I didn’t want him to, but he could.
We didn’t have a guest room, our house smaller than Levi’s, so I wasn’t sure where Levi would be sleeping. Probably the couch in the living room. For now, we set everything in my room.
“Your dad seems nice,” Levi remarked, turning his head to view my room. He took in my dark comforter with its constellation-galaxy print, and all of the photographs I had shoved into the mirror on my dresser. My room was a thousand times smaller and fuller than his, and I felt, for the first time in a long time, a tad self-conscious.
He moved to the mirror, studying the pictures. Me and Ash, back before she started dying the bottom of her hair pink. Both of us smiling like idiots, blowing kissy faces, hugging each other. Small pictures taken at the local mall in the photo booth. Nothing too fancy.
God, I missed those times. Things were simpler for me back then.
“Is that Ash?” Levi asked, glancing at me.
I moved beside him. “Yep.” My heart still hurt when I thought about what I did, how I hadn’t spoken to her since then, how shitty it all was, but I had to push it aside. Now was not the time to be miserable while thinking of Ash and my mistake. Now was the time to let my dad play host, I guess.
When we walked back downstairs, my dad had the cheeseball out in the living room, along with a tray of crackers. I noticed the TV had the parade paused…did he tape it for me? Way overkill, but we’d watch. I did love the parade in New York with the floats and performances.
Levi and I sat on the couch, and my dad sat on his favorite reclining chair; its leather was old and worn, and it had seen better days. Still, my dad looked like a kid in a candy shop. I wasn’t used to his happy, grinning face.
Made me feel like a shitty daughter, having never noticed how miserable he was before.
“So,” I said, causing both Levi’s and my dad’s eyes to turn to me, “where’s Mom?”
The smile on my dad’s face faltered, and his gaze glanced down. “She’s…she should be on her way here.”
“Did she have to go to work?”
“No, Kelsey. Your mom moved out.”
The words hit me like a wall, knocking the air out of my lungs. Of course, I’d known this would happen eventually, but…I didn’t know. I guessed I always hoped they’d reconcile, that they would change their minds about their divorce. A silly thing to hope.
Her moving out just made it more official.
“Where?” I asked.
“That’s something your mother should tell you,” he said, and I got the not-so-subtle hint.
I quieted down. I ate the cheeseball. I watched the parade, trying to act like it was the good old days, just with Levi instead of my mom. All the while, Levi and my dad got to know each other. Dad asked Levi about his classes, what he wanted to do with his life, and I zoned out. I was hardly in my own head.
The hours ticked by, and Dad got up to finish cooking and do whatever it was he had to do. Eventually, after a long while, a car pulled up, parking behind Levi’s Escape. I was able to see it through the windows, and Levi grabbed my hand, squeezing hard.
I knew it was his way of telling me to calm down, that everything would be okay, but…I just didn’t think it would.
The world outside had pretty decent weather for the day after Thanksgiving, but it wasn’t enough to make me feel better. My stomach was in knots as my mom made her way to the front door, stepping in after knocking.
Knocking, as if this wasn’t her house.
It…it wasn’t, not anymore.
When my mom walked in, she looked…good, too. Her black hair was curled, her green eyes sparkling and vibrant with new life. She looked like she was thirty years old, like time itself had reversed. Suddenly I understood why so many people said my mom didn’t look like she was old enough to have a kid in college.
Compared to her I was a freaking potato.
“Hello, Kevin,” my mom said, being polite as my dad told her hello. She took off her jacket and her shoes before meeting us in the living room. Levi had gotten to his feet to shake her hand, but I remained sitting, my arms crossed.
“Hello, ma’am,” Levi spoke, “I’m Levi.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” my mom spoke. To me, she added, “Very handsome.”
I rolled my eyes. This sucked ass, and I was not mature enough to hide my displeasure. Once Levi sat down beside me, my mom still staring at me expectantly, I asked, “Why are you even here? You apparently don’t live here anymore.”
