by Dena Christy
“What way? Talk to me, Honor.” There had to be more to this than her being blindsided by his declaration.
“I always thought that when I mated with someone, that it would be because we both couldn’t live without each other. I didn’t want it to be because I needed to be saved from something worse. I appreciate that you did what you thought was best, and maybe in time I will find a way to be grateful to you for it. But don’t ask me to thank you right now. You took away my right to choose my mate for myself.”
“We won’t be mated forever. Once things blow over, you can be free to be with whoever you want.” And he didn’t want to think about why the thought of her with someone else didn’t make him feel as happy as it should have. When the time came, he would let her go. She deserved the chance to be happy. “This isn’t a real mating, and once the charade is over we can go back to our normal lives.”
She seemed to shrink in on herself and he didn’t know what he could say to make things better. With any other woman he would turn on the charm, take her to bed and make her forget whatever it was that was bothering her. With Honor he couldn’t. Sleeping with her, as much as the notion intrigued him, would be the worse thing he could do. It would make an already complicated situation even worse.
She drew in a deep breath and straightened up. She looked him in the eyes and he could see the mask descend over her face. He’d seen that mask before, whenever she’d talked to Barrett Todd and he hated that she wore it now. He could read nothing in her eyes and he wanted to shake her, to get her to react so that unemotional look would come off her face.
“I’m going to go upstairs, shower and get ready for bed. I buried my brother today and I don’t want to talk anymore. Good night, Rafe.”
She turned away and walked to the stairs. She went up them as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, and he wanted to call her back. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that he was sorry, but deep down he knew he wasn’t. This may not have gone the way she’d wanted, but he’d done what he felt he had to. Eventually she would come around, but she’d had way too much to deal with today. He’d leave her be for now.
“I’m going to go out for a run.”
She nodded when she got to the top of the stairs but wouldn’t turn to look at him. He stood there watching her until she disappeared. A growl rumbled in his chest and he could feel the walls of his house pressing in on him. He needed to get out of here for a while. He needed the clarity that would only come when he was in his wolf form.
He’d done the right thing. There was no way he could have let Barrett take her out of that bar and force her to be his mate.
The air was cold on his skin as he stripped his clothes off but he didn’t feel it as he closed his eyes. The force of his change went through him and the pain that accompanied it was nothing to him as his muscles and bones shifted to transform him into a wolf. He opened his eyes and looked back at his house. She was up there, his mate. The man in him may claim that it wasn’t real, but to the wolf that stood on the back porch it seemed real enough for now.
Rafe went down the back steps and took off running into the woods, as if he could outrun the emotions churning inside him. His paws hit the ground in a steady rhythm as he tried to outrun the thoughts clamoring in his head. In this form it was clear to him that he’d done the right thing. He was a male. It was his job to protect her. When she’d come to him on the night of her brother’s death she’d trusted herself into his keeping. He done what he had to do to keep her safe from harm. Another wolf had put his hands on her, had wanted to take her away from him, and the primitive male side of him was having none of it.
He was deep in the woods behind his house when he came to a stop. His sides heaved from his exertions but he was no closer to finding the solution to the problem he had made for himself. Embracing his wolf side was not helping him achieve clarity. The wolf wanted to go back to the house and claim her. As far as it was concerned he was bound to her now and his place was by her side. It didn’t like the notion that she was alone in the house. While there was no sign of any other wolves around, his instincts made him turn around and make his way back toward home.
His house came in sight and it looked exactly the way it had when he left it. He went up the steps of the back porch and closed his eyes. Once his change was complete, he pulled on his pants and gathered the rest of his clothes. The house was silent when he walked in, and he walked around the lower floor, locking the doors and making sure everything was secure for the night.
He was no closer to finding the answer to the dilemma he found himself in. He was mated, and although he told himself that it wasn’t real, the kiss he’d shared with Honor earlier tonight had felt real. And he wanted to taste her again. But he knew that he couldn’t. Kissing her, touching her and making love to her was out of the question. He’d already hurt her enough by forging ahead and doing what he felt he had to to keep Barrett Todd at bay. Being intimate with her would only hurt her more when he said goodbye to her. And he would say goodbye. There was no room in his life for a mate, that much he knew with absolute certainty.
He slowly walked up the stairs and on his way to his room he had to pass the door to Honor’s room. He walked as softly as he could, so as not to disturb her in case she was asleep. A soft noise came to him and he froze just outside her door. Straining to hear, the noise came to him again and he closed his eyes as his stomach dropped when he realized what it was. It was a sob, and it killed him to realize that she was crying herself to sleep. He put his hand on her door, and bent his head. He wanted to go in there, to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. He held himself back because he had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to stop with just holding her. There was a risk that he would offer the comfort of his body and that would only do more damage.
He straightened and his hand fell away from the door. The best thing he could do for Honor would be to keep his hands to himself and let her go when it was time for them to go their separate ways.
