Kassandra thought over the implications of what he had just said. You can't mean it. It couldn't be that.
Couldn't it? It's starting to happen to some of the others. I'm not the only one. And it's only happening to the Jews. They won't take on our new books, they don't want to publish our articles, they don't answer our calls. Believe me, Kassandra, I know.
Then go to another publisher.
Where? In England? In France? I'm a German, I want to publish my work here.
Then do it. They can't all be fools.
They're not fools. They're much wiser than we think they are. They see what's coming, and they're afraid.
Kassandra stared at him, shocked at what she was hearing. It couldn't be as bad as he thought it was. He was just upset over the rejection. She let out a long sigh and reached for his hand. Even if it is true, it won't be forever. They may relax once they see that Hitler isn't going to cause as much trouble as they think.
What makes you think he won't?
He can't. How can he? The power is still in the right hands. The backbone of this country is the banks, the businesses, the old families they're not going to fall for all that garbage he spouts. The lower classes might, but who are they, after all?
Dolff looked grim as he answered. The old families,' as you put it, may not fall for it, but if they don't speak out against it, we're doomed. And you're wrong about something else. They aren't the power in this country anymore. The power is the little man, armies and armies and armies of little men, men who are individually powerless, but strong as a group, people who are tired of the, backbone' you're talking about, tired of the upper classes and the old families' and the banks. Those people believe every word that Hitler is preaching; they think they've found themselves a new god. And if they all get together, that will be the real power in this country. And if that happens, we'll all be in trouble, not just the Jews, but people like you, too. It terrified her to hear what he was saying. If he was right ' But he couldn't be ' he couldn't.
She smiled at him and stood up to run her hands slowly over his chest. Hopefully nothing is as dire as you predict. He kissed her gently then and led her slowly upstairs with an arm around her waist. She wanted to ask him what he was going to do about the new book, but she hated to press it, she didn't want to revive more of his fears. And for an author of his magnitude, it seemed unlikely that Hitler's prejudice against Jews and Jewish authors could be of any major importance. After all, he was Dolff Sterne.
That evening Kassandra was pensive as she drove back to Grunewald, mulling over again what Dolff had said. The look in Dolff's eyes was plaguing her when she let herself into the house. She had an hour to herself before dinner, and tonight, instead of going to see the children, she sought refuge in her room. What if he were right? What could it mean? would it mean to them? But as she sank slowly into a tub of warm water, she decided that the whole thing was probably nonsense. The book would be published. He would win another award. Artists were sometimes a little crazy. She smiled as she remembered other moments of the afternoon. She was still smiling to herself when she heard the knock on the door of her bedroom and she called out absently for the maid to come in.
Kassandra? But it wasn't Anna. It was the voice of her husband in the other room.
Walmar? I'm in the bath. She had left the doors open and wondered if he would come in, but when his voice reached her again, it wasn't approaching, and she continued to talk to him through the open door.
Will you please come and see me when you're dressed? He sounded serious, and for an instant she felt fear stir in her heart. Was he going to confront her? She closed her eyes and held her breath.
Do you want to come in?
No, just knock on my door before dinner.
He sounded more worried than angry.
I'll be there in a few minutes.
Fine.
She heard the door close again softly and hurried through the rest of her bath. It took her only a few minutes to put on her makeup and run a comb through her hair. She put on a simple dove gray suit for dinner, with a white silk shirt that tied in a loose cravat at the neck. Her shoes were gray suede, her stockings the same subdued hue, and she quickly slipped on the double rope of black pearls that had been her mother's favorite, along with the earrings that matched. She looked subdued and serious as she glanced at herself before walking down the hall. The only touch of color was her hair, and the deep Wedgwood blue of her eyes. When she reached his door, she knocked softly, and a moment later she heard his voice beyond.
Come in. She stepped across the threshold, feeling the silk skirt of the suit rustle against her legs. Walmar was sitting in one of the comfortable brown leather chairs in his study, and he was quick to put down the report he had been reading when she came in. You look lovely, Kassandra.