“I’m here so we can have one more Thanksgiving as a family,” she said, frowning at me. “I’m here for you, Kelsey.”
I got up, saying nothing as I stormed upstairs, closing my bedroom door before falling onto my bed. For me? She was here for me? I didn’t ask her to be here. I didn’t ask for any of this. They were the ones who weren’t content with me spending my entire break with Levi. They had to make me struggle through nearly two days at his house with his unbearable mother only to come here and face the fact that everything had changed.
How was that supposed to make me happy? Why did I want that?
I didn’t.
It wasn’t long before someone came in, and I didn’t bother looking. It was either one of my parents or Levi, and right now I wasn’t ready to talk to any of them.
“What’s wrong?” Levi’s voice broke into my racing thoughts, and I refused to look at him, keeping my face firmly planted in my pillow. He sat next to me on the bed, setting a hand on my upper leg, precariously close to my ass. “You need to try to be nice, Kelsey. They’re your parents, and it’s obvious they’re trying—”
“What would you know about it?” I asked, slowly turning my head aside to glare at him.
“I know you’re being a little childish,” he said. “Your parents are separated. It is what it is. It’s not the end of the world.”
I sat up, less than a foot from him. I either wanted to strangle him or make-out with him. Not sure which one. “Yeah, but…” I trailed off, biting my lower lip.
“But things are going to change,” he said, blue eyes unrelenting as they stared at me. “Yes, they are. But just because things are going to change doesn’t automatically mean change is bad. It might be good, but you have to give it a chance.”
A chuckle left me. “Since when do you talk like some kind of fortune cookie, Blue?” He was about to answer, but I shut him up by kissing him hard. “Sorry about being such a bitch.”
He shrugged, smirking. “We all have our moments. You just have them more often than anyone else I know.” I shoved him playfully, causing him to add, “Okay, okay. Except my mom. But everyone else, you have them beaten.”
Leave it to Levi to cheer me up, somehow. Leave it to him to just be there and make it better. Frankly, if he wasn’t here with me, I doubted I’d be handling this all so well. He was my rock, and I needed him, and I hoped, prayed he knew it.
As we got up and headed to my door, I grabbed his hand and stopped him, pulling him back. Those blue eyes found mine, taking the breath out of my lungs. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I told him, meaning it. Meaning every single word. Lovey-dovey wasn’t in my nature, but with him, it sort of came naturally.
Dinner was ready at four, and my dad had pulled the kitchen table away from the wall so the four of us could sit around it. I was the lucky one who got pinned between the wall and the table, leaving Levi to sit beside my dad, and my mom on my other side. The table before me was full: turkey, gravy boats, cranberries, bread rolls, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and a few other things. So full. So much food I doubted we’d be able to eat it all.
I wasn’t really hungry, so my plate was sparse. After we said our thanks, we dug in.
The table was quiet for a long while, the only sounds the silverware clinking on the table and glasses being picked up and set down. I ate a bit of turkey, but turkey wasn’t my favorite meat. More often than not it was too dry. Dad had cooked the turkey well enough, but eh.
Aft
er dinner came the pies. Apple, pumpkin, and even pecan. Those my dad bought from a store; no way he’d be able to cook it all by himself—although he seemed to do well enough with everything else.
Everyone was stuffed afterward, except me, because I’d pretty much just moved around my food, only eating a few bites here and there. My appetite hadn’t been the same lately. Levi and my dad had cleanup duty, which let me sit in the living room, unfortunately accompanied by my mom.
My favorite person in the whole world. Loved her so freaking much.
“So,” I whispered, tearing my eyes off the TV. Finally we’d taken the parade off repeat, now watching whatever was on. I glared at my mom. “Where’d you move to?”
“A condo, actually,” my mom said. She sat near me on the couch, but a cushion sat between us. “It is something I wanted to discuss with you, Kelsey. I know you…you’re not happy with your father and I divorcing, but it’s going to be finalized next month. We decided not to drag each other down, just to cut ties.”
