Tears of rage and frustration wet my face. I am tired of being put-upon, tired of being the ‘good daughter’. The goryo who has captured the spirit of my husband wants to enslave me, feed off of me as my parents and my culture had done. To agree would be like losing my precious Jim all over again, only worse. An unreasoning rage comes over me. This demon will not keep him as a captive soul! I must find a way to set him free. Sudden guilt blinds me with tears. Jim’s soul would never have been vulnerable had he been given a proper Shinto burial. Now it is too late.
“Himi-ko”
My eyes snap open. It is the crystal voice. I search the room. I am alone. “Himi-ko...” it continues, “it is Tenjin-sama, and I am here.” I look towards the kamidana. Tenjin’s ofuda is glowing, twin flames stand guard on either side. I immediately bow, lowering my eyes in respect. Tenjin is my patron, great among the heavenly beings. I am acutely aware of my unkempt appearance, my unclean state. I want to beg his forgiveness. “Himiko-san, my daughter” he continues, “do not be troubled. Your devotion has never been questioned.” My eyes widen but I remain in my submissive pose. “Your dedication to your ancestors and to your parents has brought you great honor. You must never think they did not appreciate you.” Tears start from my eyes, unbidden. I never knew... “But, this is not my concern. You made a grave error in confronting the goryo, though not a fatal one. You must first understand what you fight.”
Tenjin pauses. I look up at the shrine. The ofuda is dimmer now, the twin flames only a soft glow. A feeling of great sadness seems to flow forth from it. I hold my breath in anticipation of his next words. “Himiko-san, daughter of the Sun, most honored. I bow to you in apology; I beg your indulgence and forgiveness.” Tenjin pauses again, I can feel his anguish. “Daughter...I am the goryo who afflicts you.”
“No...” I gasp, “it cannot be!” But the truth of his words strikes home. Shock, from the cold, from my famished state, from the terrible stress I have been through, overwhelms me. The room spins, all fades to black.
“HIMIKO...HIMIKO MY love...wake up!”
My awareness swims upward, like a fish rising to the surface of a clear lake. I can feel the warmth of the sun on my face; the air is fragrant with wildflowers. I breathe deep, savoring the moment. I know exactly where I am. I open my eyes, looking out through our open bedroom windows into limitless blue. My head rests upon Jim’s broad chest, the softness of his flannel shirt, his favorite, caresses my cheek. “Can we stay here forever?” I breathe. I hear the smile in his reply. “Your wish is my command...herewith, by special decree, I pronounce that time must stop!” I smile too, and snuggle deeper into his embrace. The breeze from the windows turns cold and the sunlight seems harsh now. I squint against the sudden glare. A numbing pain rises from my neck and shoulder. I turn seeking his warmth, but the numbness grows. ‘Jim, don’t leave me!’ But I know it is too late. My eyes flutter open. Shadows fill the room. I am lying prone on the hard-wooden planks. The fire is long gone and the wan winter sun has set. I shudder with cold.
“Return, Himiko-san...return...return!” It is Tenjin-sama, the crystal voice...my patron, and now my enemy. His light on the kamidana is lower; the flames appear as faint sparks. Even his voice seems weaker. Memory floods back, along with a deep sense of betrayal. I shake my head. There must be a way! I draw my body up to a kneeling position, legs tucked under me. I focus on the dim light coming from the kamidana.
“Tenjin-sama, how can I battle against one such as you? Why have you become evil?” Frustration and despair fill me.
“Himiko-san, time is short. The goyro has nearly consumed me. I do not have time to explain.” Tenjin’s voice fades, I strain to hear it. “Michizane-sama is my darker nature. I was attacked, in a moment of weakness...” Each word is fainter than the last...the twin flames go out, only the ofuda remains. Its light wavers, like a ghostly candle, his whispers fade. “His power...lies in darkness...fears...unlight...”
Suddenly the ofuda is extinguished. Darkness fills the room and my ears shake with disembodied laughter. A finger of flame appears, like a red-hot talon. It touches the base of the shrine. I watch in horror as the talisman flares bright, and then it crumbles into ash. Tenjin-sama!
