by Bethany-Kris
That was hard to do when she just showed up like she did.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
A greeting might have been nice.
An apology probably would have been better.
Dino flinched inwardly at how harsh his question had come out.
“The least you could do if you’re done with a person—me—is give me a heads up, Dino,” Karen said.
She pushed off the back of his car, her heeled boots clicking on the pavement. The skirt of her dress flew up just an inch or two, exposing her legs before it fell back in place. She tightened her coat around her frame, never once taking that icy glare off his form ten feet away.
Dino didn’t blame her, or fault her for the anger.
He deserved it.
“I never said I was done,” Dino replied. “I’ve just been—”
“What, busy?” Karen scoffed. “So busy that you couldn’t even be bothered to send me a message and let me know? Or how about the fact you’ve ignored my calls when I actually needed your opinion on things for the restaurant? I could see the personal side of things, Dino. I am more than capable of doing my job and turning cheek to the fact you can’t even let me know you’re done with the other stuff. But you can’t even do that.”
The strangest sensation crawled over Dino’s shoulders. He knew it wasn’t because of Karen’s words, but rather, his anxiety that rarely left.
It felt like someone was watching him.
And her.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Dino said.
Karen just stared at him, wary and exhausted. “That’s all you have to say? What, are you worried someone might see me and think the stripper is back?”
Ouch.
“No, that’s not it at all.”
“Right—whatever.” Karen walked forward, strolling straight on past Dino without so much as a look at him. Over her shoulder, she called, “Have a great night, Dino. You don’t need to say anything, I hear you loud and clear.”
The words to keep her there, to explain why he’d been ignoring her calls and staying away, were right on the tip of his tongue. Dino damn near turned on his heel and shouted them just because he didn’t want her to walk away, but the sad fact was, he knew it was better for her that she did leave him behind.
It was only after he heard tires squeal on wet pavement, signaling Karen had left in her own vehicle, did he actually move toward his car again. He’d just pulled the driver’s door open when a familiar form slipped around the side of the building.
Theo leaned against the brick wall, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. “Hey.”
Dino wondered just how much his brother had heard. “Don’t you have a job to be doing instead of spying on me, Theo?”
“Who was that?”
“Mind your business.”
Theo wasn’t letting it go that easy. “Isn’t that the same woman that was here a couple of months ago looking for a job?”
Jesus.
Dino sent up a silent prayer to God, asking for the man upstairs to cut him some fucking slack. Didn’t he have enough shit going on right now without adding his brother’s snooping to the mix? It wasn’t that Theo meant any harm—Dino was well aware of that. The bigger problem was that without even meaning to, Theo might cause both Dino and Karen problems simply by knowing there was something going on under the radar of certain people.
People like Ben.
“Mind your business,” Dino said again, firmer the second time.
Theo took a drag off his cigarette, letting the heavy smoke billow into the air before he asked, “So, is that where your time has been going lately? I didn’t know you were involved with someone.”
“I’m not.”
“I’ve never seen her before either,” Theo went on, ignoring his brother’s refusals, “except for that one time here, of course.”
“Theo—”
“She’s an … outsider?”
Dino cringed, glancing away to hide the truth. That was the one question he didn’t want asked or wondered about where Karen was concerned. “Theo, leave it alone. She’s nobody—she sure as hell doesn’t need to be somebody. Nothing is going on that you need to concern yourself with. Keep your mouth shut that you saw anything. Understand?”
Theo nodded, though he didn’t look pleased about it. “Shouldn’t keep secrets like those, Dino. Secrets don’t stay hidden for long—we both know that. Bad shit happens when people in this family keep secrets, remember?”
“For fuck’s sake, Theo—”
His brother threw his hands up, tossing his cigarette to the ground at the same time. “Nobody, I got it. See you whenever, brother.”
Dino’s gaze narrowed on his brother’s back as he watched Theo head back around the corner of the club. He wasn’t all too worried about Theo starting some kind of shit over what he saw, or what he thought he might know about Dino’s involvement with a woman outside of Outfit business and the families. Theo wasn’t the type, as far as that went.
But he had to be careful.
Especially so.
Dino climbed into his Bentley, desperately trying to ignore the headache beginning to form in his temples. If someone in the Outfit, or his asshole of an uncle, didn’t kill him first, the stress he was under would surely do the goddamn job.
Quickly, Dino got on the road, and onto the highway, pressing the gas pedal down harder, using the speed of his car and the focus it took to weave in and out of vehicles to keep his crazy thoughts and his suffocating anxiety at bay.
It seemed like his life was blackening all over again.
The edges were slowly moving in on him.
He hated that.
The one happy place he had found, the few quiet moments that never took more than he could give, was being withheld from him now.
Karen.
Dino wasn’t sure how to deal with it all, really.
It was only after Dino passed a familiar Chinese restaurant did he realize that his heart was speaking louder than his brain.
