by Sarah Noffke
“Old-fashioned way?” Eddie looked at Julianna, confused. “I don’t get it.”
Julianna bent over and picked up the weapon. There was a single dart loaded into it. She pulled it loose and eyed it. “Old fashion as in...?”
“Yes,” said Elemius, his words slurred. “A human death. And Felix can easily get off a shot of that from a dart gun, striking the general anywhere on his skin.”
“What is that stuff?” asked Eddie, looking at Julianna curiously.
“Degen, apparently,” she said. “Continue or my friend is going to make you soil yourself.”
“B-b-but I’m cooperating,” squired Elemius.
“Keep going,” urged Julianna.
Elemius gulped. “Once the general is struck then he can die easily. A single shot. A blow to a major artery. Anything that would kill a non-enhanced human.”
“So degen undoes the nanocyte technology,” said Julianna, mostly to herself.
“Yes, and it can’t be redone. Once General Lance is struck then he’s human, the one thing that will make him normal. He’ll die, unable to heal,” explained Elemius.
“You have to tell us exactly how this degen works,” ordered Eddie, pushing the scientist firmer into the wall, picking him off his feet.
“I can’t!” said Elemius. “I’ve already told you enough. Felix is going to kill me.”
“We’re going to kill you,” Eddie threatened.
“But I—”
“Don’t bother with him,” said Julianna, cutting him off. “We have a sample of the drug. We’ll have our own guy study it.”
Eddie nodded, pulled Elemius off the wall, making him teeter like a puppet, toes merely brushing the ground. “Good plan. And in the meantime, this traitor can occupy our brig.”
“What? No! I told you what you wanted,” argued Elemius.
“Which is why we know you belong in the brig. Thanks, pal,” joked Eddie as he tugged Elemius toward the ship.
Chapter Twenty
Bridge, QBS ArchAngel, Behemoth System
Chester eyed the man who was plopped at the workstation next to his. He chewed too loudly, his jaw clicking every time he put a Cheeto in his mouth. Orange dust sprinkled from his lips and off his fingernails. The disgusting human being wiped his hands on his jeans, leaving behind an orange streak, before typing on his keyboard again.
Chester looked down at his own workstation, a temporary sorry-excuse-for-a-computer. He’d sanitized the keyboard the best he could but realized that it just needed to be torched. People were disgusting.
“Those things are going to kill you,” said Chester to Jimmy or Bob or whatever the guy had said his name was.
“Huh?” the man said, looking at Chester.
“Those things,” said Chester, pointing at the Cheeto about to enter the dumbass’ mouth. “They are going to kill you.”
The moron laughed before popping the Cheeto into his pie-hole. “They’re chips, not crack. I think I’ll be fine.”
Chester’s eyes dropped to the guy’s gut that spilled over his skinny jeans, which were a horrible name given the person who was wearing them. His hairy stomach stretched the shirt he wore to a dangerous capacity and peeked out at the bottom. “It’s more of a cumulative thing. That’s what I’d worry about if I were you.”
“I’m not certain that I asked your advice,” said SpongeBob, who also had bucked teeth that matched his crooked nose.
“Not certain, huh? Like there’s a probability that you might have asked and can’t recollect?” asked Chester, his tone patronizing. It was a style he’d perfected as a self-proclaimed loather of most of the universe’s population.
SpongeBob didn’t seem to know the answer to this, having been stumped by a series of new words. Slowly he lifted a Cheeto and deposited it into his mouth. “Chris, we have to sit together for a while. We should try and get along.”
“Name is Chester Wilkerson, Cheetos. Would you mind not spraying orange dust all over me? Unlike you, I have a certain level of cleanliness I prefer.”
“Hey dude, why don’t you—”
“Oh, Chester, you’re so funny,” said Marilla, sliding in between the workstations, partially blocking SpongeBob from view. She turned to the guy, looking at him over her shoulder. “Don’t be offended, Jimmy, his sense of humor is an acquired taste.”