Tenjin is consumed.
The dark laughter continues, and I feel the unwanted approach of the goryo. I am weak from hunger, numb with cold. My hand slides to the butt of my weapon. I yearn to end my misery, here and now as I had planned, but I can’t leave Jim’s reikon in the clutches of this monster. I must fight, but I don’t know how. The last words of Tenjin-sama must hold the key, but I cannot make sense of them. Darkness is surely the stronghold of my enemy, but why does he fear the unlight? I shake my head; I have no time for puzzles. I must reenter shinkai, before I am too weak to even try.
I draw my tantō and I hold it at the ready position. It is more for my own encouragement than in any hope it would be effective against the goryo. I remain on my knees, conserving my strength and balancing myself against another possible fall. I know my transition to shinkai may be the last act of my life. The kamidana is in ruins, but it is the focal point. I concentrate on the ashes of Tenjin’s ofuda.
The contact is swift and brutal.
“AHHH SLAVE! YOU HAVE returned and you have accepted your fate! Good!”
The void surrounds me once more; it echoes with the words of my foe. I hold my tongue, not daring to even think, lest he discern my intention. Instead I remain on my knees, in the traditional submissive pose of a miko, a shrine maiden. “Rise slave!” He commands. “Rise and feed me with your pain.”
I raise my face from the ground, careful to keep my hands within my sleeves. My eyes widen and my heart breaks. The goryo hides himself no longer. His unclothed form is repugnant, man-like but sexless, his chalk white skin and popping eyes almost shine in the impenetrable blackness. But I have no eyes for anything except Jim.
The soul of my love is chained as before, yet he seems to be more aware. He is silent, but his eyes beseech me. They are filled with agony. Anguish burns in my chest; soundless tears fill my eyes.
“Yes...yes...more...MORE!” The demon groans with delight, gorging on our shared distress. A flicker of anger flashes through me, but I control it. Instead I open myself fully...letting my feelings of pain and loss flow forth unchecked. I release all my grief and fear and pain, the years of bitterness I had felt for my parents, the resentment I harbored against my older brothers, every scintilla of the shattering loss that was Jim’s death. As I do, my spirit body changes. I feel my face burning; my hands shine with a blood red light. The goryo is in ecstasy; his eyes close as he reels with pleasure.
It is time.
Without thought, I draw my tantō – its blade is a lance of crimson. I raise it to my throat, razor edge just below my left ear. The stroke of jigai will be nearly instantaneous, painless and final. The demon is bound to me now, my soul-body’s essence is within his heart. He cannot stop me. When I die – he shall as well. This ends now.
My eyes lock on Jim’s for one last time. I freeze.
Jim’s eyes are wide and filled with fear, but it is not for himself, it is for me. With a great effort, he shakes his head, back and forth.
No
I hold my position, the keen edge millimeters from my life’s blood. His mouth moves again.
‘I love you...’
My heart shatters. “I love you too...” I whisper, and, in an instant, I am transfigured. Light, pure white as though from the heart of the sun, explodes from my breast. My raiment burns, my hands are like living sun-drops. My love for Jim sears through all of my pain, all of my grief and sorrow and bitterness. I am Himi-ko, Sun-Daughter of Amaterasu, Goddess of the Sun. I will fear no darkness, suffer no demon. I am consumed by Love—filled with Light.
Easily now, easily, I stand. My tantō is transformed, becoming a katana of pure sunlight. My enemy’s laughter is cut off like an axe chop as I raise my blade, pointing it at the chains which bind my love. They fall from hi
m as though they never existed. We become one. Our light falls upon the goryo, and he bursts into flame. The light consumes all. We are blinded. We fly without sight into the infinite light of the Sun.
I OPEN MY EYES. THE rosy light of a new dawn beams through the east-facing windows. Cold and clear, a songbird calls, harbinger of the new day. I rise. My body feels light, I move easily, without pain. Our home is cold, but it no longer troubles me.
‘My love...’
‘Yes Jim...’
‘I will always be with you. I am as close to you as your heart and as near as your next thought.’