He hadn’t even driven himself home.
He wasn’t even going in the right direction.
Apparently, he was going to be apologizing to someone tonight. Although, he wasn’t quite sure how Karen would feel when he showed up on her apartment’s doorstep after their earlier showdown.
Not even telling himself that seemed to help.
He was still driving in her direction.
Dino pulled into a corner store, knowing he was going to need to come with his hands full. An offer of a truce, maybe.
She did like her wine and chocolate.
And you, he told himself. She likes you.
There was that, too.
KNOCKING on the door, Dino took a wide step back to let Karen see him through the peephole. He held his offerings up for her to see—Chinese food, chocolate, and wine. He knew she was home, if only because her car was in the apartment’s underground garage. Besides that, during the time they had spent together, he noticed things about Karen.
She was a homebody.
She didn’t have a lot of friends.
She liked her privacy.
Dino related to all of those things, and maybe that was why, even knowing Karen was going to be pissed off at him when she opened her apartment door, he was still drawn here.
Drawn to her.
His smile grew as he heard footsteps approach the closed door, and then it faded when nothing happened. He didn’t hear the telltale clang of the lock chain being unlocked, or even the slide of the deadbolt.
But he also didn’t hear her footsteps retreat again.
That was a good thing.
Dino took that as she wasn’t sending him away and rejecting him.
Yet.
Glancing at the peephole, he had the distinct feeling Karen was watching him, and probably going back and forth about what she should do.
He didn’t blame her a bit.
“I’m sort of shitty at this whole thing,” Dino sa
id quietly, aware that she could hear him even at a lower tone. Her apartment building didn’t offer very much privacy where noise was concerned. He cringed when he added, “You know, being a decent human being and all. And you were right earlier. I absolutely could have called you or let you know I needed to drop off your radar for a while, and I should have. There’s no excuse for why I didn’t.”
He shifted on his feet, not quite finished.
“But you were wrong about something else, Karen,” he continued, never once looking away from the peephole as he spoke, “I’m not finished with you or whatever it is we’re doing together. That had nothing to do with why I went silent for a while. I’m not done here—with you, I mean. So if you’re not done, then open the door, and let’s have that night I missed a couple of weeks ago.”
The chain clanged as it was pulled and the deadbolt unlatched loudly.
Dino took a slight step back as Karen slowly pulled the door of the apartment open, as the last thing he wanted to seem was imposing.
Leaning against the doorjamb, Karen stood in one of her oversized T-shirts that doubled as a nightie when she slept. She put a hand to her hip, and for a long while, only stared at Dino waiting in the hallway, never saying a thing or even moving to invite him in.
Finally, she did speak.
It felt like a giant battle won to Dino.
“You know, I think that’s the most you’ve ever said to me at one time,” Karen admitted.
There was a hint of sadness in her words.
Dino wasn’t quite sure how to make it go away. “I’m not a big talker.”
“Are you going to give me an actual reason why you went AWOL on me?”
Yeah, there it was.
“Things got busy and—”
Karen held up a single hand, stopping him from saying more. “You’re lying. That’s an excuse, not a real reason. I’m not interested in having a deflection, Dino.”
He didn’t know how to give her the truth.
He didn’t want to expose her to the monster she invited into her bed or the life he kept hidden across town.
It was the most selfish thing he could do, and Dino knew that all too well. He should give her the chance to decide if his lifestyle and the choices that came with it was something she wanted to be involved in, even if her only involvement was just limited to her time spent in private with him.
But he couldn’t do it.
Because what if she shut him out?
What if she pushed him away?
What if he lost the sunlight she brought to him?
That wasn’t a risk Dino was willing to take.
He also didn’t want to lie, so he gave her the next best thing.
“Sometimes I’m going to need to do that,” Dino explained. “Go, and not give a reason. Stay away, and then show back up when it’s good again. I can’t give you more than what I offer, Karen, and what I’m offering is what you’ve already seen. So if you’re not happy with it, or you want more than what I’ve given already, let me know. I only need to know where you stand so I can do what I need to do.”
All over again, she watched him.
Silent and pensive.
Sad and still.
She wasn’t like him, and maybe that was the hardest part. Karen’s days were full of her bright, easy-going personality, and the light that always seemed to follow her around. Dino was the exact opposite—blackened at his edges, a coldness constantly seeping from his exterior that matched the tar in his soul.
He was a shadow.
Walked over.
Passed by.
Looked beyond.
He couldn’t begin to understand how they were ever supposed to work, given how entirely different their worlds were from the outside looking in.
Dino still wanted to try.
Karen took a deep breath, her arms crossing over her chest as she looked him over again. “You’re aware that half of the hallway are probably standing with their ears pressed to the door, listening to you right now.”
Dino managed a smile for her. “They’re not the ones keeping me out here.”
“True. This is probably the most entertainment they’ve had in a while.”
