I glanced at Stephanie. ‘Are you okay?’
She nodded, downed the rest of her wine. ‘Just bloody John again…’
But before she could say anymore, there was a clatter in the hallway and my mother burst into the room. Her face was flushed from alcohol and her eyes flashed fire. A visage I remembered so well. ‘So this is where you’re hiding yourself, Lillian,’ she said. ‘You do know you have guests waiting outside?’
‘Yes, Mummy,’ I replied. How does she always make me feel like a naughty child again? Stephanie’s eyes narrowed as she stared at my mother. But before either of them could say anything else, I scuttled back to the garden to ensure everyone had seen the plates and cutlery I’d laid out earlier.
Outside, all was under control. There were no guests milling around without food, a drink, or a place to sit.
‘I’ve sorted everyone out,’ Mummy said. ‘I knew I couldn’t rely on you to do it.’ She strode away to berate tardy guests who weren’t lining up for food in a manner she saw fit.
‘Your mother is still on form, I see,’ Stephanie appeared by my side. She’d gathered my wine glass again and placed it in my hand. ‘But it looks like any crisis has been averted. Now come on, drink up. I know there’s more where this came from.’
‘I can’t,’ I replied. ‘Too much to do.’
‘Lily,’ she told me. ‘This is your wedding anniversary too. Let Topher do some of the work.’
I looked over to the gas barbecue where Topher was serving charred lumps of meat to people. He caught my eye and indicated the table with his head. Instantly I saw the salad bowl was empty and I jogged inside to find the other one. I returned to the garden and swapped the bowls. Turning to smile at him, he simply nodded at me, his mouth in a thin line.
‘Would you like a beer, darling,’ I called to him.
He nodded and I returned to my kitchen to fetch him a chilled beer from the beer fridge. I held the cold bottle to my forehead and suppressed a whimper. Despite what the divorce lawyer had said about maintaining possession of the marital home and getting evidence of his behaviour, I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take.
Chapter Three
Stephanie
Tired of watching Lily flit about; making sure everyone had everything they needed, I wandered back inside, and took a seat at the breakfast bar, my fingers caressing the black marble worktops. I wondered where she sourced them and for a moment I was envious that she had a husband who would buy her anything she wanted. But then I’d often found myself envious of Lily. My entire flat would fit into her kitchen and garden room area alone. Plus she had the man I wanted for myself. Although I would never have given up my work to have children as she did. In fact, I am pretty sure I would never have had the children in the first place. And there’s the difference between us. Lily had always been a people pleaser, and we became friends in spite of it rather than because of it.
In part, I sometimes wondered if I befriended Lily, so I could stay close to Topher Gundersen. Perhaps I did and, if so, what kind of a friend did that make me? But I knew I had always looked after her. Helped her stand up to her dreadful mother for one thing.
It was at my insistence she used the name Lily rather than Lillian. It was what her father had called her. I was still thrilled to see Lillian Stanton still hadn’t forgiven me. I caught a glare from her as she stalked around the garden looking for some excuse to berate Lily for an imagined slip up. I raised my glass to her and was rewarded by a scowl. I grinned back.
I resumed my study of the kitchen and the garden room extension. It was very tidy and I sensed another hand was at work here. I’m no neat freak, but I am still amazed that the two years sharing a house with Lily didn’t wreck my nerves. Every so often her mother would descend upon us with mops and dusters. We’d run to the nearest pub and afterwards spend weeks unable to find anything.
My phone bleeped and I pulled it out of my jeans pocket. Denise.
How’s it going? She’d texted.
OK, I guess. Wish you’d come with me, I replied.
Sorry, duty calls and all that. How’s Lily?
Pale. Clumsy. I’m worried about her.
I’m not busy right now. Why don’t you call me? She messaged.
I looked around before deciding the music room might be the best place to hold a private call about my hosts.
Denise answered at the first ring.
‘What’s up?’ she said.
‘Hmm,’ I said. ‘She’s really not herself. She’s sprained her wrist. Do you think there could be a health problem?’
