“You’re positive this isn’t too much trouble?” Leah murmured. Since Kelsey was already asleep, Leah carried her to the crib set up in the Mannings’ spare bedroom.
“No problem whatsoever,” Elizabeth insisted. “You and Paul go and have a nice uninterrupted day. I’ll drop the children off after church in the morning.”
“This is so nice of you.”
“Nonsense.” Paul’s mother hugged her. “I’m so happy for you and Paul. I couldn’t imagine him finding a better wife.”
Leah had no illusions about her marriage. As she and Paul had discussed earlier, theirs wasn’t a love match—although Paul had made sure she understood she’d be sharing his bed. But for all intents and purposes, it was a marriage of convenience.
Convenient for him. Convenient for the children. Convenient for her.
“Thank you again,” Leah said when Paul’s mother escorted her to the front door.
Paul helped her into the car. The twins and their grandparents stood on the front lawn and waved as he started the car and they drove away.
Paul was quiet for several minutes, and without the children as a buffer, Leah felt awkward and ill at ease.
“I’m sorry, Leah,” he finally said.
“For what?”
“For cheating you.”
“Cheating me? I don’t understand.” She didn’t feel the least bit slighted. Her wedding was exactly the way she’d wanted it. Intimate, with only the children present.
“Mom and Dad were right. I should’ve planned a honeymoon trip for us. It was inconsiderate of me.”
“I don’t want a trip.”
“Perhaps not, but you deserve one. You deserve a whole lot more than I’m giving you.” He sounded angry, but his disappointment was obviously directed at himself and not at her.
“Stop right this minute, Paul Manning.”
“Stop? We’re on the freeway.”
She sighed. “I was speaking figuratively.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not your job to read my mind. If I want something, I’ll ask for it. All right?”
“All right.”
A few minutes passed. “What about our wedding night?”
“What about it?” Leah felt uneasy discussing the subject.
“Do you want to go to a hotel?”
“No.” Her response was immediate. A hotel would only make her more nervous than she was already.
“Why not?”
“Well…because…you might feel pressured to make love to me.”
“Feel pressured?” She thought she detected a note of humor in his tone.
“I … I think our marriage would be better served if we delayed the…physical aspect of our relationship, don’t you? I mean…what I’m trying to say is that, well, we hardly have anything to talk about without the children. Remember what it was like at lunch the other day? It makes sense to me that we should develop a solid friendship before we…you know.”
“The term is make love,” Paul returned impatiently.
“Right…before we make love.” It was difficult for her to speak so openly, but she made the effort because too much was at stake. They had their whole lives before them. It seemed to her there was plenty of time to become comfortable with each other before beginning the sexual part of their marriage.
“You agree, don’t you?” she asked timidly.
Paul didn’t answer right away. “We’ll sleep in the same bed.”
He left no room for doubt. “If you want,” she said.
“I certainly do.”
“I’m agreeable to that.” Leah found herself wishing they’d discussed this earlier.
“What about tonight?” he demanded. “If you don’t want to go to a hotel, how do you suggest we spend the night?”
Leah hesitated. “Would you mind if we just stayed home?”
Eight
“You want to stay home.” Paul was sure he hadn’t heard her right. Not only had she chosen to skip a honeymoon, but she also wanted to ignore their wedding night. If it was what she really wanted, then fine, he could accept that. He didn’t like it, but he could accept it. But staying home, that was another matter entirely.
“There’s so much to do,” she was saying.
“Like what?”
“I …thought I’d use this afternoon to move my stuff into your bedroom.”
“Good idea. But what about tonight?”
“Tonight?” she echoed, her voice slightly raised with what sounded like nervousness.
“We should do something special.”
“I thought…we already decided…not to, you know…haven’t we? We’d agreed to hold off on the—”
“I was thinking more along the lines of going out to dinner.”
“Oh.”
The silence between them was filled with tension.
“Don’t worry, Leah, I’m not going to ravish you.” Paul didn’t know how this marriage was going to survive with Leah’s current attitude. He’d only kissed her twice. The first time had been one of the most sensual experiences of his life. The second had been at the end of their wedding ceremony, and although it had been little more than a brushing of lips, Paul had felt a hot current of need surge between them. She could deny it if she chose, but he wasn’t going to.
Yet, despite the intensity of their attraction, Leah seemed determined to follow through with this self-imposed abstinence. Paul didn’t really understand why, and it frustrated him.
When his parents had offered to take the children, Paul had entertained thoughts of bringing Leah home, carrying her over the threshold and directly into his bedroom. He’d envisioned an afternoon of introducing her to the physical delights of marriage. After dinner, he’d introduce her all over again.
He pulled into the driveway, turned off the engine and sat for a few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts.
“We can go out to dinner, if you like,” she said weakly.
He nodded. Starting their marriage with an argument wasn’t a healthy sign, especially since they’d never spoken crossly to each other before. Apparently they’d been saving all their arguing for the so-called honeymoon.
