"Well that's one way to lose." He smiled.
"Fuck cards." She swiped the cards off the table in a faux tantrum and laughed even harder. Then he kissed her. It happened so quickly it took her a few seconds to register it. His lips were warm on hers, and his beard tickled her face. One of his hands cupped her face, and the other was flat on the table that he was leaning over. She felt an urgent need to get rid of the table between them and got up to walk around it. They stood up and he grabbed her waist and pulled her towards him and she let out a moan.
"Where is Dana and Luke?" He asked before kissing her neck.
"Upstairs I think." She tilted her head back and breathed deeply. "Do you think they'll come down?"
"Who cares." She backed up to the couch without breaking contact, and they tumbled back. Her nerve endings were on fire and every touch sent a tingle down her spine. She got him into a sitting position and climbed on top of him. "I really need this right now."
"Hello?" Luke's voice came from the landing and they heard his footsteps as he descended.
Olivia rolled off of Michael and straightened up her clothes. Fucking hell Luke. Why now?
"Hey man, what's up?" Michael's voice was hoarse, and he coughed.
"Just feel weird up there. Dana clearly doesn't want anyone sleeping in her ex's room but is keeping the second bedroom to herself so it looks like I'll be sleeping down here."
"We can take the ex's bedroom. It's just a room, not some sort of shrine."
"I wouldn't, she's not that happy with you guys."
"What did I do?" asked Michael.
Luke sat down on the armchair and leaned back, wrapping a blanket around himself like a burrito and closing his eyes.
HEATING UP
Olivia knew something was wrong before she even opened her eyes, before her nose registered the smoke, and before her skin picked up on the heat. She went to scream, but an uncontrollable cough came out alerting Michael to the situation. She couldn't see him through the smoke, even though he was right next to her, but she could feel him shifting as he woke up.
"Shit," he spluttered and grabbed Olivia's arm. Orange flames spiked through the thick smoke.
"Luke!" Olivia called, managing to find her voice.
"You get Luke. I'll get Dana," she just about heard him over the roaring fire that consumed the curtains within seconds.
"But!.." She wondered how he could get up and down the stairs as the flames surrounded them. She had no time to argue with him and ran toward Luke and shook him. He was conscious, just. She pulled him up from the chair and dragged him towards the hallway, dodging the fire as the intense heat sucked away the oxygen. Her chest heaved with the smoke and the exertion of dragging Luke's limp body.
"I'm outside." Dana's faint voice emanated from the direction of the window.
"Michael." Olivia spun around, disorientated, trying to work out if he had already gone upstairs. He couldn't have. "Michael!" She knew if she stayed there any longer she would not make it out.
The heat was unbearable now, and as she opened the door she jumped out and pulled Luke through, grabbing him under his arms. The airflow through the open door breathed life into Luke, and he used his own strength to crawl onto the lawn and laid back coughing. Dana was on her hands and knees, sucking in and out.
After a few seconds of snatching breaths, Olivia steeled herself to go back inside. She had to know where Michael was. "He went upstairs to get you." She called to Dana and noticed the mattress lying on the ground.
"I jumped. Used anything I could to protect my fall. It's okay. He can do it to. He just needs to make it upstairs. They both shouted up to the open bedroom window. If he didn't make it out, there was no way Olivia would forgive herself. Her eyes were glued to the window, but all that came out were reams of smoke. There was no way the smoke inhalation wouldn't have incapacitated him, her brain reasoned, but some small part of her held out hope. The part of her that convinced herself she would win the lottery every weekend. The part that always left her disappointed.
"Michael." She screamed in between coughs. "Fuck it, I have to go back." As she lunged towards the door, Dana held her back.
"Look." Dana pointed up at the window. "Michael. Get on the roof. I put a mattress down. It's not a long drop." Her voice was almost lost against the sounds of destruction. He slung his legs over and edged his way onto the sloped lower roof. Once at the edge, he dropped feet first and fell onto the mattress.
