by A. J. Medina
“I want to look outside.”
The falling snow was now coming through the window and wetting the floor. I rushed over to the window to shut it, but Silas grabbed my wrist and stopped me.
“Don’t,” he said.
“Silas please, it’s cold. Shut the window.”
He tossed my arm away and stared out the window.
I waited next to him, the cold wind blowing in my face. I waited for him to say something, anything to fill the silence and let me know what he was thinking.
When he didn’t say anything, I asked him a question I feared the answer to. “Do you want me to leave?”
Silas let out such a deep breath that his body deflated. He slumped and then turned to me. “Do you still love him?”
I didn’t want to hurt him, but the truth was, I did. My love for Lucah never really went away. After all, he stopped loving me, or so I thought. I didn’t want to lie to him, so I stared at his chest. I couldn’t look into his violet eyes.
Another deep exhale. “I can understand his love for you, but what troubles me is your love for him.”
I lied. “I don’t love him.”
“You lie to yourself then. I can see it. And so can Neala.”
“Neala?” I asked. What did she have to do with this?
“And I saw the two of you together.”
What was he talking about?
“I saw the way you looked at him. It’s the way you look at me. And then you kissed.”
I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I had been kicked in the chest. I thought I had heard something when we had kissed, but I never imagined it was him.
I reached out and touched his arm. He didn’t brush me away. “Let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. Do you still love him?”
I released his arm. “It’s not that simple.”
“Aye, it is. Do you still love him?”
I didn’t want to answer.
Silas waited, staring and burning a hole in me with his eyes.
I let it slip out in a whisper looking down at my hands. “I think so.”
Silas fell to his knees. “Why did you save me? Why did you disguise yourself as Neala, heal me in the dungeon, feed me and give me this gift?”
He held his arms out and flames ignited in them both.
“I... at the time, I didn’t know I had.”
“Well you did. And now,” he pointed at the door, “you want him.”
“I don’t want him.”
“Why did you agree to marry me?”
“I didn’t.”
I hadn’t. Had I? I couldn’t remember if I had agreed, but I was almost sure I hadn’t.
“You might not have said yes to me, but you didn’t say no. Who do you want?” he asked. “Me or him?”
I honestly wasn’t sure at the moment. Lucah kissing me brought back all the memories of us. Us growing up. Us on the farm. Me chasing him in our meadow. Our first kiss, greasy and strange. Strange but good.
But Silas. Silas was the boy with the violet eyes. I couldn’t help but feel something when I was around him. Something... exciting, thrilling. My heart raced when he was around and the butterflies danced in my belly.
With Silas still on his knees, I dropped down and placed my hand on his shoulder. “But I still love you. I want to be here with you.”
“But you can’t be with both of us. You must choose. Me or him.”
How could I choose? How could I even want Lucah? I loved Silas. I didn’t just leave King Remi behind because of Neala, but because I wanted to be with Silas.
But I also didn’t expect to find Lucah here, and on my journey to find the dragon wizard I had hoped he would be home in our village. When he wasn’t I was heart broken. Silas was in the dungeon and I was heartbroken that Lucah wasn’t home.
What was wrong with me?
Silas stood up and shut the window. He marched to the door and pulled it open. With me still on my knees watching him, he spoke without turning around.
“I love you so much it hurts. But you must chose. Will you be my queen or not,” he said, and then pulled the door shut behind him.
I flicked my wrist and started the fire in the fireplace. I removed my boots and hung up my winter cloak and then paced back and forth before I started doing my slow movements to calm and relax myself. I watched as my fist passed my face. I wanted to punch someone. Someone who had wronged me. I searched my mind, but there was no one I could punch in this castle.
And what did he mean when he said Neala knew I still loved Lucah? Had the two of them been talking about me?
Just then the door opened behind me. I spun around hoping it was Silas back to take me in his arms and kiss me.
But it wasn’t.
It was Clara.
“Am I interrupting?” she asked.
“Nay.”
“I have something for you.” She held out her arms and steam rose off the mug she cradled with both hands. “It’s Davina’s tea.”
“Thank you, Clara. It’s just what I needed.”
I took a sip and it was Davina’s tasty tea. It was like drinking happiness. I smiled at Clara and she smiled back. “Is there anything else I can do for you?” she asked.
I studied her face, her beauty. With Silas as king would he do what King Remi did? Would he send for Clara, call her to his chambers?
Maybe I should punch her. Maybe hurt her so bad that Silas would never want her.
As the thought filled my head, I found myself concerned about Neala. Had Silas called Neala to his chambers? And had she gone?
I shook my head.
Neala was my friend. She would never do such a thing. She wasn’t a slave anymore. She was free. And she was my apprentice.
Clara was still waiting for my answer.
“Clara, please find Neala and tell her I would like to speak with her. She was in the square with the other trainees not too long ago.”
“Shall I send her here?”
“Aye. And thank you.”
