‘She might but they need to know. Besides, you’re an adult; I don’t think it’s the big deal it might have been if you’d been a lot younger.’
‘You say that but I know she’ll be so disappointed.’
‘She might be, but at the end of the day you’re old enough to live your life as you see fit. What about the father?’
‘I’ve texted him to say we need to meet up. I don’t think he’s seen it yet but I think he has a college lecture first thing.’
God help us, Lara thought, feeling sorrier for Betsy’s predicament by the minute. The father of her child wasn’t even out of education yet, which didn’t bode well for financial support. She had to hope that Betsy’s parents would come through for her when it really mattered.
‘Right,’ she said. ‘Well, at least you didn’t send him that kind of news in a Snapchat message. Have you made an appointment to see the doctor yet?’
‘I need to do that?’
‘I’m pretty sure you do so that you can be referred for pregnancy services.’
‘Right. Will you come with me?’
‘Don’t you think your mum will want to do that?’
‘She might. I just think you’d be less scary to go with. She’ll keep telling the doctor what she thinks I should do.’
‘But there must be someone else you’d rather go with? For that matter, wouldn’t you rather go by yourself and keep it confidential?’
‘I’d feel better if someone else was with me. The doctor will be talking all over the place and I won’t remember all the things he says I’ve got to do.’
‘Well, I can’t imagine why you’d think I’m the best person, but if you want me to then of course I’ll come along.’
‘When do you think I should go?’
‘As soon as possible. Call them now and make an appointment – you need to get all your help in place, especially considering you’re so far gone.’
Betsy nodded. She looked better already and the sight of it cheered Lara.
‘How are you so good at staying calm?’ Betsy asked, sniffing as she sipped her drink.
That’s a good question, Lara thought. Apparently she could be calm for anyone but herself. ‘It’s all an illusion. If you’d seen me last night you wouldn’t have thought I was good at being calm.’
‘What happened last night?’
‘Phone the surgery. We’ve got more important things than that to worry about.’
‘Did you have a row with Theo?’
Lara nodded.
‘That’s a shame,’ Betsy said. ‘I’m sure it will be alright.’
Lara knew there was no way it was going to be alright, but she wasn’t going to bring that up now. She needed Betsy to focus on putting everything she needed in place.
‘How do you feel in yourself?’ she asked. ‘Are you getting sick?’
‘I’m feeling fine – just a bit weepy, you know.’
‘I had noticed,’ Lara said wryly. ‘So you’re OK to work right now? Not getting tired yet?’
‘No.’
‘Because we have that double booking next week and if you’re not going to be up to it I need to know.’
‘Oh, I will be,’ Betsy said, looking almost like her old self again. Bulletproof, Lara thought, reflecting on how lovely it would be if she could be that resilient. ‘I would never let you down.’
At least that’s one person I can rely on then, Lara thought. Please don’t completely destroy my faith in the human race by buggering up that promise now.
Lara was sitting across from her mum. They were in Fay’s favourite tea shop overlooking the river. Lara had often commented that she thought it was overpriced for what it was – probably paying for the view – and Fay had often agreed. But whenever Lara suggested they meet up for a chat somewhere other than her mother’s cramped and cluttered house, that was where Fay wanted to go.
Lara couldn’t blame her really, as she looked out on it today. They had their favourite seats by the window. The skies were a little grey, but the scene was still pretty – the river, moving sedately along, flanked by lush greenery, pleasure boats going up and down, a rowing team just getting into the water for their evening practice, families wandering along the promenade with children or dogs, often both. In the distance they could see the ornate and sturdy iron structure of the River Dee suspension bridge, gleaming as it spanned the waterway.
Lara had work waiting back at the office, but it was gone six thirty and well past the end of her official working day, and she was just too tired and tetchy to do it tonight. Whether an hour listening to her mum’s gossip would cheer her up or make her feel worse remained to be seen. At least she’d never told her mum about Theo, which meant she didn’t need to now explain why she and Theo weren’t together any longer. It was one less person to gossip about.