“Yeah, alright, Marilla,” said Jimmy. He fastened his headphones over his ears, securing them on his giant head.
Marilla turned back to Chester, venom in her eyes like he had never seen before. “Is there a reason you’re trying to make everyone on the bridge hate you?”
“Am I? Oh good,” said Chester. “It’s working. And quite simply, I’m doing it because I don’t play well with others.”
Marilla placed her hand on Chester’s desk and leaned down, her voice a hush. The bridge was mostly full, the captain and the commander having filled many positions. “You don’t have to work with these people. Just do your job at this workstation.”
“But they are all lurking around me with their bad smells and loud chewing,” said Chester, fashioning a pouting look on his face.
Marilla glanced around at the various workstations. “Yeah, I totally get it. That girl over there chews her gum like a jackhammer.”
Chester beamed. “See, you and I are two of the same.”
“Still you could try a little diplomacy,” suggested Marilla. “It wouldn’t kill you to ignore the bad behavior instead of pointing it out and insulting the crew.”
“Wouldn’t it though?” asked Chester. “Have you seen that guy eat Cheetos? It’s disgusting.”
Marilla turned to watch as SpongeBob crammed a handful of Cheetos into his mouth, like they were stranded passengers fighting for space on a life boat. Again, he wiped his hand covered in orange dust on his jeans and resumed typing.
Marilla turned back and shivered with disgust. “Just try and stay busy and not give him notice.”
“If you so desire it, dear Mar,” said Chester.
“Hey there,” a girl said. She was about their age, early twenties. She wore skinny jeans, but was actually thin, unlike Cheetos Breath. Her long blonde hair hung over one shoulder and she had that bubbly look about her.
Marilla’s face contorted with a grimace, probably without her consent. “Uhhh…hey, Amanda. What do you need?”
“Nothing from you,” the girl said. She turned and batted her eyelashes at Chester. “I was wondering if you’d look at my computer. It appears to be malfunctioning.”
“Chester is an Intelligence Officer, not tech support,” stated Marilla, her tone annoyed.
“I know that,” said Amanda. “I just thought since he’s right here and my station is over there that it made sense.”
“It’s fine,” said Chester, stretching to a standing position. He’d been sitting for too long. “I’ll take a look.”
“But you have all the data from Unsurpassed to sort through,” argued Marilla.
“He said he’d do it, alright?” Amanda said, cutting in.
Marilla was giving Chester a look that meant so much to him. She cared. More importantly, she was jealous. “It’s fine, Mar. Remember…diplomacy.”
She seethed deeper as he followed Amanda to her crumb-filled workstation. People really were disgusting pigs.
Eddie watched the interaction between Chester and Marilla and the other team members with mild interest. He might have appeared like a brute with little emotional intelligence, but that was more of a façade he’d perfected over the years.
“You’re staring,” said Julianna, sidling up next to him.
He offered her a sideways smile. “They wouldn’t know I was watching them if I held up a giant sign.”
“Well, update me on what’s going on, since I’ve been busy working,” said Julianna, appearing amused as she watched the young adults. Youngsters must appear like aliens to her since it had been so long since she’d been new to this world. Was it impossible for Julianna to relate to any
one? Eddie didn’t think so.
“How did the interrogation go?” asked Eddie.
“Elemius is a sniveling little jerk,” said Julianna.
“So he wouldn’t give you a breakdown of his formula,” guessed Eddie.
“Oh, he probably would, but I decided he wasn’t worth my time,” said Julianna. “I think Hatch can give us something more reliable. I interrogated the scientist enough to find out that he’s offered us most of the useful information he has.”
“So then we have a date on Onyx station in a couple of days,” said Eddie and then gauging the look of mortification on Julianna’s face he added, “The team, I mean. Fletcher’s team and us.”
“Yes,” said Julianna, clearing her throat uncomfortably. “The general has been informed. He laughed when I told him what Felix had planned.”