"Are you hurt?" Olivia ran over to him, took his head in her hands and looked into his eyes.
Dana fell to her knees and sobbed. The kind of visceral sobbing that you don't come across often in your life. It sounded like all her demons bursting out of her, billowing up and mingling with the smoke above. Her body heaved and convulsed until the sobs turned into incomprehensible noises, like the death throes of some small pathetic animal.
"You should probably stand back." Luke pulled her back with sheer force as the fire grew, consuming everything in its path. The house started caving in on itself as sections of it fell away. It turned from a fully formed structure to a desecrated skeleton right before their eyes.
"How could this have happened?"
Olivia was still in a daze, and in the rush of self preservation it hadn't occurred to her that the candles may have been responsible. She considered keeping her mouth shut, but decided to get it over with.
"Dana, I lit candles last night. I didn't put them out before we went to sleep."
"What? You're and idiot. An irresponsible, selfish, idiot."
"Now hang on a minute," Michael interjected. "I didn't think to put the candles out either. There was no electricity. It just... happened. It was an accident." Dana didn't respond and got in the back seat of the car.
"I feel fucking awful. This is horrible." Trembling, Olivia put her head in her hands.
"It's going to be fine. I'm sure she'll forgive you."
"Yeah, right. Now we have nothing. All our stuff was in there."
"I guess it will be another trip for supplies then. We could use torches, batteries, stuff like that. Who knows how long the running water will last. We should stock up on bottled."
"Yeah, I suppose. I'm not thinking that far into the future for the moment."
***
No sound came from the receiver, so she dropped it onto the table. Her cellphone was dead, and she had to get help before she passed out. Silent tears streamed down her face as she came to terms with what she had done. Something irreparable. She couldn't bring herself to look down, but she could feel the warm blood soaking her arms. In her peripheral vision she could see the stains on her parents carpet from where it had spurted out so violently earlier but she avoided looking at it directly. When the doubt set in, she had wrapped her arms in with two dish towels which now stuck to her with the coagulating, drying blood. Her arms felt feeble as she pushed open the stiff front door, and the pressure she had to apply sent a throbbing, yet sharp pain travel down her wrists, making her mind imagine the wounds re-opening. Her knees buckled underneath her as she stumbled onto the front lawn.
The street was empty. No dog-walkers. No neighbourhood kids playing in the front yard, circling on their bikes as they often did at this time of day. As she lumbered towards the next-door neighbor's porch, she wondered what they would think, what they would say. She imagined her mom's embarrassment as the neighbors gossiped. Of course, it would all be blamed on her. Raising someone so incapable of functioning. Why couldn't she just move on like a normal person? Travelling across state didn't help. Her mom tried to help her. Relocated across country, all for her, but it wasn't enough. Why did she have to be so weak, so pathetic? Her mom would always be so much stronger than her.
She was so certain she had seen them in town. So certain that she took a sharp new razor to her wrists. Their faces were just as vivid as the day of her first flashback. For the first two months after the event, she couldn't even remember their faces. They came to her out of nowhere, one Tues
day night, as she tried to sleep, and after that, she could never forget.
The blue front door was of comfort to her. Last time she had knocked at their door she had lost her keys while out jogging and they took her in for coffee. The Jacksons would be willing to help. She hoped they could appreciate that she made a mistake as she banged on the door and blood smeared against the glass panes. The five minutes she waited seemed to last an eternity. They would not answer. Why was it so quiet?
