing my planning for the next week while the classroom was quiet. I scrubbed my face as the little planning squares blurred before my eyes.
I loved my job. I really loved my job. But no matter how often I told myself that, I wanted a different job. I wanted the job I’d originally qualified to do.
And I’d taken a step in that direction. I’d applied for a job as a professor—a position Eli had actually told me about. I wanted the adult conversation with students who wanted to be there as much as I wanted to take a break from the smell of kids and the sound of kids, and the handwriting of kids. Some days, I was more guidance counselor than teacher, and that took its toll on top of the grading and extra work I took home. I carried each of those kids home with me every day, too. Their problems, their laughter, their little faces.
And I’d miss them all.
But it had been a month since I’d applied, so maybe I didn’t need to worry about missing my kids after all. A month was a long time to hear about a job, and my window of opportunity seemed to be closing.
Eli had also applied for the position, so my friend had become my competition. I didn’t mind. It just gave me another reason to avoid him. On top of the best man shit, I had really had my fill of Eli.
I looked up at a gentle tap on my door. Shit. Thinking about Eli had somehow conjured him into existence right at my classroom door.
“Hey, Eli.” I smiled and waved him in.
Eli dropped into one of the little chairs at a desk in front of me. “Dude, these are tight.”
I shrugged. “Have to keep them still somehow.”
“How’s it going?”
I feigned nonchalance, although Eli always made my stress level rise recently. I didn’t trust him anymore—not since he’d announced his engagement to Benji at my own party when he hadn’t even told me he was dating anyone. For the seven thousandth time since he’s done that, I thanked the universe I’d never declared my feelings to him.
“Yeah, good. Planning.” I indicated the paperwork in front of me. “Don’t like it, but don’t hate it. It’s part of the job, I guess.”
He stretched his arms and yawned, his mouth open wide. “Hopefully not too much longer for me, though.”
“Oh, yeah?” I finished the sentence that had been unfinished for the last five minutes, only half my attention on Eli.
“Yeah. I got called for an interview for that professor position I told you about.”
Fuck. I stabbed a period after the sentence then looked up. “That’s great news, Eli!” I grinned at him because I couldn’t really do anything else, and I was genuinely happy for him. I was just disappointed for me. “Congratulations.”
“I know. Shit. It will feel good to get out of this dump, though. But don’t worry. I’ll still think of all you suckers slaving away for the ungrateful kiddos here.”
“It’s not so bad.” I refocused on my planning again. It really wasn’t,
but it was also just a stepping-stone on my journey.
He laughed. “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. If you really thought it, you wouldn’t have applied for the professor job as well.” He grunted as he squeezed himself from his seat, and the table scraped across the floor with his movement.
I nodded. “Sure, college is where I want to be, but this really isn’t so bad. They like fart jokes, and they’re easy to entertain.”
He laughed. “Well, as long as they like fart jokes, I guess.”
“Yeah.” I paused. “I’ve got this to finish up before my class gets back, so…” I didn’t want to ask him to leave, but I totally wanted to ask him to leave. I had wounds to lick in private.
“Yeah. Yeah, no problem at all. I just wanted to drop by and tell you not to give up hope, you know? There’s a job waiting for you out there. I know you’ll find something soon. Until then, keep smiling and keep telling those fart jokes, dude.” He patted the doorframe on his way out, and I shook my head.
Typical Eli. Behaving like he already had the job, even though he hadn’t interviewed yet. I used to wonder where he got his confidence. Now, I didn’t really care. I just wished I’d gotten even a small share of it.
I glanced at the clock. Eli had eaten up more of my time than I expected, and I was only halfway done. If I didn’t work faster, I’d be taking this home to finish this week, too. Pushing Eli from my mind, and his belief he was a shoo-in for the job we’d both applied for, I began to fill out another of the little boxes that haunted my dreams and nightmares.
The afternoon passed quickly, and I managed to control my students without excessive deployment of fart jokes and still release them all to the school bus happy and laughing at the end of the day. Some days, I really did ace being an elementary teacher, and I felt a little guilty I’d even applied to move on.
A sour feeling roiled in my gut that Eli had received a call back, but I hadn’t, and I tried to shove it away. Friends were glad when friends achieved. But maybe I could still be sad I hadn’t achieved in the same way.