Paul went around to open her car door, and Leah smiled tremulously up at him. Try as he might, he couldn’t resist her and returned the smile.
So she wanted to build a solid relationship before they made love. He supposed he could understand that. He himself tended to see physical love as part of developing a relationship, but he realized she didn’t. For her, that came later, after common ground had been established between them.
Okay, he could live with it.
He prayed he could live with it.
Once inside the house, they moved into their separate bedrooms and changed clothes. As Paul loosened his tie, he wondered just how long Leah felt they should hold off. He walked over to the closet and stood there, staring blankly at the row of clothes.
Would she make him wait a week? He could endure a week.
What about a month? Nope. Out of the question.
He removed his shirt, then, sitting on the end of the bed, he untied one shoe and slipped it off his foot.
He didn’t realize he’d been there so long, mulling over the situation, until he heard Leah outside the bedroom.
“Paul?”
“Yes.”
“I’m ready to bring in some of my things.”
“Just a minute.” He finished changing in record time, then opened the door. She stood there in a loose shirt and faded jeans, holding a load of clothes in her arms. Paul took them from her and carried them to the bed.
“I was thinking I could move my things, and you could take the children’s stuff over to your parents’.”
“Sure,” he said amicably enough. He wasn’t eager to leave her, but it might be for the best. He’d put the time to good use, ponder what he was going to do about this nonmarriage-marriage.
“Do you want some lunch before you go? You must be starved—you didn’t have
anything to eat this morning, did you? I know I didn’t.”
“No, thanks.” He shoved his car keys into his jeans pocket.
“But aren’t you hungry?”
His eyes found hers. “Yes, Leah, I’m hungry,” he informed her. “I’m starving to death.”
His exit made for excellent drama, but it didn’t do anything to improve his mood.
They were married. He had the legal document to prove it. And yet he couldn’t enjoy the rights and privileges of marriage….
Paul hadn’t come to any conclusions by the time he returned to the house. His poor parents must be wondering what was going on. He’d parked in their driveway, gotten out of the car, walked to the door, waited until his mother answered, handed her the clothes Leah had packed for the kids and a fresh stack of diapers for Kelsey, turned around and left.
He thought he might’ve heard his mother call after him, but if that was the case, he’d ignored her. He also thought he might’ve heard his father chuckling, telling Paul’s mother she should recognize a man in a hurry when she saw one.
Paul was in a hurry, all right, but he didn’t have anywhere to go.
Back at the house, Leah had emptied her bedroom and transported her clothes, books and assorted paraphernalia into his. A lot of good sleeping in the same bed was going to do them.
“I …fixed you some lunch.”
“Thanks.” He made the effort to smile as he walked into the kitchen.
She followed but stayed several feet behind. What did she think, he was going to attack her?
“You’re angry with me, aren’t you?” she asked, folding her hands.
“No.”
“You are. I can tell.… I told you I’m not good at these things. Di—My sister was always so much better at dealing with emotions… Dealing with men, too. You regret marrying me already and…”
She sounded close to tears. Whatever anger or frustration Paul was experiencing died a sudden death. He walked over to her and took her in his arms, wanting to ease her distress.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed into her hair, loving the feel of her in his arms. With his finger he brushed a strand of hair from her face.
“I feel like a total failure as a wife and we haven’t even been married a day. I’m sorry….” He heard the tears in her voice and he felt like the biggest jerk who’d ever lived. He’d behaved like a little boy who’d had his candy taken away from him. If anyone was to blame, he was the one.
“No, I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“You?” She lifted her head and looked up at him. “Why?”
“Because I’ve acted like a major jerk.”
“You’re disappointed because I wanted to wait before we…made love?”
He nodded.
“I … I didn’t think you’d want me. Not really.”
“Not want you?”
She lowered her eyes and went completely still. The only movement was the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. “I’m not very pretty.”
“Leah, for heaven’s sake, you’re so beautiful you take my breath away!”
“Please don’t lie to me. I know my assets and my weaknesses and—”
Paul reacted instinctively, framing her face in his hands, his eyes on hers. Whatever else she’d intended to say disappeared as his mouth claimed hers. He’d obviously caught her off guard. Leah braced her hands against his chest and, after a moment of surprise, parted her lips to him.
Paul groaned. He hurt. He ached. He wanted her so badly….
Leah groaned, too, and he took her mouth again, this time long and slow instead of hungry and demanding. Paul found himself drowning in hot sensation. He had to touch her….
Leah groaned anew.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No.”
“Frightening you?”
“Yes.”
He started to move away.
“No,” she pleaded, clutching his wrist. “What frightens me are the wonderful things you make me feel.”
Paul kissed her again. And again. He kissed her softly. Then quickly. Teasingly. Slowly.
Leah’s eyes fluttered open with disappointment when he stopped. They were brown-green now and hazy with passion. “Paul?”
“Hmm…”
“I …”
“You’re beautiful.”
