Stressed!

by Deborah Martin

  Bud and Edward hauled the trash out to the dumpster. “Come have dinner with us tonight,” Jack said when the living room was finally clear. (He and Edward alternated cooking nights.)

  “Why don’t we all have dinner together tonight? Say, at the pub. I think we deserve a night out after all this,” Marge said.

  “I’m afraid I won’t be the life of the party but I could use a drink or three and I’d like to treat you all to dinner,” I said. “You’ve all been so good to me. I’d like to repay you somehow.”

  “You’re on. Add the bar tab to whatever you get out of the vamps. We’ll all meet down here at six?” Elinda asked.

  Everyone nodded and filed out the door, going back to their homes. Fudge and I were alone in the dark apartment with nothing to do and it was barely after noon. It had been less than five hours since I’d left for work and in that short time, my life had turned upside down. I contemplated going back to the office but didn’t want to leave Fudge alone and he wouldn’t be happy with the two block walk in the rain.

  I laid down on the couch, thinking maybe I could sleep the afternoon away but just as I’d curled up with Fudge, there was a knock on the back door. When I answered it, Ev stood there with Mr. Owens and Max, the vampire wizard.

  “May we come in, Miss McCollum?” Max asked just as I said “Ev, what are you doing here?”

  “Yes, of course,” I answered Max’s question at the same time as Ev said, “I chartered a plane and ran into Max at the airport.”

  “Hold on. Let’s only have one conversation and inside at that,” said Mr. Owens.

  They all filed in, Ev ducking to avoid the door frame. I took their raincoats and Max’s hat and hung them on the wall hooks that had miraculously survived Andy’s rampage, although the coats I’d originally hung on them hadn’t.

  Fudge emerged from the bedroom and stood in the center of the hall, tail fluffed and ears erect, his eyes never leaving Max.

  “Unless I miss my guess, you don’t normally live in a bare apartment,” Max said after he and Mr. Owens sat on the couch and Ev took up a post, leaning against the wall that divided the kitchen from the hallway to my bath and bedroom. I don’t think he wanted to brave the ceiling fan to take a seat on one of the chairs. Fudge moved to the opposite side of the hall but kept up his vigilance.

  “No. My neighbors kindly cleaned up the mess and if you look in the dumpster, you’ll find most of my life in there,” I replied. “Andy didn’t leave a lot intact. You’re welcome to look at what’s left.”

  “I can’t begin to express my regret and embarrassment that this happened,” Max continued. “This is the first rogue we’ve had in nearly three decades and it not only happened in my region but I was unable to control him.”

  “Will someone please explain to me why he wouldn’t get it that I wasn’t interested in him, even if he were still human, why he was able to get through wards, and then why he felt it necessary to trash my home?” I asked everyone collectively but Max specifically.

  “We’re not real sure why it happens. It’s such a rare event that we don’t have a lot of examples to study,” Max said. “I can tell you the rogues I’ve heard of were all young, as Andy was, and we believe never fully accepted their new nature. Then something snaps and they focus on one individual and in some cases, become violent. There was one young man in Greece about three hundred years ago who decided he was going to marry the woman to whom he’d been engaged before he was turned, even though she had aged and was now eighty-five. She had been told he was killed in an accident and the poor lady died of a heart attack when she saw her lover standing before her, looking as if he was still twenty. He went on a rampage through the Acropolis that left the Greek authorities with even more ruins than they’d had before.

  “As to why he could get through wards, there are a few vampires who aren’t bothered by them as much as others. I’m one of them. Although I felt James’ wards [Mr. Owens], were I of a mind, I could have walked through them with only a little difficulty. Naturally, that is impolite and I asked his permission to enter the building. In addition, I have shown him how to construct them so even I would be deterred.”

  He leaned forward with a stern look on his face. “Andy will not bother you again. Of that you may be assured. The place to which he is currently being transported is on a mountaintop with sheer cliffs and only accessible by helicopter. He will be confined not only by the topography but strong wards. We hope he will return to normal with counseling but if not, he will greet the sunrise. It is our way.”

