by Marta Perry
He let that trail off, and she knew he was thinking of his wife’s death.
“Anyway, the kids around there were pretty bad. Not just walking across the lawn but damaging anything they could lay their hands on.” His lips pressed together, as if he didn’t want to say more. Then the words poured out. “My wife loved her flowers. Said when she looked out and saw them, she forgot everything else. And those hoodlums—they ripped up the flower beds with their bikes, tore them all up and left them for us to find.” He stopped then, reliving the past and fighting for control.
Tears welled in Dorcas’s eyes. She touched his arm gently, longing to do something and knowing that nothing would make it better. “I’m so very sorry.”
Haggerty gave a short nod, swallowing hard. “Didn’t mean to say all that.” The words were gruff, and he made an obvious effort to shake off his grief. “Anyway, I see now your kids aren’t like that. Tell them I’m sorry for yelling, okay?”
“I will. Denke.”
He smiled, and she saw what he must have looked like before he was ravaged by grief and pain. “Denke to you, too.” He walked away quickly, and she realized he needed to be alone.
Alone for the moment, yes. But she prayed that he’d open his heart enough to let them make him feel welcome and at home here.
* * *
—
Thomas heard the back door slam and knew Esther was home. And shouting his name. He’d call back, but he’d already discovered that there were very few things he could do without making his ribs crunch in pain.
She came flying into the living room, where he was tucked up in the padded rocking chair and wedged into place with pillows. He’d had a painful try at every other piece of furniture before settling in Mamm’s rocker. She had wanted him to retire to bed the minute they got home, but the thought of the steep stairs discouraged him.
“Thomas!” Esther surged toward him as if to hug him, and he raised his hand to fend her off.
“No touching,” he said. “I’m as fragile as a piece of glass right now.”
She grinned but backed up a pace. “You don’t look it.”
“Believe me, I feel it.” He reached out to touch her hand. “Thanks for being such a help.”
Esther looked as if she was holding back tears with an effort. “It was scary.”
“You’re telling me. I can’t believe the floor was that hard. I feel like I’ve been kicked by a team of horses, at least.”
That brought her smile back. “I’ve never ridden in an ambulance. Could you hear the siren? Did you have fun?”
He grimaced. “Fun isn’t the word for it. Let’s hope you never have to do it.”
“I guess.” Although she looked as if she still yearned to take a trip in an ambulance. She just didn’t want to be hurt to do it. “Mammi says we have to take care of you for a couple of days. What do you want? Should I bring you some tea and toast?”
“Tea and toast?” He grimaced. “No, thanks.”
“That’s what Mammi always gives me when I’m sick.”
“I remember. One time when I was sick, I talked Jonas into sneaking me a snickerdoodle. It made my stomach hurt, but it sure tasted good.”
Esther smiled, but she looked disappointed at not being able to wait on him, so he tried to come up with something.
“If there’s any ham left, you can make me a sandwich. With cheese and pickle.”
“And tea?” she asked hopefully.
“Okay, tea,” he agreed and was rewarded with a smile.
When she’d gone off to the kitchen, he leaned back in the rocker, feeling exhausted. The next few days wouldn’t be much fun, and the work wouldn’t get done while he was laid up. He’d be glad to blame somebody else, but it was his own inattention that had caused this, unlike being sick, which nobody could help.
His thoughts drifted back to the day he’d told Esther about. It hadn’t been hard to get Jonas to bring him that snickerdoodle. At that age, Jonas had looked up to his big brother, even wanted to be like him. Funny how much things had changed since then. No, funny was the wrong word. Sad was more like it.
Regret ate at him, but there was no cure. No one could go back and undo what had already been done.
What with all the fussing Mamm and Esther did, the day seemed longer than ever. All he could think was that he wanted to talk to Dorcas, to tell her . . .
To tell her what? Nothing had changed. But he couldn’t erase the picture in his mind. He’d opened his eyes, stunned and hardly knowing who or where he was, and seen Dorcas’s face, her eyes filled with love. He’d known, then. He couldn’t deny any longer that they loved each other. But what kind of payment for her love would it be to ask her to leave her family behind and go off to who-knows-where with a man who couldn’t even provide for her?
He couldn’t talk to her, chained to the rocking chair as he was. He could only hope that someone had told her that he was all right.
But he should let her know that he fully intended to get back to work as soon as possible. Could he do that without straying into the dangerous territory of feelings? He’d have to; that was all.
Mamm wouldn’t allow him to jaunt out to the phone shanty, even if he’d been able to. Still, he could send a note to her via Esther tomorrow, asking her to stop and see him after school. It wouldn’t be private, but that was all for the best.
The evening dragged on, punctuated by Esther’s attempts to amuse him. Finally, when she’d proposed dragging a table over to him so they could work a puzzle, Mamm intervened, declaring that that he must go to bed.
“I’m all grown up now, Mammi,” he teased.
Mamm eased Esther and the table away from his chair. “Never you mind about that,” she said firmly. “You’re still my boy, and I know when you’re tired, even if you don’t.”
“But I do,” he protested, starting the process of getting out of the chair.
