by Amy DeLuca
She slammed the door behind her, dropping her face into her hands.
“I’m so sorry.” Kristal’s tone was grave. “I thought he knew. I thought you talked on the island. I never would have brought—”
“I know. Let’s just go. Please,” Cinda muttered into her palms, not looking up until they’d pulled away.
Unable to resist checking the rearview mirror, she saw Alex still standing there in the middle of the parking lot, watching them go.
His tall, powerful form sagged, making him look exhausted. Defeated.
Cinda shifted her tear-stained focus to the view out the windshield, shrugging off the light tapping of her conscience upon her heart and trying feverishly to shut out the little voice that reminded her Alex hadn’t been the only one who’d withheld important information.
It also asked a question… if he’d been defeated… did that mean she’d won?
She certainly didn’t feel victorious. In fact, she felt a greater sense of loss than she’d ever experienced in her life—and that was saying a lot.
Turning to see her son’s pout as he sulked in his booster seat in the rear of the SUV, her heart cracked, admitting fresh pain. She feared she knew who the real loser would be in this disastrous mess.
AJ.
Twenty-One
Two Options
Patton drove toward Bellevue Avenue while Alex’s head roared with anguish and his belly roiled with grief.
Obviously, he should have told Cinda about Audrey.
To him, it had been a non-issue. At some point before dawn, he’d made up his mind to speak with his family and tell them there would be no engagement announcement at tomorrow’s ball and then speak to Audrey himself, explaining why he couldn’t go through with the arranged marriage.
But Cinda didn’t know all that. And now she didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. He had no idea what to do.
One thing was for sure—he wasn’t leaving Newport until he’d straightened it all out.
A son. I have a son.
Fierce joy mixed with a sickening sense of fear in Alex’s chest. His son was here in this very city, within his reach. He could get to him in only a few minutes’ drive time. And yet a life with AJ and Cinda seemed a million miles away right now.
She hated him, and his child didn’t know him at all. He had to fix it—somehow.
His mother accosted Alex as soon as he arrived at the mansion.
“Thank goodness you’re home. Why would you have gone to the island with a storm coming?” she scolded. “You knew Audrey’s family would be arriving, and it was foolish to fly in weather like that. It’s not like you at all. At least the storm let up in time for the ball.”
She stopped haranguing him for a second to look him over. “Oh dear, you look awful.”
Alex gave her a droll look. “Thank you. I feel awful. I didn’t sleep at all last night. Or the night before. Where is Father?”
His mother blinked in apparent surprise at his surly attitude. “He’s gone down to the harbor at Fort Adams to tour the America’s Cup racing boats with your brother. Why? What’s wrong? What happened?”
“I’m not sure yet, but I do intend to find out. Please tell him I need to speak with him as soon as he returns. I’m going up to my suite now, and I don’t want to be disturbed.”
“But the deRamels…” she protested.
“Believe me, they don’t want to meet me in my current state. I’ll see you all at dinner.”
He walked away toward the staircase. Mother no doubt thought he was referring to his disheveled appearance, but it was his state of mind he couldn’t expose his potential future in-laws to.
His head was a mess.
Back in Aubernesse, and even here in this house, his life was all about duty. It dropped on him like a heavy cloak the moment he stepped through the door.
Seeing Cinda had awakened the hope of a whole new life—a freer one, one full of joy and passion instead of just duty and honor.
He knew what his heart wanted, but it wasn’t entirely up to him.
If he couldn’t get through to Cinda, if she didn’t want him back… well, he would always know exactly what he was missing in life. In that case, perhaps he should just go ahead with his father’s plans. It was the path of least resistance and would make everyone else happy.
He’d never be happy—not truly—not without Cinda. He might end up married to someone else, but it would always be her he wanted.
How brutally unfair to Audrey. Didn’t she deserve better than to spend her life with a man who loved another woman?
Alex couldn’t imagine anything more miserable. Except perhaps being the man in love with that other woman.
He had only two options—figure out a way to win Cinda back… or let her go forever.
He had no idea how to accomplish either mission. And he was too exhausted at the moment to think straight. Two straight nights of not sleeping and a surfeit of emotion had left him beyond muddled.
Once behind the closed doors of his suite, Alex went straight to his bed and fell onto it without bothering to pull back the coverlet. For several hours he slept hard. He didn’t even dream as far as he was aware.
When he woke, there was one thought on his mind.
Rolling out of bed, he walked to the tall bureau where his valet had placed his folded clothing. He opened one of the smaller top drawers, reached inside, and withdrew the small velvet box he’d placed there five years ago.
Opening it, Alex touched the twelve-carat sapphire that reminded him so much of Cinda’s deep blue eyes. The fourteen diamond solitaires that surrounded it were meant to remind her of the stars they’d gazed at on the beach at night.
A surge of despair weakened his knees as he remembered the pain of coming home on that long-ago night and tucking the ring back into its box instead of sliding it onto Cinda’s left hand as he’d planned.
He hadn’t had the heart to return it, but he also hadn’t been able to stand seeing it.
So he’d shoved it in the back of this drawer the same way he’d shoved all his feelings into a dark box deep inside his soul.