  Mr. Owens cleared his throat. “About reparations,” he said, looking at Max rather pointedly.

  “Yes, of course. I presume what you and I had discussed will more than pay for the damages to the building?”

  Mr. Owens nodded. “Yes, but I am more concerned with the damage not only to Amy’s apartment but the grief she has experienced in the last several days.”

  “A paid vacation to, say, Hawai’i might be in order,” Ev interjected. “I don’t see where just replacing all her things will make up for the stress she’s been under and I can’t exactly expect her to be at her best in the office while she’s recovering.”

  “Ev, I really don’t want a vacation. I want my life back,” I said. “I want my comfy home, my strange job with my goofy boss and my routine.”

  Ev snorted. “I’m not goofy.”

  Max smiled. “You are a stronger woman than I gave you credit for. Most mundane women I know would be prostrate with the vapors after being stalked by a rogue and having their home torn apart.”

  “I don’t know about strong. I just want everything to go back to the way it was.”

  Max asked me how much replacing everything would cost. I answered truthfully that I had no idea. Many of the books that Andy had destroyed were first editions and some of them quite old and rare. He named a figure. Mr. Owens discreetly shook his head and I said I didn’t think that would cover it. Max named another, much higher figure and, although Mr. Owens shook his head again, I thought it was way more than fair, so I said yes.

  “A check will be FedEx’d to you and should arrive at your office within the week. If there is anything else I can help with, please call me. However, I hope you and I do not have occasion to meet again, unless it’s socially. We’d all like to put this unfortunate incident behind us.” With that, Max rose, handed me a business card, took his coat and hat and left.

  “I’ve already arranged for the door to be fixed and the windows replaced as soon as weather permits,” Mr. Owens said. “If the weatherman is to be believed, that should happen on Monday.” He left, too.

  Fudge relaxed his vigil and, padding over to where I was sitting, rubbed my legs. I picked him up and held him in my lap.

  “OK, Ev. What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in San Francisco.”

  “Listen, Amy. I know we butt heads a lot and I’m a smelly ogre with a temper. But we’ve worked together so long that you’re like part of my family. I wanted to make sure you were OK. Not to mention that you’d be damned hard to replace and I need you running my office. I’d already finished up what I was going to do out there and was on my way home, anyways.

  “Gregory’s outside. Can we take you somewhere shopping?”

  I would have to start making a very long list. I really didn’t know everything I needed to replace at that point but could think of a couple of things: a television for that night and a coffeepot for the next morning. Maybe even a mug to drink from.

  “Yeah, thanks. I do need a few things to tide me over until I can get a list made. Discounters Mall out by the freeway should have everything I’ll need tonight.”

  “Come on, then. Your taxi awaits,” Ev grinned and waved me toward the door with a flourish.

  We arrived back a couple of hours later with the trunk and half of the back seat full. I’d bought a new flat-screen television, a much fancier coffeemaker than I’d had, complete with a selection of gourmet coffee, a new laptop, a full se
t of dishes, kitchen linens, some new bedding, and one table lamp. Several scented candles would help with the real (and imagined) air in my apartment. I’d also spied some novels I liked in the book section – and on sale, too.

  Ev was much handier than I’d ever imagined. Out of the trunk of the limo came a toolbox and while Gregory finished carrying everything in and unpacking the laptop and coffeepot from their boxes, Ev hung the new television on the wall and hooked it up for me.

  “Can you come in for a couple of hours tomorrow? I have some contracts that need to be typed,” he asked when they had finished hauling the boxes out to the dumpster.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there,” I replied. Anything to get me out of my currently-depressing apartment.

  “Good.” He opened his arms like he was going to hug me. I shook my head and he just smiled. Gregory winked at me as they left. I had just enough time to shower before the rest of the building’s occupants descended on me.

