by Vivian Arend
They stopped at the café briefly before Mitch suggested they grab food from the truck-stop gas station instead of sitting in a booth like they’d come from a funeral. “We may as well put a few more miles between us and that fucking place.”
Trevor agreed with the sentiment, although Becky refused to eat anything he offered her. Refused to talk too—just stared out the window without making a sound.
Six hours of near silence was enough to make Trevor want to turn around the instant he dropped Becky off, return to Paradise, and burn the place to the ground. If he’d hated them before for what they’d allowed to happen to Becky, he was now ready to go to war.
Instead, he brought her all the way into the kitchen of her house, pulling her back into his arms and holding her because he wasn’t sure what else to do.
“Tell me,” he begged. “Tell me what you need.”
She lifted her eyes to his, the deep brown depths filled with hopelessness like he’d never seen before. Never, not once since the day he’d barged in on her, crawling onto the roof. He’d seen her scared; he’d seen her determined. Mostly, though, he’d seen her laughing. Full of life and hope even as she found her way in a world where she hadn’t known any of the rules.
“You’re so strong,” he whispered. “I know this isn’t what you wanted, and I can’t imagine how you feel right now, but I’m here for you.”
“I know.” Her voice was brittle, as if she hadn’t spoken for days. “Thank you for trying. I need a little time.”
He pressed her head against his chest then stroked his fingers through her hair. “Take all the time you need.”
Silence again, but this time not as painful. More like the soundless motion of raindrops trickling their way down a pane of glass. Slow, silent. Unstoppable as gravity deliberately dragged them downward.
Becky took a deep breath. “I’m tired. And you must be exhausted from all the driving.”
Adrenaline and anger had fueled him with energy, along with far too many cups of coffee. But he had to agree. “It’s been a long day.”
She stood, awkwardly moving away from him. “I’m going to take a shower then go to sleep early. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Which was a deliberate brush-off if he’d ever seen one. Still, he had to try. “Did you want me to stay? I want to stay,” he admitted, not caring two shits what that made him sound like.
“I need time to think,” she confessed, turning back to him and pressing her lips to his cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” she promised.
He wanted to argue. He wanted to crawl into bed with her and hold her all night long, but ignoring her request was exactly what he’d sworn he would never do—override her decisions. Go around her.
So as much as he hated it, he nodded. “Tomorrow.”
She walked away toward the front of the house. The stairs creaked under her slow footsteps. He waited until he heard the water come on in the shower.
Trevor locked the door behind himself, heading back to his truck and getting behind the wheel before staring ahead blindly, uncertain where the hell he wanted to go.
What he wanted was to be inside that damn house with her. Beyond that, his mind was a blank.
Frustration slammed into him again, and he threw the truck into reverse, spinning out his anger in the gravel under his tires. Shoving the beast back into gear and roaring down the secondary highway, headed for nowhere.
Trevor would never understand people, or how they could be so fucking cruel. Hell, he got the pleasure in a good practical joke, although sometimes even a joke could go wrong and feelings got ruffled. But causing long-term hurt or hanging on to bitterness made no fucking sense.
He passed his parents’ house. His father stood on the porch, and Randy waved before turning slowly and hobbling toward the chairs that faced the sunset.
Another frustration—Trevor knew his dad’s illness wasn’t his fault, except not being able to do more than offer platitudes and hopeful comments seemed a shitty way to help.
He couldn’t turn in and stop and visit. Couldn’t add another disappointment to the day, so he kept going straight on past like he hadn’t seen.
He stopped at the mailbox and pulled out his mail. A mindless activity, done mostly by rote.
One envelope in the pile was so out of place from the flyers and bills it caught his eye, and he ripped the slim paper open, curiosity edging through his gloomy mood.
Trevor—
Got your letters. Glad to know Becky is doing okay. It’s not much, what I did. Anyone would have. I’m glad she’s fitting into Rocky, and making friends. Seems the type to land on her feet.
As for the rest—this might sound cruel, but Rocky isn’t home for me anymore. It’s not been for a long time. I guess I’m saying, while I’m glad for the update on Becky, I don’t need you to write to me anymore.
Sometimes it’s better to let old hurts alone.
Mark
Fuck.
Fuck it all.
Trevor tossed the papers onto the passenger seat and took off, driving in circles to escape the sheer hopelessness washing over him. His inability to change things in people’s lives made him all the more miserable.
What the hell good was he anyway?
All the fury and frustration drained out of him as hours later he stood in the middle of his yard. The sun had long ago vanished behind the mountains, dusk following. The temperature dipped and left him standing in the dark, chilled to the bone and utterly spent.
Reality sucked, and then reality slapped him upside the head. He was no fucking good, but that wasn’t the answer his family needed, and it wasn’t the answer Becky needed.
So in spite of the truth, tomorrow he’d get up and do the shitty best he could all over again. He’d keep trying.
But it was a bitter pill to swallow, to think that his best wasn’t good enough to help the people he loved.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Becky had forgotten to close her curtains before she’d stumbled into bed, head aching, heart aching. Now sunshine streaked across her face, the gold and yellow bands painting the room with far too much cheerful light for the pit of sadness in her stomach.