Lara had ordered an Americano while Fay had ordered a coffee so full of syrup, whipped cream and marshmallows it practically counted as a meal. When the drinks arrived at their table, Lara saw that her mum had also ordered chocolate cake when Lara hadn’t been looking.
‘How your blood sugar isn’t through the roof I’ll never know,’ Lara said, pouring milk into her coffee.
‘I won’t have any other treats this week,’ Fay replied a little defensively as she dug a fork into her cake. ‘I can have one every now and again, can’t I?’
‘I suppose so. I just worry about you, that’s all.’
‘I know. I can’t complain about that. I do wonder when that all switched around though.’
‘When what switched around?’
‘When I started to worry about you less than you worry about me.’
‘Are you saying you don’t worry about me now?’
‘Oh, I’ll never stop worrying about you because that’s what mothers do. But you never worried about me like you do now. I expect it’s because I’m getting old.’
‘Don’t say that – I don’t want to think about it.’
‘Well, we’ll have to think about it one day because it’s coming. Unless I die soon.’
‘Great. Now I feel cheerful.’
‘Well, that’s going to happen too so there’s no point in shying away from it.’
‘Can we stop talking about you dying please?’
Fay rammed another forkful of chocolate cake into her mouth and chewed solemnly.
‘I bet you never have this conversation with Sean,’ Lara said.
‘I never have any conversations with your brother these days,’ Fay said. ‘He never calls, never comes round. It’s all about Michaela these days.’
‘At least he’s settled.’
‘Well, there is that,’ Fay said, taking a sip of her coffee that left her with a cream moustache. ‘So what’s young Betsy going to do? I’d have liked to have been a fly on the wall when she told her mum.’
‘I don’t think she’s actually told her yet. Yesterday, when she told me, she said she was going to, but this morning when I asked her she said it hadn’t been the right time.’
‘There’s never a right time for that sort of news. Best to just get it out.’
Lara gave a slight shrug. ‘She’s hardly a slip of a girl anyway. She’s eighteen – I can’t see how her mum can really make a fuss about it. It’s not all that shocking.’
‘But it’s not about her age; it’s about the resources she has to bring up a child. She doesn’t have her own home and she doesn’t have a man by her side. That’s going to make life difficult for everyone, isn’t it?’
‘I suppose so. I never really thought of it like that.’
‘Well, you wouldn’t, because you don’t have children. Don’t forget that I did it alone so I know what I’m talking about. It’s harder than you can imagine.’
‘Hmm. I suppose I didn’t really think about it that way.’ Lara stirred her coffee, her gaze going to the window. She could see a couple on the bridge. Suddenly, they stopped in the centre and the man got down on one knee. She watched as the woman threw
her arms around him. Another love story with a happy ending. Lara smiled slowly. It was hard not to be cheered by that, no matter what was happening in her own life. ‘Someone’s just proposed on the bridge.’
‘Oh!’ Fay squealed, leaning into the window to get a closer look. ‘Oh! I didn’t see it! I wish I’d seen it! I wonder if they’ll come to you for their wedding? It’s a good business to be in,’ she added sagely. ‘Plenty of money in weddings. People are getting married all the time.’
‘I’m doing something wrong then because I’m not seeing all that money.’
‘You don’t charge enough.’ Fay sat down on her seat again.
‘I can’t yet; I’m not established.’
‘No, but you’re good. I tell everyone about you. I’m so proud of you.’
‘I know, Mum,’ Lara said, her smile returning. She’d been feeling low and lost again all day, still missing Theo. She was reeling from the way it had ended, driven half-mad by his lack of contact and desperate to make the first move and contact him, no matter how angry she felt and no matter how convinced she was that it was better left alone.
She was also worried about Betsy and how she was going to support her through the pregnancy – both as an employer and a friend. Though when she really thought about it, she was blessed, more than she often appreciated. She only had to sit here and look at her mother to know that. She was loved, she had a thriving business, a beautiful house and the cutest cat in the world. To want anything else was just plain greedy. She decided, there and then, that she was going to start counting those blessings instead of dwelling on what she felt was missing. She had it a lot better than many others.