Something shifted in the corner of her eye, and she turned her head. In the distance, two figures stood in the middle of the road. They didn't move. Something gave her pause. She could feel the life draining out of her but couldn't bring herself to walk towards these people. They all stood still, as if in a stalemate, and eventually she slowly stepped towards them to get a closer look, as shadows from overhanging trees concealed their faces. It was them. It had to be. Not wanting to wait to find out, she burst into a sprint and ran in the opposite direction. The sound of feet on tarmac. Her brain couldn't determine if they were just her footsteps, but she knew she couldn't stop. There wasn't a single person to help as she turned a corner so she could try to lose them, if they were even still there. She couldn't bring herself to turn around and had no idea where she was going. It wasn't until she got to the main road that she started to feel safer. The mall was close. People would be there. They could help. It wasn't until she started slowing down that she realised how breathless she was and took a moment to suck in all the oxygen she could before carrying on.
RETAIL THERAPY
A flutter of excitement built up in Olivia's stomach as they approached the building. Even when she had no money to spend, which was most of the time, there was something about malls that appealed to her. All the shiny new things. Everything she could want under one roof. Her favorite thing to do was look at the latest televisions and other electronics and imagine filling her house with them. She often looked over the home accessories and planned how she would decorate if she had endless funds. Maybe a Moroccan theme. In reality, she was very frugal and a phone contract was about as much commitment as she could handle, so it would only ever be one of her winning the lottery fantasies.
"What do you call them again, shopping centres? So formal." Michael chuckled.
"It's better than mall. What does that even mean?" Olivia pulled into one of the parking bays. As she got out the car she avoided making eye contact with Dana and they walked up to the entrance. The large glass doors were wide open, inviting them in. The inside of the building gave Olivia different vibes without the bright, artificial light, and the sound of their voices and footsteps reverberated off the shiny surfaces. It felt so much bigger without swarms of people getting in the way. Wide open except for the kiosks in the middle, with no one manning them. A glass window with shelves of waffles and cookies called out to Olivia, but the goods would undoubtedly be stale by now.
Everyone looked around silently like they were browsing alone on a leisurely weekend, taking their time. Olivia glanced up at Dana's face now and then to see if the angry shade of red had dissipated. She looked serene now, the calming effect of consumer capitalism.
"Listen, Dana. I'm really sorry. It was an accident, a stupid accident."
"I know. Sorry I got so mad. I just had this image that everything went back to normal, and my ex accuses me of burning his house down in some sort of jealous rage."
"Would he really think you're capable of that?"
"I don't know, maybe. He always made me feel like I was being psycho when I was upset about the breakup. I just wanted to talk about it. Some closure, y'know."
"That's understandable."
"Anyway, let's forget about him. There are more important things, like shopping."
Dana stopped in front of a clothing store. "Shall we?" Olivia walked in behind Dana and looked through the racks. The clothes didn't look as shiny and alluring without the bright light, but a particular dress stood out to her. A bright fuschia-colored, tulip-style dress. Bold and out of her comfort zone. She touched the silky fabric and checked the price tag. "whew," She instinctively almost went to walk away, then reminded herself that price was no object. Not that this dress was particularly fitting for the occasion.
"Lets try these on." Dana already had already filled a basket.
***
"This tent. I want this tent." Olivia stood before a pop-up two-person tent decorated with cartoon dinosaurs. She turned to Michael, who was loading up a shopping cart with gas canisters and a portable stove. "I was thinking of getting water treatment tablets, then water should never be an issue."
"Your so practical."
"Look what I found." Dana came running in through the front doors with a retro battery operated CD player.
"Great, now we just have to find some CD's. Are CD's even a thing anymore?" Michael asked.
"I know a great little record store we can stop by on our way."
"Cool. So I think we should go get food now and then we're good to go." Michael looked around at the hoards of stuff they had accumulated already. "I hope we can fit this all in the car."
"What was that?" Dana cocked her head and listened. A clattering sound echoed through the mall, and it was possible to tell which direction it had come from.
Olivia ran to the door and slid across the buffed tiles and looked down at the bottom level.
Michael came up next to her and peered over the railing. "I'll go check it out." He ran over to the now stationary escalator and clattered down the metal steps.
"I'm coming with you." Olivia followed close behind.
