‘You’re wrong,’ I said, ‘we’re just colleagues. That’s all.’
He turned into our driveway, skidding slightly on the wet gravel. He jumped out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him and striding into the house.
I remained in the car. Lights from the house glinted on the driveway. Is he going to turn on every single light in the place?
I opened the door, shut it quietly and tiptoed to the house. Behind me the car’s locks clicked. So he is watching me, I thought.
The front door was unlocked. Topher was in the kitchen, gulping down a glass of clear liquid. He emptied the glass, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and poured more vodka into the glass.
‘The baby is yours,’ I whispered.
He whirled around. His face twisted with hatred. The glass sailed past my head, shattering against the wall, showering me with tiny shards.
I screamed in fright and dashed out the door into the garden. The storm was beginning, lifting leaves and twigs into the air. I saw Topher silhouetted in the doorway. He called my name. I ran.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Lily
On the Wednesday before Darcy’s party, Heather and I struggled with the bags from the Ocado delivery, dragging them down the hallway into the kitchen and checking each item off against the list I’d prepared. In the conservatory, there was an extra fridge freezer, hired especially for the occasion, so food could be prepared in advance and kept at the right temperature. As we worked, preparing the food, I found myself humming and relaxed in a way I have never been before. Especially not when preparing for a party.
‘Nice to see you so happy,’ said Heather said, taking a tray of vol-au-vents out of the oven. She placed them on the cooling rack and stood watching me swaying in time to the music, which could only be heard in my head.
I held my hands out so she could dance with me, but she waved me away with the tea towel.
‘Yes, I don't know what's come over me,’ I replied, laughing. ‘I usually panic so much about parties. I mean, obviously I'm nervous about this one. It’s a shame that so many people have declined, but I hope everything goes well.’ I turned back to the tiny sandwiches I was slicing. I was nervous about this party. My father had agreed to come so he could see his grandchildren for the first time. Truth be told, I was quaking.
Heather nodded, but said nothing. For Darcy’s second birthday party, the garden had been overflowing with guests. More than we could cope with, but the list would be smaller this year. Last year I’d not been accused of assault on a student, nor was I due to appear in court on a charge of death by dangerous driving.
My solicitor assured me that I’d get bail ahead of the formal hearing, and although technically I was still allowed to drive, I’d elected not to. I was terrified of putting myself behind the wheel of a car; petrified of what could happen if I put myself at risk.
I continued chatting to fill the chasm of silence in the kitchen. ‘I usually panic so much. Parties really stress me out. I feel oddly organised this time. I’m glad you're here to help me though. It's much more fun with two.’
‘I thought your mother usually helped you?’ Heather said.
‘Yes, only,’ I said, ‘but…’ I thought back to the weekend of our wedding anniversary. Mummy was there to “help” as usual.
‘Lillian, why are you chopping the parsley like that? Here, give the knife to me. I’ll show you how to do it properly.’
She wrenched the knife from my hands and with the tip of the knife on the board, she maintained a rapid chopping motion which reduced the herbs to fine shreds of green. I wandered away to fill vol-au-vents with mixes of creamy chicken and mushrooms. She elbowed me to one side.
‘Do I have to do everything for you,’ she snapped. ‘I thought I’d brought you up better than this?’
‘Stop telling me off, Mummy,’ I replied. ‘I’m a grown woman now, with a house and children of my own. I do know what I’m doing.’
‘Oh, here were go again. Why are you snivelling?’ she said. ‘You’re so sensitive. You take everything to heart. I’m only here to help.’
The image faded as I suddenly realised Heather was waiting for me to speak. I smiled and shook my head. ‘My mother wasn’t really much help,’ I said. ‘She was much better at telling me how I should be doing things.’
Heather nodded. ‘Sorry if I spoke out of turn.’
‘No, no, not in the slightest. Not at all. You said it like it is. It’s just that I didn't have many parties when I was younger. I think I had some when I was really little, but then after my parents…’ I stopped, not sure what to say next. ‘I think it was just too much work for Mum.’
