by Ali Winters
She glared at the man with gray eyes for several moments, knowing he was responsible for her death, and then a scream ripped from her throat.
Then everything went black.
CASPIAN
SLUMPED OVER AND half using the altar to keep him upright, Caspian strained to keep his hold on the shield as his power drained from him all too quickly. A sharp recoil of power sent him stumbling a few steps back, nearly knocking him over. He gripped his chest, gasping.
He stared at Silas who now held his fingers to Nivian’s temples. Silas still spoke the words Caspian did not understand. The force of them left him breathless.
Had Silas not noticed? He dragged his gaze to Nivian as she struggled.
He would give anything to have her near him, to not have her life fade to a long distant memory. But now he stood there, completely and utterly powerless, helpless to do anything for her. It was all down to what her body could handle.
But that snap? What had that been? Caspian couldn’t make heads or tails of it. It had nothing to do with Nivian, or with Silas. They each remained unaffected by it.
And then he knew.
Horror roiled through his veins and made his heart turn leaden. Gaia… no, please, no!
But as he searched, he could no longer find the connection he had shared with her, the connection that drew him to her, the connection he’d not even realized was there until it was being ripped from him.
Caspian tried to hold on to the fading remnants, but no matter how tightly he held onto them, they evaporated faster and faster. Why had Silas not warned him.
Caspian shook his head. The connection had snapped and that had meant something, though he could not suss out what exactly.
Caspian had not thought it possible. Though he knew… he knew no two Guardians could share a bond. He knew they were attempting to turn her into one of them. Yet, it never occurred to him that he would lose her like this.
Through the unbearable ache, the emotions buried in his chest lingered. He sent a prayer to Gaia that all was not lost.
Nivian screamed once more, anger filling each decibel.
He couldn’t be sure, but he could have sworn that he caught a glimpse of pale blue in her eyes. He shook his head and blinked, but by then her eyes were closed again. Her eyes were a warm brown, not blue. It must have been a trick of the light.
Silas dropped his hands away from her and stepped back.
The ceremony was done. Nivian had woken twice, now, but fell unconscious. Caspian could understand the reason for the first, but why the second? The process to give her back her life force had been a singular thing… He clenched his fists until his bones ached. It must have been truly painful for her.
Caspian took slow, measured steps toward her. He trailed his hand along the stone dais just barely a finger’s width from touching her.
She looked so pale, so fragile lying there. Her chest slowly moved up and down with each shallow breath.
“Is she stable?” he asked, not taking his eyes from her face.
It was a long moment before Silas responded. “Yes. She has made it through the hardest parts. I had my doubts, but she exceeded my expectations.”
That was all he needed to hear. Caspian allowed himself to brush his fingers over hers. Nivian’s skin was like ice. Then he lifted her hand and placed a gentle kiss along the back of her fingers before setting it back down. He moved closer to the head of the altar, almost as if he were afraid to wake her.
Her head lulled to the side. Her lips parted slightly. They had regained their color, though, the dark pink now stood out more against her pale skin. And that’s when he saw it. A lock of hair that had changed to white. Caspian ran his hand along the length of it and frowned. He wanted her to wake now so he could comfort her. She would no doubt be hurting when she came to.
Then, the stripe of moonlight spread, moving up slowly from the bottom and tinting the ends of her hair, consuming every last strand of the beautiful black color it once had held. Caspian sucked in a sharp breath.
“Will she remember me?” he asked quietly.
“That remains to be seen. Nothing like this has ever been attempted before so I cannot say for certain.” A hand landed on his shoulder as Silas stepped up to his side. He hadn’t even heard him approach. “We should leave her to rest.”
“I would like to stay for a while longer,” Caspian requested
“I do not think that is such a good idea.” There was a darkness to his words. A warning.
Caspian whirled on him. “Is that because of the bond?”
Silas’s face remained stony, not betraying whatever he felt or thought. But he didn’t get a chance to reply.
Nivian pulled in a deep, ragged and gasping breath. Both men dropped whatever conversation they were about to transition into and faced her.
“Is it too soon?” Caspian asked.
Silas only shook his head. There wouldn’t be any way for them to know. Nothing like this had ever been attempted before.
Nivian rolled to her side and pushed herself up to a seated position with shaking arms. Her long white hair falling forward, covering her body. Caspian moved to help, but Silas’s firm grip on his arm prevented him from touching her.
She coughed and wheezed as she cleared her throat. Then she lifted her head. Each fraction of a movement looked painful from where he stood. She looked to Silas, then to Caspian.
He opened his mouth to speak, but his words died upon his tongue when he saw the ice blue that had indeed taken over her eyes.
“You!” Nivian pointed a shaking finger at him. Such venom. Such hate… “I will kill you!” Nivian lurched forward, but she was not yet in control of her body. She fell forward, tumbling toward the ground.
Silas leaped forward and caught her before she could land on her face.
“What is happening?” Caspian asked. His heart thumped loudly against his ribs. Of all the things he had expected her to say, this had not been it. He swallowed the lump in his throat.