‘Was she clumsy when you knew her at uni?’
‘Nope, not that I recall. And certainly if she’d been this bad I would’ve remembered. It’s like she’s become a complete klutz.’
‘Can you suggest she sees her GP?’ Denise said.
‘I dunno. I can but try. She looks terrified. We were in her music room,’ I gazed around at the photos and certificates. Lily has always something of a charmed life, apart from the accident. ‘Oh Denise you should see it, it’s so beautiful… anyway her mum came to find her and she was petrified.’
‘Perhaps you should tell her about your therapist?’
‘One thing at a time, hey,’ I said. ‘But she does seem so timid these days. Especially with Topher.’ I heard a phone ringing in the background.
‘Gotta go,’ said Denise. ‘Talk later?’
‘Sure,’ I said and rang off.
I strolled back to the kitchen and to the fridge to pour myself another glass of wine. I was glad I’d booked a taxi and left my car at home but at this rate I wasn’t going to be safe to drive in the morning! I decided I should head out into the garden to make small talk with Topher’s friends. Why am I the only one of Lily’s friends who’s made it to the party?
At university we had always been part of such a large crowd. Even after we all left uni we kept in touch, often getting together just to see Lily play if we could. I remember the trip to Paris the best. Kate, Justine, Emma, and I dragged Lily out for dinner after the concert and we drank wine in a cafe on the edge of the Seine.
‘Lily, I’ve been waiting for you at the hotel.’
We all looked up to see Topher leaning against a lamppost with his hands in his pockets. He was wearing a black bow tie with a cream silk scarf around his neck which matched his dress shirt.
Lily rose to her feet and wobbled. She grabbed the table for support, sending wine glasses and the bottle flying. Two waiters rushed over to clear the mess and right the table.
‘What are you doing here?’ Lily slurred, still unsteady on her feet.
Topher oblivious to the broken glass dropped to one knee and opened a small box. Kate and Emma squealed, clapping their hands and jumping up and down. Justine and I simply exchanged a glance, but I looked away quickly. The scenario was my dream, except in my dream he wasn’t proposing to Lily.
Lily tottered towards Topher, placing one hand on his shoulder. She reached out for the box, tentatively, as if she expected it to be snatched away. She bowed her head towards him. ‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘Oh yes.’
He stood, towering over her, and scooped her into his arms. Then they stepped away from each other and he placed the ring on her finger, before kissing her hand.
After the Paris trip, one by one, the band of sisters fell apart. Everyone was married now and most had children, but it was no reason for Lily not to invite them to this gathering. I hadn’t seen Kate since Lily’s wedding.
I drifted into the garden and nodded at some shared acquaintances from the legal circles Topher and I both move in, but I was lost in my thoughts about Lily and our old friends. Perhaps it’s just natural, I thought. Simply the way of things. Children, I’m told, move you into different social groups. You became friends with the parents of children at the same nursery. Of our university troupe, I am the only one who is not married. I have no children. I don’t even have a plus one. Someone came into my life. I thought he was the one, but
he wasn’t. Since I told him it was over, he’s plagued me with calls, flowers and, when that didn’t work, he progressed to following me everywhere I went. It’s how I met Denise.
Him I met at some dreadful works do. Grainger’s and Didcot Solicitors always insisted on having their Christmas party in January. They said it’s to buoy up our spirits in the worst month of the year. I think it’s mostly to save money by not splashing out on a Christmas menu. John’s insurance firm were doing the same, and we met sneaking down the stairs, both trying to escape without being seen.
We went to a bar and exchanged work-party war-stories. He made me laugh and so I invited him back to my flat. We only left my bed to forage for food throughout the rest of the weekend. Unexpectedly he wanted to see me again and, although I saw no future in it, I continued to see him. He made me laugh out of bed and in bed he made me scream. But it wasn’t enough to base a relationship on. Now I’m in danger of being the last one without a husband.