I wasn't entirely telling the truth, but I didn't want to burden Heather with that part of my past. My last party coincided with a dreadful shooting at a primary school in Scotland. The shooting took place on my birthday and the party was at the weekend. I was so excited, really looking forward to the bouncy castle, balloons, pony rides and then one by one my friends cancelled. Their parents were too scared to have the children gathering together after what happened. The afternoon of the party, I went to the zoo with my dad. It was an incredibly quiet day. Mum had decided not to come. While we were there, Dad took me to one side. We sat by the elephants and he told me he was leaving; told me he loved me, it wasn’t my fault, but he didn’t want to be with my Mum anymore. We sat there staring at the elephants. I watched a baby elephant holding the end of his mother’s tail afraid of being left behind. I’ve always hated elephants ever since. It was the last time I had a party. Until I met Topher. Topher swept me off my feet. He was incredibly romantic in the beginning and was ecstatic about parties. He knew about my past and my anxiety, but assured me more parties would help overcome my problems. I was swayed by his promises of helping me, working side by side for our guests as he assured me it would be fun. Since we’ve been married, he’s insisted on regular celebrations, but has never done any of the work for them, knowing how it will impact my mental health. My mother stood over me criticising everything I did and yet, today and in fact for the last few weeks, without either of them here, I couldn’t believe how much better life is. How much happier I am. And over the last few days, I’ve stopped losing things. My possessions are where I left them. My glasses are where I saw them last. My keys are on the hook by the front door. There’s been no Topher constantly berating me about what I’ve said or done, or how I dress. I am looking forward to life.
I looked around my beautiful house, a feeling of dread snuffing out my optimism. I will have to give it up. There’s no way Topher will let me and the children live here without him. You can downsize, I told myself. If he lets you take the children, doubting voice said, but I brushed it away along with the tears pricking my eyes
You’ll manage, I told myself. You’ll be fine. Leaving him is the only option. I’ll keep my children. I’ll keep my sanity. I’ll lose my fear.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Topher
Topher watched Stephanie as she moved around the sitting room, handing out canapés. He had to admit, she looked sexy, dressed completely in black with black high heels, kitten ears and whiskers protruding from a mask, the epitome of Cat woman. How the hell was he going to keep his hands off her all evening?
Lily, on the other hand, had chosen to dress as Alice in Wonderland. She was a pale replica next to the glamorous Stephanie. And he began to wonder how he’d chosen her over her friend.
Still, as he looked around and saw his guests enjoying their food, he knew, for all her shortcomings, Lily made the better wife. Now that he’d managed to get her to stay at home. She was an excellent mother and an adequate cook. Stephanie may be mistress material, able to showboat and entertain, but he would never want children with her.
‘We have to go.’
Topher stared at the man, unable to place the face. A neighbour, perhaps, there were so many with their howling brats, he lost coun
t. ‘Of course,’ he said. He gave a wide smile and chucked the sleepy toddler under the chin. The child batted Topher’s hand away, snuggling into her father’s neck.
Topher grabbed James and Darcy dressed as a diminutive Batman and Robin. ‘Time to say goodbye to your guests,’ he said, shepherding them into the hallway. He opened the door to allow Darcy’s guests to leave. Lily was on hand to make sure that every child had a party bag with toys and cake. God how much was this costing? He slammed the door shut. It was nearly nine o’clock. When would this hell be over so it could be adults only? He looked down at James and Darcy, bright-eyed from too much sugar. It would be hours before they’d go to sleep. He grasped James and Darcy by the wrists and marched them into the kitchen.
‘Lily,’ he said. ‘It’s nine pm. These two should have been in bed ages ago. What on earth were you thinking?’
She turned around quickly; the skirt of her Alice frock flaring slightly, ‘I was thinking, Topher darling,’ she said, ‘that you could take them up and give them their baths and read the story as you can see I'm still preparing food and canapés for people. I'm sure you won't mind just this once, will you? The kids will be delighted.’