Silas cursed as he wrapped his arms around her, pinning hers to her sides. “She is remembering her death. Why else would she hate you?”
It was true. Nothing else could account for the words she spoke. He wanted nothing more than to go to her, to soothe her, but just looking upon her face made her even more furious.
Silas lifted her up and dropped her, none too gently, atop the altar. In her weakened state, she lay stunned. He latched his hands on her head, forcing her to look only at him.
Long moments passed, and she stilled her flailing. Silas only let go when she sat on the edge of the dais, hands in lap, completely subdued, if not a little too vacant for Caspian’s comfort.
“What have you done to her?” Caspian asked quietly. Wary that his voice might trigger her outrage anew.
“I have locked away the memories of her death. They should not surface again.” Silas stood back and examined her. “I had thought them taken care of. They must have been stronger than I realized.”
Caspian swallowed, closed his eyes for a long second, then asked, “What about the memories of her life?”
Silas turned away from Nivian and faced him. “It would be better if she did not remember.”
It wasn’t quite an answer, but there was something in Silas’s tone that told him to drop the subject.
Nivian would not remember her death, how he had betrayed her… had taken her life. But she would also not remember what they shared. His eyes burned as he fought to maintain control of his emotions.
Inside, his heart shattered all over again. Her loss of memory would be as good as death. Only now, he would have to look upon her and know she was no longer his. That she was gone… that she was a specter, lingering to haunt him and remind him.
Caspian could feel the last remnants of their connection sever as though a dull blade were hacking at an already frayed rope. It was selfish and he knew it, yet, still, he wanted to keep a small piece of that connection, and he was determined to get somet
hing back. No matter how small the piece.
“Watch over her. You will be in charge of training her,” Silas said at last. “But you must let her go. Put whatever you feel for her in the past and let it die with her in that river. No good would come of dwelling on it.”
Caspian could hardly breathe, let alone respond to that command. Had Silas read his mind? It was cruel—torturous—to place her so close to him yet make her forbidden.
Silas turned to Nivian. “Come.”
She hopped down and walked to him obediently. Silas held a black cloak in his hand, though when he had produced it, and from where, was a mystery to Caspian. Silas flung it around her shoulders and clasped it around her neck. As the cloth settled, black reaping attire formed over her body.
She stood proud and unmoving.
Silas reached for the Chalice, picking it up from the ground and offered it to her. She took it with eager hands and drank deeply, until it was empty.
Then, slowly, she turned to face Caspian. And, for a second, he thought she might attack again. But no ounce of recognition so much as flickered in her eyes.
He blinked, taking in her new look. Pale as night, with winter moonlight for hair and eyes as cold as ice to match. She had truly been touched by the hand of death. Scarred in the way only dying could leave its mark.
She had become something else. Something dark and other in her paleness.
She had become death.
NIVIAN
NIVIAN’S SHOES CLACKED on the polished floor as she wound her way through G.R.I.M. Headquarters. There was a strange and almost unsettling sensation from being so new in a place so ancient. A mild curiosity prickled at her, but as she dug further… that seemed to be about all she could find.
There was little knowledge beyond her duty, and somewhere deep inside where her emotions, wants, and desires should have been—there was nothing. She was numb. Or rather, there was nothing there to feel anything about.
Silas had explained everything. How to find her mark, how to summon their life force, how to reap them, and everything in between it seemed. But nothing about what she was to do in the interim between assignments.
She wrapped her cloak tighter around her shoulders, wanting to shield herself from the lack of heat, a gesture that seemed to be second nature. The air was chilly, but she wasn’t cold. Though, a warm summer’s day, where the heat could caress her skin, sounded heavenly. She would get used to it, she supposed.
Nivian glanced at a group of passing Guardians, who didn’t seem to notice her presence. As she walked, she found herself sticking close to the shadows as much as she could. Another shield. Her instincts seemed to be telling her to be wary of them.
Turning the corner, Nivian found herself in a large hallway. Groups of cloaked figures stood around chatting, others walked hurriedly by, but unlike her, everyone seemed comfortable in their place.
Nivian kept close to the outer edge of the hall, nearly touching up against the pillars she passed. Her fingers brushed along the smooth obsidian until she felt deep grooves that caught her attention.
Several columns were etched from top to bottom, images carved into the surface. She saw the world, a goddess, small figures depicting what she had to assume were humans… then two others. A bit larger and surrounded by swirling tendrils of power.
It seemed to be a story of some sort, though she wasn’t exactly sure. She knew so little still.
Nivian turned away, wanting to find a place where there were fewer eyes, where she could be invisible because no one else was around and not because she wasn’t worth noting.
She turned and scrunched her face as she collided with another Guardian.
“I’m so sorry!” Nivian reached toward the girl she’d crashed into and caught her arm, keeping her from falling.
The girl let out a cheerful whoop and laughed as she regained her footing.
“Don’t worry about it, I wasn’t paying attention—” She stopped in mid-sentence and cocked her head to the side. “You’re new here, aren’t you? I don’t remember seeing you before.”