‘You know what,’ she said. ‘I might get a slice of that cake.’
Fay raised her eyebrows. ‘You never eat the cake here.’
‘I know. But there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?’
‘Let me get it,’ Fay said, taking out her purse and sliding a five-pound note across the table.
‘No, Mum, you can’t—’
‘You never let me treat you and I want to. Do what your mother says and take the money.’
‘OK,’ Lara said, laughing. She got up and went to the counter, returning a few minutes later with a slice identical to Fay’s.
‘I think yours is bigger,’ Fay said, eyeing it. ‘I’ll bet it’s because it’s nearly the end of the day and they want to get rid of it.’
‘Well they do say good things come to those who wait.’ Lara grinned and started to eat. It was gooey and rich and just the sort of comforting thing she needed right now.
‘You’ll never guess who I saw yesterday,’ Fay said.
‘President Nixon? Madonna? Ronald McDonald?’
‘No,’ Fay said, and Lara had to stop and wonder why she wasn’t laughing. ‘I saw Siobhan.’
‘Oh,’ Lara said, all her good humour and promises to herself evaporating in that one instant. Suddenly, the gooey, indulgent chocolate cake had lost its appeal. She put the fork down on the plate and pushed it away.
‘Oh, she looks bad,’ Fay said. ‘Terrible. She looks ill.’
‘Does she?’
‘Dreadful. Getting big around the jowls too. And I could see her roots.’
Siobhan had looked tired when Lara had seen her last and on that point she had to agree with her mum, but she certainly hadn’t noticed any of the other things.
‘I’m sure she’s fine,’ Lara said. ‘Everyone has an off day. You probably just happened to catch her on one of hers.’
‘She said hello to me,’ Fay said. ‘Crossed over the street to ask how I was. She hasn’t done that since… well, you know.’
‘Did she?’ Lara leaned forward now. It seemed surprising that she’d do that, especially given what had happened between them at Siobhan’s house the night Lara had split from Theo. ‘That’s nice of her. She always did like you. She used to say she wished you were her mum.’
‘She shouldn’t have said things like that,’ Fay said, though clearly she was flattered and pleased to hear it. ‘Her own poor mum wouldn’t have liked to hear her say that.’
‘I don’t think her mum was all that interested. Siobhan always said she was the accident her mum and dad hadn’t wanted to happen and by the time she was born they were fed up with raising kids.’
‘It was a very big gap between Siobhan and her sister,’ Fay agreed. ‘I’m surprised her mum and dad were still doing… things… at that age.’
‘I don’t think they were that old,’ Lara said with a faint smile.
Her mind went back to the first time she and Siobhan had got chatting. They were thirteen years old. Lara had seen Siobhan at school but they’d never spoken. But then, one day as she walked home, she saw her shivering outside her house in the rain because she’d lost her front-door key. Lara went to see if she could help. They could see her mum through the window, watching TV, but it was so loud that no matter how much they knocked she didn’t hear them.
Lara often thought in the years that followed that Siobhan’s mum simply hadn’t wanted to hear them. Siobhan’s dad had died the year before, and Lara sometimes wondered if Siobhan’s mum been the victim of some mental illness that nobody had known about. Siobhan was often neglected as she grew up. That first day, Lara had invited her back to her house to dry out, and Fay had made them hot chocolate and toast. Lara had been a bit embarrassed that her home was so chaotic, but Siobhan had told her she loved it and, after that, she was there almost every afternoon once school had finished. When Lara thought back to the friendship they’d had and lost, she hated Lucien more than ever.
‘What did she say?’ Lara asked.
‘She just said it was nice to see me looking well. I didn’t ask about… you know who. She didn’t ask about you, I’m afraid, but I expect she’s too ashamed to. Oh, but she looked terrible. I almost asked her if she wanted to come to my house for hot chocolate like she used to in the old days. I think she needs someone to take care of her.’