  Dinner that night was cheering. As usual, I was the youngest person at the table but I’d gotten used to that. Bud was an unusual dwarf: he had us all laughing with his jokes. Jack chimed in with a few of his own. After a couple of hours, though, I started to yawn.

  “We need to get this little one to bed,” Bud said. “She’s had a long day and we’re no spring chickens anymore, either.”

  Over everyone’s objections, I paid the bill. “I thought we agreed this was a way I could thank you all for your help,” I told them. “I know there’s no way I can truly repay you for what you’ve done but let me at least do this. And I’m not paying for it, the Vampire Council is.”

  “Did you get a whopper of a settlement from them?” Elinda asked.

  “Nice enough. I won’t really be able to replace everything, especially the rare books, but I’ll have enough to buy others that catch my eye.”

  We walked home together and I hugged everyone before they headed up and I headed down. I put food out for Fudge, made up my bed and crawled into it. I was exhausted and asleep before my head hit the pillow.

  Chapter 10

  I woke in the dark to the phone ringing. I mumbled a hello into it while trying to disentangle myself from both Fudge and the sheets. Despite the exhaustion, I hadn’t slept well.

  “Are you OK?” Cassandra’s voice said. “It’s after ten.”

  “Holy shit. I forgot to get a clock at the store yesterday and without the sun I overslept. Thanks for calling. I gotta get moving so I’m there before Ev walks in.”

  “Too late. He’s here already and asked me to call. After yesterday he wasn’t sure if you were really alright and thought maybe it’d be better if a girl called you in case you started crying or something. I’ll tell him you’ll be there shortly, OK?”

  “Yeah. Thanks again.”

  I ducked my body through the shower, pulled a brush through my hair, swiped on some makeup, threw on the one suit I had left – the one I’d worn the previous day which smelled faintly of garlic – and beat a trail for the office. I must have run between raindrops because my hair didn’t even feel wet. I took the stairs two at a time (no mean feat in heels) and burst into the office, breathless.

  “You didn’t have to run. Frisco’s two hours behind us. We’ve got plenty of time to get everything done before anybody there really wakes up,” Ev said. “You look like you got some sleep. You OK?”

  “Not entirely but I will be. Let me put some coffee on and get some caffeine into my system so I can see the keyboard.”

  “Already done. Cassandra knows I have no idea how to make coffee the way you like it and that you’d need some. She made a pot for you.”

  Wow. What friends. I poured myself a cup and put an ice cube in it so I could gulp it down, which I did. I poured a second cup and sat down to work.

  Ev had agreed to hire two wizards, both of whom would be relocating to Chicago to service some clients he had set up there. I had to modify our standard contract for both of them, which I did according to his notes. By noon, both were sitting on someone’s fax machine in Frisco, the boss was cloistered in his office on the phone and I was starting to think about lunch.

  “Hiya.” The smell of Brunswick stew accompanied Cassandra through the door. “It’s a slow day and Tommy’s got the counter so I thought I’d bring your lunch up and find out what happened yesterday from your point of view. I would’ve called last night but I figured you’d have collapsed into bed early. Ev’s already told me what he knows.”

  I filled her in on what had happened after we’d all left the deli, in between bites of thick, yummy stew and homemade bread.

  “You need help making your shopping list? I can come over tonight if you want,” she said.

  “Sure. I’ll order pizza. See you about seven?”

  Cassandra nodded and smiled before she went downstairs, taking my now-empty bowl with her.

  I did a little more work then called it quits and went home to my dark and dreary apartment. Moving the one lamp I had over to the desk, I fired up the new laptop and started the tedious process of configuring it, loading software and then downloading all my files from the online backup service I used. I cringed when I looked at all the emails I had to answer but decided they could wait just a little while longer. Five hours later I was just finishing up when a brief knock on the door preceded Cassandra’s entry. She was carrying a bottle of wine in one hand and a basket in the other.