My stomach curdled. I had no idea why she was telling me this, why she thought it was a good idea to explain to me how amiable their divorce was. Didn’t want to hear it.
“I want to be honest with you, honey,” my mom went on, reaching over to grab my hand, but I moved it away from her before she could, causing her to harshly sigh. “I’m not alone in the condo. If you’re feeling up to it, I would like you to meet Shawn—”
Hold up. Who the fuck was Shawn?
“Shawn?” I asked, blinking. Somehow I knew whatever answer she gave me would not make me a happy camper.
“I’ve been seeing Shawn for a little under two years. Your father knew. It doesn’t have to be soon, but he is a good man, and I—”
I got up, waving a hand through the air as if trying to dissipate the bullshit, of which there was a lot. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Absolutely nothing, because there was nothing to say. Instead, I turned, left the room, heading right for the front door, and grabbed whatever shoes I could find. After throwing on my hoodie, I left, ignoring my dad’s and Levi’s questions about what I was doing.
What was I doing? I didn’t know, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to sit there and listen to my mom any longer.
Once I was outside in the dying daylight, I ran. I ran as fast and as far as my lazy legs could take me. I rounded the block we lived on—just a quiet street in an old development, nothing too fancy, but far enough off the main roads there was hardly any traffic—and kept going.
I knew these streets and their sidewalks better than I knew my own heart. I ended up on the sidewalk near the high school, slowing to stop to catch my breath. It was chilly out, but with all the running, I sweated under the hoodie. The wind whipped my hair back and forth, creating a mess of knots I’d have to deal with later, and I stared at the large, almost windowless building I’d spent four years in, having fun and shirking off.
Those days were long gone now, weren’t they?
I didn’t stop at the school for long; I kept going, running to the more trashier part of town, where I knew Ash lived. Would she be home for Thanksgiving? I…I needed her. If there was ever a time I needed my best friend, it was now.
Ash and her mom had moved recently into a small house—that was basically a trailer with foundation. Small, no garage, surrounded by a bunch of other similar homes. I found my way there within ten minutes, unable to run anymore. Too tired. Too out of breath still.
I slowed when I reached the stone driveway. There were no cars parked, so I wondered if Ash or her mom were even home. My feet drew me to the front door, and I knocked once, sticking my hands back in my pockets to avoid the cold.
I waited, and I waited. And then, after that, I waited some more.
She wasn’t home. No one was.
Heaving a sigh, I turned on my heel, about to head somewhere else, maybe go home, when a car’s headlights cut through the dying daylight. I stopped, watching as the car parked itself on the driveway, and Helen Bonds herself got out.
Helen Bonds was pretty much Ash plus twenty-five years. Blonde hair, pretty eyes, skinny frame. She’d never had a husband, at least not for a while. Ash’s dad left them both a very long time ago, practically when Helen was still pregnant with Ash. The dad had the money, and he took it when he left. Every once in a while he sent Ash some gifts, trying to stay in touch, be on her good side, but that didn’t really work out for him. I’d never seen the fucker.
She ran up to me, giving me a quick hug. “Kelsey, honey. How are you?” She released me almost immediately, remembering I wasn’t much of a hugger. Neither was she, but it had been a while since I’d seen her. Ash and I used to spend every waking hour together. She was like my second mom.
Right now, I was pretty sure I liked her better than my own mom.
“Tired,” I said, the truth. I followed her to the front door as she fiddled with her keys to unlock it. “Is Ash home?”
Helen gave me a look, the door to her house half-open, her key still in the lock. “She went back to Hillcrest early. We had Thanksgiving with her roommate. She didn’t tell you?” She pulled the key from the lock, giving me a strange look.
Ah, so Ash hadn’t told her mom what happened between us. Good.
“Oh, uh,” I paused, grasping at straws, “I guess with everything else going on, I just forgot.”
Helen’s expression softened. She wasn’t the loving, motherly type, but I’d take her any day over mine. At least right now. “Why don’t you come inside? I can make us some hot chocolate.”