Topher drew in a sharp breath. For once he was speechless. She had not spoken back to him like that, in a long time. Not since New York. The fact she felt it reasonable to do so now, demonstrated how he’d let things slide. He needed to get back on top of matters at home.
And soon.
Topher stamped into the hallway and picking Darcy up, he pushed a reluctant James up the stairs.
‘Come on, it’s time to go to bed.’
‘I’m not tired, Daddy,’ grumbled James.
‘Tough,’ said Topher. ‘I’m sick of you two getting your own way all the time.’
Stephanie appeared at the sitting room door. He smiled at her, but she didn’t return the smile. What’s her problem? Never mind, he thought. He’d wipe that sour expression off her face later.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lily
Stephanie wandered into the kitchen the morning after the party. Despite the amount of wine she’d drunk last night, she looked fresh with no sign of a hangover. Her hair was loose and, unlike me, her skin was scrupulously clean with no signs of yesterday’s make-up. I raised a hand to my hair and smoothed down a couple of spiky bits, which always poked up until I’ve washed it.
‘Great party, Lils,’ she said. ‘Again.’
‘Thanks,’ I replied and passed her a mug of black coffee. I watched her pop two lumps of sugar in it. How does she stay so slim? I ran my hand over the curve of my stomach, telling myself that it was okay. I’d had two children.
Topher came into the kitchen and I made coffee for him too. He and Stephanie strolled out into the conservatory and reclined in the sun loungers. I stood by the back door so I could hear their conversation.
‘Sleep well,’ he asked.
‘I slept better after your visit,’ she giggled.
‘Good, me too,’ he said.
I didn’t remember Topher coming to bed last night. But I did recall he smelt freshly showered when I woke. Had I slept so deeply he’d managed to shower before he came to bed without waking me? Unlikely, but he could have showered in the first floor bathroom. I clenched my fists, my fingers closing on the metal knife I was carrying. How dare they sleep together, making a fool of me under my own roof?
I was about to walk away when I heard her call him Tofu and I winced. I knew how he hated being called that.
But I heard him chuckle. ‘You know, I always hated it when Lily called me Tofu. Somehow it sounds so much better coming from you.’
‘Good,’ she whispered.
My stomach churned. How I hated them both in that moment. I heard a creak as one of them rose and I headed back towards the breakfast bar and made sure the children were eating their breakfast.
I cringed as Topher kissed the top of my head. ‘How are you this morning, my lovely wife?’
‘Fine,’ I replied, moving away to take Darcy’s plate. Today she’d decided she didn’t like scrambled eggs and the eggs were scattered all over the bar.
‘Yogurt?’ I asked and she nodded enthusiastically.
‘Don’t spoil them,’ he said suddenly. ‘She should eat what she chose first time round.’
Darcy looked up at him. Tears forming in her baby blue eyes, her bottom lip starting to quiver. Topher glared at her and she put her head down.
‘It doesn’t matter Topher,’ I said. ‘It’s just one time. It’s not like she does it every day.’
I put yogurt and berries in a dish, squirted some raspberry sauce on top and placed it in front of her.
She pushed it away, sobbing uncontrollably
‘See, spoilt brat’ Topher bent down and pulled Darcy’s head up. ‘Eat. It. Up. Now.’ Silently, Darcy picked up her spoon and began to push berries into her mouth, tears streaming down her face.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lily
Topher glared at me. ‘This is your fault, Lily. You need to set a better example and stop behaving like a spoilt brat yourself.’
I returned his glare. Furious that he should pick on Darcy yet again. I clenched my fists by my side, wanting to scream at him, but stopped when Stephanie wandered into the kitchen.
‘You okay?’ she said.
I shrugged.
‘Lily?’ she came towards me to give me a hug. I wasn’t sure I could cope with the smell of my husband on her skin, but she hugged me anyway.
I couldn’t help myself. I burst into tears.
