Kindertransport

by Diane Samuels

  EVELYN. That too.

  EVELYN puts the books to the side. LIL opens a letter.

  EVELYN picks up the mouth organ. She doesn’t recognise it. She puts it with the books.

  LIL reads the letter in her hand intently.

  EVELYN. Is it important?

  LIL. It’s them changing their mind about letting you stay on at school after we fought them . . .

  EVELYN. Rip it up.

  LIL. ‘We accept Eva’s proven brilliancy . . . ’

  EVELYN. Mum.

  LIL. Can’t we save it?

  EVELYN. What did you say about destroying?

  LIL witholds it.

  You were absolutely right. All this unpleasantness could have been avoided. I should have sifted through all these years ago. It’s only paper.

  LIL. I suppose.

  EVELYN. What’s done is done, Mum.

  EVELYN takes the letter and tears it.

  Let’s get back to normal shall we?

  LIL. You’ve got over worse.

  EVELYN. I’ve made a good life. All I can do is live it and count my blessings.

  LIL. And make up with your daughter.

  EVELYN. We’ll see.

  LIL. You always have to make an effort with your children. No matter what.

  EVELYN. All our children leave us. And one day they never come back. I can’t stop her.

  LIL. You and I are still close.

  EVELYN. You and I are different.

  LIL. She’s more like you than you think.

  EVELYN. I don’t want her to be like me.

  LIL. She’s herself too. Every child’s their own person.

  EVELYN. Was I?

  LIL. And how.

  EVELYN. Not any more. The older I get the less of myself I become.

  LIL. The things you come out with.

  EVELYN. I always knew she’d go. Didn’t the German woman realise that too?

  LIL. You mean your first mother?

  EVELYN. She wanted me to be hers forever.

  LIL. I thought you’d forgotten her.

  EVELYN. It doesn’t matter. I have.

  EVELYN continues to tear.

  Soundtrack of a newsreel about the liberation of Belsen.

  LIL and EVA (now fifteen) watch. Suddenly LIL puts her hands over EVA’s eyes and bundles her away.

  LIL. They should have a warning about what’s in them newsreels. No children should see such pictures.

  EVA (pushing away LIL’s hands). I’m not a child. I’m fifteen.

  LIL. Especially not you. No matter how old you are.

  EVA. It can’t be kept from me forever.

  LIL. D’you want to go back in then?

  Pause.

  EVA. No.

  EVA. The soldiers had handkerchiefs over their noses and mouths.

  LIL. Don’t think of it.

  EVA. Can a handkerchief keep out the smell of all those bodies?

  LIL. It couldn’t hold all the tears that want crying.

  Pause.

  EVA. I don’t want to cry.

  LIL. Far too shocking.

  EVA. Should I want to cry? Is it callous of me?

  LIL. You react as you react.

  EVA. We can still go in to see the main feature, can’t we?

  LIL. Do you want to?

  EVA. Yes. Is that wrong?

  LIL. It was our treat.

  EVA. There’s no reason why we should miss our treat is there? I mean, it wouldn’t make any difference to anything else would it?

  LIL. Sure you’re in the mood?

  EVA. I have been looking forward to it.

  LIL. I don’t know if I’m in the mood now.

  EVA. You’ve already paid for the tickets and we won’t have another chance before it finishes.

  LIL. Alright.

  Knocking on the door.

  FAITH (off). Gran? Mum?

  EVELYN shakes her head.

  LIL. Go on down, Faith, love.

  FAITH (off). What are you doing?

  LIL. Let me sort it out.

  FAITH (off). Let me in.

  LIL. We’ll be out soon. Promise.

  FAITH (off). How soon?

  LIL. Not long.

  FAITH (off). I’ll wait here.

  EVA stands on a box. LIL starts to fix her skirt hem.

  EVA. Thank you for helping.

  LIL (to EVA). You can do your own hem next time.

  EVA. You know I’m no good at sewing.

  LIL. You’ll have to learn sooner or later.

  EVA (taking the gold watch and jewellery out of her pocket). How much d’you think they’re worth?

  LIL. What’s worth?

  EVA. Two rings. A charm bracelet. Gold. A chain with a Star of David. A watch. All gold.