He’d flown home and told himself he was okay, that he could go on, get over it, that there would be someone else to take her place.
Now he was acutely aware of just how much he’d been fooling himself.
The dark box was open now. Seeing Cinda had shone a spotlight on the feelings that had never dissipated but had only been hidden.
Alex made a decision. This ring wouldn’t remain hidden.
It was just as perfect for Cinda now as it had been then. She might not want to marry him, but he’d give it to her anyway.
She could wear it, flush it, or pawn it—it was up to her. But he would give it to her before he left Newport.
The idea revived him. Just the thought of seeing her again, even one more time, made life seem worth living.
And that was how he knew he couldn’t go through with the marriage to Audrey—no matter how things went with Cinda.
Not bothering to change out of his wrinkled clothes, Alex left his suite, intending to find his almost-fiancée and speak with her honestly. His sister Jane was coming down the hall as he entered it.
“Well, if it isn’t the daredevil pilot himself,” she said in a jovial tone, tossing her fiery red hair and laughing. “I’m glad you didn’t get blown away. We were all worried about you.”
“No need. I’m perfectly all right.”
“Yes, and how’s Miss Last-Chance Fling?” she quipped.
“Who?”
“Cam and I were talking about it. We’ve been to the beach house there, remember? Hanging out on an oceanside cliff is the last place anyone would want to be with a hurricane approaching. You must have had a heck of a reason to be there. We both agreed it had to be a woman.”
Alex shook his head, irritated. “I can’t chat right now. I’m looking for Audrey. Do you know where she is?”
“As a matter of fact, I do. Sh
e’s gone out to do a bit of ‘retail therapy’ with her friends. She was none too pleased to arrive and find out you’d jetted away for a spur-of-the-moment trip. Planning to smooth things over with that famous Wessex charm, are we?” Janey teased.
“Cam is the one with all the charm. And I don’t think there’s enough charm in the world to cover this situation.”
Her eyes widened with surprise and no small measure of glee. “Why? What have you done Alex?”
“It’s not what I’ve done,” he informed her. “It’s what I’m about to do. Fair warning—there may be a few extra fireworks at the ball tomorrow night.”
That night, Alex stood at the front door of Cinda’s small cottage, the ring in his pocket, and a flicker of hope in his heart.
It was fighting not to be extinguished by the fear that she’d turn him away, that she’d refuse to even listen. He had to try, though he still hadn’t had a chance to speak with Audrey.
She hadn’t come down to dinner. In fact, she’d sent word she was spending the night with friends instead of returning to the mansion after her shopping excursion.
Either she was trying to punish him for being absent when she’d arrived… or she might not be as upset about him breaking off their arrangement as he expected her to be.
Perhaps she had her own reasons for objecting to the political match.
Either way, he couldn’t wait any longer to straighten things out with Cinda.
Conscious of the late hour, he knocked softly instead of ringing the bell. There was the sound of movement on the other side of the door—no doubt Cinda was looking through the security port.
This was the moment of truth. Would she even open the door?
She did. And she didn’t look happy.
“How did you find out where I live?” she asked, dropping her chin and sighing loudly.
Alex gave her a sheepish grin and held his hands out to the sides, palms up, offering a one-word answer. “Prince.”
Cinda smirked. “Yeah. I figured you’d use your ‘royal resources’ and show up here. Well, I don’t care how ‘charming’ you are… you weren’t honest with me.”
“You weren’t completely honest with me, either, were you?” Seeing the guilt in her expression, Alex sensed his opening. “In any case, I don’t think the doorstep is the proper place to discuss it. May I come in? I’d like to talk.”
Cinda hesitated a moment but nodded, stepping back to allow him inside.
“We can talk—about AJ.”
She seemed to be warning him away from trying to start a discussion about their relationship, but whatever. The door was open—he’d start there.
“We’ll have to keep it down,” she said. “He’s sleeping.”
Alex nodded and stepped into the small living room area.
It was neat and casually furnished with a cheery yellow and red plaid couch against one wall and a worn-looking upright piano on the opposite wall. An upholstered wing back chair sat invitingly near the fireplace.
The white wood mantle was decorated with candles, a small bird’s nest, and several vases of different heights that contained branches of colorful fall leaves. There were a lot of pillows and a couple of soft-looking throw blankets.
The place looked comfortable. It looked… homey.
Framed photos adorned the side tables and shelves. All of them were of AJ.
Alex was silent for several minutes as he walked around the room picking up the individual frames and studying the photos inside. Each one pierced his heart with a tiny dart of longing and love and regret.
There was AJ’s homecoming from the hospital, his first bath, and what appeared to be his first attempt at feeding himself. Alex laughed at that one, at the exuberant expression AJ wore while smearing food on his face and in his blond hair.
A powerful concoction of mixed emotions filled Alex. Guilt, shame, disbelief, and absolute wonderment at this little person who looked so much like his own childhood photos it was almost disorienting.
In many of the pictures Cinda was holding AJ, playing with him, cuddling and kissing him, so someone else must have been holding the camera. Someone other than Alex.