Clara bowed her head and left in search of Neala.
I finished my tea and continued practicing my slow movements trying to remain calm. I tried to keep my thoughts away from what I was thinking, but the images kept coming back into my head over and over.
All I could see was Silas holding Neala in his arms. His violet eyes stared into hers and they would laugh at me. Laugh at how I had no clue what was really going on.
I couldn’t take it any longer and when I was about to scream, the door opened and Neala walked in.
“Alora, you sent for me?”
I tried to stay calm. I tried to look upon her with love. With care. Neala, my friend who used to be a slave. Who was tortured by Queen Rosaleen.
Nay, it couldn’t be true. I still wanted to scream, but I held my composure.
“Neala, Silas said that you know I’m still in love with Lucah. When did you tell him that? And why?”
“I didn’t tell him that. Not exactly.”
“I’m listening.”
She wasn’t as ugly as the queen was probably hoping, at least not up close, and I was frightened by the thought that Silas didn’t think she was ugly.
I knew Thomas didn’t think she was.
Thomas. Neala is with Thomas.
Why hadn’t I remembered that sooner? I know why, because I’m stupid.
Neala was saying something, but I wasn’t paying attention.
I held my hand up. “Wait. I drifted off for a moment. Can you say that again?”
“I heard a voice in my head, but no one was there. Then Silas was there asking me if I thought you still loved Lucah. I didn’t say anything. I simply stood there.”
“So why does he think I do?”
“Why? Maybe because of the way you look at him. The way you laugh when he says something not funny. And because maybe he knows what love looks and feels like.”
I turned my back to her. “Did you hear him say it? He said he knew I kissed Lucah.”
“I did.”
“And what do you think about that?”
“I don’t understand?”
“About me kissing Lucah when I’m with Silas?”
“That’s none of my concern.”
I turned and studied the girl in front of me. Neala would never be with Silas while I was with him. She would never do that to me. Or would she?
I stepped in close and brushed her hair out of her face and studied her scars.
“They’re healing nicely,” I said.
“No they aren’t. There will always be scars.”
I found myself upset with... myself. How could I be happy that Neala had these cuts? I was horrible. “One day, hopefully soon, I will find a way to heal you.”
“I’m not as sad as I once was, Alora. Thomas still thinks I’m beautiful.”
She mentioned him.
“Do you love Thomas?”
“I... I think I do, but I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” I asked.
“Afraid of him leaving me.”
“He’d be stupid to leave you.”
“Have you met him?”
I shrugged.
I wanted to tell her what I had been thinking. That her and Silas had betrayed me, but I kept it to myself.
I’ll be watching him much more closely and I’ll be keeping a close eye on her too.
Silas had not come back to our chambers last night. I had a hard time sleeping and wanted to stay with Neala, but unfortunately Thomas was there. So as not to impose, I returned to my chambers.
As I lay under the furs, warm and toasty, the sun began to rise—its light coming in through the cracks in the curtains.
I found myself thinking about where Silas had spent the night. Could he have done what I feared and stayed with Clara in her chambers?
When the door crept open and Clara came in, I didn’t think so, but how could I know for sure? She quietly shut the door and made her way to the washroom. She mucked about in there for a moment. When she came out, she spread the curtains to allow the sunlight to enter the room. When she turned I was still staring at her.
“Good morn’, Alora. Sleep well?”
“Not really. Silas never came to bed. Have you seen him?”
“Not since he called a meeting of his captains and General Ugo last night.”
I propped myself up. “What meeting?”
“I wouldn’t know the details.”
“Then how do you know he called a meeting?”
“Please don’t make me answer that?”
I threw my covers off and walked right up to her, merely an inch from her face, and asked her again. “How do you know Silas called a meeting?”
“Lucah was summoned.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Please Alora.”
“Answer me.”
“Because I was in Lucah’s chambers when he was summoned.”
I slapped her.
She caressed her cheek.
“How dare you!” I shouted at her.
She stared at the floor. “My apologies.”
“Is this how you serve me?”
“I don’t understand why you are so upset.”
I slapped her again. “Leave me before I lose my temper.”
She didn’t hesitate one bit, running out of my room crying.
How dare she be with Lucah? I couldn’t stand the thought of it. Him kissing her. Ugh...
I got dressed in a hurry and ran to Davina’s room. I needed some more of her tasty tea to help me calm down.
— — —
Davina and Aednat shared a room and they hadn’t woken until they were startled awake by Alora bursting through their door.
“Davina, may I have some more of your tea please?”
Davina wiped her eyes. “Alora, I told you already. I ran out of ingredients.”
“Will you two shut it? I’m trying to sleep,” Aednat said in her usual annoyed tone.
Alora rushed over to the curtains and spread them wide. “You shut it, Aednat. Davina. Please. Some of your tea.”
Davina sat up in bed. “I don’t have any more.”
“Why are you lying to me? Clara brought me some yesterday.”