And yet—the sun shone.
Her sister’s seeming betrayal and lack of trust hurt. Becky wasn’t going to deny how much it had hurt, and she was nowhere near over being sad at how things had turned out.
She wasn’t willing to give up completely yet either.
There had been that moment when she’d thought Sarah would say yes before she’d changed her mind. Maybe there was a reason for staying in the settlement. Maybe there was something Becky didn’t know about…
Yeah, she was probably just dreaming, but it was a dream worth having.
In the meantime, she would start writing letters. If even one got through, it might plant the seed for the future. It was a fool’s hope, but she refused to give up. Sarah was family—she deserved more than a second chance.
She deserved all the chances she needed.
Another flash of light struck Becky in the eyes, bouncing off the picture frame beside her bed. She grabbed it up, staring at the snapshot taken of her and Trevor one day when they’d gone riding with Melody and Steve. She looked happy, and Trevor looked crazy about her and…
It was a reminder of everything she’d gained, which was more than what she’d lost. As disappointed and hurt as she was, she wasn’t going to wait and pout and let life pass her by while she hoped for another miracle. She’d already had one dream come true—she was free, and she wasn’t going to take any of that for granted. Not any of what freedom entailed.
Especially not Trevor.
Becky put the frame back in its place and got to her feet, moving to the window to stare into the sunshine. Warmth surrounded her like a blanket.
She’d needed last night by herself, though, to get her head back on straight and let go of her regret without crying all over Trevor, although she’d been tempted.
Toda
y she would totally let him pet her and make her feel better, and she’d do the same for him. It couldn’t have been easy for him to take her all that way only to face disappointment.
Only he didn’t answer her call, the line saying something about out of service, which was another word for some technology she hadn’t yet figured out.
So she pulled on jeans and one of her rodeo shirts, kind of like a peace offering, because she knew they made him smile, then made her way over to his place.
His truck was parked in the yard, but no one was home. It wasn’t until she peeked in the shed that she noticed the larger tractor was missing. He must’ve driven it somewhere on the ranch to work.
Maybe it was stupid. He was working, and this wasn’t that urgent, but something made her bold.
Besides, the keys were in the ignition.
She drove Trevor’s truck over to the Moonshine ranch house to track him down.
Kate opened the door, took one look and swept her into an ironclad embrace. “I heard. I’m so sorry.”
Okay. Becky had done all right up till this moment, but the sound of tender concern in Kate’s voice pushed her over the edge. Between one breath and the next, she lost it. Tears burst free and she buried herself in Kate’s bosom, weeping quietly and feeling slightly guilty for enjoying being babied.
Strong arms held her while Kate made soothing noises, patting Becky’s back gently.
“That was not what I came over here to do,” Becky complained after she’d pulled herself together, wiping her eyes before joining Kate at the kitchen table. She accepted the cup of tea the other woman pushed toward her.
“I’m glad you came. I know you’ve got Trevor and your friends to talk to.” Kate eyed her carefully, hesitant, but like she had something on her mind. “But…well, straight up, if you’re mad at God, and want to discuss that…”
Oh boy. Becky took a deep breath and told the truth. “I don’t blame God for man’s behavior. I never have.”
Kate breathed out slowly. “Some people aren’t very good at understanding basic truths. Makes them act in ways that are about as far from righteous as can be.” She caught Becky’s fingers and gave them a squeeze. “Some of us are still trying, though. To live life in a way that makes a difference.”
“I know—and some people do it without knowing that they’re making a difference.” It wasn’t faith that had ever hurt her. She offered Kate a smile. “If I ever need to talk, I’ll call.”
“You do that.”
Becky was itching to get moving, though. “What I came to ask is if you know where Trevor is today. I couldn’t get a hold of him on my phone.”
Kate gestured to the north. “He’s in the dead zone. The one spot on the Coleman land where no one’s cell phone works. He’ll be gone all day.”
She could wait until tonight to let him know she was okay, or…
“Can you tell me how to get out there?”
The other woman’s lips twitched. “You sure you want to do that? He’s spreading manure.”
She didn’t care. “I’m sure.”
Kate grabbed a piece of paper, sketching a few lines on it. “Tell him to stop by the house later. His dad got good news yesterday. That last set of tests that Trevor bullied him into taking found out the trouble. Randy’s gone to town this morning for the first set of treatments.”
The sheer relief in Kate’s face made it easy to be happy for them. “It’s something simple they can give him medicine for?”
She nodded. “I have warned those boys for years not to go drinking out of the mountain creeks, and sure enough, turns out Randy has a severe case of giardia. It can hide in your system for years, only flaring up every now and then before hiding again, which was making him sick and making it impossible for the doctors to diagnose. And the longer you have it, the more side effects hit your system. That aching in his bones might never go away, but at least it shouldn’t get any worse.”
“Trevor is going to be excited,” Becky said. “He’s been so worried.”
