The night with Chad had been completely out of character. She felt embarrassed thinking about it. Even after Linnette had started dating Cal Washburn, she’d decided not to see Chad again. She’d convinced herself it was just easier that way. Less awkward.
“Linnette is out of the picture,” he added gently.
“She has been for quite a while.”
Chad sipped his coffee. He still didn’t look in her direction. “My point exactly.”
“Why is it,” Gloria demanded, “that you have such a hard time accepting the fact that I’m not interested?”
“Because I know it’s a lie.”
“You have a rather high opinion of your charms.”
“Perhaps,” he agreed readily. “However, I doubt it.”
His remark amused her. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” He turned to face her then, with his back to the railing. “I scare you to death because I’m the first man to get past your guard. You have your life carefully planned out and falling in love didn’t fit those plans. Take a memo, Gloria: Life is full of surprises. Not everything happens according to schedule.”
“Excuse me. I thought you were a family physician, not a psychologist.”
He ignored that. “I don’t mean to sound egotistical, but you’re in love with me, and like I said, it scares you to death.”
Her laugh was forced and high-pitched.
“If you want to laugh,” he said in a bored voice, “go ahead, but we both know the truth.”
In response, Gloria conspicuously checked her watch. “Your time is about up.”
“I thought you’d be able to acknowledge your feelings and admit that what we shared was very, very good. I guess not.”
“And you know all this about me, about us, after one night? One foolish, drunken night, I might add.”
“No. It’s taken me a while to figure it out.”
For reasons she couldn’t explain, a lump had formed in her throat.
“As you say, my time’s about up. And I don’t just mean my time with you now, this afternoon. I wanted you to know I’ve given my notice at the clinic, but before I left Cedar Cove I felt I should tell you how much I wish things were different between us.”
An unexpected feeling of loss washed over her and she couldn’t speak. She swallowed hard.
“I hope you find the happiness you’re looking for,” he said. “I just regret it wasn’t with me.” He looked directly into her eyes, smiled and threw his coffee container into a nearby trash bin. Without another word, he walked away.
Gloria remained rooted to the spot. After a moment, she closed her eyes and acknowledged that he was right. She’d carefully planned the reunion with her birth family, but nothing had worked out the way she’d hoped. She wanted to be close to her sister and brother, and that hadn’t happened. Nothing had gone as she’d envisioned. She saw Mack once in a while, for a quick drink and some stilted conversation, and exchanged an occasional phone call with Linnette. It wasn’t their fault; she’d counted on too much from them—too much too soon. They’d already established lives, with no firm place for her. Corrie was superficially warm and friendly, but Gloria felt she’d never got past her guilt over the adoption. Of all of them, she had the best relationship with Roy, a former cop himself.
Trembling, she leaned against the railing, watching as Chad walked toward the clinic. All these months, she’d been afraid of what would happen if she ever let him back into her life.
That night, that fateful night, he’d seemed to recognize her pain. When she didn’t answer his questions, he’d whispered that she could tell him when she was ready. But she wasn’t any more ready now than she’d been then.
After that one night with Chad, Gloria had felt vulnerable. He’d shaken her sense of self-preservation. Instinctively she’d fled, determined that what had happened could never be repeated. She didn’t like being out of control. She couldn’t risk getting emotionally involved with him, with anyone. Linnette’s interest in him had been a convenient excuse, but that was all—an excuse. Especially when Linnette had fallen for Cal, when she was over her infatuation with Chad.
Although Gloria had rebuffed Chad several times, he hadn’t given up and refused to accept that she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Only now did she admit what those feelings were, and only because he’d forced her to.
Now Chad was leaving and she had the strongest intuition that if she let him go, she’d be sorry for the rest of her life.
Gloria returned to her vehicle and sat there for several minutes, debating what to do. The safe response, she supposed, would be nothing. He could leave, and her life would be unchanged….
No, it wouldn’t.
She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She cared about him, had cared for a very long time. Dropping her head to the steering wheel, she considered her next move. The lump in her throat hadn’t gone away and she gave a shuddering sigh, trapped in her indecision.
Without any further deliberation, she got out of her car and slammed the door. Anger vibrated through her. She wanted to kick, yell, scream, stamp her feet.
The medical clinic was close to the marina, and she walked there at a clipped pace, nearly breathless by the time she arrived.
The waiting room was crowded. She stepped up to the receptionist’s desk and stood in line. “I need to see Dr. Timmons,” she said when it was finally her turn. The woman started to ask her something, but Gloria broke in. “This is a personal matter.”
For a moment she thought the receptionist was about to argue with her. Then she followed the woman’s glance. Chad was speaking to a nurse in the background; he paused when he saw her, said a few words to the nurse and started toward the reception area.
Gloria met his eyes.
“Dr. Timmons,” the receptionist said loudly, “this woman wants to see you on a personal matter.” Gloria cringed in embarrassment.
“That’s all right, Micki.” He directed his next comment to Gloria. “I’m on duty.”