She put her hand on his shoulder and pressed him back gently. “Not by yourself. Jonas will help you.”
Before he could argue, she was calling Jonas from the kitchen with orders to help him to bed. Jonas looked as reluctant as he’d anticipated, but he nodded.
“I can manage,” Thomas said when his brother bent to take his arm.
“Best not to argue with Mammi.” Jonas grasped his arm firmly. “Is this okay?”
He nodded. Jonas was right. Arguing would just draw attention to the breach between them.
With Jonas’s strong arm supporting him, he managed to get out of the chair. He took a few steps, only to find the stairs confronting him, looking as scalable as a mountain.
“Whoa,” he murmured.
Jonas looked from his strained face to the stairs. “If you sat on a straight chair, maybe Daad and I could carry it up.”
He winced at the thought. “Like we used to do with Grossdaadi? I don’t think so.”
He thought he actually saw amusement in Jonas’s face at that. “How about if you hold the railing on one side and I hold you on the other?”
“Since Mamm won’t let me sleep in the chair, I guess we better try that.” He reached for the railing.
“Okay, here we go.” Jonas lifted, he pulled, and they got up one step, then another and another.
Funny. It was the first thing he and Jonas had actually done together since he’d come back. Wobbling and straining, they were finally up the steps and into the bedroom.
Jonas lowered him onto the bed in the room they had once shared, and Thomas knew he had to say something to break the uncomfortable silence between them.
“I was telling Esther about the time when I was sick, and you hid a cookie from Mammi and brought it to me.”
Jonas managed a slight smile. “Gut thing she didn’t catch me at it. I always thought she had eyes in the back of her head.”
“She did,” he sai
d, smiling in return. “You risked a fine scolding for helping me. That was when you kept trying to be like me.” His smile faded. “It’s just as well you stopped trying after a while.”
“I was just too scared of Daad, that’s all.” Jonas turned away before Thomas had time to consider that comment. But he knew there was something that should be said between them.
“Jonas, wait a second.”
His brother paused, but he didn’t turn back to face Thomas.
“Listen, I just want you to know that I didn’t come back with the idea of taking your place here. I came because I wanted to be home. And I wanted to mend fences.” He hesitated, not sure whether to go on. “I guess some fences are beyond repair,” he said to Jonas’s back.
He saw his brother’s body tighten. Then just as quickly he relaxed, turning slightly toward him.
“I don’t guess there’s anything so bad it can’t be fixed,” he said. The words hung there between them for a moment. Before Thomas could find an answer, he’d gone.
Thomas lay back on the pillows and considered. Was that an olive branch? It sounded that way, and his heart warmed. He just wished he’d be there long enough to accept it.
* * *
—
Wednesday seemed like another very long day at school for Dorcas, even longer than the previous day, when she’d been waiting impatiently to hear how Thomas was. The familiar sounds of hammer and saw from the stable were silent now, and the school day seemed incomplete without them.
At least things had been calm at home. Mamm and Lemuel were back, with her cousin’s neighbors taking over the work on the farm while others helped with the kinder. Best of all, Jenny’s husband was home again. Dorcas felt a new bond with her cousin. She, too, had seen someone she loved taken away in an ambulance.
Shaking her head, she focused on the task at hand . . . namely, leading each grade level through its part in the spring program. It really had been coming together well, but for some reason today the scholars seemed infected by her own restlessness. The sixth graders stumbled over a recitation they’d done perfectly at the last practice, and the seventh graders could not stop rustling papers and whispering together. Only the primary children concentrated, saying their pieces with very little prompting.
She and Anna exchanged glances as the clock crawled toward dismissal time. “They’ll be better tomorrow,” Anna said, sounding as if she didn’t believe it herself.
“They could hardly be worse.” Dorcas smiled to show she didn’t really mean that. “Let’s see if you can get the seventh and eighth graders to try the ending once more.”
Anna nodded and moved toward the group, but even as she did so, Esther broke away from them and marched toward Dorcas. She thrust a folded piece of paper toward Dorcas.
“This is for you.”
Dorcas flipped it open, and her heart jolted when she realized it was from Thomas. Hoping she hadn’t given herself away, she read through it quickly. Thomas hoped she would stop by the house after school today. He wanted to talk to her about the stable project.
Almost before she’d finished, Esther was speaking. “I s’pose you’re coming.”
She sounded so unwelcoming that Dorcas gave her a startled look.
“Yah, of course. Denke, Esther. I’ll stop by after I’ve finished my work here.”
Esther drifted off toward her group, and Dorcas looked after her thoughtfully. Odd, that’s what it was. Esther must have brought the note with her when she came to school this morning. Why had she waited until now to give it to Dorcas?
She might have forgotten about it, but that didn’t account for Esther’s attitude. This seemed to be more pointed than simply forgetting.
Dorcas tried to brush it away. Esther’s home life had been disrupted with Thomas’s return, and from what Thomas had said about his father, it hadn’t settled down yet. And given Thomas’s accident on top of it, Esther might be excused for not handling things well.
