by Lynn, Sandi
“You are behaving like a child, and I don’t like it. Now get your ass back to my penthouse.”
Shit, you talk about adding fuel to the fire. He was sure doing an exceptional job at it.
“I think we need time apart to think about what each of us said last night.”
A sudden reply that broke my heart came through.
“I agree, and when you stop behaving like a selfish child, call me so we can talk like adults.”
I did the only thing I normally do: I threw my phone against the wall, and it shattered. I sighed and took a hot shower, sobbing as the water ran down my body.
I bent down to pick up the broken pieces that were once my phone. I really needed to get that under control and stop throwing things. I walked to the cellular store and purchased the same phone with my same number. I couldn’t say I didn’t care about my phone, because I did, and what if Peyton needed me, or what if Connor needed me?
Chapter 40
A few days passed, and I barely left the hotel room. I read and drew pictures of things that I wanted to eventually paint on a canvas. Connor didn’t attempt to make any contact with me, and it hurt. I was too stubborn to make the first move; his words stilled burned in my heart. I sat and thought maybe I should just book a flight and go back to California. My next treatment was next week, so I needed to get back anyway. I didn’t want to leave him, and this time apart was killing me. I hated how I had grown so dependent on him. I needed to talk to him and apologize. I was out of line and shouldn’t have gotten so angry. We could have talked things out, but instead, I ran. Connor was right; it was what I did best. I swallowed my pride and walked to his penthouse that was right on the next block.
I put my key in the elevator and took it up to the penthouse. The door opened, and I stepped out, looking for Connor. I didn’t see him in the kitchen, but I heard the sound of two people talking coming from his office. I slowly took steps towards his office and gasped for air at what I saw. Ashlyn had her mouth on his. Connor pushed her away and was startled when he saw me standing there. The fear in his eyes was a fear I had never seen before.
“Ellery, this isn’t what it looks like.”
I put my hand up and turned to walk away. I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt constricted, and I was starting to panic. That was until I heard her say, “See, Connor, I told you she doesn’t love you like I can.”
Suddenly, rage replaced panic, and it grew inside me at a rapid pace. I turned around and walked towards her.
“Oh, shit,” Connor said because he was all too familiar with the look I was displaying.
Ashlyn stood there with her arms crossed, glaring at me as I approached her.
“I don’t think we’ve officially met. I’m Ellery, Connor’s girlfriend.”
She eyed me up and down and refused to shake my hand.
“Funny, Connor said he didn’t have a girlfriend anymore when he had his hands all over me.”
I looked at Connor as he stood there speechless. His only movement was the slight shaking of his head to let me know she was lying.
“He said that?”
“Yeah, he did, after he kissed me and told me that it was me he loved all along, and you were just a charity case that he felt sorry for.”
Oh no, she didn’t!
Connor’s eyes grew wide as he took a step back. Before I knew it, my fist left my side and ended up right across her jaw line. She fell back on her ass and held her jaw, staring at me like I was a lunatic. I bent down until I was right in her face.
“My advice to you is to crawl back into the whore hole you crawled out from and never look at me or him again. If I even catch you looking in either of our directions, I will pound my fist into you so hard that even a plastic surgeon wouldn’t be able to fix you.” I turned on my heels and started to walk away.
“You’re a crazy bitch. Do you know that?!” she screamed.
Connor came chasing after me and grabbed my arm.
“Don’t you dare take another step.”
Was he stupid or something? Did he really want to do this now when I was so full of rage?
“Let go of me, Connor. Right now, before you suffer the same fate as your whore over there.”
Me and my mouth. Shit, did I just say that?
He let go of my arm. “You’re angry right now, so I’ll forgive that last statement, but what I will not forgive is you taking another step and walking out that door.”
“I’m sorry, Connor, but I can’t stay, especially now.”
Connor pulled out his phone and called Denny to come and get Ashlyn out of the penthouse. I started to walk away as he came up from behind me, grabbed me as tightly as he could, and carried me upstairs to his bedroom, slamming the door shut.
“Now, sit down on that bed, and listen to me, Ellery. I’m not playing games with you anymore, and I know what you just saw hurt you more than anything else. You’re going to sit there, and you’re going listen to me!”
I sat there as I swallowed hard, silently trying to plan my escape.
“Go on, then. Explain to me who Ashlyn is, and why you’ve been keeping your relationship such a secret.”
He paced back and forth across the room while running his hands through his hair.
“Ashlyn is Amanda’s twin sister.”
I looked at him and shook my head.
“Who the hell is Amanda?”
He took in a sharp breath. “Amanda’s the girl who committed suicide after I broke up with her.”
My mouth fell open, and I felt sick to my stomach. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind. He was coming clean about her, and I owed him that chance.
“Keep talking, Connor. I’m listening.”
“Ashlyn sought me out and came to my office about a year ago. She told me she had been kicked out of her house, and she didn’t have any money or any place to go. She said that I owed her because it was my fault her sister killed herself.”