  LIL. Don’t ask me. I’m not a jeweller.

  EVA. It’d be quite a lot, wouldn’t it?

  EVA peers at the jewellery.

  LIL. Why d’you want to know?

  EVA. I was thinking of selling them.

  LIL. What d’you want to sell them for?

  EVA. I’m fed up of hiding the watch under my socks to stop hearing the ticking at night.

  LIL. It’s bad luck to sell a keepsake.

  EVA. I’d rather have the money.

  LIL. Money’s nothing. You purse it, you spend it. Those are more.

  EVA. If they’re mine, I can do what I want with them.

  LIL. Are they yours?

  EVA. My mother from Germany gave them to me.

  LIL. To look after for her or have for yourself?

  EVA. Same difference now.

  LIL. We’re still trying to track them down, aren’t we? Still writing all those letters. Why are you so keen to give up?

  EVA. It was all over a long time ago.

  LIL. It isn’t over till you know for sure.

  EVA. I will sell them, Mum. There’s better things the money could be spent on.

  LIL. Like what?

  EVA. I want to pay my way for myself as much as I can.

  LIL. And I want to keep you. Like no one ever kept me. I don’t care if it’s hard. I’ll do right by you. Somebody has to in this godforsaken world.

  EVA. You’ve already done more than alright by me.

  LIL. I’ve not finished yet.

  EVA. D’you mind if I go now?

  LIL. Just make sure no one diddles you.

  Knocking on the door.

  FAITH (off). Let me in. Please, let me in.

  EVELYN nods. LIL opens the door. FAITH enters.

  FAITH. My God.

  EVELYN. We’re going to clean this room up now.

  FAITH. I didn’t mean to shout at you like that.

  EVELYN. It’s over and done with.

  FAITH. I’m sorry.

  EVELYN. It’s forgotten.

  LIL tidies around the box of torn papers.

  FAITH. What are those?

  EVELYN. I’ve put an end to the trouble.

  FAITH. You’ve torn up those letters and photos . . .

  EVELYN. It’s the only way forward.

  FAITH (to LIL). How could you let her do this?

  LIL. It’s what we both think is best.

  FAITH kneels down and stares at the pieces. She tries to gather and fit them together.

  EVELYN. Don’t get yourself all worked up now darling.

  FAITH. Weren’t these family documents . . . I mean . . . more than that . . .

  EVELYN. I know what they were.

  LIL (to EVELYN). No one’s accusing you, love.

  FAITH. But . . . weren’t these things . . . sort of . . . entrusted to you? Why didn’t you look after them?

  EVELYN is silent.

  Why didn’t you pass them on to me?

  EVELYN. I can do what I want with my own property.

  FAITH. But how do I know what went before without them? How does anyone know? What proof is there? It could all be make-believe, couldn’t it?

  LIL (to FAITH). You’re not doing a very good job of making up, Faith.<
br />
  FAITH (picking up scraps of paper from the floor). Look at these remains. Where’s the body for these feet? The hand for these fingers? Now they’re just lost in the millions.

  EVELYN. You know, Faith, there are hundreds of books on the subject. Read some of those if you must have a morbid interest in past events.

  FAITH. Who’s going to take care of their memory?

  EVELYN. Are you going to go on at me about this for the rest of our lives?

  FAITH. Did they die for you to forget?

  EVELYN. Why are you being so cruel?

  FAITH. Destroying these was crueller.

  EVELYN. Do you think I don’t know that.

  FAITH. Why did you do it then?

  EVELYN. Because – and I don’t expect you to begin to understand this – it helps me? It gives me something I can do in the face of it all.

  FAITH. It can’t change what happened though, can it?

  EVELYN. Do you want to draw blood?

  FAITH. Not blood.

  EVELYN. Well, blood is all I have left. Gallons and gallons of the freezing stuff stuck in my veins. One prick, Faith, and I might bleed forever.

  FAITH. Mother, don’t . . .

  EVELYN. Do you still want to know about my childhood, about my origins, about my parents?

  FAITH. Yes.

  EVELYN. Well, let me tell you. Let me tell you what little remains in my brain. And if I do, will you leave me alone afterwards. Will you please leave me alone?

  FAITH. If that’s what you want.