  “Wow. He really did a number, didn’t he?” Cassandra said as she surveyed my bare surroundings. “Call the pizza folks. I’m starved.”

  “What’s in the basket?” I asked after I’d ordered our usual.

  “Stuff you can probably use … some toiletries, some food for your fridge and some things for me to purify your apartment. I thought you’d want to get rid of the bad vibes.”

  She was right. The scented candles I’d purchased smelled nice and all, but there was something lingering on the air that didn’t feel right.

  After we’d devoured the pizza (the three of us, that is), we started making my shopping list. At the top was an alarm clock. I’d need it at least one more morning until the windows had been replaced. Lamps, drapes, clothing, a stereo, a microwave and food completed the list. Everything else I’d pick up online. Shopping wasn’t a pleasure for me and I preferred to let my fingers and UPS do the walking.

  Once the list was complete, Cassandra had me sit in the living room while she got rid of the bad vibes. The first thing she did was disable the smoke detector in the hallway. She lit a couple of candles after rubbing them down with oil, placing them in the living room and the bedroom. Next came a smoldering bundle of white sage. She walked around the entire apartment, wafting the smoke into all the corners with a huge feather. Her brow was furrowed in concentration as I saw waves of energy come off her and the smoke. It looked like hard work.

  Once she’d completed her circuit of the place, she extinguished the nub of the sage bundle in an abalone shell. It was probably a good thing she’d finished. If anyone had opened the door, it would have looked like that microbus scene from Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke. My eyes were watering and Fudge sneezed several times but the smoke was slowly dissipating. Cassandra packed everything back into her basket and plopped in a chair.

  “Phew. He left a lot of negative energy. You should start feeling a lot better as soon as the candles burn out, which ought to be in about ten minutes. I need a glass of wine.”

  We turned the television on and much to her chagrin, I found the baseball game was still going on – it was into extra innings. After I cheered when the Twins finally pulled it out in the twelfth, she re-enabled the smoke detector and got ready to go home.

  “We’re going to the mall tomorrow. Tommy’s letting me borrow his SUV so we’ve got more hauling room than my little car or a taxi. I’ll pick you up at noon.”

  Ugh. I hated shopping at the mall on weekends but it had to be done. I said goodnight to her with a grimace.

  Shopping was not fun. I was on a missi
on to replace what I could in the shortest possible period of time. I hated having to dodge all the mothers with strollers and the teenagers hanging out in clusters right in the middle of the walkways. The mall plus three additional stores yielded most everything I immediately needed. By the time we were done I was footsore and my credit cards were tired.

  We unloaded the SUV and then started the process of putting everything away. By seven, all the bags and tags were in the trash and we were exhausted.

  “Let’s go to the pub for dinner. You cook for a living and I don’t feel like it. Let’s let someone else cook for us,” I said.

  “Deal.” We headed over to the pub, ate dinner and she took Tommy’s car home. They’d swapped vehicles for the day and would swap back on Monday.

  Monday passed uneventfully, thank goodness. After the prior week, I wasn’t sure I could take any more drama. Although it hadn’t quite quit raining, it had only drizzled during the day. When I arrived home after work, sparkling new windows and a very cool-looking steel entry door greeted me. I spent a few minutes hanging the new curtains before napping, and the evening doing Internet shopping for clothes and other things I still needed to replace. I’d be seeing quite a bit of the UPS man in the next week or so.

  Tuesday dawned bright and clear with a nip to the air. Perhaps autumn was finally on the way. I vowed to take a ride around the lakes when I got off work to enjoy the weather.

  The FedEx guy walked in the door about two with an envelope for me. I opened it and choked. The check was from “The Estate of Andy Deland” and it was for five grand more than Max and I had agreed on. A note accompanied it. In flourished script, it read, “Andy will not bother anyone, anymore. I noticed the two books on your desk. I, too, am a bibliophile and collect old books. This should help you repair those and replace others. Max.”