Who am I kidding? I am the last one without a husband, but even that idea didn’t make John a contender. I don’t need a man to make my life complete, but sometimes, just sometimes it would be nice to have someone. I suddenly realised the group I was standing with were expecting me to answer some question or other. I’d not been paying attention and I made an excuse. As I stepped away, I caught Topher’s eye. We exchanged a smile, and I knew. There was only ever one man in this entire world, I really wanted.
But he’s married to Lily.
Chapter Four
Lily
The last of our guests left in the early evening which gave me, Topher, and the children time to relax ahead of the working week. Loading the dishwasher, I made sure everything was arranged exactly the way Topher liked it. I ran the rinse programme then wiped the marble worktops and polished them with a dry cloth. Hairs on the back of my neck rose, I knew he was there even before he spoke. My heart pounded, my vision blurring and I fought to bring my breathing under control. Mentally I went through every item in the dishwasher, and resisted the urge to rush to the machine and make sure I’d stacked it the way he preferred.
The rinse programme ended and he opened the machine to check it. I closed my eyes and tensed.
‘Well done,’ he said. ‘That’s almost perfect but, despite what I said this morning you’ve still left empty cartons in the fridge.’
I twisted around to stare at him, narrowing my eyes. I’d made sure the fridge was perfect, I knew I had. I rushed across the room and snatched open the door. Picking up the first carton, from the bottle shelf, I shook it. Empty. And the second, and a third one. No! How can this be happening. I had emptied them. I remembered doing it! I’d thrown them in the bin and I marked them with a black permanent marker. He’s playing tricks on me. I took the cartons to the sink and emptied them out. Damn. Juice! Milk! Not water as I’d expected. Trembling I turned the carton upside down. No mark. I tipped the second carton over and the third. No marks. Where are the marks? I put them there before I put the cartons in the bin. I ran to the junk drawer where I’d left the permanent markers. I yanked the drawer open. The marker wasn’t there. Where was it? I’d left it on top of the rolled up carrier bags and old envelopes I use for shopping lists. I knew I had. It must be there. It must be somewhere! I pulled out the drawer and tipped everything onto the island.
‘Lily, sweetheart.’ Topher reached over and grabbed my hands. ‘What are you doing? What are you looking for?’
‘I put marks on the bottom of the cartons. I know I did. Like the ones I showed you this morning.’
‘Which ones this morning? What are you talking about?’ He stepped back dropping my hands, a look of horror crossed his face. ‘Lily, darling Lily. We didn’t talk about cartons this morning. That was last week. Don’t you remember?’
‘No, it was this morning. You just said it was this morning, I know you did. You did this to me.’ I pulled back my sleeve to show him the bruises on my wrist. ‘I know you’re playing tricks on me, so I’ve been marking the cartons.’
‘Marking the cartons? Are you mad? What have you been marking them with?’ he sighed and prodded the pile of junk on the island.
‘I had a black permanent marker.’
Topher laid the drawer on a tea towel and began replacing everything in the drawer. ‘There’s no marker pen here,’ he said. ‘Are you ill again, Lily? Perhaps we need to make you an appointment with Dr Naseby?’ He cocked his head to the side, his eyes filled with tears. He brushed them away, stepped towards me, holding me close and stroking my hair. When he pushed me back to kiss me on the forehead, there were fresh tears in his eyes.
‘I love you so much,’ he said. ‘I hate seeing you like this.’
‘I’m not like anything,’ I said, pulling away from him. I closed my eyes and replayed the images of myself marking the milk cartons and the orange juice one before I put them in the kitchen recycling bin. It was as clear in my mind as if I had just done it. I snapped my eyes open and strode across to the bin expecting to see the cartons in there, but it was empty.
‘No!’ My vision blurred and dizzy with panic I staggered towards one of the bar stools.
Topher grabbed me before I fell over, hugging me and whispering. ‘It’s all in your head, Lily, darling. It’s all in your head.’
‘It’s not,’ I protested, but in all honesty, I no longer knew.
