One Wrong Turn: A Novel

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  Clay couldn’t fight it any longer. He pulled into the parking lot of a small bar and went inside.

  Two hours passed as Clay sat at the bar. Men were playing pool, and the clack of the balls on the table echoed in the room. A beer sat in front of him, and music blared from the jukebox on the other side of the room. But for Clay, it was all just background noise as he stared at the golden liquid in his glass.

  He became aware of a man sitting down in the stool next to him.

  “How’s it going, Clay?” a deep voice asked. Clay knew instantly that it was Alex.

  “How’d you find me?” Clay asked, still staring down at his beer.

  “Eileen said you sounded a little desperate on the phone, and she was worried. I drove by a few bars to look for you before stopping here.”

  “I guess that’s the first place an alcoholic looks for another alcoholic,” Clay said.

  “Actually, I’d hoped not to find you in one. So, how many have you had?”

  Clay glanced over at Alex. “This is my first one.”

  “Doesn’t look like you took a drink out of it yet.”

  “I haven’t.”

  “How long you been sitting here?”

  “I don’t know. An hour. Two, maybe.”

  “Two hours and fifteen minutes,” the bartender piped up. “I only timed him because I thought it was strange he only stared at it.”

  Alex’s lips curved into a small smile. “I wonder if that’s some sort of record.”

  The bartender shrugged. “Seems strange to me.” He walked on down the bar.

  “Come on,” Alex said to Clay. “Let’s sit in a booth over there.”

  Clay followed Alex over to a corner booth by the wall. Alex waved the waitress over. “Can we get some wings with medium sauce and two coffees, please?” He turned to Clay. “They have the best wings here. I bet you haven’t had any dinner yet.”

  “I haven’t.”

  “Want to talk about what’s wrong?” Alex asked.

  “Jess had another seizure today. I was there when it happened. It frightened me.”

  “That’s rough. I’m sorry. Is she okay?”

  “The doctor is going to do another brain scan to make sure. At least she’s still breathing on her own. That’s one thing to be thankful for.”

  “So, what made you come here?”

  Clay rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “The doctor wants to put Jess in a long-term care facility. As far as I’m concerned, that means he’s given up on her. Just thinking about Jess being in a coma for years, or forever, scares me to death.” He looked at Alex. “What will I do without her? How will I raise the girls alone? I’m lost without Jess.”

  “I’m sorry. I really am. But you have to stay positive. Did the doctor say she might not wake up?”

  “No, but he won’t give any definitive answers.”

  “Then we have to keep believing that Jess will wake up,” Alex said with certainty.

  The waitress came with their coffee and wings. Clay hadn’t thought he could eat a bite, but they smelled so good, he tried first one, then another.

  “How did you know they serve such good wings here?”

  “Some guys on my crew told me. Eileen and I have been here for a quick bite before.”

  Clay’s eyebrows rose.

  “Hey, just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean I can’t eat in a bar,” Alex said.

  Clay chuckled. “I guess not. You’re a stronger man than I’ll ever be.”

  “That’s not true. I don’t know how I’d react if I were going through what you are. You’ve been doing a great job—with the girls, the house, and seeing Jess every day. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

  “Until I ended up here.”

  “But you didn’t drink anything. That takes some heavy control.”

  Clay thought about that. When he’d entered the bar, he had intended to drink. But after it had been put in front of him, he couldn’t make himself take that first sip. He’d thought about Maddie and Jilly and how disappointed they’d be in him. And then he’d thought about Jess and how he had to be the responsible one now. How could he let her down again?

  “How am I going to do this without Jess? I want to believe she’ll wake up, but if she doesn’t, how will I fill her shoes?”

  “There’s only one answer to every difficult question,” Alex said. “One day at a time. That’s how you’ll do it. The same way you stopped drinking. The same way you made it to two years sober. One day at a time. Anything else is too overwhelming.”

  Clay nodded. “You’re right.”

  They finished eating and drank down their coffee.

