‘He’s still here,’ Rocco pointed out.
Simon laughed. ‘She wasn’t always right, she just believed she was.’
‘Could you…give it to him?’ Rocco offered. ‘The bakery?’
Simon shook his head. ‘It’s too far in the hole, and not enough people live and shop here to save it. Besides, Levi wants something of his own—even if he thinks he wants this place. He needs to be himself—new and trendy and bright. He’s the lightning in a storm, he needs to be bigger than this sky.’
Rocco bit his lip. ‘Maybe…’
Simon touched his wrist. ‘Even if I can pull myself out of this debt, the bakery has been losing money for years. It’s just…time. The town outgrew it.’
Rocco bowed his head. ‘I’m sorry. I wish I could help.’ He reached for Simon then, but Simon rose, stepping out of his grasp.
He was letting loose now, letting it all come out, and he wasn’t going to stop here. ‘Sorry,’ he said when Rocco looked almost hurt. ‘I’m sorry. Just…there’s more.’
Rocco blinked, then nodded. ‘Okay.’
‘I like you,’ he said, and he both loved and hated the way Rocco’s bright smile could make his stomach swoop, could make him feel like he was hovering inches above the ground. ‘But I’m a mess.’
Rocco laughed at that, loud and unexpected. ‘Simon, I’m a mess. My boyfriend of almost fifteen years has been fucking my agent, and now my ex-agent is trying to force me into paying his usual percentage for any film I do for the next three years. And my lawyer thinks he might have a case.’
Simon blinked at him. ‘Oh no.’
Rocco nodded miserably. ‘I wasn’t in love with my ex when he left me. I was angry that he lied, angry that he put me at risk, angry that I lost my interpreter because of him. But I haven’t loved him for years.’
Simon took in a breath. ‘You deserve better.’
‘Yes,’ Rocco signed firmly. ‘Yes, I do. And I like you.’
Simon shook his head and took a step back. ‘You don’t know enough.’
Standing, Rocco tried to close the distance between them, but Simon was worked up now, and he knew if Rocco touched him, that would be it, and that’s not how he wanted Rocco to find out he was a walking disaster virgin who couldn’t hold his come.
‘Wait,’ he begged, and Rocco stopped. ‘Last night,’ his fingers shook, and he had to stop for a second. ‘Last night, when you kissed me…that was my first kiss.’
Rocco’s hands hovered in the air between them. ‘With a man?’
Simon bit his lip almost hard enough to draw blood, and he shook his head.
Eyes going wide, Rocco’s fingers almost shook when he asked, ‘First kiss ever? With me?’
Simon nodded, feeling his stomach sink at the way Rocco’s expression shuttered, going impossible to read. ‘Ever. I’ve never kissed anyone, never touched anyone. I’m a virgin, and when you kissed me, I came in my jeans. I’m a sad, sorry, pathetic…’
He didn’t get to finish the rest of his sentence. Rocco was on him, taking him by the wrist, by the mouth. Simon’s back was against the wall of the building and his entire existence came down to the points where Rocco held him. By the hands, a thigh between his legs pressing against his groin, a tongue sliding along his.
“Mine,” he rumbled against Simon’s lips. “Mine.”
Simon groaned, arching into Rocco’s grasp, but he couldn’t speak for lack of air in his lungs.
He let out a rough moan when Rocco pulled back, but before he could chase the kiss, he heard a deep, rumbling voice in his ear. “Simon. Come. Now.”
And God help him—he did.
Chapter Nine
Rocco felt Simon, felt the way the orgasm ripped out of him. Simon hunched into Rocco’s grasp and shuddered all over, and Rocco held fast. He used the size of his body to block Simon so no one would see. At best, they’d think their make-out session was hot and heavy. No one would know Simon had just given Rocco this gift.
And that’s exactly what it felt like—a gift. The fact that Rocco could coax orgasms out of Simon just like this, with the bare taste of his lips, the stroke of his hands, the command of his voice. It was more power than he felt like he deserved, but he didn’t want to let go. He felt wild and possessive.