“What did he say?” asked Eddie. Of course, the general laughed when informed about an assassination attempt on his life.
“He said it was a genius effort that Felix had put into the plan and he wished the fucking twit would have put the same energy into something that contributed to the universe at large,” said Julianna.
“Well put,” said Eddie, his focus returning to Chester, who was bent over the young Communication Officer’s desk.
“And he also said that he couldn’t wait to see the fucktard’s face when his plan failed,” said Julianna.
“Yes, and then we’ll have secured another threat and maybe we can take a day off,” said Eddie, still watching the pair on the other side of the bridge.
“We both know that when you cut a head off of the beast, that nine more just grow,” stated Julianna.
“Oh, a little hydra reference,” said Eddie, rocking forward and back on his toes. “I like it.”
Julianna eyed him, a bit of surprise on her face. “How did you get a hydra reference?”
“Honestly, Jules, I’m not just a pretty face,” said Eddie, teasingly. “I know things.”
“You hide it well,” said Julianna.
“Like for instance,” said Eddie, indicating Chester helping Amanda with her computer. “Amanda doesn’t want to ask Gary, our computer tech, for help because the last time she did he hit on her. Amanda doesn’t fancy Gary because she doesn’t fancy guys.”
“Did you just say the word ‘fancy?’” asked Julianna, cutting in.
“I did,” said Eddie, laughing inside. He nodded his head at Marilla. “And then we have Marilla and Chester, who are about as perfectly matched as two people can be.”
“But...?” asked Julianna.
Eddie smiled at her intuition. “But Marilla is a no nonsense type and doesn’t want to risk her career over what could be a passing flame.”
“And Chester?” asked Julianna.
“Well, Chester would delete the entire Dark Web for Marilla, but he’s still playing his cards close to his chest. He understands he’s got time on his side.”
“How do you know all this?” asked Julianna.
Eddie shrugged. “I’m observant. Most people wear their emotions on the outside if you know where to look.”
“Eddie…” said Julianna, her voice careful.
“Yes?” he asked, turning to face her directly, taking his focus off of the crew members for the first time in a while.
“Pip is afraid you’ve got a fever,” said Julianna, a grin spreading on her face. “However, I told him I’m more concerned that you’ve been taken over by a strange alien who is using your body as a host.”
“Ha-ha, you two,” said Eddie. “I’ll just keep my observations to myself. Now you can see why I have in the past.”
“Because of the incessant teasing?” guessed Julianna.
“Well, and it makes others nervous if they realize you can read them so well,” stated Eddie.
Julianna dropped her gaze in the way she did when she was having an argument with Pip. It’s like she went away during those conversations.
“What is Pip saying?” asked Eddie.
Julianna looked up, startled for a moment, but then covered the expression. “He, uhhh… He said he would like to see what goes on in your head.”
“Oh, well, there’s an idea I hadn’t considered,” said Eddie. Having an AI in his head would be the ultimate upgrade.
“It’s an idea. A horrible one that we’re not considering,” said Julianna, dismissively. She twisted around and looked out at the bridge. “What makes Marilla and Chester the perfect couple, I’m just wondering?” She added the last part with a bit of hesitation.
“That’s easy,” said Eddie, finding Marilla with his gaze, who was working a bit distractedly at her station. Her eyes kept drifting to Chester as he helped Amanda. “Opposites don’t attract. It’s quite the opposite. Get it?” He gave her a wink and she rolled her eyes. “However,” he continued, “I think the other person needs to have a bit of something to balance out their partner. So Chester and Marilla have a similar work ethic, they’re both incredibly intelligent and masters in their fields. But they have different areas of expertise. And whereas Chester is outgoing, Marilla is introverted. She’s level-headed and he’s flippant. It’s a delicate balance, but those two seem to fit the bill, about like my parents. We’ll just see if they figure it out.”
“Your face just changed,” said Julianna.
