Her shoulders couldn’t handle it.
“I’m sor—” Mel’s eyes rolled back, and her lids remained half-open and half-shut. It was a horrible thing to see. She was seconds from telling me she was sorry, as if she had anything to apologize for.
Damn it. I should’ve paid more attention to her, should’ve been there with her. I should’ve anticipated something like this happening, but I was too lost in my own world, playing pretend with Levi and then hating myself for what I did to my best friend. All the while I’d neglected poor Mel.
“Wake up,” I told her, shaking her shoulder, trying to get her to open her eyes again and talk. As long as she was talking, I knew she was alive.
But she didn’t come back to consciousness. She did start moving, however.
Not just moving. Seizing. Her body started to shake, every part of her shuddering fast, including her head. I immediately had to look away, water forming in my eyes as I heard the dispatcher speaking into my ear, “Did your roommate regain consciousness?”
“For ten seconds, and now she’s seizing,” I said, unable to look at her, unable to watch.
“How is she laying?”
“On her back.”
“Do you think you can turn her onto her side? Or at least her head? She might choke—” That’s all I needed to hear. I didn’t need the dispatcher to go on, but he did. He did, and I tuned him out as I grabbed Mel’s thin, almost weightless body and rolled her.
She was still shaking, too.
Suddenly a knock bounced through the air, and even though it was hard to both hold Mel’s seizing body and the phone against my ear, I barely had time to glance to the door before it opened. I hadn’t locked it.
Never had I been so relieved to see another face, especially the face that appeared.
“Levi,” I said, offering him the phone. I couldn’t talk anymore, and I didn’t want to listen to the dispatcher. I needed to focus on Mel, as difficult as that would be. Her seizure stopped the moment Levi fell to his knees beside us, taking the phone.
As Levi talked to the dispatcher, I wiped aside Mel’s short blonde hair. No longer was it in a cute pixie cut. It was nearly three inches long all around, long enough to get stuck on her face with sweat. And her body was sweating, but it was a cold sweat, the kind of sweat your body exerted only when it wasn’t feeling well.
I wanted to tell this girl not to leave me, that this wasn’t over yet, that she was stronger than this, but I couldn’t. I could only stare down at the pale, unconscious face beside me, at her body which I’d heaved onto its side.
To think, I thought that night I fucked my best friend’s crush was the worst night of my life. It was the night I realized just how fucked up in the head I was, how badly in love with Levi I’d fallen. But this? This took the cake. Mel might actually die, and I…I didn’t know if I could handle that.
Everything else, everything that had happened, felt like small, petty worries compared to this. This was life or death for Mel.
Chapter Eleven – Levi
If I’d been the me of two months ago, I wouldn’t have chased after her. I would’ve just let the pieces fall wherever they may and withdraw myself from the whole thing. It was a damned good thing I didn’t, though, because the moment I stepped into Kelsey’s room, I spotted her on the floor with Mel.
Everything happened so fast after that.
Kelsey gave me her phone, and I talked to the dispatcher, told him who I was, what was happening. I sounded almost too calm, but that was because I was a better faker than Kelsey. It wasn’t something I was proud of, but it came in handy in times like this.
It wasn’t too long before I saw flashing lights outside, and I told the man on the other line I saw the ambulance. I hung up as I hurried down the hall, taking the stairwell, two steps at a time. The ambulance was in the turnaround, and a man and a woman were in the back, unloading a stretcher.
I met the paramedics. “Come on,” I said. “I’ll take you to her.” Didn’t know whether either of these people had ever been in the dorm before, so it’d be quicker if they had someone leading the way.
“How long has she been out?” the man spoke to me as I held open the side door for them.
After they were inside, I led them to the main hall, past the laundry room and the lounge, leading them and their stretcher to the elevator. “I don’t know. I just got there.” Kelsey would have more details, but she didn’t look like she wanted to talk.
The kid working at the front desk was the same kid who I’d charmed to get Kelsey’s room number from. He stared at us all with wide eyes for a few moments before bending his head and jotting something down, probably some kind of incident report.