Davina hopped out of her bed and ran to her closet. She flung the doors open and pulled open her middle drawer. Tossing the items around, she searched for the piece of parchment, but it wasn’t there. Clara must’ve gone through her things and taken it.
Stupid girl.
“Tea?” Alora asked.
“I don’t know how Clara got you my tea, but she shouldn’t have done that.”
“And why not?” Aednat asked, now sitting up in bed watching everything unfold.
“Hush, Aednat?” Davina scolded.
“You hush,” she said, and then lay back down and pulled her covers over her head.
“Are you saying Clara knows how to make your tea?”
It appears so.
“I hate her,” Alora said.
“She’s your servant.”
“And I hate her. I wish she was dead.”
That was a fine idea. Your wish is my command, Davina thought.
“Ugh...” Alora huffed, and then left their room storming out and slamming the door behind her.
With Alora gone, Davina conjured up another plan. A simple plan to make sure Clara’s death couldn’t be traced back to her. She would kill her for sure. The servant who had the nerve to go through her things and steal the recipe for her tea. The tea that Queen Rosaleen had told her not to give to Alora anymore.
How dare that stupid girl give her my tea? If anything went wrong I would have to answer to Queen Rosaleen for it. For that, Clara will pay dearly.
— — —
I woke up later than usual since Clara hadn’t come to wake me. She was still my servant and should of at least told me if she didn’t want to be my servant anymore. I still didn’t like that she had told me she was in Lucah’s chambers the other morning.
I got dressed and went to eat my morning meal. Afterwards, I roamed the halls thinking of what I should do. It had been a few days since I’d seen Silas. Somehow he was avoiding me at all costs. I figured we would at the very least run into each other in the passageways, but it never happened.
I didn’t hate Clara anymore, but I was still upset with her and went to tell her that I didn’t want her to be my servant anymore and she could still be Neala’s if she wanted to.
I knocked on her door.
No answer.
I knocked again.
Nothing.
Was she avoiding me too?
I pushed the door open and scanned the room. Her bed was neatly made and her gown was laid across a chair. The door to her washroom was shut.
Maybe she was relieving herself and didn’t hear me knock.
I knocked on her washroom door.
No answer either.
After pushing it open, I was startled by the scene in front of me.
The floor was covered with water and Clara was on the floor with no clothes on. Her neck was turned way farther to one side than it should’ve been and her eyes stared off into nothingness.
Just then Neala walked in and screamed. “Alora, what have you done?”
“Me? I haven’t done anything. I just got here and found her this way.”
“She told me how angry you were at her. And she told me why. How could you?”
“Wait! I didn’t kill her if that’s what you mean. I found her like this. She didn’t come to my chambers this morning and I figured she didn’t want to be my servant anymore. That was fine with me and I came to tell her she could still be yours if she wanted to.”
Neala took a step closer to Clara and slipped. Her legs came out from under her and she was about to fall. I reached out and caught her.
“See? Do you believe me now? She must’ve slipped on the water like you did and landed on her neck.”
“I’m sorry for not believing you. It
’s just that she said you were really mad, and when you get mad, you can lose control. I’ve seen it.”
“But I would never have killed her.”
At least I hoped I wouldn’t have.
“Let’s get some help,” Neala said, and then used some towels to cover Clara’s body.
I hated myself because of the thought. I was happy that she was gone. Happy that she wasn’t with Lucah. I hated myself alright, but only for a moment.
The snow fall had finally stopped and me and Neala had decided to walk outside. The sky was still cloudy and gloomy, but I was tired of being indoors. I craved the soft green grass under my feet. I imagined my toes scrunching into the dirt and smiled.
I was startled when I heard Ryanne shouting my name. “Alora! Alora!”
She had something in her hand and was waving it around. As she grew closer I could see the piece of parchment.
“Alora!” she tried to catch her breath. “Falcon... message.”
I took hold of the parchment, untied the string and unrolled it.
Dearest Wizard. I hope this letter finds you well. I have news. The rest of the knightlys you have trained with have been thrown in the dungeon. Since you could not be trusted and since four of your knightlys have run away, most likely to join you, I will be executing them all at winter’s end. I am taking no chances with whom their loyalty lies.
Unless, of course, you return to me. Then I will spare their lives. Trust in the fact that all will be forgiven and forgotten. But if you don’t return to me by winter’s end, then their heads will roll. Please let me know what you decide.
It was signed by King Remi, King of the Three Kingdoms.
He had already crowned himself king of the three kingdoms?
He couldn’t be serious?
I handed the parchment to Neala and she read it.
“What are you planning to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Let’s go find Silas.”
And find him we did. He was in his war room sitting around the table talking with General Ugo and his other captains, Lucah included.
“Look at this,” I said to him. “King Remi has declared himself king of the three kingdoms and he is threatening to kill the other knightlys.”
Silas tore the parchment out of my hand and read it aloud. When he was done everyone murmured to each other.