This was incredibly uncomfortable. In addition to the staff, the waiting room full of patients who studied them as if they were Hollywood celebrities indulging in a public spat.
“You wanted to see me?” he said coolly.
The least he could do was put her at ease. He didn’t. She managed to nod, her mouth too dry to say anything at all.
“I have to get back to my patient,” he said, looking quickly over his shoulder.
In other words, if she had something to say she’d better do it soon because he didn’t have time to waste.
“What you said earlier…”
“I said a lot of things earlier.”
She closed her eyes. “Don’t leave,” she blurted out.
“Are you saying you want me to stay in Cedar Cove?” he asked.
“Yes.” She risked opening her eyes.
He was smiling.
Gloria heard someone call his name.
Chad reluctantly moved away. “We’ll talk,” he said.
Gloria nodded, turned and hurried away. Either she’d taken a huge step forward or she’d made the most foolish mistake of her life. No, the second most foolish mistake…
Thirty-Five
Mack rounded a corner of the high-school playing field during his five-mile run. His legs and his heart were pumping at their maximum. His thoughts kept pace as he contemplated his relationship with Mary Jo. Although they were engaged, it wasn’t what he’d expected. Even now, Mack remained somewhat unsure of Mary Jo’s feelings toward him. If she genuinely loved him, he saw little evidence of that. His own feelings, however, hadn’t changed—he was crazy about her and Noelle.
Things had improved since their talk—and their kiss—but Mack sensed a reserve in her, a hesitation. In some ways their relationship had returned to what it had been before David’s threatening visit. They had dinner together three or four nights a week and they’d resumed their card playing and television watching. That much was good. Most of the tension be
tween them had abated, and for that Mack was grateful. Still, he was aware of her reluctance to become more involved and he didn’t understand it.
They’d kissed that one time, which had been wonderful. However, their kisses since then were restrained. Perfunctory. Brief kisses at the end of the evening were the most he’d come to expect. Nothing too passionate or even playful. Mack wanted more, hungered for more, and always left her half of the duplex with an ache in his gut.
Five months ago if someone had told him he’d be engaged he might’ve been skeptical. Still, it would have been a possibility. But if anyone had predicted he’d be crazy in love with his fiancée, who was living in one side of a duplex with him on the other, and that they’d barely touch, he’d have laughed. Yet that was exactly what was happening and he felt helpless to do anything about it.
He didn’t know what had possessed him to agree to her stipulation of a six-month engagement, in which they were to do nothing more than exchange quick kisses and hold hands. Unbelievable! They hadn’t even been engaged a month. The thought of going an additional five seemed intolerable. Most engaged couples were in love and acted like it.
The harder he ran, the clearer things became. He should’ve realized it earlier. Mary Jo enjoyed his company and his protection, but she wasn’t in love with him. If she was, she wouldn’t have been able to maintain this hands-off policy. While he panted with longing, she kept a respectable distance.
What also became clear was that any feelings she had for him were clouded with appreciation for the help Mack had given her. She’d been desperate to get away from her brothers, to gain her independence.
In his eagerness to bring her and Noelle to Cedar Cove, he’d misjudged. She needed space and time to deal with her emotions and resolve the issues with David by herself—without him or her brothers meddling, making decisions for her.
Instead of recognizing Mary Jo’s need to handle her own life, her own affairs, and raise her daughter as she saw fit, Mack had been trying to play the role of hero. Hoping to smooth the way for her, he’d robbed Mary Jo of the opportunity to prove herself. When he’d moved her next door, he hadn’t allowed her any genuine choice. He’d stacked the deck by renting the place to her so cheaply, without ever revealing the truth. He’d made it impossible for her to refuse. Mack had simply replaced Linc and become the big brother she both loved and resented.
What an idiot he’d been. Mack liked to think of himself as fairly intelligent and marveled that it’d taken him this long to see what he’d done. His emotions had blinded him to what should’ve been obvious. His love for Mary Jo and Noelle was suffocating her.
Even when he’d talked to Linnette, Mack had been so focused on himself and his needs that he hadn’t given the slightest thought to Mary Jo’s fears. No wonder she held him at arm’s length.
Decisive action had to be taken. Difficult as it was, he had to step away, give Mary Jo the independence she needed and pretend he didn’t care.
Depressed, Mack finished his run. He did some intermittent stretches, slowing to a trot to cool down. As he reached the duplex he came to a standstill.
Mary Jo was outside, sweeping the walkway; she often did light yard work on Sunday afternoons. She smiled when she saw him.
He made a point of looking away but not before he saw her frown in confusion. He’d planned to think about everything more thoroughly but since she was available to talk now, perhaps it would be best not to delay the inevitable. He walked toward her.
“How was your run?” she asked.
Consumed by his thoughts, Mack didn’t reply. “Do you have a minute?” he asked, wanting to avoid chitchat.
“Uh, sure. Is something wrong?”
Hands on his hips, he flung his head back and stared up at a cloudless sky. He didn’t offer any reassurances and gestured toward her side of the duplex instead.