Thank you. She searched his eyes and saw the truth, the pain. She wanted to reach out to him, to ask him, to offer him comfort. But as she watched him, she found that she couldn't approach him. She suddenly found herself staring at him from across an abyss. It was Walmar who had stepped back.
Please sit down. She did and he watched her. Sherry? She shook her head. In his eyes she could see that he knew. She turned her face away from him, pretending to enjoy the fire. There was nothing she could say to him. She would just have to live through the accusation and come to some solution in the end. What could she possibly do? Which man would she abandon? She needed and loved them both. Kassandra ' She kept her eyes on the fire, and then at last turned them to his.
Yes. It was a painful rasp.
There is something I must say to you. It is ' He seemed agonized, but they both knew that now there was no turning back. ' it is extremely painful for me to discuss this with you, and I'm sure it's quite as distasteful to you. Her heart pounded so horribly in her ears that she could barely hear him. Her life was over. The end had begun. But I must speak to you. For your sake. For your safety. And perhaps ours.
My safety? It was only a whisper, but she stared at him, confused.
Just listen to me. , And then, as though it were too much for him, he sat back in his chair and sighed. When she looked at him, she also saw the bright light of unshed tears in his eyes. I know ' I've been aware that' for the past several months ' you have been engaged in a somewhat ' difficult situation. Kassandra closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his voice drone in her ears. I want you to know that I'm ' I do understand ' I'm not tinsympathetic. The huge sad eyes opened again.
Oh, Walmar' Slowly the tears began to roll down her cheeks. I don't want to ' I can't
Stop it. Listen to me. For a moment he sounded like her father, and after another sigh he went on.
What I'm going to say to you is terribly important. I also want you to know, since this situation is somewhat out in the open now, that I love you. I don't want to lose you, whatever you may think of me now.
Kassandra shook her head and, taking a lace handkerchief from her pocket, blew her nose through her tears. I have nothing but respect for you, Walmar. And I love you, too. It was true. She did love him and she died a little over his pain.
Then listen to what I have to say. You're going to have to stop seeing. ' your friend. Kassandra stared at him in silent horror. And not for the reasons that you think. I am twenty-nine years older than you are, my darling, and I am not a fool. These things sometimes happen, and they may hurt a great deal for the people involved, but if they're handled properly, one can survive the ordeal. But that's not what I'm telling you now. I'm telling you something very different. I'm saying that for reasons entirely other than me, our marriage, you must stop seeing ' Dolff. It seemed to cause him anguish to say the other man's name. In fact, even if you were not married just now, if you had never been, it is a relationship in which you could not afford to indulge.
What do you mean? She jumped to her feet angrily, her gratitude for his benevolence instantly gone. Why? Because he's a writer? Do you think he's some land of Bohemian? For God's s
ake Walmar, he's a very decent, wonderful man. The absurdity of her defending her lover to her husband had not yet occurred to Kassandra as she looked into Walmar's eyes.
He sat back in his chair with another sigh. I hope you don't think me sufficiently small-minded to eliminate writers and artists and their kind from the roster of those I choose to befriend. I have never been guilty of such narrow opinions, Kassandra. It would do you credit to remember that. What I'm speaking of here is entirely different I'm telling you he leaned forward in his chair and spoke to her with sudden vehemence "that you can't afford to know the man, to be with the man, to be seen at his home, not because he's a writer ' but because he's a Jew. And it makes me sick to tell you that, because I think that what is starting to happen in this country is disgusting, but the fact is that it is happening and you are my wife and the mother of my children and I won't have you murdered or put in jail! Do you understand that, dammit? Do you understand how important this is?
Kassandra stared at him disbelievingly. It was like continuing the nightmare of what Dolff had said to her that afternoon. Are you telling me that you think they might kill him?