“You only have to tell me to leave, Karen.”
“I’m aware, Dino.”
She reached out and grabbed the wine and chocolate from his hands instead. Then, she stepped to the side, and let him in.
As Dino walked into the comfort of her apartment, where he could see marks of her life every which way he turned, he wondered how long it would be before he was forced out of it again.
Karen leaned over Dino’s shoulder, her lips pressing sweetly to his cheek as she placed a coffee to the small table in front of him. Steam lifted in dancing ribbons from the black coffee, smelling wonderful and demanding his attention.
He’d drink it in a minute.
Something else was taking up his interest.
Turning just enough to catch Karen’s mouth with his own, he felt her smile grow against the kiss.
“Morning,” she said, the gravely hoarseness of sleep coloring up her greeting.
Dino kissed her forehead. “Morning, sweetheart.”
He turned his attention back to his task and Karen stretched up on her tiptoes before heading back to the kitchen. She was back at his side in less than a few seconds, placing her own coffee down beside his. The milky cream color swirling around in hers was a stark contrast against the blackened bitterness of his.
Karen practically fell into the couch beside him, tucking in close to his side and pulling her legs up tight. Dino passed her coffee over without even needing to be asked, knowing she would want it first and foremost.
She had several routines that got her through the day.
He figured her morning one was most important, though.
Dino continued sketching out lines and shadowing in curves on the notepad with a sharpened pencil as Karen sipped happily and silently from her coffee, never once interrupting his work. She wouldn’t, he knew, not until she’d downed at least half of the caffeine she needed to actually feel awake.
He knew she was close to reaching the halfway point in her coffee when she shifted beside him, finding a more comfortable spot and stretching her beautiful legs out to rest her feet on the arm while crossing her ankles. Her arm hung over his knee, her fingertips grazing softly back and forth over his bare calf, rhythmic and gentle.
They’d done this before; quiet mornings and soft touches.
It was one of his favorite things to do with Karen.
Oddly, it allowed him to just be in that moment with no expectations but sunlight filtering in through the window and the silence stretching on between them until she was ready to talk.
The image he was drawing—a memory that had haunted him the night before as he walked the floors of Karen’s apartment—was beginning to take shape. He didn’t think he was particularly good at drawing, but it was calming. Sometimes it even helped to remove the awful demons living inside his head, if only long enough for him to put them to paper.
It never failed to amaze Dino how easily and peacefully Karen slept night after night. Since showing up at her place, he’d fought with himself about leaving again, and his heart ended up winning the battle. He stayed one night, then two. She went off to work that Monday morning, not even bothering to ask him if he would be there when she got back.
Dino figured she already knew and didn’t need to ask.
Of course he was there.
He only left to grab some of the pastries she liked from the shop down the street.
Karen never once noticed his odd habits at night, and if she did, she never said a word about them. Watching her sleep, tangled in blankets with messed hair and a lax smile, was probably the closest he’d ever come to actually wanting to crawl into a bed and close his eyes.
If only because she looked so peaceful there.
It would, however, be selfish of him to get in bed with her, only to wake her
up with his nightmares, something he wasn’t quite ready to explain just yet.
His body was starting to feel the exhaustion of three nights with no solid sleep. He’d caught a couple of hours during the day, but it wasn’t enough to keep him distracted from the tiredness seeping into his system every time he turned around.
If he were at home, he could distract himself with all sorts of things. Being at Karen’s place meant he couldn’t fiddle around, or change and reorganize her cupboards and drawers, and he was pretty sure she wouldn’t appreciate him cleaning her place from top to bottom, even if the action would have literally nothing to do with the cleanliness of her place.
The apartment didn’t need it anyway.
Karen kept the place spotless.
Dino still needed a distraction.
Well, the truth of the matter was simple. Despite how much he wanted to stay, if even for one more night, he was going to have to leave. He’d have to battle through a good night’s worth of nightmares because he was too tired to ignore the rest he desperately needed.
He was not looking forward to that.
Dino pushed all of those thoughts out of his mind, focusing instead on the graze of Karen’s fingertips to his skin and her soft breaths as he continued sketching on the pad. The actions, her touch, the sounds, and his focus, all bled together, lulling him into a sense of comfort he hadn’t expected.
He was sure Karen was done her coffee, and surely she was ready to start her day like she usually did once the cup in her hands was empty, but she never moved from the couch. Actually, she shifted her position again, allowing her head to rest into his side as she faced away from him, her empty coffee mug sitting snugly in her grasp.
He didn’t even realize his gaze was dropping and the swipes of his pencil was slowing. His own breathing had also calmed, nearly matching the slow inhales and exhales of his companion curled up like a happy little kitten at his side. She was so warm, her heat bleeding into his body and taking him even further into the still abyss settling into his brain.
It was hard to know one was asleep, Dino recognized all too late, when all that found him in that usually dark place … was peace.