“I did just give a speech,” admitted Eddie trying to act dismissive, although he knew what Julianna meant. He felt the lines press into his forehead at the mention of his parents.
“You miss them, don’t you?” she asked, referring to Eddie’s folks.
“Every damn day,” he said before he could stop himself.
“And the regret? What about that? It’s always in your eyes when you speak about them. You realize I can read it on you, the same way you read other people, right?” asked Julianna.
Eddie looked directly at her. What was the point in entirely trying to hide it if she could plainly see the scars written in his expression? “I think someone as seasoned as you knows it takes a lifetime to understand our past.”
Chapter Twenty-One
QBS ArchAngel, Cargo Bay, Behemoth System
I bet you were glad that ArchAngel interrupted when she did, said Pip in Julianna’s head.
You shouldn’t gamble. You’ll lose, answered Julianna.
I wager that the captain was glad for the timing of this meeting, too.
Julianna strode beside Eddie toward Hatch’s lab. ArchAngel had in fact interrupted the conversation on the bridge to tell them that the doctor had information for them. It was a good thing Pip couldn’t read her emotions, because then he’d know she was intrigued by the conversation with Eddie and not at all happy about the timing of the interruption. Julianna was practiced at blocking when necessary, which she’d found she had to do more and more with Pip since he became sentient.
Maybe it was the near death experience or the upgrade, but Eddie was changing. Or maybe he was just showing more of himself to her. That happens after fighting in battle alongside others. The memories of the bonds she’d formed through deathly missions flashed across her mind, making her remember. Remember many of the things she worked to forget…
Pip, why don’t you busy yourself with some online poker, since you like to gamble so much lately. Only play with fake money though.
I play slots when you’re sleeping. There’s a site that I found that doubles your chips if you send them referrals.
How are you sending them referrals?
I’m a man who owns many hats.
You’re not a man at all.
Of sorts, then.
And that’s what you do when I sleep? Can’t you find something more productive?
There was a moment of silence. I’ve considered all options and no, that’s the best use of my time on most nights. It helps me to hone my understanding of random number generators, which you should know, pretty much keeps this universe going round and round.
Random number generators? That’s what you suppose runs
this giant ship we call life?
Good analogy and yes, in a way. They explain so much. There’s no randomness in life. It’s about energy and the generators even prove it. Slots prove it. Hell, shuffling your playlist proves it.
I don’t have a playlist.
You do now. I’ve created different ones for battles, workouts, sleeping. Whatever you want, just name it. That’s another way I spend my nights.
You’re very strange.
I’ve also been studying knitting and crocheting techniques but I haven’t gotten very far with the hobby.
Because you don’t have hands?
Bingo.
“Why don’t you want to share Pip?” asked Eddie, cutting into their conversation.
“Believe me when I tell you that I’m saving your sanity, which I’m losing increasingly,” said Julianna, waving to Hatch as they crossed the floor of the cargo area.
You know I keep you entertained.
I don’t know what you’re talking about, actually.
You love me, sang Pip. You don’t wanna share me.
I’m a soldier charged with protecting humanity. You’re a virus I’m trying not to allow to spread.
“But I have spread,” said Pip overhead in the cargo area. That’s right. Julianna had forgotten that Hatch had made it so that Pip could interface with the Q-Ships, comms, and his main work areas.
Hatch’s eyes darted up to the ceiling. “Spread what?”
Julianna waved him off. “Pip is trying to be cute but doesn’t realize he’s a runt troll who needs to cuddle up and shush it.”
“I think trolls are cute,” said Pip.
Knox laughed as he worked on one of the new Q-Ships. He’d put on weight, filling out his cheeks and making him look healthy. Before he’d been underfed and pasty, but a few hours in the Kezza sun looked to have been good for him.
“I had a chance to review the sample of degen that you brought back and have a report,” said Hatch, waddling over.
“In record time,” said Eddie. “You said it would take you at least a day.”