I hit the elevator’s up button, the silence almost overbearing as we waited. Felt like an eternity until those stainless-steel doors slid open and we got on, riding it up. Soon enough I was leading them down the third floor’s hall, towards the wing the girls lived on. I pushed into Kelsey’s room, letting them in first. It took a bit of maneuvering on their side to get the stretcher into the room, but they managed.
The man and woman jumped into action, allowing Kelsey some breathing room, although she still didn’t stray too far from Mel’s side.
“When did you find her like this?” the woman asked as she and her partner slowly rolled Mel to her back, lifting her up and setting her on the bed of the stretcher. They strapped her down, Mel’s head hanging loosely to the side.
“Uh,” Kelsey spoke, looking a bit green, like she wanted to throw up, “I don’t know. Maybe ten minutes ago. I was at the library, so I don’t know when she took the pills.”
“Pills?” The man glanced at Kelsey, and Kelsey went to the nightstand to pick up an empty orange bottle.
“These.” She handed them over.
The paramedic told her, “This will help. If we know what’s in her system, it’s easier to fight.”
“Can I ride with you?” Kelsey asked, blinking those wide, innocent eyes at the paramedics. “I don’t want to leave her—”
“I’ll drive you,” I told her. “We’ll ride separately.” That way, hopefully I’d be able to convince Kelsey to come home. She couldn’t sit in a hospital waiting room all night.
I mean, I guessed she could, but it wasn’t good for her.
“Grab your keys,” I told her, watching as she nodded, looking almost lost as she picked her keys up off the floor, where she’d dropped them with her bag. The paramedics were in the process of rolling the stretcher out, and I held the door open for her afterwards.
We rode down the elevator together, and the paramedics told us to head to the doors labeled ER once we got to the hospital.
Kelsey said nothing as we parted ways with the paramedics, continuing to say nothing as we headed across campus to the giant parking lot, where most of the cars were parked. I was a second-year here, so I could have my own parking permit that let me park in the big lot even during the week. Nothing too fancy, just a used black Ford Escape, but it was mine.
I hit the button on my keys, unlocking the doors, and went to hold open the passenger side door for her. Kelsey got in, biting her bottom lip, looking anxious. I was anxious too, but one of us had to hold it together. I could be the rock in the storm if I had to. Kelsey could lose herself if she wanted; I’d be there to keep her grounded.
As I drove us to the hospital—luckily it wasn’t that far away from campus—I couldn’t help but picture how Mel looked on the floor. Her body curled into itself, her skin so pallid she looked sickly. The dispatcher on the phone asked about her seizure, which meant this wasn’t just a slip. Whatever pills she’d taken had obviously already entered her system.
I felt awful. Of course I did. Last year, it was different. I didn’t see it firsthand, didn’t see how helpless Mel looked unconscious, how her body looked like a corpse even though she was still alive. I didn’t witness it, so it was easier for me to look at it more objectively, more coldly.
But this? This was
different. This was so much worse.
Kelsey was like stone, even as I pulled into the hospital’s parking lot, even as I grabbed her hand as we walked to the big red sign that read Emergency Room. Her hand was sweaty, but I had an iron grip on her. I wasn’t going to let her go. This wasn’t something anyone should have to deal with alone. I knew Mel was just her roommate, but Kelsey had been willing to give me up for her. They were friends, too.
We walked up to the front desk, where a nurse sat, filling out some kind of form. She glanced up, looking between the both of us. “Can I help you? One of you here to check in?” I assumed she must see a lot of college kids here; SCC wasn’t exactly the pinnacle of good behavior, especially where its students were concerned.
“Her roommate was just brought in,” I spoke when it was obvious Kelsey wasn’t going to. “Anything we need to do for her?” I squeezed harder on Kelsey’s hand as I watched the recognition dawn in the nurse’s eyes.