  “Thanks, Alex. I don’t know too many people who’d drive around to all the bars in the area looking for someone. You’re a true friend.”

  “Anytime. Are you ready to go home?”

  “Yeah. I am. And thanks to you, I’m going home sober.”

  Alex shook his head. “No, that was all you. You can do this, Clay. No matter what happens. You have it in you to take on whatever comes your way.”

  “Thanks.”

  Maddie was at the door the minute Clay walked in to collect his girls from Alex and Eileen’s house.

  “Where were you?” she asked, sounding concerned.

  “Let’s go home and talk.”

  He thanked Alex again, and Eileen for caring enough to send him. Once home, Clay led the girls into the living room to sit down.

  “What happened to you tonight?” Maddie asked. She didn’t sound angry, only upset.

  Jilly stared at him, waiting for an answer.

  “I’m sorry I ran out like that,” he said. “And that I didn’t take you to see your mom tonight. I won’t lie to you. I had a rough day and sort of lost it. But everything is fine now. I won’t do that again.”

  “Did something happen to Mom?” Maddie asked.

  “Your mom had another seizure this afternoon. She’s fine and is still breathing on her own. I was there when it happened, and it frightened me. But I promise, she’s fine.”

  To his surprise, tears filled Maddie’s eyes. She turned away and swiped at them, but he knew she was crying.

  “Madds? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she said, her voice trembling.

  “Jilly? Maybe you should go upstairs and get ready for bed. I’ll be up in a minute,” he said.

  Jilly nodded and stood up.

  “How about you, kiddo? Are you okay?” he asked Jilly.

  She smiled. “Yeah, I knew you’d come back.”

  Clay’s heart swelled. He hoped he could live up to the blind faith that Jilly had in him. He led her to the staircase and gave her a hug. “I’ll be up soon.”

  Jilly slowly walked up the stairs.

  Going back into the living room, he sat down next to Maddie. “What’s wrong, Madds?”

  She had managed to stop the tears, but her eyes looked red and tired. “I thought you’d left us. That you’d had enough, and you weren’t coming back.” Her voice shook as she spoke.

  “Oh, Madds.” Clay hugged her, and to his surprise, she let him. “I’m so sorry. I never thought of leaving you and Jilly. I promise you that. But I did almost ruin everything, and I’m more determined than ever now not to do that. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  Maddie pulled away and looked up into his eyes. “I know I’ve been mean to you and that you’ve been doing everything you can to make me believe you won’t leave. But tonight, I was scared you’d left and that it was my fault. I don’t want to push you away. Jilly and I need you.”

  Tears welled in his eyes. “Now I’m going to cry,” he said, trying to smile. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that? I love you so much, Madds. And Jilly. And your mom. I couldn’t even think of a life without all of you ever again. I’m sorry I didn’t come back to you the last time, but I’ll never do that again.”

  “I believe you now,” Maddie said.<
br />
  “That is music to my ears,” Clay said, wiping away his tears.

  “What about Mom? Is she really okay?”

  “I’m trying to be as honest as possible with you girls. I only know what the doctor has told me, and so far, she’s okay. But there are going to be some changes. He wants to move her to another place where they will take care of her. It may be for the better. I’m not sure.”

  “They don’t think she’ll wake up anytime soon, then,” Maddie said.

  Clay shook his head. “I’m hoping that’s not true, but we’ll keep praying for the best.”

  They stood and walked to the staircase, ascending it slowly. Jilly was already in her pajamas and had brushed her teeth. Clay kissed her and Maddie good night. When he reached their bedroom door, Maddie called to him.

  “Dad? Maybe you could sleep in Mom’s room from now on, until she gets home.”

  “That sounds like a good idea. I’ll move in there tomorrow,” Clay said, understanding how big a step that was for Maddie to offer. “Good night.”

  As he walked downstairs to his room, he thought about all he could have lost tonight if he’d taken even one sip of beer. He was thankful he’d had the strength not to. His girls needed him more than ever, and he wasn’t going to let them down. Standing in the darkened house after turning off the last of the lights, Clay said softly, “Come back to us, Jess. We need you.”