He followed Mary Jo inside and into the kitchen. Knowing he liked iced tea, she kept a pitcher filled inside the refrigerator. Mack had taken it as a sign that she cared and realized now that she would’ve done it for her brother or a friend or anyone.
“Thanks,” he said as she took a tall glass from her cupboard.
“What’s up?” Mary Jo asked as she handed him the tea.
Mack took a deep swallow of the cold drink, savoring the liquid as it slid down his throat. He tried to compose his thoughts. When he’d drunk some of the tea, he set his glass on the kitchen counter. Mary Jo stood on one side of the room and he stayed on the other.
“I run for more than the exercise,” he said. He had trouble meeting her eyes. “It gives me a chance to think.”
She didn’t comment.
“While I was out this afternoon, it occurred to me that I have a special bond with you.”
Her responding smile was warm. “I know.”
“That bond is Noelle.”
Her gaze flickered, as if she was slow to comprehend his meaning.
“We both love Noelle.” Finally, he looked directly at her. “You’re her mother and I’m the one who delivered her. That baby girl captured my heart the moment she drew her first breath.”
Mary Jo remained silent, watching, waiting for him to continue.
“I’m afraid my love for Noelle…confused me, and I assumed I’d fallen in love with you, too. While I was running this afternoon, I figured out that my emotions were all jumbled and that—well, that…my love for you isn’t what I thought it was.” He nearly choked on the words but somehow managed to maintain eye contact.
“I’m not sure what you’re saying,” she said after a strained pause.
“I guess I’m trying to explain that when I heard how David threatened to take Noelle from you, I panicked. Marrying you seemed like a viable solution and now…”
“It doesn’t,” she finished for him.
“Yes,” he answered, grateful she’d said the words. Even now Mack wasn’t convinced he would’ve been able to spit them out. Because he did love her and, more than anything in this world, wanted her as his wife.
“About Noelle…”
“Yes, Noelle. The engagement was for her protection. We both felt if we were engaged and then married, that would keep David from pestering you.”
“But the only reason he’s interested in Noelle is because he thinks he can manipulate his father into giving him money.”
“Right.” Mack nodded. “If you have any more problems with him, just let me know.”
“What will you do?” she asked.
Mack didn’t have an answer for that. “I’ll sort it out when I have to. But rest assured, I’m not going to let anything happen to Noelle.” Or to Mary Jo, either. “I’ll help you whenever you need me to. You have my word on that.”
She looked away and sighed. “And you realized you can help without the necessity of marrying me.”
“Yes,” he said. “Instinctively you knew that.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, a slight edge to her voice.
“You wanted that six-month engagement,” he reminded her. “Which was more of a probation period.”
“Oh…yes.” She did busywork in the kitchen, folding the Cedar Cove Chronicle and tossing it into the recycling bin, then smoothing out a towel that lay on the counter. “So what you’re saying is you want out of the engagement?”
He hesitated and swallowed hard. “That might be for the best.”
“Fine.” She hung the towel on the oven door. “You said I knew marriage wasn’t right for us, but you obviously did, too.”
He frowned.
“You didn’t tell your parents, remember? That must’ve been why.”
Perhaps, but he doubted it. He took another long drink of his iced tea and set the empty glass aside. “Then we understand each other?” he asked.
She gestured weakly. “I’m sorry, I guess I don’t. What is our relationship, Mack?”
Good question. He shrugged.
“We’re neighbors,” she began.
“Well, of
course,” he said. As well as landlord and tenant. He quickly decided this wasn’t the appropriate time to divulge that. And it wasn’t as though it was hurting him financially. Plus, he rationalized, the fact that he owned the duplex meant she’d been able to attain at least a degree of independence.
“Friends.”
“I certainly hope so.”
His response seemed to reassure her.
“But you’d like the freedom to…to see other women, wouldn’t you?” she asked, her voice sharpening. “That’s really what this is all about, isn’t it?”
He stiffened. “If you’re suggesting I’ve met someone else, then you’re wrong.” He didn’t want her to think he was another David, a man who’d discard her without a care.
“But you want the freedom to see others,” she said.
“That goes for you, too.” Again the words nearly stuck in his throat. “You’d be free to date other men if you wished.” He hoped that wasn’t the case. It would be hell on earth to watch some other man stroll into her life, and stand idly by. Mack didn’t know if he could do it.
She looked down at her bare hand. “I guess it’s just as well we never got around to shopping for rings.”
“Just as well,” he repeated.
“Perhaps that was another instance of us both knowing that marriage wasn’t right for us.”
“Maybe so,” he agreed.
They seemed to run out of things to say at the same time. But Mack couldn’t bring himself to leave. In the pit of his stomach he knew that once he walked out the door, invitations to visit would be few and far between.
“Do you feel better?” Mary Jo asked after a lengthy silence. “I always do when I’ve finally told someone the truth.”
Debbie Macomber's Cedar Cove Series, Volume 2 Page 90