I don't know what they'll do, and the truth is that I don't know what I think anymore. But as long as we lead a quiet life and stay out of what's happening, we're safe, you're safe, Ariana and Gerhard are safe. But that man isn't safe. Kassandra, please.' He reached out and grabbed her hand, If anything happens to him I don't want you to be a part of it. If things were different, if these were other times, I would be pained at what you are doing, but I would close my eyes, but I can't do that now. I must stop you. You must stop yourself.
But what about him? She was too frightened to cry now. The magnitude of what he had said to her had cleared her head.
Walmar shook his head. We can't do anything to help him. If he's smart and if things go on like this, he'd be wise to leave Germany. Walmar looked at Kassandra. Tell him that. Kassandra sat staring into the fire, not sure what to say. The only thing she was sure of was that she wouldn't give him up. Not now, not later, not ever.
Her eyes found his in a moment, and despite the anger, there was something very tender there for him as well. She went to him and kissed him gently on the cheek. Thank you for being so fair. He hadn't berated her for being unfaithful. He was only worried about her safety, and perhaps even that of her friend. What an extraordinary man he was. For a moment her love for him fanned as it hadn't in years. She looked down at him with her hand on his shoulder. Is it as bad as that then?
He nodded. I think perhaps it's worse. We just don't know it yet . And then after a moment, But we will.
I find it difficult to believe that things could ever get so out of hand.
He looked at her with urgency as she stood up to leave the room. Will you do what I asked you, Kassandra? She wanted to promise him, to assure him that she would, but something had changed subtly between them. He knew the truth, and it was better that way. She didn't have to lie him anymore.
I don't know.
You have no choice. His voice was angry then. Kassandra, I forbid you But she had quietly slipped out of the room.
Chapter 4
Six weeks later one of Dolff's writer friends disappeared. He was far less well-known than Dolff, but he, too, had had trouble publishing his most recent work. His girl friend called Dolff in hysterics at two o'clock in the morning. She had driven home from visiting her mother in Munich that night, and the apartment had been broken into, Helmut was gone, and there was blood on the floor. The manuscript he'd been working on was scattered around the room. The neighbors had heard shouting and then screaming, but that was all she knew. Dolff had met her near Helmut's apartment and then driven her back to his place. The next day she sought refuge with her sister.
When Kassandra arrived later that morning, she found him in the depths of depression, and insane with grief over Helmut's disappearance.
I don't understand it, Kassandra, Little by little, the whole country's going mad. It's like a slow-moving poison traveling in this country's veins. Eventually it will reach our heart and kill us. Not that I'll have to worry about that. He stared at her gloomily and she frowned.
What's that supposed to mean?
What do you think it means? How long do you think it will be before they come for me? A month? Six months? A year?
Don't be crazy, Helmut wasn't a novelist He was a hightly political nonfiction writer who has openly criticized Hitler since he came to power. Don't you see the difference? What do you think they'd be angry about in your case? A novel like Der Kuss?
You know, I'm not sure I do see the difference, Kassandra. He glanced around the room with displeasure. He didn't even feel secure in his house anymore; it was as though he expected them to come for him any day.
Dolff ' darling, please ' be reasonable. It was an awful thing to have happened, but it can't happen to you. Everyone knows you. They're not simply going to make you disappear overnight.
Why not? Who's going to stop them? Will you? Will anyone? Of course not What did I do for Helmut last night? Nothing. Absolutely goddamn nothing.
All right, then leave for God's sake. Go to Switzerland now You can publish there. And you'll be safe.
But he only looked at her bleakly. Kassandra, I'm a German. This is my country, too. I have as much right to be here as anyone else does. Why the hell should I go?
Then what are you telling me, dammit? It was the first fight they had had in a year.
I'm telling you that my country is destroying itself and its people and it's making me sick.
But you can't stop that. If that's what you believe, then get out before it destroys you.
And what about you, Kassandra? You stay here pretending none of it will ever touch you? You think it won't?