He sat me down, cleared away the drawer and the detritus on the countertop, made me a warm drink and walked me upstairs to bed. He undressed me and put me into bed as he would have done with one of the children.
While he was so calm, I asked the question that had been nagging at me all afternoon. ‘Why was the shotgun in the garden?’
‘I was trying to get rid of the rats before our guests arrived. I did tell you,’ he sighed, stroking my cheek with gentle fingers.
‘Rats?’
‘Yes the ones in that compost heap you insisted on having. It’ll have to go, Lily. I don’t want rats near the children.’ He kissed me on the forehead and tucked me in, putting the herbal tea within reach. ‘You didn’t take the cartridges out of the shotgun before you put it away did you?’
I shook my head.
‘Good,’ he said. ‘I want to have it ready for action should we ever need it. Anyway I’ll sleep in the guest room. You get some rest.’ At the bedroom door, he paused, leaning his head against the frame. His smile was so sorrowful, an overwhelming rush of guilt flooded my senses.
If I didn’t ask now I’d never ask. ‘Can we go back to couples’ counselling?’
‘Of course, darling. Just as soon as you’re well enough. We don’t want a repeat of last time do we?’
I tucked my chin into my chest in shame. I’d told the therapist about Topher’s behaviour, but it backfired on me. It was all in my head they both told me.
‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ Topher said. ‘Sleep well.’
Once he’d closed the door, I waited for the middle stair tread to creak. Good, he’s gone! I sat up in bed and reached under the mattress for my journal. I needed to write down everything that had just happened.
Chapter Five
Lily
‘What are you still doing here?’ I asked Topher as I rushed into the kitchen. I’d overslept. I still felt woozy, as if I’d taken sleeping tablets. ‘Shouldn’t you have left?’
‘Manners darling,’ he said. ‘Good morning. Did you sleep well?’
‘Er, good morning, yes, fine,’ I said. ‘Why are you still here?’
‘My first case isn’t until mid-morning. I did tell you,’ he replied. ‘I don’t have to be at court for a couple of hours. Where are you going?’
‘To work of course, where do you think I’m going on a Monday morning?’ My body stiffened as I heard the first notes of Albinoni’s Adagio. Where’s that coming from? Was it in my head? But no, I saw him smirk as he placed his newspaper on the breakfast bar.
‘No need,’ he said, frowning as I turned the music off.
I glared at
him and continued looking frantically for my keys. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I called in sick for you,’ he told me. ‘I thought you needed some extra time to tidy up after the party yesterday.’
‘And they believed you?’
‘Yes, I think so,’ he smiled. He picked up the paper and folded it so he could bring the article he was reading closer to him. I wished he’d get his eyes tested and wear glasses. ‘I emailed them from your account last night. I thought you would have a bad head after all you drank at the party. That headmaster of yours just replied it was okay and he hoped to see you soon.’
I put my handbag next to the detritus of plates and dishes. ‘You hacked into my email account, and told my boss I was too ill to come into work?’ How could he think this was acceptable behaviour?
‘Hardly hacked darling,’ he replied. ‘You need a stronger password if you want to call it hacking. Anyway look at the mess this place is in. It’s no wonder you can never find anything. What have you lost now?’
‘Car keys,’ I replied, head down, avoiding his gaze. Where the hell are the keys? I put them in the bowl on the Welsh dresser yesterday so I could get to my meeting with the therapist. I’ll have to get Heather to help me look for them again. I bit my lip thinking about all the times my mother and Topher teased me about “Lily Standard Time”. Is it getting worse?
‘Well fortunately you don’t need them now. So you can go and get changed and then come back down and clear up this mess. I don’t know why you insist on working. You want for nothing. There’s plenty to do here. After all it’s not as if we need the money from your little job.’
But I love my job, I wanted to tell him. I love the freedom and the sense of my old self, but all I said was, ‘Heather will be here soon. She can help me.’
The Love Trap: an unputdownable psychological thriller Page 2