I closed my eyes. I could hear the pain in his voice. How dare that woman do that to him? I wanted to reach out to him, but I had to let him finish telling me about her.
“I took her to dinner. We talked, drank a lot, and we had sex. You have no idea how bad I regret that day.”
He stood there, shaking his head and looking down as if he was ashamed for telling me. I got up from the bed and walked over to him.
“Why didn’t you stop it after that night, Connor?”
“She kept talking about Amanda and making me feel guilty for what had happened. I gave her a job at my company, and we had an arrangement that we would meet three times a week after work for sex, with no strings attached.”
“Wait, let me guess; she started falling for you, and she wanted more.”
He nodded his head. “Yes, she wanted me to stop seeing other women and to enter into an exclusive relationship with her. I told her time and time again that I wasn’t interested, and that our arrangement was staying the way it was.” He turned his back to me and took in a deep breath. “She threatened to do what her sister did if I didn’t succumb to her wants and needs. It was that night at the club, the night you brought me home that I told her there was never going to be anything more than sex between us.”
“Damn it, Connor. Why the hell didn’t you just stop seeing her?!” I yelled.
He turned to face me. “The next morning, she called and apologized. She said she would be happy to keep our arrangement the way it was as long as I doubled her pay.”
I shook my head in disbelief as the sickness settled into the pit of my stomach, and I had to sit back down on the bed.
“Are you okay?” he asked as he took a few steps towards me.
I put my hand up. “Don’t take another step, and I mean it.”
I closed my eyes for a moment to try and calm the clusterfuck that was going on inside my head.
“I have one question for you, and I want you to be honest. When was the last time you slept with her?”
There was no hesitation w
hen he answered.
“It was the night before I met you. I tried to break things off with her several times since you and I met.”
“What was she doing here, and why were her lips on you?”
“I called her and asked her to come over so that I could tell her to never contact me again and that what we had was long over. I told her that I was in love with you. I was paying her to stay out of our lives. That, of course, pissed her off, and she was going to try whatever she could to keep me. You just happened to walk in when she was throwing herself at me.”
I got up from the bed and headed for the door. “I can’t listen to any more of this, Connor. I’m sorry.”
“Ellery, please. We need to talk about everything,” he pleaded.
“Why bother? So we can hurt each other again with our words?”
He put his hand on my face as I backed away. “My illness is tearing us apart. You can’t handle your emotions, and neither can I. We just end up hurting each other more often than not. I have a question for you, and I want you to be totally honest with me. Are you trying to save me to erase the guilt you’ve harbored over the years about your ex-girlfriend?”
Fuckity fuck—I couldn’t believe I just asked him that. He stared at me with his cold eyes, like all the love he felt for me had just been erased, as if it never existed.
He closed his eyes. “I think it’s best if you go back to California, and I remain here.”
He turned around so that he didn’t have to look at me. He gave up, and it was my fault. I pushed him to this point. Tears streamed down my face as I turned around and walked out the door.
I walked back to the hotel and grabbed my bag. As I was walking out, a text from Connor came through.
“My private plane is waiting for you to take you back to California. Text Denny your location, and he will pick you up.”
The heart-wrenching pain reared its ugly head again as I didn’t respond back. I called Denny and, within five minutes, he was at the hotel, picking me up. I slid into the back seat. He turned around and looked at me.
“I’m sorry, Miss Lane, but I’m going to tell you what I told Connor. You two are the most stubborn people on the face of this earth, and you couldn’t be more perfect for each other.”
I gave a small smile. “We are a disaster together, aren’t we?”
He pulled up to the private landing strip where Connor’s plane was waiting for me. He opened the door and helped me with my bags.
“Do not let your fear sabotage your relationship with Connor, Ellery. It’s not fair to either of you.”
I kissed him on the cheek and entered the plane.
* * *
“Ellery!” Mason smiled as he met me outside with a big hug. “How are you? We missed you!”
He knew the minute he saw the sadness in my eyes that things were bad.
“Not again.” He frowned.
He walked me upstairs to my apartment. Peyton was calling, so Mason went back downstairs.
“Hi, Peyton,” I said.
“What the fuck, Elle? What is going on with you two? And why didn’t you call me?”
“I was going to. I wanted to get back to California first. I’m sorry, Peyton. I just can’t talk about it right now. How did you know?”
She sighed. “I went to Connor’s place to give you something, and he went off on a tangent about you. I looked over and that driver of his was escorting some chick out as she was holding her mouth yelling something about you and telling Connor never to speak to her again. He told me you punched her. Is that true?”
“Yeah, I did punch that bitch square in the jaw, and she deserved it.”
“That’s my girl!” Peyton shouted. “Make things right with Connor, Elle. He loves you, and you love him, and sometimes people do stupid stuff.”
“I know, Peyton, but I’m not sure we’re good together as long as I’m sick.”
“Elle, you’re over thinking things again. You don’t want things to be right because you’re scared, and I get that, but he’s scared too, and it seems to me that you two don’t get that.”