  Then he went to bed.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  The next night at the AA meeting, Clay stood when it was his turn and shared his story.

  “I almost lost my sobriety last night,” he said. “I would have lost everything if I’d taken that first sip. I’m thankful now that I didn’t. And a good friend reminded me how I will be able to get through this difficult time: one day at a time. It’s a simple answer, but one that I had forgotten. I have to apply it to my entire life, not just my sobriety. We all should.”

  Everyone nodded in agreement, and after the meeting, a new member came up to Clay and thanked him for sharing.

  “You’re right,” she said. “It is such a simple phrase, but it has a powerful message. I’m going to try to apply it to everything in my life too.”

  Clay was happy that his words had made an impact on her.

  Earlier that day when Clay had visited the hospital, nothing had changed. The doctor told him that Jess’s brain scan had looked fine.

  “No swelling or extra fluid,” he’d said. “We should still be hopeful.”

  But Clay didn’t feel hopeful. He felt as if each passing day that Jess was in a coma meant she was drifting further away from them.

  That night he slept in Jess’s room, comforted by being surrounded by her things. It was a cozy room with a four-poster bed, a brick fireplace in the corner, and a private attached bathroom. Photos of their life sat on the mantel: their wedding picture, baby pictures of the girls, and family photos from throughout the years. He was in many of the photos, proving that Jess had still believed in him, still believed he’d come home to them.

  No matter how far away you go, or no matter for how long, you’ll always come back to me. Jess’s words reverberated in his mind. He just wished he’d come home sooner.

  The next day, Clay visited the hospital and was greeted by the doctor as he was making his rounds. He said he’d left a few pamphlets about care facilities that had openings in Jess’s room for Clay to look through.

  “I know you’ll have to work with your insurance company over this, but once you’ve made a decision, please let the staff know,” the doctor said. “These rooms fill up fast, so we’ll want to get her in as soon as possible.”

  As Clay sat with Jess, he tried looking over the pamphlets, but it was hard. The places seemed nice, but they were still care facilities. He felt like he’d be putting Jess away in a corner somewhere like you would an unwanted piece of furniture or old toy. He hated that thought.

  Clay pushed those thoughts out of his mind as he picked the girls up from home and took them to visit Jess. Jilly immediately went to her mother’s side and told her about her day in school.

  “Jerrod and I chalked out a hopscotch on the sidewalk at recess, just like you showed me, Mom,” she said. “We were in the middle of a game when some of the other boys came by and started making fun of Jerrod for playing a ‘girls’ game. I could tell he was upset, so I said he didn’t have to play anymore, but it made me sad. But my other friend, Ashley, came over to play instead, so I guess that was okay.”

  Clay smiled at his daughter’s retelling of her day, but he saw that Maddie was rolling her eyes. He supposed that, to a twelve-year-old, Jilly’s problems weren’t all that important. He walked over to her and said softly, “You were seven once too.”

  “I suppose,” she said with a long, drawn-out sigh.

  They went to the cafeteria for dinner and then back to the room for a few more minutes with Jess. Clay knew he had to seriously look at the choices for care facilities and then talk to his insurance company. He dreaded it but decided to do it the next morning, when the girls weren’t within earshot.

  “What are these?” Jilly asked, picking up the pamphlets that Clay had left on the windowsill.

  He instantly regretted he hadn’t put them away. He hadn’t wanted to mention Jess’s moving to Jilly yet, but now he was forced to.

  “The doctor suggested that Mommy might do better living someplace else,” he said carefully. “A place where they are experts at taking care of people in Mom’s condition.”

  Jilly opened each one and looked at the colorful pictures. There were pretty lawns and trees and big dining rooms. The rooms looked like hospital rooms, only a bit nicer. In many of the pictures, elderly men and women sat in wheelchairs.

  “Does Mom have to go to a place like this?” Jilly asked, staring up at her father.

  “Yes, for a while.”

  “But everyone there looks old. Mom isn’t old.”