‘I don’t think that would have been a good idea,’ Lara said, vaguely alarmed by the prospect. What if any of her last conversation with Siobhan had been relayed to Fay? Lara didn’t think that even Siobhan would want to drag Lara’s mum into their spat, because she knew Siobhan thought a lot of Fay, and she didn’t think for a minute that Fay would have taken any of it on board anyway, but she couldn’t be certain and the idea unsettled her.
‘Oh no, I wouldn’t have done. I wouldn’t have her in the house,’ Fay said. ‘Not after all that business. It wouldn’t be right.’
’I know you wouldn’t,’ Lara said, despite the brief doubtful thoughts that had flitted through her mind.
‘It’s such a shame about you two, though.’
‘It is,’ Lara said quietly, her gaze back on the river beyond the windows. ‘Nobody knows that better than me.’
Eighteen
It was almost nine by the time Lara arrived back at home. She’d driven her mum home and had left there feeling lighter than she had in days. It had done her good to be out and thinking about something other than her altercations with Theo, Siobhan and Lucien, although what her mum had told her about Siobhan troubled her. It was nothing more than the usual gossip, of course, and Fay always saw illness and drama when it wasn’t necessarily there, but, in this case, Lara thought she might be right. But what could Lara do about it, even if she was inclined to? And she wasn’t really inclined to do anything. She could feel sorry for Siobhan but the fact remained that Siobhan had hurt her badly and continued to hurt her. If Siobhan was unhappy, if Lucien was wearing her down, then she only had herself to blame and why should Lara care?
She killed the engine outside her own house and got out of the car. It was then that she saw the flowers on the doorstep. They were gorgeous – pink carnations, white roses and lilies, eucalyptus stems adding a touch of lush greenery. There was a note attached. Lara picked it up. She’d expected them to be from Theo but was shocked to see that the note was from Siobhan.
I’m sorry for what I said to you on Thursday night. I know you don’t owe me any forgiveness, but please know that I didn’t mean to hurt you.
Always your friend,
Siobhan
Lara took the flowers inside. Fluffy padded down the hallway to greet her and she was gladder to see him than she’d ever been. As she searched for a vase he wound around her legs, his soft fur and contented purrs a comfort, and as she arranged Siobhan’s flowers, tears splashed onto the kitchen worktop. There was no bitterness in them now, only a profound sadness. What had happened to the two girls who had grown up together? Hadn’t they been like sisters once? All this warring was over a man who wasn’t worth either of their tears.
She wanted to call Siobhan and thank her but she didn’t have her phone number anymore. She guessed that was perhaps why Siobhan hadn’t called her either. But then, even if they could speak to each other, what would they say that hadn’t already been said? This peace offering didn’t change any of the material facts. Siobhan was set to marry Lucien and, once that happened, they could never be friends again. They might see each other in the street, say a brief hello, a nod of acknowledgement maybe… but that was all it could ever be now.
She gazed at the flowers, now in a pristine white vase. They warmed her and saddened her in equal measure, but they represented a line: before the grown-up Lara and Siobhan had understood each other and afterwards. Because now, Lara thought that perhaps they did have an understanding. There was no animosity, no hatred, only an acceptance that they had once had a friendship to cherish. If nothing else, at least they could treasure the memories of that and not let what had gone on since taint them. This was Siobhan’s way of asking Lara not to forget, and Lara wasn’t about to.
Betsy had managed to get a last-minute appointment for an ultrasound on the Thursday after she’d told Lara her news. She still hadn’t broken it to her parents yet, though the father of her baby had been stoic about it all and had promised to do the best he could by her. At least that was something, Lara had said as Betsy repeated her request for Lara to accompany her to the clinic for the scan. So they’d shut the office for a couple of hours on Thursday afternoon and driven to the hospital together. Betsy had been chatty on the way and, if Lara hadn’t known better, she’d have said that her apprentice was almost excited at the prospect of seeing the evidence of what she knew was growing inside her.
The Break Up: The perfect heartwarming romantic comedy Page 20