As he felt Simon starting to come down, Rocco took hold of his chin and tipped his head up. Simon’s eyes were squeezed shut, so Rocco nudged at his lips with his own, pressing soft, chaste kisses until the tension in Simon’s shoulders began to unwind.
He didn’t tell Simon in words, but with touch, that he adored every second of what they had just shared. Time ticked by, Simon held tight to his arms, and neither of them moved.
“Simon,” Rocco said eventually, and he felt the other man stiffen, felt him start to pull away.
Rocco allowed for just enough space between them that he could move his hands freely, and he waited for Simon to open his eyes and straighten back up on his own two legs.
‘I’m sorry,’ Simon began, but Rocco shook his head firmly.
‘I wanted that.’
Simon let out a small scoff, his mouth grimacing with it. ‘Why? I can’t even touch myself, I can’t even kiss you without losing it. It’s pathetic.’
Rocco’s eyes narrowed. ‘It’s not pathetic.’
‘It’s embarrassing.’ Simon looked like he wanted to turn his head away, but he had also learned enough about Rocco’s language to know he couldn’t—or shouldn’t.
‘I like it,’ Rocco reiterated, and he took another step back. ‘I like you.’
Simon’s face scrunched up like he wanted to argue, but he didn’t seem to have the strength for it. He looked exhausted and wrung out, and Rocco knew walking around with come in his boxers wasn’t comfortable.
‘Do you want to come to the Lodge with me?’
Simon blanched and shook his head. ‘My brother lives there.’
‘He knows I’m here to see you,’ Rocco pointed out, but his assurances didn’t seem to matter. Simon still looked utterly and completely panicked. ‘Home, then. Your home,’ he clarified.
Simon glanced to his right, then nodded. He started to pull away from the building, but Rocco saw the way his legs wobbled, so he slung an arm around his waist and bore some of his weight. Neither of them said anything. Simon just let Rocco help him, and they headed back the way they came.
The walk to the bakery wasn’t far, and Rocco waited patiently behind his new lover as Simon got the door open and began to ascend the stairs. It was dark, save for a faded bulb at the very top, and everything smelled like bread. He was reminded that Simon still had work to do—that Simon had put off work for him.
Simon was exhausted and had lost sleep just to eat pizza and share a small kiss at the door. If Rocco thought Simon would regret this—regret him, he would have walked away. But he didn’t believe that. He followed close behind, and he let his hand rest at the small of Simon’s back as they entered the apartment.
‘Make yourself at home,’ Simon told him, then grimaced as he pulled at the crotch of his jeans. ‘I’ll be right back.’
Rocco wanted to follow him, touch him more, see how worked up he could get the other man. He wanted to see if he could drag it out and delay the inevitable, but he also knew Simon needed to process. Right now, they were friends. They had kissed, Simon had come twice, and there was nothing between them that meant anything. No promises, no vows.
Rocco hadn’t felt this way about Eric when they’d first met. He was thrilled to have an interpreter who’d work on a porn set—he was happy that Eric didn’t seem judgmental. He liked that Eric was okay with his work and didn’t try and get him to quit.
He hadn’t realized the price for all of that.
And he certainly had never been so smitten.
Flopping onto the sofa, he kicked one foot up, then pulled out his phone to send Theo a text, checking on James.
Rocco: Won’t be all night. I hope James is behaving.
Theo: Better t
han Human James.
Rocco chuckled, then set his phone to the side and startled when he felt the cushion to his right move. He glanced over to see the cat version of himself—though he didn’t much see himself in cats at all—getting comfortable near his thigh. Pets either loved or hated him, and he had to admit it gave him a small thrill to know Simon’s fur-baby had accepted his presence.
He shuffled downward and pat his chest, and the cat quickly made himself comfortable on the broad expanse between his pecs. He dug his fingers into the cat’s fur, and felt the heavy vibrations of his purr. It was soothing and comforting in a way he hadn’t expected, and he felt himself drifting just a little bit until Simon appeared in his line of sight.
He had changed out of his date clothes, now in lounge pants and a t-shirt. His hair was fluffy and disordered, and his cheeks still carried a faint blush as he worried his bottom lip between his teeth like he didn’t know what to say.