  Clay’s antennae went up at the small whine in Jilly’s voice.

  “Yes, sweetie, some of the residents will be older, but I’m sure there will be younger residents who live there too.”

  “Why can’t Mom stay here? I like it here,” Jilly whined.

  Clay walked over to where Jilly stood with the pamphlets in her hand and kneeled down in front of her. “This is a nice place too, Jilly-bear, but the new place is specifically for people who need long-term care, like Mom. I’m sure they’ll be really good to her there.”

  Jilly’s face crumpled. “I don’t want Mommy to go there. She won’t get better there. I want her here!”

  Tears filled her eyes and fell in streams down her cheeks.

  Maddie came over and tried to help. “Jilly, don’t cry. Let’s go to the candy machine and get something we can share. Like M&Ms.”

  “No!” Jilly yelled. “I want Mommy to stay here. Don’t let them move her, Dad. Please? I want her to stay here.” Her voice was shrill as her tears now came in a torrent. Clay picked her up and held her.

  “Get her stuff, Madds. We need to leave.”

  Maddie grabbed Jilly’s backpack and began shoving things inside it. She picked up the book Jilly had left near Jess’s hand on the bed. “Dad?”

  By now Jilly was crying hysterically. Clay was trying to calm her down, but nothing was working. “Come on, Madds. Let’s go.”

  “Dad, look,” Maddie said, pointing to the bed.

  He walked toward the door. “Let’s go, Maddie!” he shouted over Jilly’s cries.

  “DAD! LOOK!” Maddie yelled.

  Clay spun around to see where Maddie was pointing. Jess’s arm was lying on the bed, but it wasn’t still. It was reaching out, taut, as if grabbing for something.

  “Mom’s moving,” Maddie said. “Look, Mom’s moving!”

  Jilly’s sobs stopped, and she stared at her mother. Jess continued to reach, almost frantically, as if trying desperately to touch something.

  “Run and get the nurse,” Clay told Maddie, who didn’t have
to be told twice. She left the room in a hurry, calling for a nurse.

  Her tears forgotten, Jilly said, “Mommy’s moving. Mommy’s waking up!”

  Clay set her down and hurried over to his wife. Her face looked strained, as if she were upset.

  “Jess? Jess, honey. Can you hear me? It’s Clay. Please wake up, sweetie. We all want you to wake up.”

  A nurse rushed into the room and stopped when she saw Jess’s arm extended and hand moving.

  “I’ll call for the doctor,” she said, leaving the room.

  Maddie reappeared and wrapped her arm around Jilly as they both watched their mother. Clay continued to speak to Jess softly, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand as he spoke. “Wake up, honey. Please wake up. Maddie and Jilly and I are here. Come back to us.”

  Slowly, Jess’s brow smoothed, and her arm relaxed and lay back down. She grew quiet again, just as she’d been before Jilly had started crying. But she didn’t wake up.

  A doctor came into the room with the nurse, asking what had happened. He wasn’t Dr. Bradbury and wasn’t familiar with Jess’s case, but he listened as first the nurse, then Clay, described what had happened.

  He checked her pulse and blood pressure and looked at her pupils. “She seems calm now. I’m afraid it was just a spasm. That happens sometimes.”

  Clay walked up to the doctor. “Couldn’t she have been reacting to something? My daughter was crying at the time it happened. Maybe Jess could hear her and was trying to wake up.”

  The doctor looked at him with compassion in his eyes. “I wouldn’t rule anything out, but I also wouldn’t put too much hope into it, either. Your wife is peaceful now. There’s no sign of distress, no irregular heartbeat. I’m sorry, Mr. Connors. I wish there had been more to it.”

  Disappointment fell over Clay.

  The doctor left, and the nurse rechecked Jess’s vital signs, then turned to Clay and the girls. “I saw it. It was more than a spasm. Keep believing.”

  “Thank you,” Clay said. “That means a lot to us.”

  He and the girls sat there a while longer, hoping for another sign that Jess would wake up, but none came. Finally, holding hands, the three left.