  EVELYN. My father was called Werner Schlesinger. My mother was called Helga. They lived in Hamburg. They were Jews. I was an only child. I think I must have loved them a lot at one time. One forgets what these things feel like. Other feelings displace the original ones. I remember a huge cone of sweets that I had on my first day at school. There were a lot of toffees . . .

  FAITH. What else?

  LIL. Faith.

  FAITH. What else do you remember?

  EVELYN. Books. Rows and rows . . . a whole house built of books and some of them were mine. A storybook filled with dreadful pictures: a terrifying man with razor eyes, long, long fingernails, hair like rats’ tails who could see wherever you were, whatever you did, no matter how careful you tried to be, who could get in through sealed windows and closed doors . . .

  FAITH. Go on.

  EVELYN. The only other thing is a boy with a squint on the train I came away on. I kept trying not to look at him. Please believe me, Faith, there is nothing else in my memory from that time. It honestly is blank.

  FAITH. What happened to your parents?

  EVELYN. They died.

  FAITH. In a concentration camp?

  EVELYN. Yes. In Auschwitz.

  LIL. When did you find that out?

  FAITH. When did they die?

  EVELYN. My father died in 1943. He was gassed soon after arrival.

  FAITH. What about your mother?

  EVELYN. My mother . . . she was . . . she was not gassed.

  FAITH. What happened to her?

  HELGA enters. She is utterly transformed – thin, wizened, old-looking. Her hair is thin and short.

  HELGA. Ist das Eva? (Is it Eva?)

  EVA is speechless.

  HELGA. Bist Du das, Eva? (Is that you, Eva?)

  EVA. Mother?

  HELGA approaches EVA and hugs her. EVA tries to hug back but is clearly very uncomfortable.

  HELGA. Ich hätte Dich nicht erkannt. (How much you have changed.)

  EVA. I’m sorry. I don’t quite understand.

  HELGA. How much you have changed.

  EVA. So have you.

  HELGA. You are sixteen now.

  EVA. Seventeen.

  HELGA. Blue is suiting to you. A lovely dress.

  EVA. Thank you.

  HELGA. You are very pretty.

  EVA. This is a nice hotel. I can’t believe you’re here.

  HELGA. I promised I would come, Eva.

  EVA. I’m called Evelyn now.

  HELGA. What is Evelyn?

  EVA. I changed my name.

  HELGA. Why?

  EVA. I wanted an English name.

  HELGA. Eva was the name of your great grandmother.

  EVA. I didn’t mean any disrespect.

  HELGA. No. Of course not.

  EVA. I’m sorry.

  HELGA. Nothing is the same any more.

  EVA. It’s just that I’ve settled down now.

  HELGA. These are the pieces of my life.

  EVA. There were no letters for all those years and then I saw the newsreels and newspapers . . .

  HELGA. I am putting them all back together again.

  EVA. I thought the worst.

  HELGA. I always promised that I would come and get you.

  EVA. I was a little girl then.

  HELGA. I am sorry that there has been such a delay. It was not of my making. (Pause.) I am your Mutti, Eva.

  EVA. Evelyn.

  HELGA. Eva. Now I am here, you have back your proper name.

  EVA. Evelyn is on my naturalisation papers.

  HELGA. Naturalised as English?

  EVA. And adopted by Mr and Mrs Miller.

  HELGA. How can you be adopted when your own mother is alive for you?

  EVA. I thought that you were not alive.

  HELGA. Never mind it. We have all done bad things in the last years that we regret. That is how we survive.

  EVA. What did you do?

  HELGA. I was right to send you here, yes? It is good to survive. Is it not, Eva?

  EVA. Please call me Evelyn.

  HELGA. Now we must put our lives right again. We will go to New York where your Onkel Klaus will help us to make a beginning.

  EVA. All the way to New York?

  HELGA. Who is here for us? No one. The remains of our family is in America.

  EVA. I have a family here.

  HELGA. These people were just a help to you in bad times. You can to leave them now behind. The bad times are finished. I know it.

  EVA. I like it here.

  HELGA. You will like it better in America.

  EVA. Do I have to go away with you?

  HELGA. That is what I came for.

  RATCATCHER music.

  Scene Two

  The torn papers and their box have been cleared away.