“All of us have been. And if it hadn’t been for Trevor, we still wouldn’t know.” Kate stood and passed the piece of paper over. “Close the gates behind you—” She held up a hand when Becky would have assured her she knew enough to keep the animals safe. “I know you will, but I’m the mom. I get to tell that to all my kids before they head out. It’s tradition.”
Becky swallowed hard, the acceptance and kindness in the other woman’s eyes almost more than she could bear. She stole another hug before heading to the truck with her directions.
It took a while to get where she was going. First she stopped at the house to grab something she thought she might need. Then she had a challenge following the directions, opening the gates, getting the truck through, and keeping the cattle out of the field when they would’ve followed her.
It seemed Trevor’s truck was the Pied Piper of the Coleman range, calling all the cattle to follow it.
She was smiling over the fact she knew that story as she topped the ridge to where Kate had put the big X on the map as the best spot for her to track down Trevor.
Becky stomped on the park brake hard before crawling into the back of the truck. She stood as tall as possible, checking over the hillside. The land seemed endless, but it was clear she was in the right place by the pungent smell carrying on the breeze.
Sweet smell of the country. The words hit her in Rachel’s teasing lilt and made her smile harder.
Something lit up inside as a tractor came into sight, and maybe it was silly, but what she did next felt right. She picked up the hand bell Trevor’d left for her on the porch so long ago, lifted it overhead and shook it.
The sound seemed to echo back from the mountains in the distance—it was impossible, but she could have sworn it did. Each shake was like a peal of laughter, spreading across the land and coming back to wrap itself around her.
The tractor paused then broke pattern, turning toward her at a ninety-degree angle, leaving a new trail over the previous dark rows as Trevor closed in on her.
Becky didn’t stop ringing the bell until he turned off the tractor and opened the door. Then she was over the side of the truck box and racing toward him, her feet sinking into the freshly turned soil, an aromatic scent all around her.
But up ahead of her was Trevor. She kept her eyes on the target and didn’t stop until she could throw herself into his arms.
He thought his heart was going to stop. It wasn’t so much his truck showing up unannounced—that part was fine. It was the clanging bell that followed, its tone cutting through sounds of the tractor engine and making him wonder if he was hearing things.
Spotting Becky on the ridge sent his heart pounding, fear driving him to push the tractor to top speed in his rush to reach her.
And now she was in his arms, and he was trying to loosen her off so he could make sure she was all right. “Becky. Stop. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She clung even harder. “Nothing’s wrong, but I needed to see you. I needed to tell you thank you.”
Once his heart had kicked into gear again, he took a deep breath and fought for balance, both his feet and his head. He held on to her, face toward the sun as he soaked in its heat and the sensation of how right it was to have her in his arms. “You scared the shit out of me,” he whispered. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I’m sorry.” She wiggled slightly until he reluctantly let her down, keeping her hands stretched around his neck so their bodies were close together. “I couldn’t wait. I was terrible to you last night, pushing you out of the house like that, but I’m—”
Trevor shook his head. “Don’t you dare apologize. You didn’t do a thing you need to be sorry for.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Well, I’m still sorry, but I wanted you to know things are okay. I’m sad, and disappointed, and I might start crying again in a minute if I’m not careful, but I really am okay.”
“It was a pretty big disappointment,” he said. �
��I wish things were different.”
Becky nodded, smiling at him with that sassy attitude that he’d always gotten such a kick out of. “Trevor?”
“Yeah?”
Her nose wrinkled. “It really stinks out here.”
He nodded. “Go wait for me at the truck. Or really, you can go home. I’ll come see you after I’ve had a shower.”
She lifted her chin. “You trying to get rid of me?”
Jeez. “Of course not. Only you might be better off waiting for me somewhere else.”
“I was just pointing out the smell. I wasn’t done telling you something.”
He waited patiently.
A smile broke out, dazzling bright. “I stopped by your mom and dad’s place, and they want you to drop in later. Your dad got back his test results, and everything’s going to be okay. He’s getting treated, and it’s not perfect, but Kate was really excited—”
“Wait. What?” He dragged a hand through his hair before replacing his hat. His brain spun with shock. “They found out what was wrong all this time?”
She nodded, damn near dancing in the soil underfoot. “I’ll let them explain the rest because some of it slipped over my head, but that’s good news, right?”
It was great news, but he couldn’t quite believe it, nor could he wrap his head around how bubbly Becky seemed to be.
Had he dreamed the whole disastrous clusterfuck they’d experienced yesterday? Last night he’d thought they’d hit a rock-bottom point that would take a hell of a long time to crawl out of, and yet here she was, holding on to him and looking as if there was nowhere she’d rather be than standing with him in the middle of a stinking mess.
He looked her over again more carefully. “Have you been drinking?”
“Of course not.” A furrow appeared between her eyes. “What’s wrong, Trevor? Where’s my Tigger? Where’s the man I know who bounces through life?”
“He’s standing in front of you, confused as hell, and his bounce is broken.”
Becky stroked a hand down his chest. “I’m sorry. You’re probably exhausted from all the driving you did yesterday, you went straight back to work today, and now I’m interrupting you. I wanted you to know I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”