That…actually sounded pretty good.
In fifteen minutes, I was nestled on the small couch in their living room, a piping hot mug of hot cocoa in my hands, sipping it gingerly. Slowly, to avoid burning my tongue. Helen made herself some too, and she sat beside me, grabbing the end of the blanket on my legs and pulling it over her feet. She’d changed out of her work clothes, in her pajamas now. She was a photographer, and work came and went. I was actually surprised she had to work today.
“So how are you doing?” Helen asked, eyeing me up. “I heard about your parents. I’m sorry.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine, I guess. Neither one of them were happy, so…” I knew I was being childish, acting out, but…hearing the fact that my mom was already seeing someone else, living with him—and had been seeing him for almost two freaking years—had pushed me over the edge.
“It’s still got to be rough, especially since you didn’t see it coming,” Helen set her mug on the coffee table before us, reaching for me. She squeezed a hand. “With you and Ash in college now, I’m lonely over here. I know it’s not the same, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, and she released my hand.
“At least their divorce was friendly. It gets so much worse when the two parties want to kill each other.”
“Was that how you and Ash’s dad were?”
Helen nodded. She’d put her blonde hair in a low, messy bun. “Oh, I hated him. I hated his guts. Still do, so I think it’s a good thing your parents are trying to do it amicably. They’re only thinking of you, you know. They want you to be happy.”
I stared down into the mug, at the warm brown liquid in it. “I’m afraid I’ll never be happy.”
There it was. My deepest, darkest fear brought to life. Me, Kelsey Yates, absolutely terrified that I’ll never be happy, that I’ll never know contentment. Seemed stupid, didn’t it? I went out and did what I wanted, and it brought me temporary happiness, but long-term? Long-term I just felt empty.
“Why would you say that?”
“I don’t want to be like my parents, faking it until I can’t fake it anymore. I want something real—”
“Kelsey, just because your parents are divorcing doesn’t mean you’ll never find someone who completes you. It doesn’t mean you won’t be happy with your life. Sure, you might have to fight for it a little harder than a kid who grew up seeing a happy marriage
would, but that’s life, and I know you’re strong enough to do it.”
God, I kind of felt like crying.
But I wouldn’t. No more tears. I was still me.
I opened my mouth, about to say more, but car lights flashed through the curtains on the wall, and Helen glanced to me. “Your father called, asked if you were here. I told him you were, but I didn’t think it was a good idea for him or your mother to come get you.”
Must’ve been while she was in her room and changing, because I would’ve heard her on the phone if it’d been when she was in the kitchen.
“And then they mentioned a boy named Levi,” Helen went on, wrinkling her nose. “You never were one to bring a boy home. Is he the first?”
For all the comments about me being the first girl Levi’d brought home, the opposite was true, too. I never cared enough to bring anyone else home before. “Yeah,” I muttered, biting my bottom lip.
“I bet he’s the one out there, if you want to go,” Helen said, shrugging. “You don’t have to. You can stay the night if you want, but I figured there might be something he could tell you that I can’t. Somehow I don’t think this is all about your parents.”
She was right. It wasn’t.
It was about me, too. About him, about us.
I set the mug on the table near hers, leaning over to her and giving her another hug. “Thank you,” I whispered, ending the hug only to brace myself as I got up and headed to the door. I threw a look over my shoulder at her, watching as she gave me a wave.
Well, her mom was a pretty good Ash replacement.
I walked to the car, closing the door behind me as I went. My lips were zipped shut as I got in the passenger side of the Ford Escape, buckling my seatbelt. I glanced to Levi in the front seat; he stared at me, scowling. The typical Levi face when dealing with my shit.
“You want to talk about it?” Levi asked, cocking a dark brow. I could see how tense his hands were on the wheel, and I knew I’d worried him by taking off like that.
Making Mistakes: A College Bully Romance (Playing Games Book 2) Page 17