  HELGA, holding a suitcase, stands in a corner.

  EVELYN has opened the box of glasses. She rubs one with a tea towel.

  FAITH watches.

  EVELYN (holding up a glass). Will these be of any use?

  FAITH. Aren’t they a bit precious?

  EVELYN. You can have them if you want them.

  FAITH. If you’re sure . . .

  EVELYN. Yes or no?

  FAITH. Yes.

  EVELYN. Good. That’s glasses done.

  FAITH picks up the box and puts it by the door.

  EVELYN moves on to another box.

  LIL enters. She is wearing a coat.

  LIL. I’m off out now.

  EVELYN. Will you be back for dinner?

  LIL. Yes.

  FAITH. Do you want me to give you a lift to the station tomorrow?

  EVELYN. I said that I would.

  FAITH. You hate driving into town.

  LIL (to FAITH). I told her she didn’t have to.

  EVELYN (to LIL). I want to take you to the station.

  LIL. You don’t need to make anything up to me. I told you. It’s alright.

  EVELYN. Just let me take you.

  LIL. Alright, take me.

  EVELYN. I’ll find out about departure times.

  LIL. I’ve already got a timetable.

  EVELYN. Fine.

  LIL. See you later then.

  EVELYN. See you later.

  FAITH. Bye.

  LIL exits.

  FAITH starts to search through some boxes.

  EVELYN. Don’t you do a thing. You’ll only cause a muddle. (Opening a box.) Do you need cutlery?

  FAITH. What
sort?

  EVELYN (pushing the box to her). Look at it and decide.

  FAITH. This is silver.

  EVELYN. I don’t like it.

  FAITH. Why not?

  EVELYN. The design’s far too fussy.

  FAITH. I like it.

  EVELYN. Take it.

  FAITH. Thanks.

  EVELYN. Not at all.

  FAITH puts the box by the door.

  EVELYN continues to check boxes.

  FAITH. Gran didn’t know that your mother survived did she?

  EVELYN. If she had known, she would have made me go with her.

  FAITH. To New York?

  EVELYN. She would have handed me back like a borrowed package.

  FAITH. She might not.

  EVELYN. You know your gran as well as I do, Faith.

  FAITH. Did you ever see her after she left?

  EVELYN. No.

  FAITH. Was she still alive when I was born?

  EVELYN. Yes.

  FAITH. When did she die?

  EVELYN. In 1969.

  FAITH. She lived a long time.

  EVELYN. She was a very strong woman.

  FAITH. Didn’t you ever want to be with her?

  EVELYN. We didn’t get on.

  FAITH. You stopped me from knowing her.

  EVELYN. I have tried to do my best for you. Please believe that.

  FAITH. You stopped her from knowing me.

  EVELYN. Don’t hanker after the past. It’s done.

  FAITH. It’s still a part of our lives.

  EVELYN. It is an abyss.

  FAITH. Before, all I knew was a blank space. Now, it’s beginning to fill up. I have a background, a context.

  EVELYN (opening out two boxes). Crockery?

  FAITH (looking at it). It’s beautiful.

  EVELYN. A collection.

  FAITH. Why don’t you use it.

  EVELYN. I prefer the Royal Crescent set downstairs. That’s an old fancy. I’ve outgrown it.

  FAITH. I’ll probably break it all.

  EVELYN. I hope you won’t.

  FAITH. I was joking.

  EVELYN. Do you have enough storage space?

  FAITH. There’s lots of empty cupboards. (Pause.) Am I Jewish?

  EVELYN. You’ve been baptized.

  FAITH. Wouldn’t the Nazis have said that I was?

  EVELYN. You can’t let people who hate you tell you what you are.

  FAITH. I want to know what it means.

  EVELYN. I’m afraid that I can’t help.

  FAITH. Don’t you feel at all Jewish?

  EVELYN. I was baptized when I was eighteen. I was cleansed that day. Purified.

  FAITH. How can you say that?

  EVELYN. I have been a great deal happier for it.

  FAITH. What about being German?

  EVELYN. Germany spat me out. England took me in. I love this place: the language, the countryside, the buildings, the sense of humour, even the food. I danced and sang when I got my first British passport. I was so proud of it. My certificate of belonging. You can’t imagine what it was like.