6
Honor stood in the bathroom, carefully applying her makeup. Most of the puffiness was gone from her eyes and makeup would take care of the rest of the evidence that she’d cried herself to sleep. She felt much better this morning, and perhaps the emotional release last night was what she needed.
Saying goodbye to Quinn, and everything that had happened after at the bar last night had hit her like a ton of bricks by the time she’d gone to bed. If what Rafe had done to save her from Barrett hadn’t come so quickly on the heels of Quinn’s funeral, maybe she wouldn’t have been as hurt and angry.
She blew out a short breath and took one last look at herself in the mirror. She could hear Rafe moving around downstairs as he got ready for his day, and debated on staying in the bathroom until he left. Was she ready to face him after the things she’d said to him last night?
She straightened her spine and walked toward the bathroom door. They couldn’t avoid each other forever and they were going to be living in the same house for the foreseeable future. Walking on eggshells around him or avoiding him was out of the question.
She got to the top of the stairs and he stopped in the middle of the floor and looked up at her. There was a hesitancy in his eyes, as if he wasn’t sure how he should act around her. Gone was the easy smile he usually greeted her with, and for a second she wished she could rewind time and take back the words she’d hurled at him in her anger that her mating with him wasn’t the love match she’d always dreamed it would be.
Her running shoes were silent on the hardwood steps as she came down the stairs to stand in front of him.
“I owe you an apology.” She licked her lips as she searched her mind for what she could say that would make up for her comparing him to Barrett Todd. “I said some pretty ugly things to you last night. I don’t have an excuse for saying that you and Barrett are the same. I know that if you hadn’t stepped in when you did I would have found myself in a horrible situation. S
o I’m sorry for saying what I did, and thank you for saving me from him.”
His eyebrows climbed up his forehead, as if that was the last thing he expected her to say. Some of the tension in his face faded but he didn’t smile.
“You don’t have to apologize for anything. We said goodbye to Quinn yesterday and it was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, so I can only imagine how rough it was for you. Add to that what happened at the bar after, and it was a recipe for some angry feelings.” He took a step toward her and for a second she thought he was going to put his arm around her as he’d gotten in the habit of doing. He stopped himself, and disappointment went through her. “I didn’t do what I did yesterday because I wanted to take your right to choose from you. If it had occurred to me that claiming you as my mate was the solution we were looking for I would have discussed it with you first. I didn’t like seeing him put his hands on you and the words came out.”
Honor nodded and she wondered why seeing Barrett Todd grab her had elicited such a visceral response in him. She’d probably never know and it wasn’t really worth dwelling on. The best thing to do now was to move forward the best way they could.
“Okay, so let’s just put everything from last night behind us and move forward with a clean slate. Deal?” She stuck out her hand, and for a second she thought it was going to hang in midair without him touching it. After a second’s hesitation, he took her hand and gave it a gentle shake.
“Deal.” He let go of her hand and went over to the front door. His work boots and a lunch bag stood by the door, and he picked up a boot and put it on. This was the first time that he’d actually gone to work while she’d been staying with him. She knew that he did handiwork for the residents of Cold Bay but she wasn’t sure exactly what that involved.
“What are you working on today?”
He looked up at her while he was in the process of lacing his boots. “I’m going out to East Brook. Grace is trying to sell her mother’s house and it isn’t going well. She wants me to do some remodeling on the interior and exterior in the hopes that it will entice some weekenders to buy it when she lists it again in the spring.”
Grace? Who was Grace? For a second her gut turned sour. She’d dropped herself in the middle of Rafe’s life, and she had no right to question him about his private life, but if he had another woman in his life maybe she should know about it.
“Who’s Grace?” She kept her voice pleasant and her features smooth. She didn’t want him to think that she was jealous, because that certainly wasn’t it.
“I keep forgetting that you haven’t been in town long enough to meet many people. She’s Mason’s mate and a very nice woman. I’ll introduce you to her and Faith, Logan’s mate, so you can maybe make some friends here.” He straightened up and shrugged on his heavy coat. “Are you going to be okay here by yourself? I took some time off when we thought you were going to be here temporarily but I do need to get working on the house.”
“Oh, I’ll be leaving shortly after you will, so you don’t need to worry.”
He paused with his hand near the door. “Where are you going?”
“I was going to go see Logan and ask if he needs a waitress at the bar.”
“If it’s about money, I can give you some.” His brows pulled together and he didn’t look happy that she was going to look for something to do.
“I’m not asking you for money. I have money and that’s not why I’m going to ask Logan for a job. I need something to do and if I’m going to be here for a while, I can’t sit in this house all the time. You need to work and I need to keep busy. Besides it would make the charade that we’re mates seem more credible if I look like I’m settling in and putting down roots.”
He was silent for a minute and while the frown he was wearing didn’t fade, he bent to pick up his canvas lunch bag. “Do you need a lift? I can drop you off there on my way to East Brook.”
“No, I can take my car, but I will need a key to the house so I can get back in when I come home.”
“There is an extra key on the hook over there. Take it.” He looked like he wanted to say something, but must have thought better of it. “Have a good day.”