It was nearly time to let the children go. She’d busy herself with work here so that she wouldn’t have to walk to the Fisher place with Esther and the other scholars who lived in that direction. She felt as if she needed a small respite from them before she met with Thomas.
But once the scholars were on their way, Anna hurried over to her, looking worried. “I . . . I have something to tell you.”
Having said that much, Anna succumbed to reluctance, standing there twisting her fingers together and shifting from one foot to the other.
Dorcas forced herself to smile. “Whatever it is, tell me. I won’t bite you.”
“You’ll feel like it.” Anna’s face eased a little. “It’s Esther and her friends. I happened to overhear what they were saying when they should have been working.” She lost the smile. “I felt . . . well, I knew you should hear it.”
“Go ahead.” Her thoughts raced. What could they have been chattering about that would have Anna so upset?
“It was Esther. She said that you . . . that you and Thomas . . . well, she said that you were trying to catch Thomas. To marry him, she meant.”
Dorcas couldn’t find words for a moment. What had happened that would suggest such a thing to Esther? Whatever there was between her and Thomas, she wasn’t trying to catch him. And how would Esther know anything about their feelings? There had never been anything between them that she could have seen.
“I’m sorry,” Anna said. “I was tempted to scold them for gossiping about you, but I didn’t know if that was the right way to handle it or not.”
She focused on Anna, who was looking apprehensive and needed to be reassured. “You did exactly the right thing. I’m glad you told me.”
“Denke. I wasn’t sure, but . . . anyway, I know it’s ridiculous. You wouldn’t be trying to trap Thomas into marriage, even if . . . well, even if the two of you . . .” She floundered into silence.
Dorcas patted her arm. “We certain sure haven’t done anything wrong, and Esther should not be gossiping about us in any event.” She shook her head. “I’ve been making excuses for Esther, knowing that the family has been upset by Thomas’s return, but this is going too far. I’m afraid I’ll have to speak to her parents.”
And how on earth she was going to bring that up, she didn’t know. She came out of her absorption to realize that Anna was still standing there, looking worried. “If you want me to do anything . . . I mean, I’d do whatever you said.”
The unexpected offer brought tears to her eyes, and she squeezed Anna’s hand. “Denke, but there’s nothing you can do. You go on home. I’ll go over there in a bit and talk to them.”
Anna nodded, clearly relieved that the burden didn’t fall on her. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” She hesitated. “I hope it’s all right.” With that, she hurried away.
Dorcas wished she were going with her. Or anyplace other than where she was. Esther was certain sure complicating an already difficult situation.
Her thoughts stopped spinning and settled on the one thing she definitely had to do. She had to tell Thomas about it. If rumors about them were going around, Thomas had a right to know it.
But she wished she didn’t have to tell him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Dorcas was still filled with regrets and apprehension when she reached the lane to the Fisher farm. And a bit of thankfulness, too, that she hadn’t elected to walk home with Esther. That would have been much too difficult once she’d heard what Anna had to say.
She slowed down as she started toward the house, partly because she was tired of lugging her bag of schoolwork for this distance and partly to think again how to break this news to Thomas. The last thing she wanted was to disrupt the bond he seemed to be forming with his little sister.
Thomas must have hardly known Esther in those days leading up to his departure. She would have been a child then, and now she was approaching womanhoo
d, with all the usual fits and starts along the way. Hers was a difficult age even under normal circumstances, and the family problems made it worse.
For the first time it occurred to her that Minister Lucas was not just hasty but actually wrong in his stubborn insistence on expecting such rigid adherence to the rules for his children. It seemed almost heretical to consider that, but she supposed a minister could be wrong about some things, just as any other person could be.
Children needed rules, of course. They couldn’t be happy and good unless they had clear boundaries. She enforced that in her classroom. But justice had to be tempered with mercy, didn’t it? Scripture said one should do justice and love mercy. Maybe it was the balance between the two that was difficult.
In any event, Thomas’s father wasn’t likely to accept advice from her. She’d have to be very careful how she spoke to him. Thank goodness she could ease it a little by talking privately to Thomas first.
A few minutes later, Dorcas was wondering exactly how private any conversation with Thomas would be. Miriam Fisher was in the kitchen as she’d expected, but Esther was there as well.
“Dorcas, it’s wonderful gut to see you.” Miriam beamed as she extended the warm greeting. “Will you have coffee? Or some cider? I just opened a quart.”
“Maybe later.” She noticed that Esther was looking everywhere but at her. “Esther brought me a note from Thomas, saying he needed to speak with me. How is he doing? If he’s resting, I shouldn’t interrupt him.”
“Ach, goodness no. He’s getting restless already at not doing anything. I had to practically tie him to the rocking chair to keep him from going out and helping with the cows.”
“He certain sure shouldn’t be doing that, but I don’t suppose he likes to be idle.” Most people didn’t, finding an illness or injury a nuisance when there was much to be done.
Miriam glanced toward the living room. “He’s fretting on getting behind with the work he’s doing at the school.” She had lowered her voice. “I told him a few days wouldn’t make much difference, but he’s so impatient.”