Nivian nodded. It was a relief that the other Guardian didn’t seem bothered by her blunder. She had no idea what to expect from the others.
“I’m Camira,” she said, sticking out her arm. Nivian blinked, then took the offered hand. “You can call me Cami.”
“Nivian,” she responded.
So far, so good. Her first encounter with another was starting off on the right foot.
Camira threw her arm around her shoulder and pulled Nivian into her side. “If you need help learning the ropes, let me know. Have you gone on your first assignment yet?”
Nivian shook her head and let herself be led down the hall. Camira was a nonstop bubble of excitement as she talked, waving her hands through the air while she explained the ins and outs, how every Guardian starts out reaping as a Timeless, with marks who are ravaged by time and illness, then the really good ones get bumped up to Silencer—a position she hoped to procure one day.
Eventually, they ended up in the far back of the building, past the back hall, and along the edge of the courtyard garden, which sat along the edge of a cliff.
Nivian gripped the stone railing that blocked it off and peered over the edge. Thick glittering fog filled it to the brim. She couldn’t see more than a few feet down, but the precipice gave her the distinct impression that it was endless.
“This is the cliff of Edrathli. I don’t know what’s down there, but I don’t suggest you go searching for an answer. It is beautiful though, isn’t it?”
She turned away from the strange chasm and sucked in a sharp breath. Across the courtyard stood a Dark Guardian, watching them. She’d seen him once when she’d first awakened. He’d been the one standing across from her as the other one had placed a cloak around her… Nivian bit down on the inside of her cheek, trying to remember his name, only to come up blank.
This dark one, Silas had said, was to train her, to watch her. Goosebumps formed along her arms. Surely, he hadn’t meant to watch her like this. So completely focused. She couldn’t tell if he was angry or something else.
She dragged her gaze away, looking to the floor and studying the patterns in the designs all the way to the far end of the hall, where it turned toward the center of the Headquarters.
He raised his hand to chest height, it was a small movement, but she caught it. Then his fingers curled inward and he lowered his arm back down. His dark midnight eyes seemed to bore into her. And she swallowed.
“Who is that?” Nivian asked quietly, ticking her head in a slight movement, indicating the man who would be her handler. Her feet itched to move again so she started to walk back the way they had come. His heavy gaze made her… nervous. Warmth seemed to flood her veins.
Camira looked past her and the smile on her face grew. She bounced up on her toes and waved toward him before catching up to Nivian.
As they walked side by side, Camira leaned in and whispered a little louder than Nivian would have liked. “That’s Caspian, he’s Silas’s Second.” She lifted a hand to fan her face as they turned the corner. “He’s broody and doesn’t talk to many other Guardians, but he’s wonderful to look at… Don’t you think? Some days, I can even get him to talk a bit. You could say we have something special between us.”
Nivian looked over her shoulder. Though they were well out of view, she couldn’t help wondering if she’d been mistaken. He was probably looking at Cami. After all, she was a nobody.
“Should we have gone over to say something to him?” she asked.
Camira stumbled a step and laughed it off. “No, he’s usually too busy for idle talk. It’s best to only approach him when he calls you for an assignment.”
He hadn’t looked busy. In fact, he’d almost looked as if he wanted to say something.
Then after a moment, Camira added, “You shouldn’t expect to have the same thing between you two. It’s taken us decades, and he’s picky about who he gives his attention to
.” Before Nivian could think about responding, Camira grabbed her by the wrist and spun her excitedly. “Oh! We should go to the Forest of Ari after we finish touring here, it’s beautiful.”
“All right,” Nivian agreed. And, once again, she was being pulled through the halls and out toward the main gate.
Nivian pushed further thoughts of Caspian out of her mind as Camira finished taking her through every part of G.R.I.M. It was enormous and took hours. She hadn’t realized how little of it she’d actually seen before she bumped into her new friend.
Nivian leaned back on the stone bench along the front of G.R.I.M., watching Guardians come and go from their assignments through the main gates with the symbol of the Guardian emblazoned on the front.
Nivian could barely control the slight tremor in her legs. She was oddly exhausted. It felt as if they’d walked around the premises a hundred times and then went hiking through the forest.
She glanced at Camira, still chatting away at her side. She hadn’t seemed the slightest bit phased by the trek.
It was different, knowing someone. It was all a little less overwhelming, and she didn’t feel like such a stranger in a world she’d only just entered.
Tilting her head back, Nivian looked up at the violet and pink sky and breathed deeply
Is this what life—existence—will be like? Just being, doing whatever aimless thing her mind could settle on until she was called for an assignment by one of the higher ups?
A cool breeze surrounded her, then vanished. Nivian sat up straight and looked around.
“Oh! You got your first mark,” Camira announced, then bent over and picked up a small scrap of parchment from the ground and handed it to Nivian.
She stared at her name scrawled across the paper in thick ink. Her palms felt clammy, but she resisted the urge to rub them down the sides of her legs.
“You seem pale… I mean, even for you.” Camira placed a hand on her shoulder. “I could go with you, if you like?”