I don't know ' I don't know ' I don't know anything anymore. I don't understand any of it. The golden woman had been looking tired for weeks. She was getting it from both of them now, and she felt helpless in the face of their fears. She looked to them for reassurance, for the confirmation that everything she believed in would never change, and they were both telling her that everything was changing; yet all Walmar wanted to do about it was for her to stop seeing Dolff, and all Dolff wanted to do was rail at something that none of them had the power to change. He went on talking in disjointed circles for another half hour, and suddenly she jumped to her feet in a rage. What the hell do you want from me? What can I do?
Nothing, dammit ' nothing ' And then as tears streamed down his cheeks for his lost friend, he pulled her tightly into his arms as he sobbed. Oh, God ' Kassandra ' oh, God' .
She held him that way for an hour, holding him close, as she would have her son. It's all right ' it's all right, darling ' I love you ' That was really all that was left to say, but the finger of fear that she had been avoiding began to crawl up her spine now, too. What if it were Dolff who was dragged screaming into the night? What if it had been she in the shoes of Helmut's hysterical girl friend? But that couldn't happen to her ' or to him ' those things didn't happen ' and it wouldn't happen to them.
When she got home late that afternoon, Walmar was waiting for her, not in his study, but in the main salon. He motioned her to join him and quietly closed the double French doors.
Kassandra, this is becoming impossible.
I don't want to discuss it. She turned her back to him, staring into the roaring fire beneath the portrait of his grandfather, whose eyes always seemed to follow everyone in the room. This isn't the right time.
There will never be a right time. And then, If you don't do as I ask you, will send you away.
I won't go. I can't leave him now. It was madness to be discussing this with Walmar, but she had no choice. It had been out in the open for almost two months now, and whatever it cost her, she was going to stand her ground. She had given up too many things in her life already. Her dreams of the theater, her children she would not give up Dolff.
She turned to face him. Walmar, I don'
t know what to do. It's very hard to believe what I'm hearing these days. What's happening to us? To Germany? Is it all because of that silly little man?
It would seem to be. Or perhaps he has aroused some incipient insanity we had somewhere in our soul all along. Perhaps all of these people who have welcomed him have simply been waiting for someone to lead them on.
Can't somebody stop him before it's too late?
It may already be too late. He excites the people. He promises them progress and riches and success. For those who've never tasted that, it's hypnotic. They can't resist.
And what about the rest of us?
We wait and see. But not your friend, Kassandra. If things go on as they are, he won't have the luxury of waiting. Oh, God, please listen to me, you must. Go and stay with my mother for a few days. Think it over. It'll give you time away from us both. But she didn't want time away from them. And she didn't want to leave Dolff.
I'll think about it. But he knew from the tone of her voice that she would not. There was nothing more he could do. For the first time in the almost sixty years of his lifetime, Walmar von Gotthard felt like a beaten man. She watched him stand up and walk to the doorway, and then quietly stretched out a hand. Walmar ' don't look like that ' I'm ' I'm sorry' ' But he only turned to look at her from the door.
You're sorry, Kassandra. And so am I. And will the children be before this is over. What you are doing will destroy you, and perhaps in the long run destroy all of us.
But Kassandra von Gotthard didn't believe that.
Chapter 5
It was in February that Walmar and Kassandra attended the Spring Ball. The weather was still icy, but it was cheering to celebrate the prospect of spring. She wore her full-length ermine over a starkly simple white velvet gown. The top was cut halter fashion, and the skirt fell in total perfection from her waist to her white satin-clad feet. Her hair was an upswept mass of delicate tendrils, and she looked lovelier than ever and as though she had not a care in the world. The fact that Dolff had been testy all day again over the unpublished manuscript and that Walmar and she were barely speaking as their battle raged on didn't show. Trained from the cradle to show nothing but graciousness beyond the sanctum of her own bedroom, she smiled benevolently at every introduction and danced willingly with all of Walmar's friends. As always their entrance had caused a small sensation, as much for the clothes that she wore as for the face with its striking beauty, which outshone even her clothes.
the Ring (1980) Page 4