“Yes,” she said, reaching for a few empty forms and attaching them to a see-through clipboard. “If you could answer what you know to the best of your abilities. If you’re not sure about something, leave it blank.” She set a blue pen on top of the clipboard and handed it to me.
I gave her a smile as I took it, leading Kelsey to the seating area, where a few other people sat. Most of the other chairs were empty, so I sat Kelsey down in one of the corner seats, sitting on her other side.
Tearing the cap off the pen, I said, “I might need your help to fill some of this out.” The first line I knew, and that was the patient’s full name. Her sex was obvious, and her birthday…I was pretty sure I remembered it correctly. Allergies, health problems, a bunch of random questions that I honestly didn’t know the answer to…
Jeez. So many fucking forms, you’d think we were applying to buy a house or something.
Once I ran through the papers, I offered the clipboard to Kelsey. “Here. Double check these. If you can think of anything else to put down, or if I was wrong on something, fix it.”
She made no moves to take the clipboard. Her eyes were open, but I could tell she was out of it, somewhere far off. Maybe thinking of a better place. She looked miserable, and I hated seeing her like this. I hated knowing that this was partially my fault.
It was, after all. What I did to Mel last year for the fucking fraternity had pushed her off the edge. What I did combined with what Dean did—I didn’t doubt that if both of us had just left her alone, she never would’ve tried to hurt herself.
This year it was deja fucking vu. Me again, only this time I was with Kelsey. And fucking Dean. Fucking Dean and his fucking video. He probably figured out a way for her to see it. He wanted Mel to suffer, because he was the world’s biggest dick.
Somehow, after tonight, the revenge I’d been planning just felt so petty.
No, whatever revenge was gotten on Dean had to be more than just petty humiliation. It had to be real. It had to be the kind of stunt that Dean would never forget, maybe even the kind that would make his entire future shitty.
Finally, after a minute of me offering her the clipboard, Kelsey took it. Her dark eyes scanned the papers, line by line, and she was slow to hand it back to me, muttering, “I think everything’s right. But who fucking knows for sure. It isn’t like Mel and I stayed up all night gossiping about our health history.” She let out an explosive sigh, leaning forward, digging her hands into her face to cover her eyes from the bright, fluorescent lighting overhead. “Fuck. What about her parents?”
I thought on it. “We’ll call them when we get back to campus.” Mel’s phone was probably somewhere in the room, or at least I assumed. If not, then there was nothing we could do about notifying her parents. Mel was legally an adult herself, so…
“I’m not going back.”
My jaw set. “You can’t stay here all night, Kelsey. I know you want to be there for her, but sitting out here isn’t going to help her.” I was trying to convince her that sleeping in the ER wouldn’t do either of them any good, but I kind of sounded like a dick.
I kind of sounded like a dick more often than not.
“Well, what else can I do?” Kelsey asked, turning those dark eyes onto me.
I let out a sound that was mixed with frustration and empathy; I didn’t want Kelsey to feel bad about this, but at the same time, I wished I could shake some sense into her. “Let me return these,” I said, getting to my feet. I walked over to the desk and handed the nurse the clipboard and her pen, along with the somewhat-filled-out papers. “We did our best,” I told her, and she thanked me.
“I’ll let you know once she’s stable enough to have visitors,” she said, giving me a smile. She was an older woman, tired, by the looks of her. Couldn’t blame her. Working here must drain the life out of her bit by bit.
After thanking her, I returned to my seat beside Kelsey. Kelsey nibbled on her bottom lip absentmindedly, and just by looking at her, I knew what was on her mind. “Kelsey,” I said, reaching for her hand, but she pulled it away from me.
“No,” she said. “This is…this happened because of me. Because of you.”
“No,” I told her, firm behind my words, “this happened because Dean antagonized her, because he wouldn’t give up. Don’t blame yourself for this, and don’t blame me.” Don’t blame me, even though it was sort of my fault.
It was different, though. Blaming myself versus having Kelsey blame me. The former was true, but I didn’t want the latter. Having Kelsey’s blame was…well, it hurt.