‘I know.’
‘I must abide in this place for now...but I will await you. I will always love you.’
I nod, embracing him within, with the arms of my heart. I place my tantō back at my side. The car starts with the first turn of the key. There is nothing left to fear.
Forever Touched
By Mara Reitsma
Part One - The Dream
Night had finally fallen, and the cold wind was whipping past his face, but no matter how cold he felt, he had to find her. There was no excuse, no reason why, just an intense urge to find her, and to love her.
‘Have you given up, so easily?’ The voice echoed through his mind, and his heart beat even faster than before.
‘Where are you?’ He called out, though to his surprise, his voice was deeper, darker. ‘I can’t see you!’
‘Do you worry, for me?’ She teased, the voice now sweeter, softer than before; and with each word, it sent shudders down his spine. ‘Do you worry, for them?’
‘I worry for nothing, but the feel of you against me.’ Wait, had he actually said that? And the tone he’d used, it was so, dirty.
‘But, you like to be dirty!’ Her voice sounded closer, and a moment later, he felt her breath against his neck, and her hand upon his chest
He wanted to turn and face her, to see her beautiful face, but he dared not disobey her. This, was her game. She had found him, now he was to find her, and do with her as he pleased. What a game, she’d described...
‘This was an amazing idea, admit it!’ She giggled against his ear, her tongue, so sinful as her lips nipped at his neck.
‘Come here!’ He growled, spinning about to take hold of her, his will to see her, outweighing the rules of her game.
Soft, blonde hair, fell down about her shoulders, framing a delicate ivory face and one gorgeous set of shimmering green eyes. Her lips were blood red, and her smile so intoxicating, he couldn’t help but be drawn to her kiss.
‘You’ll always be mine!’ She whispered against his lips, and let her hand slip beneath his trousers.
Nothing else mattered as she stroked him. The pleasure she released, an erotic explosion between his thighs. Each time her fingers swirled across his shaft, he felt the wave take hold, and when she lowered herself to her knees, he all but melted into her hands... or at least, he’d hoped to, before the fog returned and he was ripped from her arms. Such pleasure he’d received, and now he felt hollow and bare; his world crumbling as the image of the blonde, faded from sight, and a man dressed in black, with thick chains of gold around his neck, stood before him with a menacing grin.
‘You, get the fuck out, now!’ The man snarled at him, and Aryn felt his heart skip a beat.
Part Two – Waking Up
Aryn awoke with a massive headache, and an image of a blonde is his mind. He had no clue who she was, only that he’d spent one hell of a night with her, even if it was just a dream. His eyes were blurry and his mouth, raw and dry. His throat was sore and his nose, plugged, and there was something sticky in his shaggy, blonde hair. Yup, he was awake and basking in the sun the shone through the window, on a couch that wasn’t his, in a home, he didn’t recognize.
How he’d gotten here, to this particular couch, he’d no clue; but, at least he was warm. The past few days had been a blur, surfing from couch to couch, just trying to stay out of the harsh winter weather, had wiped him. He didn’t have much, save for a small backpack he’d managed to stuff a few things into, and at that very moment, it reeked of old socks; and beer.
“Ugh...” Aryn let out, as the pungent scent wafted past his nose; a nose, that up until that second, had been plugged.
Five foot, nine, and a good, hundred and forty pounds, Aryn felt like crap, as he ran his hand through his hair. He was exhausted.
“Shit!” He hissed, pulling his hand away from the sticky strands, only to have one land in his face.
Taking a good look around the small room, with its pasty gray walls and floral print furnishings, he noticed a handful of others, strewn out over various pieces of furniture. All of them were men, and looked to be as rough and worn out as Aryn felt.
“Are you, okay?” Came a voice, one too gruff for his appearance, and Aryn furrowed his brow as he took in the dark brown hair, and glasses on the kid in the corner.
And when he said kid, he meant it. The boy looked to be what, fifteen? What the hell was he doing in a place like this?
“Shit, nothing makes sense!” Aryn let out with a sigh, eyeing the young man up and down. “Where am I?”
“Welcome to hell!” One man let out, before curling up in his chair before a fire.