Jealousy wrapped around his vocal cords, making his voice come out in a strangled whisper. “He’s so beautiful.”
“He is,” Cinda agreed. “He looks like you.”
Something in her voice made Alex glance up to check her expression. It was soft, her eyes glistening in the light from the fire.
“Can I see him?” he ventured. “I just want a peek.”
She nodded and turned to walk down a short hallway. Alex followed, his pulse beginning to rush.
Putting a finger over her lips, she opened the first door on the right, and together they tiptoed into the room and stood at the side of AJ’s molded plastic rocket ship bed.
The nightlight revealed how he’d squirmed in his sleep, tossing his blanket to the floor in the process. Cinda bent over and picked it up, gently draping it over his tiny form.
Unable to help himself, Alex moved closer and put a hand on the sleeping child’s head, smoothing the silky, mussed hair away from his forehead.
AJ stirred a bit but didn’t wake, only clutched his stuffed airplane toy closer.
Cinda tapped Alex on the shoulder and jerked her head toward the door. He followed her out into the hallway and then the living room.
“I’m making tea. Want some?” she asked.
Alex was shaken enough to want something a bit stronger, but he said, “Sure. That would be lovely.”
“Have a seat in the living room. It’ll just be a minute.”
Cinda returned with a tray bearing two mugs, a tiny pitcher of cream, and a bowl with various sweetener choices. She made a project of perfecting her teacup, stirring longer than necessary to blend its contents.
She seemed to be waiting for Alex to speak first. So he did.
“I’d like to apologize again for the way you found out about Audrey. It wasn’t my intention to keep it a secret. I was planning to tell you. I just needed some time to sort things out.”
Cinda’s response came out in a rush. “I’m sorry too for the way I spoke to you today. I was in shock. And I hope you know I wasn’t hiding AJ from you—well, not until a few days ago. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t know how to reach you. I had no way of finding you. When I saw you again… I was afraid of how you’d react.”
When he didn’t immediately respond—he was trying to find the right words—her defensiveness converted to indignation.
“Do you think I wanted to raise a child on my own? Wanted to endure the dirty looks and the judgment, wanted to suffer through all the long, sleepless nights, the terrible twos, not to mention twenty-six hours of labor, alone?”
Alex reached up to take her flushed cheeks between his palms.
“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not angry with you. I’m angry with my family for forcing me to leave the country before I’d found you—with myself for letting them. I knew you wouldn’t just abandon me without a goodbye. I knew what we had was real, and I talked myself out of it because my feelings were hurt.”
Dropping his hands, he added, “I do wish you’d told me earlier. It was quite a shock to the system to see a vision of my own childhood self trotting across the parking lot.”
“I guess we’ve both made mistakes,” she said softly.
“Yeah.” Alex sat back, first staring up at the ceiling then collapsing into the couch cushions and dragging a hand through his hair.
This was it. His chance to make things right, to convince Cinda there was a future for them as a family. He turned his head to look over at her.
“I can’t believe… all this time… I had no idea he even existed. I had no idea what you were going through. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. It must have been awful going through childbirth alone. I should have been there holding your hand, feeding you ice chips or whatever it is they give fathers to do so they don’t feel
utterly useless during the process.”
Cinda’s expression crumpled, her eyes reddening. He was getting through to her—at least he hoped so.
“You had to raise an infant with no help—while working to put food on the table,” he said. “Meanwhile I’ve been traipsing around the globe attending parties where the catering expense alone probably would have paid your bills for a year.”
“It’s not your fault, Alex. You didn’t know.”
“But I should have. I should never have stopped until I found you. I wish I had been there to hold him, to take some of those night shifts early on.”
“I nursed him, so I would have had to get up anyway.”
“Yes, but I could have brought him to you, so you didn’t have to get out of bed. He could have slept there between us where I could have watched him dream. And now he’s four—I’ve missed everything.”
The mental picture seemed to resonate with her. She reached out and covered his hand with her small, cool one. “Not everything. He’s only four. There’s a lot of his childhood left. Plenty of dreams still to come.”
She paused. “I’m sure he’d love to have a father to share them with.”
Alex’s heart sprang to attention. “You think so?”
She nodded. “I know so. He’s old enough now that he realizes most of his friends have fathers who live with them. He’s started asking me where his daddy is.”
Alex felt like he’d been punched. “What do you tell him?”
“I told him his daddy loves him but has to live far away, that maybe he’d meet him someday.” She shrugged. “It was the best I could come up with. He’s too young right now to understand the truth.”
“That is the truth—part of it anyway. I do love him. It doesn’t make any sense, but I feel like I already love him because I loved you so much.”
After a beat, Alex said, “I still do.”
Cinda’s intake of breath was audible. She looked away toward the fire and withdrew her hand.
“It was all a long time ago. We’ve moved on, and—”
“I didn’t, though. Not really.” Alex grabbed her hand again and squeezed. “I never got over you. Even when I thought you didn’t want me anymore, I still longed for you. I told myself it was stupid to still want you, but I couldn’t help it. And then when I saw you again last Friday… you took my breath away. I was right back in love, as if not a day had passed since our last kiss.”