“I knew we couldn’t be together,” she muttered under her breath, shaking her head.
“Don’t say that. Don’t you dare say that.” The waiting room was mostly quiet, so it was kind of awkward to raise my voice in such a silent space, especially when the topic of conversation was us. “This has nothing to do with you and me. We both know the video sent her spiraling.” I lowered my voice, whispering, “Did you see it?”
I didn’t know why I had to ask, but I did. Knowing Kelsey might’ve seen the video, Mel and I together…it wasn’t something I ever wanted her to see. I didn’t want her to see the video and start to picture me with Mel, that I was lying to her how I lied to Mel. Things weren’t like that with Kelsey, and I’d go down on that ship, whether it would sink or stay afloat.
“No,” Kelsey whispered. “I didn’t, but…does it matter?” She lifted her feet off the floor, bringing them to the edge of the seat. She wrapped her arms around her legs, holding them to her chest as she side-eyed me. “What if…what if she doesn’t make it?” A total switch of topics, one that caught me off-guard.
“She will.” I hoped I sounded as confident as I wanted to be. The truth, however, was that I was not as confident as I should be. I didn’t know the answer to her question, didn’t know how Kelsey and I could ever move on from this if Mel didn’t make it.
If Mel died…I was almost one hundred percent sure that spelled the end of Kelsey and I. Every time she looked at me, she’d just think of Mel, and I couldn’t do that to her. She would always have doubts, regrets, pangs of guilt when she was with me.
Fuck.
“But if she doesn’t, what are we going to do?” Kelsey asked. “I never thought…I didn’t know she was this bad. I didn’t know she was this close to…to trying to kill herself again. If I’d have known, I…” A lot of pauses in between her words, her mind trying to think of what to say next.
This was a situation where neither of us knew quite what to say.
I reached for her again, this time setting my hand on her back. Thankfully, she did not shirk away from my touch like she did moments before. “It wasn’t your job to watch her, Kelsey.”
“As a friend, I should have,” she stated, firmly believing what she was saying. “I should have done more, as her friend.” She let out a chuckle, but it wasn’t a pretty, melodic sound. The very opposite. “I’m a shitty friend all around, can’t do anything right.”
“Don’t say that.”
“But it�
�s true.” Those big brown eyes were on me again, and this time they held me prisoner. I could not look away. “I’m a shitty friend, Blue. I fuck everyone I shouldn’t.” Her words, not exactly spoken in a whisper, caused a few of the other people waiting to be taken in to either glare at her harshly or glance at her curiously.
The last thing I wanted to think about was her with that rich boy, so I muttered, “Stop. Stop it. If you don’t stop it, I’ll drag you out of here right now.”
Her gaze narrowed. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would. You really want to test me?” This girl should know that I was not one to be tested. “I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here kicking and screaming if I have to.”
Kelsey shook her head slightly, though I could see a teeny smile starting to form. “They’d probably call the cops.”
“Let them. By the time the cops arrived, we’d be long gone.”
“Not if they send their own security—”
I leaned into her, whispering, “Do you want to test out your theory?” Honestly, I’d give anything to help make Kelsey feel better, to stop the guilt that I knew was budding and blossoming inside her.
Could help to kill the guilt residing in me, too.
It was bizarre, because I was not the type of guy to feel guilty. Before Kelsey, I hardly cared. I hated Dean and the fraternity, but I never felt remorseful for the things I did or said. I didn’t care enough to. But, again, when Kelsey stormed into my life like a tidal wave I couldn’t run from, she’d changed me.
She made me want to be better, which I couldn’t say about anyone else.
Kelsey’s gaze dropped to my mouth, and I knew what was on her mind—impossible not to, with the way her expression softened. Us. Together. Her lips curled into the saddest smile I’d ever seen, and she leaned into me, resting her head on my shoulder. “What am I going to do with you, Blue?”
Making Mistakes: A College Bully Romance (Playing Games Book 2) Page 10