“It seems like every day, I find out something new about him, and it’s driving me crazy, Peyton.”
“I understand that, Elle, but you need to realize that maybe he keeps some things from you because he doesn’t want to hurt you.”
“But not telling me hurts me even more.”
“Then fucking tell him that. Talk to him instead of yelling at him and storming out.”
“Peyton, I have to go. We’ll talk later.”
I crawled into my bed and cried myself to sleep—again.
Chapter 41
The days passed slowly as I threw myself into my paintings. One night, I was putting the final touches on my painting, and I was on my fourth glass of wine when I decided I was going to call Connor. I missed him, and I missed hearing his voice, and I wasn’t sure if we were even still together. I hit Connor’s name on my phone and sat nervously as it rang. After the third ring, it went to voicemail. I was just going to hang up, but as soon as the beep sounded, I left him a message. “Hi Connor, it’s Elle. I just called to see how you’re doing and how things are going. I guess you’re busy, so I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”
I poured another glass of wine and took a sip. I didn’t expect him to call me back. When my phone started ringing and Connor’s name appeared on my screen, my stomach twisted itself up, and my heart started racing.
“Hello?” I answered.
His voice was deep and low. “Hey, Elle, I just got your message.”
Hearing his voice made me feel less alone. I grabbed my wine and climbed on the bed.
“Hi, Connor. I was just wondering how you were doing.”
“I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’m okay. I was just finishing up a new painting.”
“I’m sure it’s beautiful.”
I smiled. “I could take a picture and send it to you if you want.”
“That would be great, thanks. I’d like to see it.”
I decided to go for it and try to carry on a normal, full-on conversation.
“So, what have you been up to?” I asked, not fully aware if I wanted to know the answer.
“Not much, really. I’ve been working a lot. What have you been up to?” he asked.
“Nothing, really. I’ve been doing a lot of painting.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m okay, I guess.”
What I really wanted to say was that I was feeling like fucking shit because I missed him so much.
“I’m sorry, Elle, but I have to get going. Cassidy and Camden are in the city, and I’m taking them to dinner. They should be here any minute.”
“Oh ok. Please tell Cassidy that I said hi and give Camden a big hug for me.”
“I sure will, Elle. Thanks for calling.”
“Sure, no problem. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, Connor.”
“Bye, Elle.”
I held the phone to my chest, closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath.
* * *
A couple of days went by, and I didn’t hear from Connor, so I took it as my cue that we were over. I figured since I made the first move that he’d contact me again. He obviously moved on, so maybe I needed to try to do the same. Drinking had become a daily routine for me lately. Downing a bottle of wine every night before bed helped me sleep.
I walked to the local store where I took my VHS tape that my mother put in the safety deposit box and had it converted to a DVD. The minute I got home, I put it in my DVD player and sat on the couch. My eyes filled with tears when she appeared on the screen. She was more beautiful than I remembered her. Her long, blonde hair was like mine, and we shared the same eyes. No wonder why my dad drank so much; I was the spitting image of my mother, and he was reminded of her every time he looked at me.
“Happy eighteenth birthday, angel! I’m sorry I can’t be there with you physically, but I am with you spiritually. You�
�re all grown up now, and you’ll be heading off to college soon. Make sure you go somewhere you can stay on campus because I want you to have the full college experience like I did. I wish I could have watched you grow up, but God had other plans for me. Once college is finished, you’ll get a fantastic job, meet a wonderful man, get married, and have children of your own. Please follow my advice and do it exactly in that order. I know being raised without a mom was tough on you, Ellery, but I know you’re a strong woman, and you can handle anything that’s thrown your way. You deserve only the best, my sweet girl, and don’t you ever forget it. I’ll be with you and guide you through the rest of your life. Remember, there’s nothing more beautiful and peaceful than the sunset setting over the blue ocean waters. Live your life in peace, baby girl, and remember that I will always love you.”
I sobbed as I watched her say goodbye. If there was a time I ever needed Connor, it was right now. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. I just needed to hear his voice. He didn’t answer and, this time, I didn’t leave a message.
I called Mason and asked him if he and Landon wanted to go to a club. I desperately needed to get out of this damn apartment and forget about my life for a night. Mason loved the idea but said it would only be the two of us because Landon wasn’t feeling well. I put on my short black skirt, a black and white color-block halter top, which showed off my cleavage, and my high black boots. I curled my hair and put on more makeup than I usually wore. I wanted to look and feel sexy, even if it was for just one night.
Mason whistled as I opened the door. “Look at you, sexy kitten.”
I smiled and twirled around. “You like?”
“Like? I love, and you may just totally turn gay men straight.”
I smacked him on the arm, grabbed my purse, and left for the club. We were in the cab and my phone started to ring. It was Connor. I didn’t answer. I wasn’t going to think about him tonight.
We walked into the club, and I pulled Mason straight to the bar.
“Line up four tequila shots with lime!” I shouted to the bartender.