Rocco took pity on him and patted the cushion the cat had abandoned. Simon stared for just a moment, just long enough for Rocco to feel a prickle of fear that Simon might ask him to leave, before he crossed the room and settled down.
He was close, but not close enough, though Rocco didn’t want to push it. ‘He’s sweet.’
Simon frowned, shaking his head, but there was amusement in his eyes. ‘He’d sell me out for five pets and a can of tuna.’
Rocco laughed, probably too loud because the cat stood up—claws deployed—and launched himself to the ground. He grunted under the stabbing pain, but let out a breath of relief when Simon’s hand brushed down his shirt.
‘Sorry. He’s also petty.’
Rocco laughed again, but softer this time, and he closed his fingers around Simon’s wrist, locking their gazes. He didn’t want to let go—not now, not ever. He wanted to lean in and kiss Simon again, wanted to pin him to the sofa and exist with him there and nowhere else ever again.
Reality was cruel though, and crept around the edges of his fantasy.
‘I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,’ he finally signed, letting go of Simon’s arm.
Simon shrugged. ‘You didn’t. It was me.’ Rocco lifted a brow, and Simon pulled a face. ‘I don’t want to be like this. I want to be normal. I’m not…I didn’t stay a virgin on purpose. I was just too anxious, and like I said before, I’m not an easy person to love.’
Rocco wanted to go back into Simon’s past and put a fist into the face of every man who had ever made him feel inadequate. Rocco knew too well what it was like—had seen the mocking way kids had moved their mouths in mimicry of his Deaf accent, the way they fluttered their hands into nonsense shapes to make fun of his signs.
But he didn’t believe his choices made him stronger than Simon—they were just different people. It was obvious Simon had a quiet, unassuming strength about him, and Rocco was falling for that. Hard.
‘Tell me how I can help you,’ Rocco said.
Simon flushed deeper. ‘With my,’ he gestured to his crotch, and Rocco chuckled.
‘I meant your life—the bakery, what’s going to happen after. Though, if you want help with that too…’ He crept his hand up Simon’s thigh until Simon pushed it off with a laugh.
‘There’s nothing to be done about my shop. When the Motel brothers took over the Lodge, Levi got a contract with them to provide breads and pastries for their morning buffet—and it helps, but we’re still taking a loss every month. I haven’t told Levi. I don’t want him to think everything he worked towards was for nothing.’
Rocco bit his lip. ‘He’s going to be angry.’
‘Yes.’ Simon’s fist nodded and his face showed nothing but resignation. ‘Maybe. He got James out of it. But, there’s nothing I can do. All I want is to know I can get out from under this loan and close the shop without having to sell everything I own and live in my car.’
Rocco would have turned over every cent in his savings right then—or at least, most of it. But he knew men like Simon, knew he would never accept it. ‘You could make porn.’
Simon’s eyes widened, and the blush spread to his ears and throat. ‘I can’t even kiss you without coming!’
“Bah!” Rocco waved him off. He’d meant it as a joke, just something to lighten the mood—but it occurred to him, that’s how he got started. A random frat boy at a college party said gay porn made good money. At that point, Rocco was broke and more than happy to try getting off for a little cash. Rocco started out in amateur videos, but it wasn’t long before people took notice.
Rocco had been doing this a long time now, and he damn well knew people would pay to watch Simon get off, to come all over himself without being touched. For a brief, furious second, he pictured another man touching Simon, and he felt his entire body grow hot as fire with possession and jealousy. He didn’t want anyone touching Simon other than himself, and he didn’t care that his job made him a hypocrite.
‘Wait,’ he signed, and Simon stared at him. ‘Make a video with me.’
Simon blinked. ‘With you?’
‘There are amateur sites all over the internet. We could film here. People would pay a ton of cash to watch you come just from being kissed.’
Simon’s blush was so deep, he almost looked tan. ‘I can’t.’
Rocco held up his hands in surrender. ‘Okay. That’s fine. It is. I’d never push you into doing something you find wrong.’