“Whatever you do, don’t sleep with her!” Another chuckled, and rolled over on his couch.
Now that was something to say to a total stranger. Was that supposed to be a warning of some kind? It didn’t matter, for the only her, he could recall, was a blonde with green eyes, and he was pretty sure she’d fallen out of some fairy tale and into his dreams. She wasn’t even real.
Shit, why couldn’t he remember anything else? How much had he had to drink?
“Are you sure, you’re alright? You, need something to drink?” He asked, holding up an amber colored bottle.
“No!” Aryn replied, shaking his head.
There must have been one hell of a party, and yet he couldn’t remember where it had been, or who else was there. He could, however, remember that blonde. Shit, she was so beautiful, and she’d been all over him. Yeah, there was no way she was real. So, mature, and, seductive...
“Any idea, where my phone is?” Aryn asked, trying to rise from the couch he was on, and the kid nodded.
“Upstairs, in my room!” He told Aryn. “Come on, I’ll show you, and then we’ll get you home!”
Rising, on wobbly legs, he ignored the fact that he wore clothes that were not his, and stumbled past the others. What was this place? Some sort of flop house? There were like, five men, all them snoring, or whispering to the walls as he passed; and all of them, smelled of beer.
“Come on, this way!” The kid called to him, leading him up a flight of stairs. “I’m sorry about them. My Dad has a lot of, friends, and they usually stay here when they’re in town!”
“No worries!” Aryn shrugged, and followed the kid up another flight of stairs.
At the top, Aryn got his first look out a nearby window, without being blinded by the sun. The yard was massive, and covered in snow, and trees. He’d never been here before, nor could he think of where this property was located; but it was breathtaking.
“Where are we?”
“My Dad’s house!” The kid replied. “He collects things, but we shouldn’t stay long! I don’t want to break anything!” He laughed, and nodded to the paintings on the wall, and then the bookshelves filled to the edges all throughout the hallway.
“Wow!” Aryn let out, as he passed a glass case, with three, shrunken heads inside.
“Yeah, but don’t touch any of it! He’ll flip!”
“No worries!” Aryn nodded, and again, followed the kid with the glasses.
When he opened the door, and showed Aryn into his room, it looked nothing like the rest of the house. Instead of pale gray walls and fancy decor, Aryn found old wood floors and dark wall papering. A four-post bed sat in the corner, facing a stone hearth that hadn’t been lit in what looked like forever, and a big bay window looked out ove
r the snow-covered yard below.
“This is, pretty cool!” Aryn let out, turning from the window.
It was all so intriguing, until he came to a picture that sat upon the stone mantle, and his heart stopped for a moment. A woman, with long blonde hair and the most perfect eyes, just like in his dream.
“Who is she?” He inquired, taking the photo down, and then sat on the edge of the bed.
So mesmerized, so intrigued by the beauty encased in a frame, Aryn just had to know her name.
“She is no one of importance!” The kid replied, but something must have caught his attention. “Stay here, I’ll be right back with your phone!” He smiled, and then darted from the room.
Aryn returned his gaze to the picture, letting himself fall back against the mattress. She was beautiful, whoever she was, and he pictured her as he had in his dream as closed his eyes.
Part Three – The Farm
‘Come on, Aryn, let’s play!’ He heard the voice call out to him, and noticed the circle of friends, huddled in the center of the living room.
He couldn’t make out where they were, or who exactly was sitting in the circle, but he sat down beside them, none the less. A bottle was passed around, and Aryn joined in, taking a swig like the others; but it tasted, funny.
‘You start!’ One of the girls giggled to her friend. ‘Let’s see if Mark really does love you!’ She added, and her friend blushed.
Such rosy cheeks, hidden beneath dark hair, and Aryn let out a laugh. He was feeling good, though the drink had left an after taste in his mouth, he couldn’t quite describe.
The giggles continued, as the bottle was passed around again, but when Aryn took hold of it, everything in the room stood still. No one spoke, no one moved. It was as if the whole room had frozen in time, but Aryn.
Love from the Other Side Page 2