‘Oh come on,’ she said. ‘What’s this all about?’
‘You two,’ I replied. ‘You weren’t supposed to fall in love with him. Or him with you? I told you he was dangerous. Don’t you believe me?’
‘Love?’ She sounded incredulous. ‘Is that what you think is going on here? Don’t be so stupid. You asked me to get close to him and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Look come outside and we can talk properly.’
She dragged me out to the sun loungers and plonked me down. ‘Here,’ she said, and passed me a small tin.
‘What’s this?’
‘Open it,’ she said.
When I did I saw a lump of something like plasticine and a key shape pressed into it.
I shrugged and looked at her. ‘What’s that?’
‘I’ve got an impression of the key to his office,’ she whispered.
I looked in the direction of Topher’s garden office and she nodded excitedly. ‘Exactly. One of my less salubrious acquaintances is going to get me a key cut and then you can break in and see what he’s been up to.’
‘I have a key already,’ I said, irritation building inside me at Stephanie’s amateur attempt at detective work. ‘The builder gave me a spare.’
‘What about filing cabinets?’ Stephanie sniggered and tipped the plasticine into her hand. On the other side there were two smaller key imprints. She held them out
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I’m just uncomfortable with all of this.’
‘And you don't think I’m not? This was your idea, Lily. You seem to have forgotten what I’ve given up to do this for you.’ She leaned back on the sun lounger, blinking rapidly.
‘I’m sorry,’ I repeated. It’s all I could think of to say. I was so conflicted. If she wasn’t in love with Topher, she was giving a convincing performance.
‘I hate what’s happening here,’ she hissed at me. ‘I wish you hadn’t got me caught up in it. I’d like a chance to be with someone. Maybe even have sprogs of my own, but I’ve put that aside to help you, because I love you and I’d do anything for you.’
I shivered. Her words made me cold. I was ashamed of myself and what I was putting her through.
‘What are you two whispering about?’
Topher had crept up without us being aware of him. I glared at Stephanie and she gave me a small shake of her head. I hoped she was right, and he hadn’t heard what we were saying, but I was never sur
e. He always knew things he shouldn’t have a clue about. I didn’t know how he did it. In my more paranoid moments, as I had already told Stephanie, I really wondered if he was spying on me.
Stephanie smiled at him. A sexy curve to her lips. ‘Nothing much, Tofu darling,’ she said. ‘Just girl talk.’
He laughed but his eyes flickered, the merest flash of annoyance that I was so familiar with. He was trying to keep a jocular note to the laugh, but underneath I saw he was angry with her. I hoped he wouldn’t direct his anger at me once Stephanie had left.
‘Well if you’ll both excuse me, I must start the clean up after last night’s party,’ I said and pushed myself to my feet.
I was shocked when Topher offered to help and showed me the black bin bag of bottles and cans. ‘I collected these up last night before I came to bed,’ he said. ‘I’ll take them to the recycling centre. Want me to take the kids to the park?’
Ah that kind of help, now it all made sense. He’d play with the children and I’d clean. But I smiled and nodded at him, trying to ensure he knew I thought it was a great idea. But he did put clean clothes on the children before they headed out for their promised ice creams.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lily
Stephanie and Topher left the house at the same time and I resisted the urge to watch and see if they went in the same direction. Surely even Topher wouldn’t let the children see he was interested in her. I set about cleaning the house. It was a Sunday, hence Heather’s day off but since Topher had taken the children out for a while I concentrated on clearing up the party mess. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would and I went to the fridge thinking I’d enjoy a light lunch of the leftovers. I ran my eyes over the platefuls of brown buffet. Why, Lily, I muttered, why are you the only one who’ll eat the leftovers? I pulled the kitchen bin over to the fridge and tipped every single hors d'oeuvre, vol-au-vent, sandwich, mini sausage, and cheese on a stick in the bin. I hauled the bag out of the kitchen bin and threw it into the wheelie bin outside.
The Love Trap: an unputdownable psychological thriller Page 11