"Shh." Michael stopped. "Is that crying?" A stifled whimper was coming from somewhere.
"Behind that sign." Olivia whispered as she got closer. There was a free-standing sign outside the ice-cream store, and Olivia could make out a hunched figure behind it. She approached slowly and steadily, not wanting to spook the poor person.
"We're friends, you don't need to worry." Olivia decided it would be a good idea to announce herself first. As she saw the girl behind the sign, her face dropped. It was a pitiful sight. The woman was hugging her knees and shaking violently. Hair was matted to her face with a combination of tears and smeared mascara. Dark red stained her sweater, and Olivia was certain it was blood.
"You're hurt. Where are you bleeding?"
The girl brought down her arms that were almost stuck to her sweater with blood. Crimson smeared all down both arms, fresh, bright red, blood still glistened and seeped out of the open gashes and mingled with the brown dried blood that covered the whole of the inside of her forearms.
"Michael we need something to stop the bleeding."
"I'll run to the store. They'll have bandages." She could hear Michael's shoes squeaking against the tiled floor as he bolted. As a temporary measure, Olivia took off her cardigan and wrapped the fabric firmly around one of the girl's wrists. She had no idea if she was even doing this right, and her hands were shaking like a late stage alcoholic with delirium tremens. It's fine. It's fine. You got this. Olivia started talking to the girl, telling her everything would be okay. She had absolutely no conviction about this, but what else could she say? Dana and Luke came running, and Dana offered her silk scarf to stem the bleeding of the other wrist.
"Am I doing this right? It has to be tight, doesn't it?" The girl was awake but didn't speak, and her face was shockingly pale in contrast to the deep red blood. As some of it dripped onto the white floor.
Olivia felt the familiar ringing in her ears, tunnel vision and nausea. "I just need a minute." She slid backwards on the floor and took some deep breaths. The staccato sound of footsteps across the floor made Olivia turn, and Michael ran towards her.
"I found some bandages.
The girl's trembling had subsided somewhat, but her eyes still looked haunted, darting around for a threat, "I couldn't find anyone. I was bleeding so bad, it wouldn't stop, and I left my house and there was no one. I walked for so long."
"Don't worry," s
aid Dana. She had one of those reassuring voices that Olivia wished she had. Even Olivia's friends told her that her voice was scary, like she was pissed off all the time.
"I was screaming and no one came. I was all alone."
"Don't worry now. Just focus on your breathing." Luke advised. "We should really go to the hospital now. Do you think you can walk if we support you?"
"There won't be anyone there." Michael argued.
"I just need the equipment. I can handle this."
"What are you, a doctor?"
"Well, I went to med school."
"Really?"
"I will bandage her up properly here. The hospital is miles away." Luke took the girl's arm, and she squeezed her eyes shut as he gently unravelled the fabric away and Michael got the strip of bandages to the ready.
"What's your name?"
"Uh, Zoe." Her voice wavered.
"Zoe, I'm just going to make sure that…"
"What is it? Is it okay?"
Luke said nothing and stared at her arm.
"Luke, what is it?" Olivia could see Zoe was panicked, and his silence did not help. She leaned in to see why he had stopped and looked at Zoe's outstretched arm. She touched it lightly with her fingertips and ran them down the full length of her forearm.
"What are you doing?" Zoe straightened up and leaned forward to look at the damage.
Luke got up and grabbed a pack of wet wipes from their shopping cart and pulled one out. He leaned down and wiped down her arm. The dark, dried blood came away, revealing unmarred pink skin underneath.
"It's gone." He fumbled to check the next arm, discarding Olivia's bloody cardigan on the floor. "Is this a joke?" He spat.
"What are you talking about." Zoe cowered back against the wall.
"Some practical joke?"
"Luke what the fuck." Olivia grabbed him by the shoulder, and he turned.
"It must have been a squib. You know, those things that squirt out fake blood. We're you in on this?"
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