She stiffened, but Paul continued to hold her. “I love the color of your eyes. They intrigue me, the way they change. So many shades of color, of meaning…”
She blushed, but Paul hadn’t even begun to tell her everything he found exquisite about her. “You have no idea how beautiful your hair looks in the sunlight.” He wanted to tell her about the afternoon he’d watched her working in the backyard with the children around her, but he couldn’t find the words.
“I love your mouth.”
He kissed her to prove it.
“Paul.” She sighed.
“But most of all,” he said, “I love your laugh.”
“Oh, Paul.”
“So don’t you dare tell me you’re not beautiful.”
“You make me want to cry.”
Paul smiled. “You’ve helped dry my tears, Leah.” He paused. “I want you so much.”
“You do?”
“Are you sure you want to wait?” Paul whispered.
“Uh… I’m not sure of anything at the moment.”
His fingers were busy unfastening the buttons of her shirt. “What about this?” he asked. “Maybe…”
How or when they made it from the kitchen to the bedroom, Paul didn’t know.
They collapsed onto his bed together. As they cuddled there, kissing, she suddenly began to squirm. “We can’t,” she said breathlessly.
“Why not?”
“Because…because there’s someone…here.”
Only then did Paul hear the persistent peal of the doorbell. “What the hell,” he said, bolting off the bed. He didn’t bother to put on his shirt as he marched out of the bedroom and to the front door.
He jerked it open to see Jason—baseball cap on his head and bat in his hand.
“What do you want?” Paul snarled.
“Paul,” Leah said from somewhere behind him, her voice the cool mist of reason.
“It’s Jason,” he said, turning around to face her.
“Don’t you think you should invite him in?”
“Frankly, no.”
Jason, however, didn’t wait for an invitation and strolled boldly into the house. He paused in the middle of the living room and seemed to notice Paul’s disheveled state for the first time. Leah was quickly buttoning her shirt, gazing up at his brother with reddened cheeks, clearly wondering why she’d ever left the bedroom.
“I don’t suppose I’ve dropped in at an inauspicious time, have I?” Jason asked, grinning from ear to ear.
* * *
Leah had never been more embarrassed in her life. Her face felt fiery hot.
Jason didn’t seem at all disturbed. Paul looked just plain angry.
Both men, however, were staring at her as if she should be the one to explain. “We’re married,” she said after an awkward moment.
“Married.” Jason’s already broad smile widened. “When did this happen?”
Paul looked at the living room clock. “Three and a half hours ago. You just interrupted my wedding night, so to speak. This better be good.”
“Anyone else know?” Jason leaned indolently on his baseball bat, crossing his ankles.
“Mom and Dad.”
“They’ve got the children,” Leah said as she turned away. Her shirt was misbuttoned. She hurried to the master bedroom and searched for her bra. By the time she returned, properly dressed, she’d managed to compose herself somewhat.
Jason had plopped himself down on the couch, resting his ankle on his knee. He was completely at ease, arms stretched out on either side.
“So you’re married.”
“You want to see the proof?” Paul asked.
; Jason’s gaze meandered over to Leah. “I already have.”
Paul’s arms circled her waist, bringing her close. “I take it this unexpected visit has a purpose.”
“Yeah. But I’m having so much fun watching Leah blush, I thought I’d delay getting around to it a bit longer.”
“If you value your neck, little brother, you’ll get to the point right now.”
Jason rubbed the side of his jaw. “As I recall, Rich interrupted Christy and Cody’s wedding night, too. Must be a family habit.”
“Jason!”
Paul’s brother chuckled and uncrossed his legs. “Actually, it’s a bit of a bad-news/good-news story.”
“Give me the bad news first.”
“John Duncan, the shortstop you replaced, was hurt this afternoon.”
“Playing ball?” Leah hadn’t realized softball was so dangerous.
“No,” Jason assured her. “He tripped over something in the parking lot and sprained his ankle. Looks like he’ll be out for the rest of the season.”
“What’s the good news?” Paul asked suspiciously.
“The team has elected you as a permanent replacement.”
Leah’s heart swelled with pleasure. Paul loved softball. The two weeks he’d played on his brother’s team had done him so much good. He’d come home enthusiastic and happy. She couldn’t understand his hesitation now.
“What’s the matter?” Jason asked. “I thought you’d be pleased.”
“I’m a family man.”
“So?” Jason argued. “Rich has got a family, too, and he plays.”
Slowly, his face devoid of expression, Paul turned to Leah. “What do you think?”
She nodded eagerly. “I think it’d be wonderful.”
“You won’t mind?”
“Of course not!”
“Then it’s settled,” Jason said, springing effortlessly to his feet. “I’ll go now and let the two of you get back your…honeymoon.” He paused when he reached the front door. “This isn’t supposed to be a secret, is it?”
“No.” It was Paul who answered.
“Good. Then it’s okay if I tell a few choice folks—like your brother, for instance. Rich? Remember him? And his wife?”
Stand-In Wife Page 11