He turned and walked out the door. She stood there staring at the door as a puzzled frown wrinkled her forehead. It was almost like he didn’t want her to go out and get a job. She hadn’t pegged Rafe as the old-fashioned type who thought that a woman’s place was in the home, but what else could it be?
With a shrug of her shoulders she turned away from the door and picked up her purse where she’d thrown it on the end table last night. She was a little nervous about going to ask Logan for a job so thought it best if she got it over with now in case he said no.
She grabbed the extra house key, dropped it in her purse and pulled her coat off the hook by the door. After taking a deep breath, she walked out of the house and locked the door behind her.
All the way to the bar she rehearsed in her head what she was going to say to Logan to convince him to give her a chance. By the time she got to the bar, she felt confident that Logan would at least hear her out.
The bar was quiet and when she got to the door her heart sank when she saw that the neon open sign was off. She hadn’t thought of this. Should she drive around Cold Bay while she waited for the bar to open?
Cupping her hands around her eyes she looked in the windowed door and saw someone was moving around inside. She knocked quietly on the door and relief went through her when she saw the bartender approach. He unlocked the door and opened it.
“We won’t be opening for a bit.” He gave her an easy smile, and the corners of his blue eyes crinkled when he looked at her.
“I’m not here to drink. Is Logan here? I wanted to talk to him about maybe working here.”
She expected him to tell her to come back when the bar was open, but he stood aside and she walked by him into the bar. He locked the door again and turned to face her.
“He’s in his office.”
She hesitated for a second. There would be no point in going to talk to Logan if there was no job to be had.
“Is he looking for a waitress?”
“I don’t know if he is, but I certainly am. He usually fills in if it’s really busy, but it would be good to have an extra pair of hands around here. I sometimes have to enlist Roger the cook, but customer service is not his strong suit and he’s better off staying in the kitchen.” He smiled down at her, and stuck out his hand. “I’m Alex, by the way.”
“I’m Honor.” She grasped his hand and shook it. Once that was done she squared her shoulders and made her way to Logan’s office.
The door was slightly ajar and she could see that Cold Bay’s alpha was sitting at his desk with his head bent over some paperwork. She gave a tentative knock on the doorjamb and he looked up. When he saw it was her, a smile crossed his face. At least he didn’t appear to be angry about the situation that she and Rafe had stirred up last night.
“Honor, come in.”
She walked in the office and sat down in the chair across from him.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Now that she was here, her nerves were starting to get the better of her. Despite the relaxed look on his face, she remembered how angry he’d been last night. She hoped that he wouldn’t hold the fact that she’d come into his territory without permission and caused all kinds of trouble against her.
“No, I’m just doing the food and booze order for next week. What can I do for you?”
“I was hoping that you could give me a job.” Better just to come out with what she wanted instead of dancing around the subject. “As I’m sure you can appreciate, I’m going to be staying in Cold Bay for a while and I need to do something. I did waitress a few years ago and I’m hoping that you could use some help around here.”
“When can you start?”
Of all the things she expected him to say, that wasn’t it. “Really? You’re giving me a job?”
“That’
s what you want, isn’t it?” He stood up and went to the filing cabinet behind his desk. He pulled out a folded red shirt in a clear plastic bag. It was the same color as the shirt Alex was wearing, and she knew that it had Sawyer’s Place emblazoned across the front. He handed it to her with a smile.
“I do, but I didn’t expect it to be that easy.” Honor took the shirt as a smile spread across her face. “I thought I would have to put some effort into talking you into it.”
He sat back down in his chair. “Alex needs the help, and I would like to have more time with my family. And I suspect that you need a break from that big house in the woods. Am I right?”
“Yes, I do need something to do besides sit in that house and think about the state my life is in right now.” Her smile fell away. This job was what she needed to shift her focus away from the man she found herself mated to.
“Does Rafe know you’re here?”
“Yeah, I told him I was coming in this morning.” Honor bit her lip for a second and she decided to ask Logan about something that had been bugging her since Rafe had left the house. “Is he old-fashioned? He seemed a little weird about me coming here to look for a job.”
“Rafe is the least old-fashioned man I know. I’m sure he doesn’t like the idea of his pretty mate spending her evenings in the company of a bunch of drunken wolves.”
That couldn’t be it. Rafe of all people knew that their mating wasn’t real.
“But I’m not really his mate. He only said that to keep Barrett Todd away from me.”
Logan looked thoughtful for a second. “All I know is that you had plenty of time to get out of Cold Bay once the funeral was over. The Rafe I’ve known for the past ten years has avoided commitment like the plague. Kinda makes me wonder why he chose to bring you here and announce to two wolf packs that you were his mate.”
Rafe pulled into the parking lot of Sawyer’s Place and was shocked to see how packed the parking lot was. It was a Tuesday night, usually a quiet night here at the bar, but for some reason it appeared that everyone in town was here. He got out of his truck and scanned the parking lot and he finally spotted Honor’s car parked near the front.