Simon’s eyes went wide, and he shook his head. ‘No. No. I don’t think porn is wrong. I…I’ve been your fan since,’ he glanced away and looked vaguely embarrassed before looking back and giving Rocco a stern frown. ‘For a long time. I don’t think what you do is wrong. I just don’t think anyone wants to watch someone like me. I mean, look at me.’
Rocco felt heat creep into his eyes. ‘I am. I want to watch you fall apart under my hands.’
Simon’s swallow was thick enough, Rocco saw it stick. ‘Why?’
Unable to stop himself, Rocco traced just beneath Simon’s lower lip, watching the way his mouth opened to let breath escape. He felt it, hot and humid against the pads of his fingers. ‘You’re beautiful.’ Simon lifted his hands to protest, but Rocco wouldn’t let him. ‘You are beautiful. And you deserve to be worshipped.’
He wasn’t sure if that was blasphemy to Simon. His family was staunchly Catholic, but Rocco had never put much stock in religion, and he didn’t understand a lot of Simon’s. But it was hard to care when he wanted him this much.
‘What would…what would the videos be like?’ Simon finally asked. There was a faint tremble in his fingers, but his expression held unexpected determination in his eyes.
Rocco didn’t need to think about what they’d be like—he knew. He’d been fantasizing since the night he left Simon, come in his pants, standing in his doorway. ‘I’d lay you down, strip you slowly. I’d kiss your neck and nowhere else until you let go.’
Simon shuddered. ‘Just that?’
Rocco shook his head. He ached to put his hands on Simon again, but he refrained. ‘I’d touch you. I’d drag fingertips up and down your thighs until you couldn’t hold it in. Maybe in another, I wouldn’t touch you at all—maybe I’d just speak to you.’
Simon’s head fell back, and his lips were parted as he took several breaths. ‘I’m close.’
‘I know,’ Rocco said when Simon opened his eyes again—because he did. It had only happened twice, but he already recognized the signs in Simon’s body. ‘I can stop.’
Simon looked him directly in the eyes, then shook his head. ‘Don’t.’
Licking his lips, Rocco shifted closer. ‘Maybe, I’d teach you restraint. Maybe, I’d get you worked up, and get you coming over and over until you can’t anymore.’
Simon’s eyes were nearly all pupil now. ‘And then?’
Rocco’s hand landed on his thigh and squeezed just for a brief moment. ‘And then you would fuck me.’
Simon didn’t come—but Rocco knew it was a damn near thing.
Chapter Ten
> Simon wasn’t really consciously aware of where he was going, only that he had to get away. His apartment felt like it was closing in on him—Rocco’s offer, and his kisses, and the heat of his hands felt both erotic and terrifying, and he didn’t know what the fuck to say.
So many things warred inside his head, he started to lose grip on reality. He had a mountain of work waiting for him in the bakery kitchen, and for the first time since before he left for college, he didn’t care. He found himself winding through the dirt path that led to a massive, open stretch of several acres. He knew where Collin, Spencer, and Max lived—he just hadn’t ever been out there.
Collin had given him half a dozen invites out to their place since he started coming into Chametz to visit with Simon, but Simon had never taken him up on it. Even now, he felt waves of guilt that he was here to unburden himself rather than visit a friend, but he knew Collin was the sort of person who wouldn’t mind—even if it was late.
Simon had tried the market first, anyway. After Rocco left, he’d tried to clear his head with a long walk, but Collin’s booth looked like it had been closed up for a while, and Simon eventually gave in to his urge to just…go.
Now, he pulled into the drive and saw a light on in the front room and prayed he wasn’t interrupting anything. His palms sweat with anxiety as he made his way up the steps. They creaked, but in the sort of brand-new, house settling way since the place had only finished being put together over the last two months. Simon had sent over a massive basket of welcome goodies when they had their house-warming party, and he regretted not showing up—but it had been a Friday night.
Collin always forgave him, but Simon knew he couldn’t blame Shabbat for everything.
With a breath, he rang the buzzer, then waited. Only a minute passed before the door opened, and Max’s face peeked out, his face dropping into a startled smile as he realized who was standing on his porch.
Love Him Free: Book One of On The Market Page 10
